Look at photos of MM with his W on Twitter, see the reality

[Lobe]

I guess I'm in the minority...

 

Whenever I looked at my MM wife's social media, I had two impressions...

 

"God, he looks miserable."

"Ok, his wife is really disconnected from anything that could pass as reality."

 

You're definitely in the minority lol

 

You're talking about a man who was exiting his marriage, who was done, who left his unhappy life with his unhappy wife and married you. Most MM are not interested in risking their marriage for the AP...

Edited July 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for derogatory commentary. ~ V

[LivingWaterPlease]

I have (had) a friend who did just that. His marriage was great, his wife was awesome yet he cheated the entire 13 years they were married. His flaw was thinking it was ok as long as she never knew about it and being so confident she wouldn't find out. Well she did.

 

No relationship can have it all, being arrogant and entitled one can easily justify it by blaming the marriage which in turn is really blaming the spouse. It's more common among women because they are normally the primary caregiver of the marriage which makes it hard to grasp they are harming an otherwise good marriage. It's purely blameshifting .

 

You and your friend just thought his marriage was great. Your friend was not having a marriage. He was having a lie. I don't contend that the wife wasn't awesome, though. Sure, he was having the time of his life, awesome wife, plenty of action on the side. That's not a marriage, though, my friend.

 

And your friend was not giving the attention and support he could have given to his wife had he not been involved with other women. If he thinks he was, it just proves that he is superficial and disconnected from emotional intimacy. Kind of a caveman type mentality; a person who lacks depth.

 

Of course, no marriage is perfect. That's not the issue. The issue is that a marriage is a union between two imperfect people who are being faithful to each other emotionally and sexually. When a third person becomes intimate with one of the persons in a marriage the marriage becomes a lie. That's why the law (and church) has traditionally considered adultery to be grounds for divorce, the marriage has been changed into a lie.

 

If you consider that happy, just because the two seem to be co existing while having fun and sharing finances and doing other warm fuzzy type things, then I would suggest you look a little deeper into the meaning of marriage.

 

Imo, only a superficial and emotionally unaware person cheats on a marital partner and considers his marriage happy. That ain't happiness, that's burying one's head in the sand.

Edited July 4, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[DKT3]

You and your friend just thought his marriage was great. Your friend was not having a marriage. He was having a lie. I don't contend that the wife wasn't awesome, though. Sure, he was having the time of his life, awesome wife, plenty of action on the side. That's not a marriage, though, my friend.

 

And your friend was not giving nor giving what he could have given to his wife had he not been involved with other women. If he thinks he was, it just proves that he is superficial and disconnected from emotional intimacy. Kind of a caveman type mentality.

 

Of course, no marriage is perfect. That's not the issue. The issue is that a marriage is a union between two imperfect people who are being faithful to each other emotionally and sexually. When a third person becomes intimate with one of the persons in a marriage the marriage becomes a lie. That's why the law (and church) has traditionally considered adultery to be grounds for divorce, the marriage has been changed into a lie.

 

If you consider that happy, just because the two seems to be co existing while having fun and sharing finances and doing other warm fuzzy type things, then I would suggest you look a little deeper into the meaning of marriage.

 

Imo, only a superficial and emotionally unaware person cheats on a marital partner and considers his marriage happy. That ain't happiness, that's burying one's head in the sand.

 

Not to really debate the issue in depth, I will say if she is happy with her husband and the marriage and he is happy with his wife and his marriage then who are you to say they aren't?

 

Point being is they were happy with the marriage, they had the same goals in every aspect, similar career paths, according to him the best sex of his life. He planned to be with her the rest of his life.

 

The issue wasn't his wife or marriage, the issue is he is a selfish prick that thought it was his right to have it all. Great wife at home and not having to give up the chase.

[Cherryz]

You're definitely in the minority lol

 

You're talking about a man who was exiting his marriage, who was done, who left his unhappy life with his unhappy wife and married you. Most MM who have a sidepiece are not interested in risking their marriage for the AP...

 

 

Dont know if it makes it more special.

At the end she got her husband true cheating and disrespect others relationship!

I dont think there is nothing to be proud about messing with peoples partners. Even if they leave their partner for you , the more its not a nice love story, neither to be proud about to tell!.

[Lobe]

Dont know if it makes it more special.

