Hamish57a Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Hello fellow members, I'm new here, I really need some help and although friends help, they really don't know everything. I'm single again and afraid to try and fail again. Been married 3 times once for 25 years so not too bad I suppose. I guess everything bad that happened started when that ended 8 years ago. I didn't deal with it and rushed into another relationship that ended badly 8 months ago. So I'm here to try and learn about my self and what I've done wrong and what I can do about it. Thanks for listening
Author Hamish57a Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Why can't I just move on, why are all my failed relationships on my mind. I guess I'm alone and don't see anything happening. I'm not looking for anyone but Im lonely and why am I so attracted to familiarity. You know the girl I liked but I was married or the friend that showed interest. Wish I could just relax and enjoy the single life.
SixxChick Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Why are you not moving on? 25 years is a long time. I'd venture to guess it is probably most of your adult life. That's a huge adjustment. And, in my experience, rebound relationships don't work, and sometimes make it worse. Being alone after all that time, and two other marriages, is going to take some time. I've become a relationship skeptic, so you are not going to get any flowery words from me. But just know that there are many of us on this forum who can relate to the pain that our broken relationships have caused us. Especially when an ex can seemingly move on without effort, while we come together as strangers on a broken-heart forum scratching our heads over a zillion questions. I wish you strength. Keep posting. There are a lot of good people here who have helped me. I hope they can help you too.
Magicmountain Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 When you say wish I could enjoy the single life, I think what you mean is wish I could enjoy being alone. I think the key to enjoying being alone is developing self-sufficiency within yourself. Self-sufficiency has a lot of perks. When you are reliant only on yourself for your needs, you start to realize that you control your own happiness. And when you have doubts or begin to falter, by returning to small instances of self-sufficiency you are able to weather life's problems. Most of our adult woes are due to feeling we have no control over what is happening to us. Work to develop a system where your needs are satisfied by your direct efforts. If you feel spiritually vacant, find a physical place that you can visit that imparts wholeness and completeness. That can be a coffee shop, a bend in a stretch of woods, a body of water. Maybe there's a passage in a book that touched you; revisit it. Maybe having a conversation with a stranger does the trick. Conversation is an art. In short, the simple things in life are the most effective. Romantic relationships are just one facet of life. They are not our sum purpose.
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