wocky Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 (edited) hi guys, my ex gf of LTR ended ednded our relationship and I'm going NC for abotu 2 months now and then she sends me this kind of picture message, is this some kind of breadcrumbs? I still do have feelings for her and always cared for her but I don't want to expect from her anymore, I want to protect my self from the pain she caused me. She is already with someone after our break up (her co-worker). any advice and thoughts on how to respond on this will be helpful. Thanks! http://content-img.experienceproject.com/1369099256Tg6ec3.png Edited July 4, 2016 by wocky
WhatsWhat Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 She broke up with you, right? I'd ask her what it was all about. Whatever her intention was, she messing with your head and should just outright tell you what she meant to accomplish by sending it. Not in a mean way, but I would call her on it.
ItsDone Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 I know this is not a "black and white" type of situation. But personally, if you feel you might still be emotionally attached and you respond (especially if she's with someone else), you're definitely going to be in a gray area. And gray areas are dangerous after a breakup! Look at the facts... You still have feelings, she's with someone new (shortly after your breakup), and now she's reaching out. I say ignore. Save yourself the confusion and shuffle in a potential danger zone. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out so that you're happy!
Author wocky Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 She broke up with you, right? I'd ask her what it was all about. Whatever her intention was, she messing with your head and should just outright tell you what she meant to accomplish by sending it. Not in a mean way, but I would call her on it. yes she broke up with me. I think if I do response it will be just simple and not needy.
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Why did you break up if you don't mind saying? I was going to say there is only one way to find out if it is breadcrumbs or what. You need to ask her point blank what she wants and what the point of that picture message is. If you need to know. If it wasn't a messy breakup (no cheating or major deal breaker issues that drove you two to break up) then people do and can reflect and change their minds after a little space and time. But you are correct that you need to be extra cautious because you do need to protect yourself from further pain. You made great progress in two months last thing you want is to go back to square one again. What do you feel you'd like to do? 1
Author wocky Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 I know this is not a "black and white" type of situation. But personally, if you feel you might still be emotionally attached and you respond (especially if she's with someone else), you're definitely going to be in a gray area. And gray areas are dangerous after a breakup! Look at the facts... You still have feelings, she's with someone new (shortly after your breakup), and now she's reaching out. I say ignore. Save yourself the confusion and shuffle in a potential danger zone. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out so that you're happy! Yeah, she does confuses me sending some kind of messages like this. Maybe she just wants my attention. I don't know if my feelings for her really, if I want her, not after what shes done to me. Maybe she wants to get my attention or just want to friendzoned me and I don't want that.
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Woops, my apologies, I guess I missed the part about her being already with someone else. I don't think it is a good idea to open this up again. I mean how do you feel about here having to be someone else to realize she still has feelings for you?
Author wocky Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Why did you break up if you don't mind saying? I was going to say there is only one way to find out if it is breadcrumbs or what. You need to ask her point blank what she wants and what the point of that picture message is. If you need to know. If it wasn't a messy breakup (no cheating or major deal breaker issues that drove you two to break up) then people do and can reflect and change their minds after a little space and time. But you are correct that you need to be extra cautious because you do need to protect yourself from further pain. You made great progress in two months last thing you want is to go back to square one again. What do you feel you'd like to do? It's really a long story and i want to make this short. Also I don't want her to get a hint that I am the one posting on this forum, maybe she was searching also in this forum This is the reason from what she told me. We break up maybe because of the distance, she moved a little far away from me to work, she move on a big city to work. Maybe because after she moved to a bigger city, her social life just change and she told me that her new BF (co-worker) is compatible with her. I do visit her even If I have to spend huge amount of money just to visit her and always telling her that soon I'll be moving to the city where she was working. Anyway I'll cut this one, it's really a long one . BTW our relationship last for 9 years. I think I'm gonna respond with this message later maybe in a day, but simple and not needy response. NC helps me heal and I will continue to do that and even If I move to a city where she is at to find a work, even if I she her with her new BF, I will just ignore her.
Author wocky Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Woops, my apologies, I guess I missed the part about her being already with someone else. I don't think it is a good idea to open this up again. I mean how do you feel about here having to be someone else to realize she still has feelings for you? I feel, What the f**** and now shes sending me this kind of message after what shes done with me? I ask my self what's her intention, just to friendzoned me? or wants my attention? I feel little angry and confuse. By going NC , helps me to heal.
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 I feel, What the f**** and now shes sending me this kind of message after what shes done with me? I ask my self what's her intention, just to friendzoned me? or wants my attention? I feel little angry and confuse. By going NC , helps me to heal. well the fact that you are feeling that way is a very good sign, you should be wondering what the fck what you do even want now? And thank you for explaining what happened, wow 9 years is a long time it sounds like it was more due to circumstances than anything else. Maybe she really is that confused. Again, only one way to find out. but if she is seeing this other guy you do run the risk of getting sucked in to boosting her ego while she still calls all the shots. That's a tough one. Yes NC helps you heal and not responding will also just suspend you in limbo because you will be wondering what if's. It's especially tough because you could just get sucked in to her whole confusion. Unless she comes to you with concrete plans about you two and that is what you want I would tread lightly.
