ItsDone Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Hi Guys- I've been reading through so many of these relationship stories and I can relate to bits and pieces of most of them. My ex and I have been broken up for almost 7 months now. Everything was fine (or so I thought) and then one day out of the blue, she started acting really weird. This lasted for about 3 days, and then finally I told her that we needed to talk. She was closed off completely and wouldn't say anything. We both had to leave, so I went home and she went back to her house. She told me she would call me later so we could talk. I waited for hours and then finally called. She wouldn't answer my calls or texts. Finally, I received a text message that she "lost herself" and that this was nothing that I did, but she couldn't figure out why she felt that way. I texted her back and confirmed that I did, in fact, treat her as kindly as I could and wasn't going to be treated so coldly anymore. And that was it. Never an explanation, never any type of closure. Someone who meant the world to me for so long was gone in the drop of a hat. This has been super difficult to deal with. But I made myself a promise that night (at 4 a.m. nonetheless). I would not make any contact with her AT ALL, I would delete her and everyone in her family from all forms of social media, and if she contacted me, I would not respond. This might sound really harsh, but I realized that her actions actually spoke louder than her words ever could. She was never looking to better herself. She didn't want to look for a job or do anything to take the next step in her own life. Nobody could save her from herself. Do I wonder what she's up to? Every day. Do I miss her like hell sometimes? Yes. But, did I avoid a ticking time bomb? Without a doubt. When we got together, she had been dating someone that I didn't know about. I found out a few months later (before we made the commitment) that she had already been in a relationship for all of that time. She was finally single and wanted to be with me. This was after so many months of lies and of allowing me to feel like I wasn't good enough for her. The reality was that she's a liar. I forgave her....... and that's where my mistake was. I recognize now that I could've avoided this heartache. I didn't value myself enough. So I guess my reason for posting this is to tell people that you have to really value who you are before you get into a relationship. If things seem "off" from the start, RUN! Trust your instincts. You can't fix people. If they're broken, they have to fix themselves before they can be with anyone else. Use your head instead of only using your heart. Thanks for listening! 2
peonyrose Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Hi...... Totally can associate with some of your story.. We haven't different stories, but some similarities. I also had no closure, or any big break up fight. No reasons were really given, just a whole pile of excuses, and a list a week later of all my flaws and what i needed to fix. To add more salt to the wound, after a brief amazing 24hour reconciliation, he decided he'd block me from everything, no reasons given, just blocked. I was devastated, he was 15 years older I trusted him completely, I was loyal,honest, supportive and open the whole relationship. Of course I had flaws like who doesn't. He left some debt behind him too. Bar 2longmessages i needed to send, Ihave remained nc and I have blocked him also from everything. Those breakups that leave you with no answers or closure are torture. You have been a very strong person to remain nc, and to also know that you can't make somedody happy, they have to want to make the changes. Intact I've learned I need to do some stuff to be happier with me, I wouldn't have had he not left. Also you are right if you see warning signs at the start, stay away. At the start of us there were some alarms that I chose to ignore, and I did stay away from him once I realised the age gap, he pursued me for 2 months and I have to say it was a good ego boost. Here was a man in his late 40s wanting me, so it made me feel like a grown up in some weird way. I chose to ignore the gut feelings I had about his past and the age gap and fell in love deeply and quickly. He knew exactly what to say and do, and I fell for his charms, and i probably played on my strengths too if I'm honest. You sound like you know what you want and do not want in a relationship and this is a very healthy quality. I loved how you said you still think of how she's doing everyday, and sometimes you miss her like hell, but you know you are better off apart. Says a lot about you as a person.
Author ItsDone Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 Definitely similar situations. Clearly I needed to value myself more from the start. Seems like maybe if that had happened, she wouldn't have been able to hit my heart as hard as she did. Oh well. Hope she's well and happy.
feelsobullied Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 no one has a right to hurt you deliberatly . if they do its their fault and not yours. if someone genuinly wants the best for you, they woudl be direcrt and honest up front and forward and not string you along ever ..If you are not good enough for her and someone else is, then she still should have just said it bluntly and honestly and let you be . In life heartbreak is going to happen, your all single now and congratulations. There is a pleasure in dating. Getting dressed up, flriting, and excitement. When you find the right person, it's a beautiful feeling. The world was meant for two. The issue people have is sometimes they are too selfish to let a person go and leave it, block it and move on. I am excited about dating but know very well there will be a few wrong ones before the right one and when the wrong ones come, i will not thank them for hurting me. I'll say your not cool because if you dont tell me, your only preventing me from finding the right one who is actually my choice.
Author ItsDone Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Absolutely!!! If I'm not for you, have enough respect to discuss it with me, and let's move on. Looking for the right one, not to waste time with the wrong person just because we are comfortable.
feelsobullied Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Once this guy wasted my time by postign online all the reasosn why he didn't want to be with me and i eamield him to get lost and he decided it was fun to keep messign with me meanwhile he had a girlfriend the entire tiem and enouraged me to get a new job and a new life but because he was so insulting months ago i didnt' want and dont' want to hear it. If i needed 100 dollars desperatly and he offered, id rather starve and suffer. you can't play with people and expect anythign but get lost. I hate this guy and can't wait til he completely leaves my life . if that happens, i'll be on this site richer and hand everyoen one dollar.
idiot 274 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 (edited) Best of luck to you. Going through the same here. Ignored all of the red flags and was hoping she would just grow up. Divorce will be final next month. A workbuddy told me something on the telephone yesterday. He said "now is the time for you to better yourselveslf and spread your wings and fly and explore, do everything you've always wanted to do." May sound a little cheesy but I'm doing it and you should do the same. I will never allow people like her into my life ever again. Ever. Edited July 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed name ~T
Author ItsDone Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 He's right! That's what I've been doing. I made a list of things I want to do and I've been checking them off as I go. There's no going back. Sometimes you want to give people the benefit of the doubt. But at this point, it can't be while sacrificing my own happiness. Too much of a risk. Best of luck to you!
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