He initiates the contact then doesnt reply? Why is he like this?

[miranda11]

Hi,

since October last year I ve met him for a lot of times since the fact is that we live 1000 miles apart.

 

He does like me, we did have sex, we lived together every time we were with each other... We get along really good!

 

Last time in April when I left last time. We stayed in contact. But then a month later I told him that its better not to stay in contact because I like him too much and that I dont want to talk to someone over the internet once in a while because the truth was that we will not see each other soon.

I even told him I was dating someone and that all I think about was him so that I ended with that other guy since I was not into this new guy.

 

Okay he didn't say anything to that. I ve thought that's it... He is mad because I was honest. I ve might of hurt him....

But we got in touch again... exchanged couple of messages and I even told him we might see each other in 2months.

 

I did my best to not texting him or anything for 3 weeks and moved on, tried to completely forget him.

He vibers me "How am I and what am I doing." Yesterday!

I reply... I replied many texts about the show he likes too because I was watching the finale. Loll.

He doesn't reply....

Now I ve texted him when is a good time to call him? And how is he because he didn't answer to my question? He doesn't replies at all but reads...

 

This guy is like this all the time... Not sure if he is high or whatever.

I am now seriously thinking of blocking him for good, because he is acting like a jerk... and I am really trying to talk to him in a non texting environment because I want to talk in person. I am bad texted and he is even worse. When we are on the phone we talk for hours... when we text it becomes a mess and he knows it..

 

Not sure if I should block him or what? Or call him in the next two weeks?

 

I know he likes me as much as I like him, since he reads my messages and thinks about me weeks later even though I ve told him month ago that we shouldn't be in touch and called it off, but why doesn't he reply now?

 

Its basically now like.. I said indirectly "Forget what I said I want to see you soon and I will and we should be in touch even thought its pointless for now"

And he is like "Okay she told me she doesn't want to be friends with me because she loves me, I respected that... And now he is again initiating contact... because he likes me, but is acting stupid"

Edited July 3, 2016 by miranda11

[leogirl876]

Sounds like he's playing games, think you should block him. Plus, he lives over 1,000 miles away, seriously how can anyone form a new relationship that far away? I think he's trying to keep in contact with you, for just in case you come visit him for sex, but he's not serious about a relationship with you.

[PogoStick]

You're both acting stupid. End it and find a guy who lives close to you.

[phineas]

Women used to play this game all the time with me.

They did it to see if they still got me on the hook.

 

I learned to ignore them.

Eventually they go find find other guys to stroke their ego.

[miranda11]

Its not just about sex or egoboosting He is just childish or high and slow.

 

I was realistic and told him its better for us not to be in contact and we didn't hear from each other for a quite time untill i called him and texted him because he didn't reply, asking him how is he doing. He sounded pretty disapointed and didn't continue. So I was like "okay, he is mad probably and lost interest and we will never talk to each other again. I will leave him alone."

 

And I did untill couple of days ago when he contacts me after weeks because he knows there is chance we can see each other again.

 

I just don't get him. Actuall he is funny.

As I told I was watching the show and told him I will call you in 30 minutes. I didn't call him because he didn't replied and I was too tired. And the next day I am like I can call you in an hour I am not alone now. Ok? You didn't answer my question anyway, so..."

He says nothing...

 

Now I feel stupid..thats all...

 

I dont think I will block him, but I wont text him again anymore... Maybe I try to finally call him on the weekend just for fun and act stupid if I get in the mood...

 

I am also a bit stupid because I know him a lot and how he reacts. He is like that, slow and not giving **** about anything in his life. Living in his own world. But the thing is that me (other parts of the world) do not function like this. I had patience for this guy, but I am loosing it and its getting me really turned off.

 

I just don't get why do some people think its like okay to be selfish when... Its not. I am pissed now, I am a woman and yeah right now it turns me on thiking why is he a jerk? Wtf? But then again in a day or two, 5 days I'll forget about this thing and I will care a little less and a little less, untill it bores me the next time he contacts me"

Edited July 4, 2016 by miranda11

[preraph]

He's only interested in sex with you and only then if it's convenient and free of any expectation or obligation. You are just wasting time with this guy and need to block him and move on to another who might reciprocate. He's not going to change. You can't love him into becoming a different person who loves you back. He already knows he wouldn't be seriously interested in you, but like every other guy, if he can jump in for sex and then jump out, that's convenient for him. You need to sit down and make some rules and boundaries you hold yourself to. While doing so, always ask yourself, If I behaved like this with a person, what would it mean? Would I do that to someone I liked and respecte? If not, make that a rule or boundary to detach when you encounter that.