Hoosfoos Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 She's trying to make herself feel better by sending you this. She probably feels guilty for dumping you, so sending you this picture message can alleviate this guilt. Whether or not if this makes you feel any better about things is your deal. 1
JohnnyStreet Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Well, it sounds like she's having second thoughts about her second choice (YOU). Work relationships tend to get real complicated, and it seems she chose to **** where she eats, LOL. If she has a habit of making you miserable, then the only thing you MUST do is to sever all ties and continue NC. This means changing your Phone#, spamming her e-mails, unfriending her on FB, Twitter, etc. Ignore her completely! It WILL hurt for months, but it WILL get better. You will walk away from the craziness and find yourself learning from the experience. This will ultimately benefit you in the long run, allowing you to commit yourself fully to someone that really deserves you. DO NOT fall for the breadcrumbs, as they only lead to more heartbreak and despair in the future.
bummer Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Textbook guilt relief and hook check. Like all good fisherwomen, your ex is letting the line run out but shes pulling in on the line every once in awhile to see if the hook is still set on her backup fish (you). Its an even tinier crumb if she just found that image on imgur or tumblr instead of writing it herself. If you havent answered and insist on responding, I'd say "thanks." or " thanks, so you want to get back together?" 1
Author wocky Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Yeah, you are all right guys, I think she wants me to reel in, to ease her guilt. I would response only something like, " this is good , I just wish you well" and then back to NC. yes 9 years is a long time, I know her problems in the family and when I'm with her I also carry that problem because in a relationship ups and downs you should be with your love of your life, but she just ended it quickly. I think what I'm feeling right now is I don't want to get back to her or if I want to but not right now. She is with another guy so be it. NC helps me strong even if I see them, I think I can handle it now just by ignoring them. I'm not needy anymore, although I think of her sometimes but that's it. If she is serious, she would need to talk to me not just by sending picture messages. Thanks for all your responses, it's very helpful.
sooshi Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Continue to protect yourself and ignore. NC helps you be strong. Keep it that way.
Traceycprc Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 I would just stay strong and not acknowledge it to be honest. It's lazy breadcrumbs at least and she is looking for an ego stroke. It will set you back when she doesn't reply or just messes you about. She made her bed, let her lie in it.
Author wocky Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Continue to protect yourself and ignore. NC helps you be strong. Keep it that way. Yes you are right, I'll keep it this way.
Author wocky Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 I would just stay strong and not acknowledge it to be honest. It's lazy breadcrumbs at least and she is looking for an ego stroke. It will set you back when she doesn't reply or just messes you about. She made her bed, let her lie in it. yeah I think it's lazy, she should write it herself and just posting image message. you are right too, I think she is looking for an ego stroke too.
gaig Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 It's really a long story and i want to make this short. Also I don't want her to get a hint that I am the one posting on this forum, maybe she was searching also in this forum You posted the photo in the very first post. Bit late to protect your identity :D
Giggles666 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Not only is she lazy but not using her own words, she seems to miss the part where she chose to not have you in her life. This message implies you wanted her out of your life. It's most likely guilt reduction and breadcrumbs. If NC helps you heal, do not contact her back, do not dwell and control your own healing and well-being. 9 years is a long time, and she might have regrets or indecision, but she put no effort into them using an image with someone else's misapplied words and ask yourself if you want a woman who did this to you. You have a chance to control your own healing, take control and go NC. Ignore it and if you think it's a good idea actually go real NC and block her avenues of communication with you. She made a choice, she can live with it while you heal and move on.
Author wocky Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 Not only is she lazy but not using her own words, she seems to miss the part where she chose to not have you in her life. This message implies you wanted her out of your life. It's most likely guilt reduction and breadcrumbs. If NC helps you heal, do not contact her back, do not dwell and control your own healing and well-being. 9 years is a long time, and she might have regrets or indecision, but she put no effort into them using an image with someone else's misapplied words and ask yourself if you want a woman who did this to you. You have a chance to control your own healing, take control and go NC. Ignore it and if you think it's a good idea actually go real NC and block her avenues of communication with you. She made a choice, she can live with it while you heal and move on. Yeah, I think It's a lazy part on her, I did reply by saying, "thank you for letting me know, best wishes" that is all , and all she did was like (you know the like icon on the Fb message) . good thing it was close ended reply, not needy about her, I also did not ask about her. Maybe she expects that by sending that kind of picture message to me I will also tell her that I missed her. It really did not affect me, I think I began to move on. If she wants to talk to me seriously in the future, she should make a real effort. no breadcrumbs. 1
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