How successful are your dates? Statistics

[Mjm1014]

Kind of an odd question, but I really don't know what to think about my lack of dating success recently. I'm a 29 year old male. Im just wondering if it's normal to go on 20 plus dates and only have one interested (but she wasn't my type)..I've been single for 2 years and have gone on countless dates since then and nothing pans out. Even in the past when I was in relationships I don't feel like I was taken serious-there was always another guy in the picture and I'd end up being cheated on.

 

I don't really have any problem getting dates (usually meet online or through my cousin that set me up on one or two)..seriously batting zero right now. I'm not superficial, and I'd say over 50%-60% of the dates I wouldn't mind seeing them again because I had a fun time with them, but I'm not getting any interest in return. If I do, they usually say they had fun, we go out on a second date then they tell me, "I'm really not looking for a relationship right now" or they just blow me off and I never hear back. If I do get a second date, they seem less than thrilled but still go along with it I feel like-like I'm on the fence interest wise.

 

What really gets me is the fact I'm getting good vibes on the dates, lots of flirting, touching, girls want to keep hanging out on the dates and offer up ideas to stay out with me, and a few even wanted to make out. I drop them off at their house and again, never hear back or get excuses for a second date.

 

I have a theory why this keeps happening-and I know a lot of people will prob discount this but I feel like it's my height (5'6)...I have a feeling girls just don't take me as serious. All my life, girls always make comments and some straight up reject me based on this. Looks wise I have a good face, good hygiene, dress well, and work out, but obviously I'm not physically attractive to them. Most people that know me can't believe how I'm always single because of my personality/having a good job/stable with my life, and don't understand that no one is interests in me and it gets so emberassing having to explain time and time again nothing pans out. It's crazy because I see people my age jumping from one relationship to the other yet I'm having zero luck securing someone that is truly interested. This is really bringing me down-I feel so blue anyone like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. Plus this is getting so expensive going out and treating people to dates over and over and no success in return.

 

I realize this is kind of a vent post, and there prob isn't much advice for me since you don't know me personally/and my dates, but is anyone else having to this much trouble at my age (late 20s/30s)? Maybe people are just a lot pickier at this age and I'm not use to it :/ idk lol

[Vado]

Have you ever asked one of the girls you dated what the reason was?

[Mjm1014]

No but I've been contemplating it...I just don't want to put them on the spot plus I doubt they would be 100% honest.

[Lady2163]

I've kind of given up on OLD. I know of nobody who has ever met and married from there and lives happily ever after.

 

It's too hard to form a genuine, sincere connection from an online/messaging/texting venue. I've been doing OLD for 16 years now. Back in the ancient days of where you had to pay for long distance phone calls, I always knew if the man was "too busy" to meet for a cup of coffee or a first meeting for at least two weeks, he wasn't putting in enough energy to date and have a relationship.

 

It's too easy today to be rude and inconsiderate. We've gotten too good at it. We want what we want and if the other person doesn't immediately measure up appearance-wise, we "next" them.

 

I'm moving soon to a larger city and I'm hoping to give meetups a try. I'd like to think in a group, with an activity I can possibly make a connection.

[Weezy1973]

OP, the fact that you're getting dates in the first place suggests strongly that it's not your height. You seem to be choosing some pretty shady women though. I'd start there...

[Hermus]

That really sounds like you have a streak of bad luck. However, I wouldn't say it is the height. There are smaller men that are successful in dating. A friend of mine is about your height and most dates he has are quite successful.

 

Some women say they are not attracted to smaller men and as a rule of thumb that might be true. However, at your height there are a lot of women that are smaller than you. And even if women are taller height shouldn't be a real problem. Of the last three women I've dated successfully two were actually a bit taller than me. I'm about 5'9 and my girlfriend is 5'10 and loves to wear heels. In this department it's all about confidence. If my girl wears heels she is 4 inches taller than me. I don't care anything about it and people notice that.

[PogoStick]

Your height may be somewhat of a negative factor for some girls. But if you're batting 0-20 then something else is certainly going on.

[grays]

Have you tried putting your height in your OLD profile? If not, I think that could help. Some women specifically like shorter men. I have dated short and tall men, it's not something that's important to me. I'm 5'1" and 5'6" wouldn't be any issue for me.

[Mjm1014]

The only reason I say height may be the issue is because I was on POF for awhile and OKC and listed my height...id go months without recieving a single message but when I go on bumble or tinder where height isn't listed I blow up with matches all day and girls that want to meet me. Some girls text me before the date to ask my height and when I tell them they ignore me and shut me out-usually the girls that ask are super short too so it makes no sense to me..So who knows...maybe online isn't the best bet in my case.

 

 

haha sucks because I really want to know where I'm going wrong. Even the girls that are average in looks don't seem interested after we meet..and when I say average I really mean average!

