I am 46 she is 22

[Gigolo]

I am a 46 yr old man. I met a 22 yr old pretty young lady a year ago in a professional conference in our city. This was a one on one meeting between us, with her representing her company, and me representing mine.

 

Though she was (and is) very good looking and very well dressed, something about her demeanor and her 'interrogation' style of going over a questionnaire with me, had left me furious in the first five minutes. The meeting was expected to be a conversational style get to know one another setting. I almost had made up my mind to just get up, turn around and leave. I didn't. However, the polite but stern tone of my voice, turned things around a bit, with her relenting and adopting a more conciliatory tone subsequently.

 

However, by then I had made up my mind that the expected outcome of the business meeting, namely the anticipated contract between our companies, was a lost cause, given how incensed I felt at the insensitivity shown by her company in sending such a junior person to 'interrogate' me. Even so, in jest, I decided to forget the contract, and just use the remaining 30 minutes in freely talking to her about everything and anything that came to my mind EXCEPT work or that contract!

 

I essentially decided to just have fun, and then be done with it. We ended up having a wonderful conversation. We ended up speaking like friends, not strangers or recent acquaintances. Neither of us knew how time flew during that first meeting.

 

We smiled a lot. She blushed some, at my oblique questions about her ex-bf (she got out of that relationship, her first, a year before our first meeting), then smiled, and then we both laughed, as I mockingly chided her for not dating other handsome young men anymore.

 

She asked me about my life and relationships, and I openly told her about the wild life I had lived, and the large number of women I had been in relationships with, and many other FBs that I casually dated over the years. That I have lost count of all the women I slept with, that I had loved two women the most but lost one in the most tragic of circumstances, and that I to this day grieve her loss, and also mourn the end of the relationship with the other woman I loved so much. That I was friends with, and was seeing a lot of young women at that time, since I had not been in a relationship for a very long time.

 

What I liked about her the most was that she appeared visibly shocked by the large number of women I had slept with, yet was not judgmental about me at all. She hinted that she liked my honesty. I was glad that what began as a disastrous meeting, ended as a real forthright and open hearted conversation, the type of which I had never before had with a woman. Just before I got up to leave she commented that she was getting a very very good feeling in her heart about us, and that I should keep in touch with her.

 

Something about her, and the sense of maturity with which she held her own, in that strange conversation with me, profoundly impressed me, though at that time I didn't think much of it. I was just glad to be done with that meeting.

 

I didnt contact her for weeks after the first meeting, thinking that that meeting was behind us. She contacted me a few times, but I ignored her. A few weeks down the road, she called and I kept the conversation civil but short. It was fairly evident to the two of us that an intense hurricane of feelings was gathering and that a dam was about to burst with the potential to change our lives.

 

For obvious reasons, I was keeping a lid on this gathering storm. So I went into radio silence. A couple weeks later, I called her and we decided to meet.

 

This meeting was another soul altering experience. She shared her life story with me, while I shared the strange roller coaster of my life with her. I was very open about everything with her. My years. My relationships. My professional life. The utter poverty into which I was born. How through hard work of my parents and a couple engineering degrees, I am decently placed in life now. My journey into sexual experimentation that lasted a larger part of two decades, during which I did most everything imaginable with countless women, and even the unimaginable, that most men could not even conceive of, let alone experience. (I don't know if subconsciously I was trying to scare her away from me. If so, I don't think it worked. And if it doesn't scare her away, I am much the happier for it. If it does scare her away, in a strange way I would be just as happy for her. Crazy, but true).

 

When I looked into her eyes, it felt as though I was staring deep into the very core of my own soul. We have met many times since and relish one another's company immensely. We have spoken about a lot of things about our future together. I had initially been very circumspect about revealing my feelings for her because of our age gap, but every single time her love for me has won me over. In her, I see a very loving and committed life partner, with a level of maturity and wisdom, that I have never before encountered in any other woman, and I have been with a lot of women.

 

At the outset, I had encouraged her to go out and date other young men and experience life, and to settle down with one of the many nice young men out there, none of who would have as checkered a past as mine. She refused. Her love for me is unwavering and her idea of commitment surprises me. She tells me not to let my wild past make me feel bad about myself and to never entertain feelings of guilt over having been with so many women before she walked into my life.

 

My question to fellow loveshackers is: What would you do? What would you do if you were me?

Edited July 4, 2016 by Gigolo

[VeveCakes]

Sounds like you are infatuated.

 

She's 22. She hasn't a clue what she wants.

