ShyBeauty5 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 (edited) What am I even doing here? Why am I even considering this? Why am I even letting my ex actually get into my head this time. So to make a long story short. I was with my ex for about 3 years. from about 21 to 24. We had a lot in common and got along SOME of the time. And I say some of the time because he had a weed addiction that I didn't even find out about until I was a year into the relationship. And I feel so foolish for not noticing it right away. But I don't smoke or drink, so I didn't even know the signs or the smell of it or anything. So like, when he wasn't high, he would get really cranky because he needed it to function properly. He was so obsessed with weed that he never bought me any birthday presents, Christmas presents, or valentines day presents.. Because he always spent his money on weed..Even though I always bought him really nice gifts.. His addiction got so bad. And he refused to acknowledge it because he kept on saying "you can't get addicted to weed" ...well if that's the case, then why was he letting his need for weed ruin his life? among other things, he hung out with other girls behind my back, called them, texted them, got high with them (though he remains adamant that he never cheated on me. don't know if that's true or not. I never actually physically caught him cheating on me.. but why are you hanging out with other girls? why are you initiating the hanging out?). He didn't care for me.. really at all.. after college I went to law school is his hometown instead of moving back to my hometown. It was over priced and I racked up a lot of student debt just to be by him, every time I would drive to see him, he'd treat me like crap because he wasn't high or if he was high he'd just sit there high, and ignore me. or play a video came or something. I didn't know many people in his town, so I would spend a lot of time alone in my apartment, because he would make up excuses to not see me. he never called or texted me.. I felt so alone and depressed. the only time he would call me if he wanted me to write a paper for him for his community college classes (he got kicked out of 4 year college for failing too many classes). he would talk about how hot other girls were.. In front of me. It made me feel so bad. He would say sorry, but it still doesn't take the pain away, you know? Finally, I got fed up. I withdrew from law school, and applied for law school in my home state. Dumped him. Broke the lease on my apartment. moved back home.. I actually started vlogging/blogging. and my social media followers started multiplying, and now I'm a really popular makeup vlogger. to the point where I've got hundreds of thousands of followers on social media and this is how I make my living now.. And guess who started sending me flowers and letters a year after I moved back home? My ex. Begging for me back. I ignored them. For like a year. Never responded, not once. They kept coming. He kept intensifying, sending more flowers and letters. He couldn't call because I changed my number, so he only had the address to my parents house, where I moved back to as soon as I broke up with him. He started just sending flowers and letters every week. Then he found the email that I usually only give to companies who want me to test out products, and then he started sending me emails as well. He wouldn't stop. Then his emails started getting crazy. Not violent. But crazy. he started saying he was going to buy a plane ticket and show up at my front door. so then I finally decided it was time to stop ignoring him and just tell him flat out that there is no hope for him, and to leave me alone. And then he just kept on going on and on about how he doesn't want to be with anyone else but me. so I called his father and told his father that if his son shows up at my house, I'm calling the police on him. His father knocked some sense into him and he finally left me alone. Well that was about 6 months ago. Now I got another email from him. And he's talking about he wants a second chance.. But then he said something.. He said "I was an addict back then. I wasn't myself. Please give me a second chance when I'm actually myself, so I can treat you right." he also admitted that he's obsessed with stalking me on all of my social media accounts, and he can't stop talking about me to everyone he knows.. Am I an idiot for actually contemplating giving him a second chance? Can weed really be the reason why he did all of those horrible things? Or were those just character traits? What should I do? Edited July 4, 2016 by ShyBeauty5 1
mg101 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 No! Weed doesn't make you do all the things he did. He was a ****ty boyfriend and person to you. His ego is now in full overdrive and he wants you back. Why? For his own valuation. You're a soon to be lawyer and ambitious girl with a social media business and popularity. He's a weed head who can't handle community college. He's trying to hitch his broken down wagon to your star. He'll only drag you down with him. This whole, I was a drug addict line is the last ploy he's come up with to break thru. Its utter bs. RUN! There's nothing to reconsider, nothing redeemable. You were in a non relationship to begin with. Give him a second chance if you want to derail your life. Otherwise, two him you'll bring harassment charges if he doesn't stop. Block him on your email. Reject delivery of any flowers. Stop this train wreck from advancing any further. 1
juniorrocha Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Am I an idiot for actually contemplating giving him a second chance? Can weed really be the reason why he did all of those horrible things? Or were those just character traits? What should I do? To answer your first question; yes, you are. I'm not trying to be mean with you, but according to your story, that man was no good. Absolutely no good. You didn't say a single good thing about him. So why even think about a second chance? On another note, I do believe people change, especially over the years. Could weed be the reason? Sure it could, as it could not; but afaik, weed doesn't make people behave that way, I would guess he was using other drugs as well. The only way you would find out is by giving him a second chance, getting to know him all over again and slowly, so you could see whether it's worth it or not. Then again, he was a very bad partner overall, so why even bother? Personally, I wouldn't give a rats ass. It seems like you're over him anyway, so for the third time, why? 1