[MissBee]

You said you ended it...leave it ended. You didn't speak for 3 weeks and he initiated, you responded, he ignored it....get back on track with your original plan. You had planned on ending it anyway, so why does it even matter now if he responds? You guys were done and the situation which led to your decision hasn't changed.

 

Some people like the attention, ego stroke, knowing you still care, even if they have no intention of following up and if you bite the bait, you end up in a cycle ,like you are now, where even though you ended it or claimed to, they have played games to where they have the upperhand and you're the one chasing them (even though they reached out first). He gets to feel good that you're chasing him now and he gets to think that you weren't serious when you ended it so he can pop in and out as a whim tells him.Then it's like why are you chasing a guy you already ended it with??? Just because of some dumb text he sent? How does that even change the larger picture and original goal?

 

You ended it. He reached out. You responded (you shouldn't have). He didn't. Now you're going crazy wondering if you should call, what's wrong, justifying why he likes you etc. Do you see the crazy-making cycle?

 

He didn't respond...good. Go back to moving on. Block...ignore...keep it moving, but don't ride this merry go round. Call him to play games? For what? Girl, keep it moving. You cannot be that bored. I also have a feeling your feelings will be hurt in the end if you continue to engage this guy then try to play it off like you don't care...when you do...or you'd not seek advice about it if it was something that didn't bother you.

Edited July 4, 2016 by MissBee

[katiegrl]

OP, it turns you on when he acts like a jerk? (Post no. 5, last paragraph).

 

Sorry, I can't help with you that, that mentality is beyond my realm of comprehension.

 

Hopefully for your own sake you will eventually grow out of it.

 

But to answer your question. Why do people continue acting so selfish?

 

Because people like you continue to allow it.

 

Best of luck.

Edited July 4, 2016 by katiegrl

[miranda11]

Maybe I want to do it for fun and just see his reaction and tease him a bit acting stupid. Just to read his behaviour.

 

Maybe I also feel guilt because I "ended" it in a harsh manner. I told this guy I was datigin someone else just week after we've met and that I don't want to stay in touch with him and that he shouldn't talk to me right now.

And then I blew off a new guy and started to contact him again.

 

I think we are both jerks.

[Jabron1]

I think we are both jerks.

 

Of course

[PrettyEmily77]

How old are you both?

 

Not sure what 'vibering' someone involves but either way, he seems to have respected your wishes up until yesterday - how is asking you how you are being a jerk? Or have I missed something? Maybe he had a moment of weakness and regretted it, which is why he's now not answering back? And how is he meant to pick up on your indirect cues?

 

Lack of clear communication + acting on impulse + 1,000 apart = big troubles ahead.

[miranda11]

Of course

 

Well thats the only truth.

 

How old are you both?

 

Not sure what 'vibering' someone involves but either way, he seems to have respected your wishes up until yesterday - how is asking you how you are being a jerk? Or have I missed something? Maybe he had a moment of weakness and regretted it, which is why he's now not answering back? And how is he meant to pick up on your indirect cues?

 

Lack of clear communication + acting on impulse + 1,000 apart = big troubles ahead.

 

Vibering means texting via Viber. the app. We are 27 and 30

 

asking me how i am is not being a jerk. Its that he asked me questions then I replied about the things he didnt asked me... as I do always because I am like this.

 

its always like this thats why we both are jerks... He said many times that he doesnt want to text with me because he doesnt understand my texts and that he wants to talk about me not bloody tv shows or music or whatever i spam him with...

 

I am always like "Heyy how are you? I just heard a song of XYZ lol and thought about you. You know he has a concert in my town?? I hope i will go, he is crazyyy and fun. Then i give him link of the song."

 

And after I write something like that, he is like... I am reading your big texts and i dont get them!!

 

Then I said to him couple of months ago, okay we wont text each other, we will just talk.

 

and couple of days ago when I asked him when is convinient for me to call him? That i can talk like in 45mins... He says nothing... Why then you ask me how I am doing if you cant even say... "Okay call me better tomorrow or whatever!"

 

Actually he is a good guy.. he never used me or mistreated me badly. When we are together he never initiates sex, we are more acting like friends. Hanging on a couch doing nothing and talking. We have sex when I initate it and start to flirting with him.

 

I just dont understand him... Hi might have respected my wishes and ignoring all the things Ive texted him in between drunk or sober... And those texts were never pathetic they are all like the one about the concert above...

 

I am stupid also because I always ask people for premissions. When can I talk to them... Instead I should just ignore them.. Or just call them.

 

I think I will call him this time soon... if he doesmt amswer me or doesnt text me sometjimg aftwwards then I am seriously deleting his number and if one day in a couple of weeks he texts me again something. I wont even answer him at all and cut him off for good.

 

I know he is like 1000 miles away and our thing has no sense. We talked aboû that. I aint gonna wait for him for a year to come and move to my town as he said couple of months ago if its gonna be this stupid form of communication. This guy is even more strange then myself.