[angel.eyes]

Out of curiosity, did she get the contract?

[Gigolo]

Out of curiosity, did she get the contract?

 

No, she did not.

[sunshine2]

When I was 20 I dated a man who was 35. I thought it was cool at first, but was not really thinking long term. I was just having fun. He did scare me sexually though as like you, he had many many sexual experiences and at age 20, I only had been with 1 man. But that experience he had just made sex more fun for awhile. It lasted a very short 3 months because it got old fast and I wanted to play and have fun and not be in a relationship with a "old man". LOL

 

I know that age gaps can work out, but with her only being 22, she is not ready to settle down or be with a guy more then twice her age, even if she won't admit that now. She is probably looking at you as a fun guy to hang with for awhile. If that is okay with you, then go for it. If your looking long term, then I would be more cautious. People tend to change a lot during their 20's. She may decide she wants children when she hits her late 20's or early 30's. Then what? There are so many things to consider.

[smudge21]

You'll always find people who say the age gap is a big negative (even you yourself have your doubts), but in the real world, age is often not the deciding factor in whether a relationship works out or fails. Just look around here at the amount of people who are suffering due to a failed relationship yet are of similar age. My point being, similar ages does not gaurantee a successful relationship anymore than different ages gaurantees a failed relationship. People are different and want different things. If you see lots of positives in this and she feels the same way, then go for it. It could be an amazing short term thing, or something even longer. It could fall apart, but if we all stopped getting into relationships because we were worried they'd not work out, then we'd all be single forever.

[elaine567]

Sounds like you are infatuated.

 

She's 22. She hasn't a clue what she wants.

 

Yes, that is the huge problem for you here.

 

In her, I see a very loving and committed life partner, with a level of maturity and wisdom, that I have never before encountered in any other woman, and I have been with a lot of women.

You may want to see lots of things, we tend to see what we want to see but she is young, her feelings will likely turn on a sixpence.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

I am unclear from your posting, is this still a "friendship" or is it now a "relationship"?

[Gigolo]

I am unclear from your posting, is this still a "friendship" or is it now a "relationship"?

 

Relationship

[Gigolo]

My point being, similar ages does not gaurantee a successful relationship anymore than different ages gaurantees a failed relationship. People are different and want different things. If you see lots of positives in this and she feels the same way, then go for it. It could be an amazing short term thing, or something even longer. It could fall apart, but if we all stopped getting into relationships because we were worried they'd not work out, then we'd all be single forever.

 

Smudge21, you make some great points.

[tinkerbell16]

I am a 46 yr old man. I met a 22 yr old pretty young lady a year ago in a professional conference in our city. This was a one on one meeting between us, with her representing her company, and me representing mine.

 

Though she was (and is) very good looking and very well dressed, something about her demeanor and her 'interrogation' style of going over a questionnaire with me, had left me furious in the first five minutes. The meeting was expected to be a conversational style get to know one another setting. I almost had made up my mind to just get up, turn around and leave. I didn't. However, the polite but stern tone of my voice, turned things around a bit, with her relenting and adopting a more conciliatory tone subsequently.

 

However, by then I had made up my mind that the expected outcome of the business meeting, namely the anticipated contract between our companies, was a lost cause, given how incensed I felt at the insensitivity shown by her company in sending such a junior person to 'interrogate' me. Even so, in jest, I decided to forget the contract, and just use the remaining 30 minutes in freely talking to her about everything and anything that came to my mind EXCEPT work or that contract!

 

I essentially decided to just have fun, and then be done with it. We ended up having a wonderful conversation. We ended up speaking like friends, not strangers or recent acquaintances. Neither of us knew how time flew during that first meeting.

 

We smiled a lot. She blushed some, at my oblique questions about her ex-bf (she got out of that relationship, her first, a year before our first meeting), then smiled, and then we both laughed, as I mockingly chided her for not dating other handsome young men anymore.

 

She asked me about my life and relationships, and I openly told her about the wild life I had lived, and the large number of women I had been in relationships with, and many other FBs that I casually dated over the years. That I have lost count of all the women I slept with, that I had loved two women the most but lost one in the most tragic of circumstances, and that I to this day grieve her loss, and also mourn the end of the relationship with the other woman I loved so much. That I was friends with, and was seeing a lot of young women at that time, since I had not been in a relationship for a very long time.