SammySammy Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 The unrelenting persistence may suggest another problem. He seems kind of stalkerish to me in addition to being a person who treated you so badly. This is a person who does not respect your boundaries and doesn't really seem to respect you as a person at all. I can understand how the persistence can lead to you second-guessing yourself, but it doesn't mean your decision to leave was wrong. Doesn't mean this guy is now relationship material. 3
Author ShyBeauty5 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 The unrelenting persistence may suggest another problem. He seems kind of stalkerish to me in addition to being a person who treated you so badly. This is a person who does not respect your boundaries and doesn't really seem to respect you as a person at all. I can understand how the persistence can lead to you second-guessing yourself, but it doesn't mean your decision to leave was wrong. Doesn't mean this guy is now relationship material. OMG thank you! That's really one of the main reasons why! the damn persistence! It has me thinking, "omg. wow he's so persistent, what if he's changed and he is the one for me? wow. no man has ever been this persistent before" but you're RIGHT again! That does NOT mean he is relationship material. But I am down right blown away by his persistence BLOWN AWAY! and for the first time ever, I'm really starting to second guess myself. in this situation! It's horrible, because I know he treated me horribly. but he insists it was the addiction, and he said he's graduated now and works at a senator's office. 3
mg101 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 OMG thank you! That's really one of the main reasons why! the damn persistence! It has me thinking, "omg. wow he's so persistent, what if he's changed and he is the one for me? wow. no man has ever been this persistent before" but you're RIGHT again! That does NOT mean he is relationship material. But I am down right blown away by his persistence BLOWN AWAY! and for the first time ever, I'm really starting to second guess myself. in this situation! It's horrible, because I know he treated me horribly. but he insists it was the addiction, and he said he's graduated now and works at a senator's office. The potential stalker comment is something to keep in mind. And yes, I can see how his persistence can weaken defenses but I think you should focus on you not him here. Regardless of his persistence and what he wants, what about you? Do you want him? If so, really ask yourself why? It can't be based on his persistence. 1
Ensam Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 I have some experience with addicts and I can tell you that yes, it can make people act rather different from who they are, sometimes in a very negative way. But still no drug whether it's weed or something else will completely change a person. It's not like you automatically turn into the kind of douchebag your ex seems to have been to you. If the relationship had been positive for the most part and if he had gone about contacting you now in a respectful and normal way, maybe it would have been worth a second chance if you still had feelings for him too. But all this seems like to me is that he treated you ****ty for 3 years and now that you're famous he's stalking you and hoping to get you back for whatever reason. I really don't see what you could possibly win by getting in touch with such a person once more. 1
ManyDissapoint Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Oh brother. So it appears being persistent does work on some people. But weed doesn't make people cheat emotionally or physically. 1
Author ShyBeauty5 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Oh brother. So it appears being persistent does work on some people. But weed doesn't make people cheat emotionally or physically. Lmfao. Chill out. It didn't work yet. And I won't let it work. I just needed to come here to let some people knock some sense into me.
niveacream Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 What am I even doing here? Why am I even considering this? Why am I even letting my ex actually get into my head this time. So to make a long story short. I was with my ex for about 3 years. from about 21 to 24. We had a lot in common and got along SOME of the time. And I say some of the time because he had a weed addiction that I didn't even find out about until I was a year into the relationship. And I feel so foolish for not noticing it right away. But I don't smoke or drink, so I didn't even know the signs or the smell of it or anything. So like, when he wasn't high, he would get really cranky because he needed it to function properly. He was so obsessed with weed that he never bought me any birthday presents, Christmas presents, or valentines day presents.. Because he always spent his money on weed..Even though I always bought him really nice gifts.. His addiction got so bad. And he refused to acknowledge it because he kept on saying "you can't get addicted to weed" ...well if that's the case, then why was he letting his need for weed ruin his life? among other things, he hung out with other girls behind my back, called them, texted them, got high with them (though he remains adamant that he never cheated on me. don't know if that's true or not. I never actually physically caught him cheating on me.. but why are you hanging out with other girls? why are you initiating the hanging out?). He didn't care for me.. really at all.. after college I went to law school is his hometown instead of moving back to my hometown. It was over priced and I racked up a lot of student debt just to be by him, every time I would drive to see him, he'd treat me like crap because he wasn't high or if he was high he'd just sit there high, and ignore me. or play a video came or something. I didn't know many people in his town, so I would spend a lot of time alone in my apartment, because he would make up excuses to not see me. he never called or texted me.. I felt so alone and depressed. the only time he would call me if he wanted me to write a paper for him for his community college classes (he got kicked out of 4 year college for failing too many classes). he would talk about how hot other girls were.. In front of me. It made me feel so bad. He would say sorry, but it still doesn't take the pain away, you know? Wow I feel you! My ex bf was an addict too and he did so many of the things your ex bf did to you. He would talk about how hot other girls were too and that hurt me all the time. He smoked weed everyday and said "nobody can't be addict to weed". The thing is he wasn't only addict to weed but also to pain killers. He had mood swings and anger issues. I don't know if it was his addiction that caused that behavior, but I'm trying to move on and forget about him. Congratulations for your success!
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