Edited July 4, 2016 by Mjm1014

[JuanDelToro]

I have a theory why this keeps happening-and I know a lot of people will prob discount this but I feel like it's my height (5'6)...I have a feeling girls just don't take me as serious. All my life, girls always make comments and some straight up reject me based on this. Looks wise I have a good face, good hygiene, dress well, and work out, but obviously I'm not physically attractive to them. Most people that know me can't believe how I'm always single because of my personality/having a good job/stable with my life, and don't understand that no one is interests in me and it gets so emberassing having to explain time and time again nothing pans out. It's crazy because I see people my age jumping from one relationship to the other yet I'm having zero luck securing someone that is truly interested. This is really bringing me down-I feel so blue anyone like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. Plus this is getting so expensive going out and treating people to dates over and over and no success in return.

 

I realize this is kind of a vent post, and there prob isn't much advice for me since you don't know me personally/and my dates, but is anyone else having to this much trouble at my age (late 20s/30s)? Maybe people are just a lot pickier at this age and I'm not use to it :/ idk lol

 

Sorry mate but this is plain BS and you need to get out of this mindset if you want to date successfully.

 

Yes you're short! So what? If you feel insecure about it, you transmit that insecurity to the girl you're dating and right there the game is lost.

 

Accept who you are, wear it with pride and if anyone says otherwise deal with it with wit and humor.

 

Apart from that, don't beat around the bush with your dates. Show your intentions early on, banter, tease and don't treat them like little princesses. Don't be apologetic and stand your ground. Be forward with whatever it is that you want (that doesn't mean to be rude or abusive of course).

 

And stop being a taxi driver and stop paying for first dates. That is ok when you have progressed with a girl beyond the first few dates and even then don't over do it.

 

Personally when i take a girl out on a first date is to have fun and for me to figure out if i like her and not to make her like me so that i can score.

[normal person]

Kind of an odd question, but I really don't know what to think about my lack of dating success recently. I'm a 29 year old male. Im just wondering if it's normal to go on 20 plus dates and only have one interested (but she wasn't my type)..I've been single for 2 years and have gone on countless dates since then and nothing pans out. Even in the past when I was in relationships I don't feel like I was taken serious-there was always another guy in the picture and I'd end up being cheated on.

 

I'm your age and your stats aren't that different than mine. I'm pretty open to meeting about 10-15% of the women who message me, so let's say I've met 50 people in ~3 years, on and off. I would say I'd only have serious interest in seeing 10 of those 50 again. Of those 10, the feeling was reciprocated initially in perhaps 7 of them. Of those 7 who I saw again, it fizzled out within a few weeks for whatever reason with 3 or 4 of them. The remaining 3 or 4 stuck around a while. I know you've been dating a lot but I think your sample size is probably still a bit too small to deduce anything too significant yet. If you go by my stats, you probably should've come across about 1 woman who you could enter a relationship with, all things considered. And that's pretty much the case, zero is "about 1" in this context, as frustrating as I'm sure that is to hear. It's within a reasonable standard deviation. OLD just isn't a very high yield exercise for most people.

 

I realize this is kind of a vent post, and there prob isn't much advice for me since you don't know me personally/and my dates, but is anyone else having to this much trouble at my age (late 20s/30s)? Maybe people are just a lot pickier at this age and I'm not use to it :/ idk lol

 

I'm very picky myself. I'm not one to settle. The issue is that as you get to be this age, you're pretty sure of what you want and hopefully smart enough not to settle, but the dating pool is starting to become limited at the same time.

 

Keep at it.

[angel.eyes]

I would take a serious look at who you're electing to date. Other areas that might be an issue would be your behavior on the date and your follow through after the date. Generally though, in this type of situation, it's who you're picking.

[insert_name]

I have been dating late 20s/early 30s women for the last 2 years (on and off), I've been on around 20 first dates (the vast majority through OLD) and my return is exactly the same. Very few have made it to a second date (a good proportion of that 20 I would have been open to a second date with).

 

I can't really draw any accurate conclusions as most of the time contact just stopped with me trying to arrange a second date, so I get no useful feedback. Lack of a spark has been mentioned a couple of times.

 

Honestly I look at some of the average looking guys with their girlfriends round town and wonder how they do it. I don't ever seem to be enough, for whatever reason.

[joseb]

OP, are you escalating enough during the dates?

If interested, are you making moves?

[4x4storm]

I made a similar thread not to long ago and like people said when it happens it will happen. I started online dating 6 months ago and these are my results:

 

Talked to about 40+ women

 

6 dates all up

2 never made it past the first date

1 short term relationship

2 I went on a few dates with and nothing else happened

1 hookup (I've had multiple chances to have one night stands but i'm always sick when I get the chance )

 

All those other women just flaked on the first date or had terrible conversation skills so we just stopped talking.