At the end she got her husband true cheating and disrespect others relationship!

I dont think there is nothing to be proud about messing with peoples partners. Even if they leave their partner for you , the more its not a nice love story, neither to be proud about to tell!.

 

I don't think I've ever seen LadyH "brag" about her situation. And she's never sugar-coated the difficulties they've faced... Or encouraged anyone to have an affair...

[ChickiePops]

I guess I'm in the minority...

 

Whenever I looked at my MM wife's social media, I had two impressions...

 

"God, he looks miserable."

"Ok, his wife is really disconnected from anything that could pass as reality."

 

It's very easy to judge from the outside and to make assessments based on what you want to be true.

 

The truth of the matter is that nobody knows what the minority or the majority is. BS want to believe the marriage is happy so they see and want to project a happy marriage. OW want to believe the marriage is miserable so they see and want to assume it's a miserable marriage. The MM is generally telling both what they want to hear, so there's really no way of knowing what's actually going on in his head. Maybe he's happy, maybe he's not. You cannot tell from a Facebook picture no matter how hard you try.

 

But everyone ends up getting hurt in the end so what's the point of arguing over something we will never know?

[DKT3]

It's very easy to judge from the outside and to make assessments based on what you want to be true.

 

The truth of the matter is that nobody knows what the minority or the majority is. BS want to believe the marriage is happy so they see and want to project a happy marriage. OW want to believe the marriage is miserable so they see and want to assume it's a miserable marriage. The MM is generally telling both what they want to hear, so there's really no way of knowing what's actually going on in his head. Maybe he's happy, maybe he's not. You cannot tell from a Facebook picture no matter how hard you try.

 

But everyone ends up getting hurt in the end so what's the point of arguing over something we will never know?

 

This is the lowest common denominator, if mm is happy with his wife then it means the affair was actually the lie. Since the ow/mow is still clinging to the idea of it being so special so unique then in her mind they can't be happy.

[Lobe]

Imo, only a superficial and emotionally unaware person cheats on a marital partner and considers his marriage happy. That ain't happiness, that's burying one's head in the sand.

 

In my experience, affairs are not this black and white.

 

I think we could debate the semantics of who thinks what is and is not sand-heading and warm fuzzies for hours. Your opinion, my opinion, the dog's opinion on what constitutes happiness under what circumstances is irrelevant because none of it would change the fact that OP got USED by a MM who obviously has no interest in leaving his M for her. Whether the happiness he displays on social media with his wife and kids is for show or not, it does not negate the fact that what is REAL is his intent to stay in his marriage.

 

Stay strong, SWN. Your MM lied to you. That's all you need to know.

[LivingWaterPlease]

In my experience, affairs are not this black and white.

 

I think we could debate the semantics of who thinks what is and is not sand-heading and warm fuzzies for hours. Your opinion, my opinion, the dog's opinion on what constitutes happiness under what circumstances is irrelevant because none of it would change the fact that OP got USED by a MM who obviously has no interest in leaving his M for her. Whether the happiness he displays on social media with his wife and kids is for show or not, it does not negate the fact that what is REAL is his intent to stay in his marriage.

 

Stay strong, SWN. Your MM lied to you. That's all you need to know.

 

I don't think we could debate on this for hours. The law and the church has defined marriage succinctly and it doesn't take many words to describe it.

 

If we want to blur the lines and try to fit particular situations into what constitutes a happy marriage, then by all means, go ahead and do so.

 

Having a partner cheat on a spouse is not the type marriage most people I known would sign up for. And why not? Because very few people consider it a happy set up.

[Lobe]

I don't think we could debate on this for hours.

 

But, we kinda just did... lol

 

The OP said she got a reality check looking at his Twitter account. Problem solved.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I am not on Twitter but exMM`s profile is public and although I have been good and never checked it.. today I did.. and there they are all smiles in their real world, in their marriage while I am at home sobbing my f**king heart out over that piece of using sh*t!!

and you know? what I am glad I did it.. hurts like hell to know that truth!! to see it in glorious technicolour, but there it, is no lies.. no bullsh*t, REALITY..

 

The amount of HATE I feel now is scary!

WTF have I been doing do myself for 8+ years?.. I FEEL SICK!!

 

But the truth is better than all the lie i have been telling myself! :`(

 

I am beyond pain right now. :`(

 

God help me!