 

What I liked about her the most was that she appeared visibly shocked by the large number of women I had slept with, yet was not judgmental about me at all. She hinted that she liked my honesty. I was glad that what began as a disastrous meeting, ended as a real forthright and open hearted conversation, the type of which I had never before had with a woman. Just before I got up to leave she commented that she was getting a very very good feeling in her heart about us, and that I should keep in touch with her.

 

Something about her, and the sense of maturity with which she held her own, in that strange conversation with me, profoundly impressed me, though at that time I didn't think much of it. I was just glad to be done with that meeting.

 

I didnt contact her for weeks after the first meeting, thinking that that meeting was behind us. She contacted me a few times, but I ignored her. A few weeks down the road, she called and I kept the conversation civil but short. It was fairly evident to the two of us that an intense hurricane of feelings was gathering and that a dam was about to burst with the potential to change our lives.

 

For obvious reasons, I was keeping a lid on this gathering storm. So I went into radio silence. A couple weeks later, I called her and we decided to meet.

 

This meeting was another soul altering experience. She shared her life story with me, while I shared the strange roller coaster of my life with her. I was very open about everything with her. My years. My relationships. My professional life. The utter poverty into which I was born. How through hard work of my parents and a couple engineering degrees, I am decently placed in life now. My journey into sexual experimentation that lasted a larger part of two decades, during which I did most everything imaginable with countless women, and even the unimaginable, that most men could not even conceive of, let alone experience. (I don't know if subconsciously I was trying to scare her away from me. If so, I don't think it worked. And if it doesn't scare her away, I am much the happier for it. If it does scare her away, in a strange way I would be just as happy for her. Crazy, but true).

 

When I looked into her eyes, it felt as though I was staring deep into the very core of my own soul. We have met many times since and relish one another's company immensely. We have spoken about a lot of things about our future together. I had initially been very circumspect about revealing my feelings for her because of our age gap, but every single time her love for me has won me over. In her, I see a very loving and committed life partner, with a level of maturity and wisdom, that I have never before encountered in any other woman, and I have been with a lot of women.

 

At the outset, I had encouraged her to go out and date other young men and experience life, and to settle down with one of the many nice young men out there, none of who would have as checkered a past as mine. She refused. Her love for me is unwavering and her idea of commitment surprises me. She tells me not to let my wild past make me feel bad about myself and to never entertain feelings of guilt over having been with so many women before she walked into my life.

 

My question to fellow loveshackers is: What would you do? What would you do if you were me?

 

Ask her this " if your best friend asked you what you where looking for the day before we met what would your answer be?"

I guarantee if she is honest it wouldn't be "to find a man twice my age".

 

She us infatuated with you and your ego is feeding off her.

 

This is temporary. It will not withstand the test of time.

[Satu]

Right or wrong, good or bad, it won't last.

[bummer]

Her age and description suggest she is far too inexperienced to understand boundaries and healthy attraction.

 

Personally, I think anytime it's entirely plausible the age gap is large enough that she's your child, you are breaking generation gaps that are significant maturity barriers. She wants a mentor and is smitten someone so alpha and successful is into her. I fear the end will be hard on her when you fail to truly bond with someone so young and her codependency kicks in completely.

 

Also, your username choice speaks volumes.

[elaine567]

 

Also, your username choice speaks volumes.

^^^this^^^

[MissBee]

This meeting was another soul altering experience. She shared her life story with me, while I shared the strange roller coaster of my life with her. I was very open about everything with her. My years. My relationships. My professional life. The utter poverty into which I was born. How through hard work of my parents and a couple engineering degrees, I am decently placed in life now. My journey into sexual experimentation that lasted a larger part of two decades, during which I did most everything imaginable with countless women, and even the unimaginable, that most men could not even conceive of, let alone experience. (I don't know if subconsciously I was trying to scare her away from me. If so, I don't think it worked. And if it doesn't scare her away, I am much the happier for it. If it does scare her away, in a strange way I would be just as happy for her. Crazy, but true).

 

When I looked into her eyes, it felt as though I was staring deep into the very core of my own soul. We have met many times since and relish one another's company immensely. We have spoken about a lot of things about our future together. I had initially been very circumspect about revealing my feelings for her because of our age gap, but every single time her love for me has won me over. In her, I see a very loving and committed life partner, with a level of maturity and wisdom, that I have never before encountered in any other woman, and I have been with a lot of women.

 

At the outset, I had encouraged her to go out and date other young men and experience life, and to settle down with one of the many nice young men out there, none of who would have as checkered a past as mine. She refused. Her love for me is unwavering and her idea of commitment surprises me. She tells me not to let my wild past make me feel bad about myself and to never entertain feelings of guilt over having been with so many women before she walked into my life.