[Toodaloo]

In the beginning I was useless at dating. I have some horror stories but also caused a few horrors myself too!

 

With practice I got better. I also got harsher.

 

Instead of giving every bloke who asked a chance (big mistake to do that by the way...) I only bothered to actually meet the men I was interested in. The vast majority of those do not go past 1st date. Some and some as to who decides but if I go out on a date now I know that there is a 90% chance I will not be meeting them again. While some would take that as stressful I actually find it easier. While I make an effort to look OK and I am pleasant enough I really do not care on the first date if I see them again or not. It took a lot of pressure off for me knowing that it was a random person that I was highly unlikely to meet again. If it goes to second date I know that again its a low chance of third.

 

I start to get attached after 4/5 dates to a month. Even then I am cautious with my heart. Most fizzled at 4 dates. Usually one or other ghosted.

 

In the past year or so I would guess I have been on in excess of 100 dates. I now average around 2 a week when I am actively dating. Sometimes I have fitted in 5 or more a week depending on interest and what I am doing. I tend to meet as soon as I can rather than faff about. I find it exhausting which is why I now will not go on more than 2 absolute max a week. I do not multi date. I may have two first/ second meets/ dates but if one of those goes well I drop everything else.

 

Current beau is only one that has got as far as 3 months. While it would hurt to walk away I am still fully prepared to if I need to. There are a couple of potential deal breakers and a few issues. Neither of us is going to know either way until the issues have been dealt with and its calmed down so its just a matter of time. I also know that it wouldn't take too long for me to get myself back together and get out there again.

 

Its not about looks, its not about height. It is all about how you get on when you are together and how you connect. Perhaps look at ways of connecting better to up your chances? Either that or just keep on plugging.

[No_Go]

Let see... In the past 4 years (I.e. Since I discovered OLD)

 

Guys:

N1:( roommate, the rest are OLD guys) led to 1.5 years on/off RL

N2: (Chemistry) I liked him, he didn't call back (1 date)

N3: (EH) mutual dislike (1 date)

N4: (Chemistry) he liked me, I broke it off (3 dates)

N5: (HowAboutWe) mutual dislike (1 date)

N6: (CL..) I was smitten, he rejected (2 dates, month of writing)

N7: (OKC) he liked me, I rejected 2nd date (1 date)

N8: (OKC) he was smitten, I rejected RL (4 dates, 5 meets after rejection...)

N9: (OKC) 6 months RL, turned bad, lived together

N10: (EH) current BF of almost 16 months, living together

 

So 30% led to RL 6+ months, another 30% had potential...

[gimlynick]

Some extra statistics:

 

Dates that I fixed in real life that actually took place: 4

1 of those was sex on first date, she became a ****buddy

1 was kissing on first date and sex on second date, she was unexperienced so de did not go further

the 2 other ones I 'friendzoned' too quickly.

 

 

Online dating, I only have experience with tinder.

Tons of matches and like 6 or 7 actual dates

1 of those became my girlfriend ( relation stranded after 2 years )

3 other I had a couple of times regular sex with

the other ones were either me or her not interested ( from my part it was allways because she didn't look like her pics )

 

As advice I could say you this:

-Be self confident

-Be yourself

-Be honest

-Don't put on very high expectations

- Important: Don't talk too much before the first date via a virtual platform. It sucks. For me all the succesful first dates I organised within 5 days of first meeting or 'matching'.

 

Good luck, have fun and remember: every failure is a lesson learned. The more you fail the stronger you will be when you meet 'your' girl.

[Mjm1014]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. It's been stumping me lately why I've been on such a streak of bad luck, but it goes really all the way back to high school.

 

I was doing some thinking last night and something struck me...one of my best friends use to hang out all the time with me, and he was always say I look angry and even joke with me that I'm the angry man (even though I wasn't, I was actually enjoying myself and am rearely unhappy), then another friend would say the same thing to me. I'm actually a happy person but maybe I'm not smiling enough and giving an awkward/unhappy vibe and it's making me socially awkward. I'm going to try working on that and see if it changes anything.

 

Who really knows though, just wanted some feedback to see if anyone around my age (30) was having as much bad luck as myself esp when it comes to online dating and just dating in general.

 

Anyways happy 4th of July!!cheers

Edited July 4, 2016 by Mjm1014

[TheBathWater]

I used to be successful at OLD, and I'm your height and in my early thirties. I've gone out with, dated, been in relationships with, and slept with my share of women from OLD.

 

I say I "used to" be successful because it has really changed, even though I've become more attractive by all objective standards (physique, dress, education, income, career, hobbies, interests, etc...), I don't get as many dates. I used to date at least 1 per week. Now, maybe 1 per month or every two months. It's hard to say exactly what has changed, but my personal theory is that it's a couple of factors:

 

(1) OLD has become normalized due to the increasing presence of social media and the preference for communication through technology over face-to-face.