 

OP, God hears you and can definitely help you! It seems He already is doing so by getting you out of this situation.

 

Your exMM is pretty messed up and you're fortunate to be getting away from him. Your life has taken a turn for the better and will only improve as you recover from this A.

 

It's kind of like surgery to remove a tumor. The incision is painful but you're going to be far better off rid of it. Your exMM is the tumor and you've had surgery to remove him. Be good to yourself while you recover. The worst is over and there's no where to go but up!

[LivingWaterPlease]

But, we kinda just did... lol

 

The OP said she got a reality check looking at his Twitter account. Problem solved.

 

I've spent about twenty minutes typing, thirty at most, if even that, not sure about you so not sure how this computes to hours. Unless you blur the lines... imo not an accurate way to arrive at truth.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Not to really debate the issue in depth, I will say if she is happy with her husband and the marriage and he is happy with his wife and his marriage then who are you to say they aren't?

 

Point being is they were happy with the marriage, they had the same goals in every aspect, similar career paths, according to him the best sex of his life. He planned to be with her the rest of his life.

 

The issue wasn't his wife or marriage, the issue is he is a selfish prick that thought it was his right to have it all. Great wife at home and not having to give up the chase.

 

I'm not the one who says so. The law and the church are two authorities who have established the definition of marriage.

 

Who are you to attempt to change it?

 

Your friends may believe they're happily married but their marriage is a fraud, not a happy union, when they bring a third party into it.

 

Cheez whiz! No wonder our society is crumbling! People thinking a marriage is happy while one partner is cheating! Beats all!

 

Anyway, out of here. Leaving you happy people to this discussion and off to live some life!

 

Best wishes all!

Edited July 4, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[Lobe]

I'm not the one who says so. The law and the church are two authorities who have established the definition of marriage.

 

Who are you to attempt to change it?

 

I think that depends a lot on if you believe that law and/or religion is powerful enough to make your marriage bulletproof... but that would completely derail the conversation. lol

 

Whether Baby Jesus intervened via Twitter or SWN just got the wakeup call without an ounce of divine intervention, at least we both agree that she is on a path leading away from her AP. Praise the Lord.

[Lady Hamilton]

You're definitely in the minority lol

 

You're talking about a man who was exiting his marriage, who was done, who left his unhappy life with his unhappy wife and married you. Most MM who have a sidepiece are not interested in risking their marriage for the AP...

 

In a larger sense, though, I often find myself looking at people's social media updates and wondering what color the sky is in their world.

 

Case in point, this side of two weeks ago, a woman I know was beaten by her alcoholic boyfriend, locked in the bathroom until the police busted down the front door, tazed him, and hauled him to jail and her to a hospital.

 

Two weeks, PR bail, and a side of delusion later, she's posting romantic selfies about how in luvzzz she is with a guy we know beat her because he was dipping his wick in (several) other candles.

 

And stuff like this is dramatic, but the delusion is more the rule than the exception. So many people we know to be absolutely miserable, posting on social media like they're not leading a really screwed up existence.

 

Now, I'm not saying that's everybody... I post the obnoxiously annoying lovey selfie with the husband once or twice a month too. We are happy and like each other and we feel that we don't have to stuff that into a box so that we don't come across as "that" couple.

 

But more often than I think is normal I see these updates from Lala Land and find myself wondering if they are fruit loops, they don't think we know them IRL, or if social media is just this strange form of public masturbation where we pretend like we don't know what's really going on.

[Lady Hamilton]

Dont know if it makes it more special.

At the end she got her husband true cheating and disrespect others relationship!

I dont think there is nothing to be proud about messing with peoples partners. Even if they leave their partner for you , the more its not a nice love story, neither to be proud about to tell!.

 

I have no problem admitting, when asked, that we had an affair. I didn't then, I don't now. Its not something to be proud of or not proud of. It just is.

 

Do I wish we had gone about things differently? Sure. There's a lot that I enjoyed in "normal" relationship progression that we didn't get to enjoy by starting as we did. On the flip side, there was a lot we learned about ourselves, relationships, and how to be for each other that we probably wouldn't have gotten if we had gone the "normal" route. Wr both did a lot of growing up and really took stock of a whole lot of things. I can't say that those are bad life lessons to end up with. I know people who went through more and learned less, so I can't say I don't appreciate all I gleaned from the situation.