 

My question to fellow loveshackers is: What would you do? What would you do if you were me?

 

 

I won't dissuade you from pursuing this, in that, it will either work out or not, either way you'll both learn from the experience.

 

But, I am extremely weary of relationships that have obstacles (affairs, decades age gaps, etc) yet the people at the same time describe it as soul altering, soulmates, intense, all this language that paints it as one-of-a-kind, otherworldly and just no one on earth has experienced this and therefore this is meant-to-be. As the data bear out, MANY times, people in these situations bond over their own issues and projections and hurt. In fact, it seems people who bond because of their past issues and hurts experience a greater level of intensity than other people with more healthy sustainable bonds. This is why toxic relationships are often addictive and hard to leave because whereas healthy relationships are on a level 10, the problematic ones and the drama of it all makes it incomparable because it's on level 50. You can read about it...

 

In any event, I am not saying this is necessarily toxic...but from you started off being incensed by this woman (dramatic start), to bonding over heart wrenching stories of your past (lots of these relationships also deal in oversharing and bonding over trauma very soon on), you're in some sexual experimentation journey (perhaps your own issues), she's 22 and you've projected a whole future with her, her supposed love for you (what does this even mean? Does love mean great feelings of adoration and infatuation, sometimes it's indistinguishable, and it's not hard to see how a young girl might be enamored by a much older man)...many of the ingredients of a very intense but unsustainable bond are there. I wouldn't be surprised if she has daddy issues or other issues (I'm speaking as someone who has gone through that and loved older men and they always thought I was profound and mature, and I was, but I was still too young and my main attraction to them was my own issues and them to me, the same).

[stillafool]

I don't have anything to really add other than there seems to be alot of young people these days who want to date people 20-25 years older than them. Why?

[mikeylo]

She is old enough to be your daughter. Leave the girl alone.

[katiegrl]

OP, just follow your own heart and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Every relationship has its risks, negatives and positives, if it doesn't work out, you learn, you grow, you evolve. Take a chance! We only live ONCE! No matter how old you are.

 

I don't understand these posts.

 

Who's to say? We can speculate and project, but in the end it is about the two of you, and ONLY the two of you.

 

Many couples started out disliking each other! That is NOT uncommon. You both worked passed it and discovered you share a passion for each other... and have developed a close bond.

 

You have shared many intimacies which she seems to accept.... which imo is a good thing...a definite positive!

 

Age means nothing imo. It is the maturity level and emotional intelligence of those involved that matters.

 

I say go for it, enjoy the process of getting to know each other further and connecting, seeing what develops.

 

Again, it it doesn't work out, you move on.

 

Just like everyone else does whenever any relationship doesn't work out. No matter what their ages.

 

Best of luck!

Edited July 4, 2016 by katiegrl

[CarrieT]

I've known a few relationships like this, but they don't often work out.

 

The one I knew that did work was with a woman who was sterile and the one that didn't work was a guy who was 47 and the girl was 25. They were together for six years when her biological clock ticked and she wanted children. At 31, she was ready, but at 53, he was looking at retirement and wanting to travel, not being a man in his 70s with a teenager - something he definitely did not want.

 

Think long and hard about this one, OP. You might enjoy yourself now, for the time being, but consider five, ten, and twenty years down the road....

[elaine567]

I don't have anything to really add other than there seems to be alot of young people these days who want to date people 20-25 years older than them. Why?

 

I guess money.

Older people have the trappings of wealth that many younger people cannot now achieve, due to the economic climate.

[mikeylo]

I guess money.

Older people have the trappings of wealth that many younger people cannot now achieve, due to the economic climate.

 

^ sugar daddy ^ and mommies also

[Gigolo]

OP, just follow your own heart and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Every relationship has its risks, negatives and positives, if it doesn't work out, you learn, you grow, you evolve. Take a chance! We only live ONCE! No matter how old you are.

 

I don't understand these posts.

 

Who's to say? We can speculate and project, but in the end it is about the two of you, and ONLY the two of you.

 

Many couples started out disliking each other! That is NOT uncommon. You both worked passed it and discovered you share a passion for each other... and have developed a close bond.

 

You have shared many intimacies which she seems to accept.... which imo is a good thing...a definite positive!

 

Age means nothing imo. It is the maturity level and emotional intelligence of those involved that matters.

 

I say go for it, enjoy the process of getting to know each other further and connecting, seeing what develops.

 

Again, it it doesn't work out, you move on.