 

He wants always be in touch, always mentions some future plans with me what should we do, where should we live or whatever. I dont take him seriously because of the way he acts in our communication...

[NTV]

If you think he is a drug user and is stupid, I don't get why you're interested at all. Is he like the male equivalent of a bimbo?

[miranda11]

If you think he is a drug user and is stupid, I don't get why you're interested at all. Is he like the male equivalent of a bimbo?

 

 

I dont want to be childish now.. but sometimes he is dumb and forgets things and lives in his own world because he did used drugs. I think he doesnt anymore. He is smart and well educated and has a good degree but he had an addiciton.

 

He is not a bimbo or some player... He is very sexy and hot and friendly, but not a player. Actully he seems like a bit unexpeerienced with women. not in bed but in some interactions.

 

I am interested because he is chilled in person and we have a good communication when we are together. We get along good and we have like the same goals in life and same vision of life.

Mostly men bore me and are too anoying but he is the rare person with who I can spend couple ofndays together to not get exhausted or bored. And he does have some potential in his life to make somtehing out of it if he slightly changes.

We talked about that and his idea is that we should think about doing something and help each other in the next couple of years.

I think he is right about the thing that we could together make good things in life and support each other because we are a bit confused both of us with our lives.. But..

 

But i cant take him seriously when he acts like this. Being dumb from time to time and acting like this. Thats why i blew him off.

I d act more adult if he would be a reliable person, but so far as our communication goes.. I dont think so

Edited July 5, 2016 by miranda11

[kendahke]

Because he always wants to have some serious conversations with me an ideas and I ignore that and change the subject.

 

Perhaps he's trying to see how you think--which is a part of getting to know someone.

 

He's trying to get a sense of who you are by having an adult conversation with you. If you keep changing the subject, then I can see why he's not returning your texts, etc. That's rude.

 

I wouldn't expect reliability, either, from someone who I was treating dismissively. I'm not sure what it is that you think he should be doing given how you are behaving towards him.

[NTV]

I d act more adult if he would be a reliable person, but so far as our communication goes.. I dont think so

 

 

 

Why is your behavior based on his?

[Redhead14]

Hi,

since October last year I ve met him for a lot of times since the fact is that we live 1000 miles apart.

 

He does like me, we did have sex, we lived together every time we were with each other... We get along really good!

 

Last time in April when I left last time. We stayed in contact. But then a month later I told him that its better not to stay in contact because I like him too much and that I dont want to talk to someone over the internet once in a while because the truth was that we will not see each other soon.

I even told him I was dating someone and that all I think about was him so that I ended with that other guy since I was not into this new guy.

 

Okay he didn't say anything to that. I ve thought that's it... He is mad because I was honest. I ve might of hurt him....

But we got in touch again... exchanged couple of messages and I even told him we might see each other in 2months.

 

I did my best to not texting him or anything for 3 weeks and moved on, tried to completely forget him.

He vibers me "How am I and what am I doing." Yesterday!

I reply... I replied many texts about the show he likes too because I was watching the finale. Loll.

He doesn't reply....

Now I ve texted him when is a good time to call him? And how is he because he didn't answer to my question? He doesn't replies at all but reads...

 

This guy is like this all the time... Not sure if he is high or whatever.

I am now seriously thinking of blocking him for good, because he is acting like a jerk... and I am really trying to talk to him in a non texting environment because I want to talk in person. I am bad texted and he is even worse. When we are on the phone we talk for hours... when we text it becomes a mess and he knows it..

 

Not sure if I should block him or what? Or call him in the next two weeks?

 

I know he likes me as much as I like him, since he reads my messages and thinks about me weeks later even though I ve told him month ago that we shouldn't be in touch and called it off, but why doesn't he reply now?

 

Its basically now like.. I said indirectly "Forget what I said I want to see you soon and I will and we should be in touch even thought its pointless for now"

And he is like "Okay she told me she doesn't want to be friends with me because she loves me, I respected that... And now he is again initiating contact... because he likes me, but is acting stupid"

 

I know he likes me as much as I like him -- All evidence to the contrary . . .

 

I know he likes me as much as I like him, since he reads my messages and thinks about me weeks later -- This is your barometer for gauging his level of interest?????

 

Move on. It's a waste of your emotional energy.

[miranda11]

He does like me a lot and I know it.

 

We dont need to talk everyday. That would be sick! You dont need to talk to someone everyday or sit and wait for a man to contact you all the time to proove somehing.

He also knows I am living my life here and dating other people and meeting new people from time to time which is a normal thing.