 

Whatever our foundations were, we made the best of it that we could, which is no different than what anybody else does. Ultimately, I have no reason to be embarrassed, and anybody who takes issue with something like that will not be my problem to deal with long anyway as they will go their way and I'll go mine.

 

I don't think I've ever seen LadyH "brag" about her situation. And she's never sugar-coated the difficulties they've faced... Or encouraged anyone to have an affair...

 

If I have bragged, it's not an intentional brag. And there is literally no way to sugar coat the situation, even ending up with what some people act is the "best case scenario" for the OW. Affairs are hard, they suck, R is hard and can suck, divorce is hard and can suck, a post affair relationship is hard and can suck.

 

Basically, it's all hard, it all has the potential to suck. Anybody who says they've been through this, even if they got the relationship they wanted, who says it didn't suck is selling you a package of Bologna.

[Lady Hamilton]

It's very easy to judge from the outside and to make assessments based on what you want to be true.

 

The truth of the matter is that nobody knows what the minority or the majority is. BS want to believe the marriage is happy so they see and want to project a happy marriage. OW want to believe the marriage is miserable so they see and want to assume it's a miserable marriage. The MM is generally telling both what they want to hear, so there's really no way of knowing what's actually going on in his head. Maybe he's happy, maybe he's not. You cannot tell from a Facebook picture no matter how hard you try.

 

But everyone ends up getting hurt in the end so what's the point of arguing over something we will never know?

 

I agree that people will tend to find what they want to see in a Facebook picture. Heck, I'm reading an email where I'm supposedly miserable based off of some pictures I threw up on social media... I wasn't miserable at all, I just get awful RBF when I'm outside.

 

On the flip side, there are plenty of times where a picture is put out there and we know they're ringside to a train wreck and that the "happy couple" kool aide they're trying to get us to drink is a load.

[awkward]

Every time this type of thread comes up someone points out that its fakebook. Long before social media, people took family photos. Somewhere, sometime, someone must have been happy. It doesn't do anyone any good to believe that they must be faking their smiles. They could be faking but then again they could be happy. Who cares?

 

If you believe a MM can't be happy with his wife because he has an affair partner, then you should start asking MM what they feel. Many many many times MM is happy with his wife but he is not going to tell his OP that. Because that would just be stupid of him.

[ChickiePops]

I agree that people will tend to find what they want to see in a Facebook picture. Heck, I'm reading an email where I'm supposedly miserable based off of some pictures I threw up on social media... I wasn't miserable at all, I just get awful RBF when I'm outside.

 

On the flip side, there are plenty of times where a picture is put out there and we know they're ringside to a train wreck and that the "happy couple" kool aide they're trying to get us to drink is a load.

 

No, you don't 'know'. That, once again, is entirely your assumption. Unless you live with your MM and his wife, you have no clue what the marriage is like. You can only make assumptions, which will absolutely be colored by what MM is telling you as well as what you WANT to believe. You can stare at those pics for hours and still never know the true story.

 

It's just as likely that MM is faking his misery to the OW as it is that he's faking his happiness to the BS. Only the MM knows the truth.

 

Also, if the BS is not aware of the affair then she has no reason to try to make the OW (or anyone else) jealous on Facebook.

[so what now]

A picture may or may not "say a thousand words"?.. the perception of the viewer will always be subjective.. It helped me though. I feel more distanced, like.. hey that`s a nice photo of my friend and his wife.. I now see myself as apart from that, as I should be..

 

There is acceptance and I am now weirdly pleased he seems happy! Good for him

 

However...

 

There`s a dichotomy that arises with regards to the "Usie" upload date and the next day delivery date of a "di*k" pic to me from very same camera phone.

 

Proves none of us can know what going on in anyone's head/life, regardless of outward appearances :confused

[elaine567]

And stuff like this is dramatic, but the delusion is more the rule than the exception. So many people we know to be absolutely miserable, posting on social media like they're not leading a really screwed up existence.

 

Now, I'm not saying that's everybody... I post the obnoxiously annoying lovey selfie with the husband once or twice a month too. We are happy and like each other and we feel that we don't have to stuff that into a box so that we don't come across as "that" couple.