 

(2) Women get WAY WAY WAY more praise than ever before thanks to selfies and the various social media outlets. The result is that some are a 5 and think they deserve a guy like Adam Levine.

 

Put these two together, and you get more women on OLD who want praise (yes, some sign up for the ego boost), more options to choose from (making it harder to choose in the first place), and higher expectations of the guy you should match with.

 

Women used to sign up for OLD because it was a last effort for them. They were exhausted, tired of the games, and desperate to find "the one." Now, it's just another social media outlet, few take it seriously, and brief hookups are more of the rule than the exception. So what else might be happening is the same thing in real life - the bad boys who know how to play the system get all the poon, while the good guys who can provide get looked over.

 

In the last year or so, I've started meeting more women the OFW (old fashioned way ) and noticed it's a lot easier, and a lot more fun...maybe because approaching is less common now than OLD? I don't know. It's more unique, for sure. I keep an OLD account just in case lightning strikes, but I don't log in often or take it seriously anymore. Those days are near done for me, and I have no complaints. I was as frustrated as you are not long. These days I forget to check my OLD accounts most days because I'm not thinking about it.

 

The reality is that most online dates go absolutely nowhere. The first meeting is probably going to be a letdown, and most people who establish relationships (that I know of) don't even make it to the one-year mark. You tend to see the same people on OLD every year. The profiles stay the same, are usually poorly written with little information, but the profile picture that is updated each year looks a little older and a little sadder. It's pretty darn sad.

 

I also agree with what joseb asked before re: if you're escalating. You have got to be strong in the interaction and build sexual tension, and if she doesn't play along with you in the man/woman dance, walk away and find a woman who does like to dance. I'm not saying be aggressive and expect women to accept your advances, but be mindful and create more interactions with women that convey "I'm a sexual guy and you have my attention right now." Most of the world's greatest lovers were short and/or ugly, but they were highly sexual and knew how to talk to women. Have you ever read Casanova's memoirs?

 

I'd also suggest potentially stopping dating for a while and just practice building sexual tension with women. Forget about whether or not you'll ever see them again or if they'll still be interested tomorrow. That changed a lot for me, because now, I am better in my interactions at not giving a f**k and worrying I'll screw something up. I'm completely in the moment, having fun, and enjoying being a man in the presence of attractive women. Practice getting completely into the moment with women and finding the window for sexual tension with them. It's addictive, you'll get more women in your life who pursue YOU, and you'll never want to 'date' again...let alone OLD.

Edited July 4, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine

[kismetkismet]

It could be anything or just bad luck really - i think with OLD particularly tinder, people tend to go on lots of dates so the chances are that more of the dates aren't going to work out. Maybe try to be more specific on your profile so that the people you go out with are more likely to have more in common.

 

Also I'd probably list your height on tinder if you think it's the issue. That way you can weed out anyone that has an issue with that. It's not about the number of first dates you can get, so it's always best to be honest in your profile if you want to meet someone you actually match with.

 

For the record I'm 5"3 and my boyfriend is 5"7. 2 of my other serious boyfriends were around that height as well. Height has never affected my attraction to people because everyone is just varying degrees of taller than me. Whereas my friend who is 5"8 and insecure about her height thinks of being tall as an objectively attractive feature. I've also dated guys that are over 6 feet and it's kind of annoying, it still doesn't make them more or less attractive to me, but if anything it just makes their bodies not fit as well with mine it seems.

[kismetkismet]

oh also, when I did do OLD all of my dates were "successful" in that the guy wanted to keep dating me, and 90% of the time i was interested in at least going on a few more dates. But I also only every said yes to dates after talking to a guy for quite a while and feeling that we had a really good chance of connecting. Which was like.. 1 date in 4 months the last time i used OLD. I ended up meeting someone in real life that i'm with now though.. so maybe i'm not the best person for online dating advice haha.

[BrownEyedGurl1]

I get dates easily. Good quality relationships not so much. I go through phases where 90% of men want to see me again (that doesn't mean they are into me though, could be boredom, head games, cant be alone, on the rebound or wanting sex- I find a lot of guys string women along easier than I would to a man) and have had a few short phases where 50% want to see me again.

 

Ive dated men your height (I am 5'3 though) but if you are dating girls 5'6 and taller that might be the issue as most girls want a man taller.

 

If you are dating girls shorter than you, some of the rejections may be height related. I will tell you though shorter guys tend to be meeker and less confident or overcompensate in their personality for it (1 of the 2 shorter guys I dated was very meek and thats why I got turned off, and my gal friends have made comments about this). If you aren't doing either of these 2 things, it may be something else or you haven't met the right person

Edited July 5, 2016 by BrownEyedGurl1