 

I know this guy and whats he is like. He is irresponsible by nature and lives in his own world. He is like this. But I wont change him. I ve tried to be his friend. He is probably getting depressed now because he is probably unhappy with his life again and having a rough time and is ignoring things, not just me.

 

I went on a date anyway recently and I am moving on.

 

I called him he didnt answer and since he doesnt have my other business number which he never saves. I have texted him that I guess he doesnt wants to talk to me since he didnt pick up and told him I wont molest him anymore.

I dont regret this or see myself as chasing him or that i should feel patheic about it or whatever.

I've just told this guy that he is acting stupid and that I am not part of this anymore.

 

And its seriously end of this story.

 

As I said we dont need to talk every day or week. But if someone makes the first move no matter if you told them not to and that it should stay that way, it means they care about you.

It doesnt neceserally have to mean that they got bored or need ego boost or whatever. It means they missed you and wanted to hear you.

But I wont tolerate these guys mood swings anymore. Seems like he cares and wants to continue to be friends with me and texts me when he misses me, then he pulls back... Then he will again say that he felt really bad lately and didnt want to talk to me feeling like ****, so he declined my call, but that he likes me a lot and that I am like nuts for thinking he doesnt care. Blah blah blah.

He will understand my text so... Its not first time he is acting like this actually. He is like this. Very unhappy with his life and ignores everybody in some phase. He is all alone at home not going anywhere, then later its all good.

Maybe its because he is on a rehab so. He really does have a lot of mood swings. Our friend told me that and I ve seen it, but I cant accept that and tolerate it anymore. When he met me and we started hooking up our, his friend told me that he doesnt know whats going on with him but that he is extremely happy lately and not depressed anymore and that he socialises again which he didnt do for months. Then he got depressed again when I left etc. Then it all happened again and again... As our friend told me. This guy told me he thinks I am the reason he felt good and that I should stay with him to keep him happy. But this all doesnt matter anymore. I am writing this because its easier to write things down for myself.

 

But in the last couple of days I care less and less which is a good thing.

Edited July 7, 2016 by miranda11

[miranda11]

Why is your behavior based on his?

 

Thereee, I will explain now!!!

 

He did text me after I've told him something like that I dislike when people initate things, but then they don't answer my phone calls.

 

He told me his phone is dying and that it sucks and that he didn't see my call. 3 days later after my text.

So I am like fine! And I ask him how is he and what he is doing in his life?

I am a fool for trying, lol... Then i tell him in a text general short things about me lately to see what he will do (thats being childish, because i do it on purpose and tease him because he hates my long texts)

 

A dude gives me an emoticon of what he is doing and replies 3 days later... :lmao:

 

Then I got pissed. So I texted him a photo of what I am doing with myself.

He says it's really cute thing and that I am cute lol

 

And nothing again.

 

Thats why my behaviour towards him is based like this. He never texts like more then 5 words and he even didn't do it when he liked me and a lot if he doesn't anymore, but he is the one who initated things after I told him I can't talk or be in touch with him.

Basically he sents smiley faces since day one or a couple of words. Then when I text him something longer, he gets pissed because I do it and tells me he never understands me or what I want to say and why am I doing that?

 

So I used to call him since I can make free calls and we used to talk always for and hour or even two.

 

My point is that he is like this.

Him:"Where are you"

Me:"I am at the bus station now, omg you wouldn't belive what just happened to me, I am all wet, I needed to spend 10 dollars on a fancy umbrella, ****! Now I am going home, later I am meeting my friend, I am soo wet :lmao:"

Him:":confused: I don't get it, whaaaat?! when are you free? are you still there???"

Me:"What? I told you yesterday when you left and a day before that and before that, that I am leaving on wednesday, now it's thursday, I am home"

Him:"Then he records himself talking for 5 minutes to him self and sends me that voice message"

 

He is forgetting things and he can't concentrate on basic reading texting stuff.

I'd be honest with myself and whoever reads this and tell myself he is just not that into me, so leave it, don't be stupid. But thats not the issue here.

 

My point is that I don't understand this again. It's not the issue anymore does he likes me or not, or why is he doing this, or whatever.

This is getting stupid, what does it mean? "Shiiit, my phone sucks, sorry :*

Or replying with bloody emoticons or with one word.

Why can't he just say, call me now? Or tomorrow? Or whatever.

 

I am pissed now because I don't understand people's behaviour and I want to end this. And when I am ending things I am not the person who just stops replying or whatever and ignore things because this is getting stupid.

 

He will contact me like this everynow and then and I don't want to have stupid viber communication with simley faces one a month.

 

I will ask this guy once again if he want me to call him or not because I'd like to hear him. Because this texting is stupid

 

I am doing this and stressing over this because this cycle will go on and on because of what? I want to be an adult and just talk to him over the phone to see whats he is up to and stuff.