But more often than I think is normal I see these updates from Lala Land and find myself wondering if they are fruit loops, they don't think we know them IRL, or if social media is just this strange form of public masturbation where we pretend like we don't know what's really going on.

 

 

The problem with saying that so many are in Lalaland is, that some of the people who are in Lalaland do not know they are in Lalaland, they believe they are happy and that any troubles they may have are just normal trivial marital issues that everyone has and are nothing to worry about..

It may be only the people looking in with insider or extra knowledge that see the huge flaws, the infidelity, the disrespect, the unhappiness - whilst the spouses themselves are oblivious, as they are often fed the same bs, that the WS tends to feed to his/her OW/OM. - I love you, you are my world...

 

SO many BSs are completely blindsided, they had no idea of the "other side" of their partner, they thought they had a decent, honest person, who loved and respected them and who would never cheat on them. They believed they were happily married and that all was right with the world.

Unfortunately they were wrong.

 

So whilst it is easy on the outside to make disparaging remarks about the veracity of other's FB posts, some are indeed making them in good faith.

 

If, for example, I was messing around with YOUR husband, would I not assume that you were in Lalaland too, when you post your monthly lovie selfies, would I not see that "sadness", that "frustration", that "I really do not want to be here" etched you your husbands face? Of course I would, as that is what he would be telling me about your marriage. I have insider knowledge, I know he cheats on you.

YOU see openness, honesty and happiness on his face, as that is what you want to see too.

Truth is, neither of us knows the real truth, only he knows that.

 

The main problem here is that affairs are usually carried out in secret, the BS is in the dark and it is often the BS who unwittingly posts the "happy" pics.

[Lady Hamilton]

No, you don't 'know'. That, once again, is entirely your assumption. Unless you live with your MM and his wife, you have no clue what the marriage is like. You can only make assumptions, which will absolutely be colored by what MM is telling you as well as what you WANT to believe. You can stare at those pics for hours and still never know the true story.

 

It's just as likely that MM is faking his misery to the OW as it is that he's faking his happiness to the BS. Only the MM knows the truth.

 

Also, if the BS is not aware of the affair then she has no reason to try to make the OW (or anyone else) jealous on Facebook.

 

In my specific case, I did know for a fact it was very much an act by the BW. In others cases, I'm sure they knew as well.

 

In a grander, more general sense, there are also certainly times where you know the picture is a slice of fake reality, not a representation of anything other than a persona.

 

While I don't think it's realistic to say that every picture is an act, I also don't think it's realistic to say that you never know it's an act either. There are plenty of times, either as a OW looking at her MM's feed, or just as a full time resident of reality, that you know the picture is not saying what they think it is.

[cocorico]

I guess I'm in the minority...

 

Whenever I looked at my MM wife's social media, I had two impressions...

 

"God, he looks miserable."

"Ok, his wife is really disconnected from anything that could pass as reality."

 

I guess I'm in that minority with you.

 

He never posted pix with her on social media, and she didn't have social media, but occasionally his father would post old family snaps that happened to have both of them (and the kids) in the same pic. Everyone always looked so miserable, so alienated, so wishing they were anywhere else. (There were no current snaps with her for him to post, as she stopped having anything to do with his family long before.)

 

His father also posted happy pix of us together, as did he, so it wasn't really a fake or partial view.

[Sub]

In a larger sense, though, I often find myself looking at people's social media updates and wondering what color the sky is in their world.

 

I have to ask, though: why does it matter to you? Whether or not it's fake, real, somewhere in the middle....it's their life, their updates. I've found myself at times doing similar things, to be honest. And I realize what a waste of time it is. All this talk of "they don't call it fakebook for nothing"...I honestly think it says more about the commentators than it does the poster.

[loveisanaction]

I don't get it! So, couples should only take pictures when their marriages are 100% happy? No marriage is without it's problems and if we only take pictures when our marriages are not in trouble then we'll never take any pictures.

 

A couple that takes pictures doesn't take them because their marriage is or is not in trouble they take a picture because that's what couples do. I don't think taking a picture and posting it on Facebook has anything to do with the state of a marriage.

 

I guess like someone said, the thing is, the picture was a wake-up call for the OP, she saw the public life that her married man has that she is not a part of. As result, she is moving on with her life...

Edited July 5, 2016 by loveisanaction