 

Just like everyone else does whenever any relationship doesn't work out. No matter what their ages.

 

Best of luck!

 

Thank you, Katie, for such an uplifting post.

[WomenWubber]

She's old enough to get pumped.

 

Whether she's old enough not to get dumped, only time will tell.

[Gigolo]

Also, your username choice speaks volumes.

 

The username 'Gigolo' refers to an important chapter in my life that dates back to when I was 19. At that time I did odd jobs whenever they became available to support myself and pay off debt. I also took to moonlighting as a male escort, to supplement my income, when I stumbled upon that opportunity. I understand that what I did may have been illegal, and certainly 'immoral' in most people's eyes. However, to me, the opportunity to prostitute myself and earn a decent source of income (without having to beg) appeared to be an irresistible offer, at that point in time.

 

I possibly could/should have borrowed money from family or friends to pay my way out of debt instead. I did wrestle with that thought a lot, but am too prideful to go hat in hand to friends or relatives to dole me out (and then feel indebted to someone forever). And truth be told, not one relative or friend was exactly in a position to help, even if any were willing to.

 

There were occasions when I felt tempted to step into a soup kitchen for my next meal, but my pride kept me from stepping in line to accept a free meal from someone. I also remember staking out the isles of grocery stores, determined to grab/steal some pre-packaged meals and then running away, though I never actually acted on my impulses.

 

Strange as it seems today, at that time 'illegally' stealing food appeared far more acceptable to me than walking into a soup kitchen and 'legally' having a free meal there. The 'stealing' scenario seemed more acceptable to the young man in me (and possibly to many young men in general) than begging or accepting food from a soup kitchen, because I retain some control over feeding myself, when I am stealing food (and stealing from a big grocery chain doesnt feel as bad as stealing from a hot dog vendor).

 

Whereas the act of walking into a soup kitchen is very hard on a young man's ego (at least it was to me), as it signifies total helplessness, complete surrender, total lack of control over my own life, as though I am throwing in the towel.

 

Another alternative was to stand on street corners and beg from passing motorists. It is extremely difficult on a young man's pride to end up having to do that. It was to me.

 

Fortunately, eventually I did not have to beg, borrow, or steal.

 

When I look back on life, I have few regrets about having been a gigolo. I would have felt far worse, had I accepted ten dollars from a relative or friend. A few relatives who learnt about what I was upto, stopped speaking with me, and to this day we have not had a rapprochement. Ironically, a few of the women (my clients) who I regularly met those days, have become lifelong friends of mine, even though neither they nor I have anything to do with that lifestyle (escorting) anymore. I count those ladies (who are advancing in years now) among some of the finest friends I have ever had.

 

Life turned out okay for me. I am a self made millionaire today (even though my GF doesnt know about it, and I don't flaunt my wealth).

 

My young GF knows everything about the escorting aspect of my past, and also the fact that I remain platonic friends with some of my clients from that time. I told her everything about it before she and I entered into a relationship. I gave her time to think about all aspects of my life, and the choices I had made over the years, and to reconsider being with me, if she so desired.

 

I normally do not react when people feel strongly about the choices I have made in my past. However, something about your comment (re pasted below) caused me to want to explain:

 

Also, your username choice speaks volumes.

 

Hopefully this post offers clearer perspective on the backstory behind my username 'Gigolo'.

Edited July 4, 2016 by Gigolo

[smudge21]

This thread went the way I expected as age gaps are a big concern to many and it's something society will frown upon (oddly, there's still less of a concern when the female is older, often seen as a bit of toyboy fun). I totally agree with Katie (once again) in that it is just about the two of you. Is this whole thing doomed from the start? No one can answer that. This may go great, it may fail, you may be best lovers, you may end up as best friends. No one knows and to simply label it as a negative solely based on the age is a bit wrong in my book. As I said before, an age gap does not gaurantee a failed relationship just as similar ages gaurantee a successful one.

 

Personally I've dated closer to my age and with huge gaps on either side. I was hurt bad by someone 15 years younger, but move on a few years and I was hurt even worse by someone closer to my age. I now have friends of both sexes with an age gap stretching over 20 years. There are no rules, there are no definites. No one can predict the future and you only get one shot at life, so if it's what you both want, then go for it I say.

[Popsicle]

Have you two had sex with each other yet?

 

Just have fun with her (it sounds like you really really want to) but don't be stupid and try to marry her, like a lot of older men try to do. And, don't have any babies either!

Edited July 5, 2016 by Popsicle