Ablackm01 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I will start off by saying this girl I been with for two years now is amazing caring and loving person. I have never been this close to a women before. I regretfully got with her because I was hurt over my ex and had some personal problems at the time. I just was stressed to max, but that does not make what I did right in no way. The problem is I have never been sexually attracted to her and I feel so guilty for this. I don't know which was to turn because I don't want to loose someone I believe is the best thing for me but at the same time I want someone to love her for who she is she derserves that. I do know what I did was wrong so I don't need that to be mentioned, just honest advice thanks. Hopefully I can grow and learn from this to prevent it happening again. 1
leogirl876 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 If you're not wanting to be in a relationship with her, then you need to break up with her asap because you staying in stringing her along and possibly leading her to believe it will turn into marriage. If there's no spark now, there never will be and you're not doing her or yourself any favors for staying. 4
Author Ablackm01 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 Thanks for the advice. I wish there was some way to deal with the guilt. 1
spiderowl Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 How would you feel if she decided you weren't right for her and left? Would that make any difference to the attraction you feel for her? Just wondered. 1
Author Ablackm01 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 I am going threw that as we speak and idk if it's because if im scared to be alone are what, but i do think of how good she has treated me and the time we spent together 1
Jammer25 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 I am going threw that as we speak and idk if it's because if im scared to be alone are what, but i do think of how good she has treated me and the time we spent together I think it's even worse if you feel like you're staying with her for fear of being alone. At that point you're hanging on to the idea of a GF, rather than the woman herself. 2
Author Ablackm01 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 It's is bad and i know it's not right for someone to stay with someone just because they think they are scared to be alone. My head is telling me you miss her and she has done every thing for you and everything you could ask for beside not being sexually attracted beside the fact she has a beautiful face. But my insides are whispering run and idk why.
Redhead14 Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I will start off by saying this girl I been with for two years now is amazing caring and loving person. I have never been this close to a women before. I regretfully got with her because I was hurt over my ex and had some personal problems at the time. I just was stressed to max, but that does not make what I did right in no way. The problem is I have never been sexually attracted to her and I feel so guilty for this. I don't know which was to turn because I don't want to loose someone I believe is the best thing for me but at the same time I want someone to love her for who she is she derserves that. I do know what I did was wrong so I don't need that to be mentioned, just honest advice thanks. Hopefully I can grow and learn from this to prevent it happening again. Hopefully I can grow and learn from this to prevent it happening again. -- The only way this can happen is if you deal with the situation right now and do the right thing. Be honest and send her on her way to find the type of relationship that she deserves. One that is equal and balanced emotionally and physically. You aren't doing her any favors by keep up a charade. You are just her very close friend, not her "boyfriend". And, after you end this, take some time to reflect on your behavior and embrace the reasons for doing what you did. Then you can start searching for a mutually satisfying relationship with someonewith renewed ability to focus on your needs and those of another person in your life.
LJ9 Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Don't tell her it's because you aren't attracted to her. Find a different reason that won't ruin her self esteem. 5
stillafool Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Please, please break up with her. Don't be afraid because you will find another woman to love who you are sexually attracted to. You will relieve your guilt by breaking up with your current gf and setting her free to be wiht a man who truly desires her in all ways. You are being selfish and only thinking about your needs that's why you won't release her. You will be in constant guilt if you don't set this woman free to find true love. It's so wrong to waste someone's life which you are currently doing.
spiderowl Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 It's is bad and i know it's not right for someone to stay with someone just because they think they are scared to be alone. My head is telling me you miss her and she has done every thing for you and everything you could ask for beside not being sexually attracted beside the fact she has a beautiful face. But my insides are whispering run and idk why. What are your insides whispering to you exactly?
SoThatHappened Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Keep her. You both care about each other, and I can just see you running back to her the minute you regret your decision. She has a pretty face. That's something you can't fix if she wasn't pretty. Is she overweight then?
Orion39 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I think it's a great that you care for her and sounds as if you have made positive progress in your relationships. I wouldn't worry about your sexual attraction and focus on building your relationship with each other. It may be a good idea to talk to her, tell her how you feel, see what her thoughts are and focus on building your friendship/relationship.
KatZee Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Years ago I was dating a guy I had zero attraction for. I gave him a shot since all other good looking guys had treated me poorly. He was a good guy, and he tried hard, but no matter what I did, I just didn't find him attractive. I never wanted to be intimate with him, or have him touch me. He fell for me hard core. He was on the verge of proposing, which in and of itself was weird since at the end of our relationship it was blatantly obvious I wasn't in love and didn't find him attractive. I never wanted sex, or to kiss him or hold his hand. We were essentially roommates. It didn't end well. I started becoming very resentful of him, which made me super nasty to him, attitude, avoiding him, etc. The best thing I ever did for the both of us was break up with him. It's not fair to someone to be with them out of comfort, or fear of being alone, or familiarity, or because they treat you well. Sure, they treat you well, but you're not treating THEM well enough. The guilt, and the anxiety of being trapped in a marriage with him started giving me panic attacks, I started grinding my teeth in my sleep. Your guilt and feelings are only going to get worse, and it's not going to end well for you. Do the right thing, let her go to find someone who thinks she's the sexiest woman alive.
Ami1uwant Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I don't get shy peop,e even say this that were never attracted to them....why bother then. I am of the type that as I get to know someone and who they are, I get more attracted to them. Looks alone foes not drive attraction. 1
NIGHT1985 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 If you haven't grown attracted to her over time, it's just not gonna happen. As much as we hate to admit it, sex and sexual attraction are a huge part of a relationship. It sucks because she's so amazing to you and you probably hate the idea of her applying all of that to another guy, but it's for the best.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Fear of being alone is never a good reason to enter into a relationship and stay in one. Allow her to find someone that will actually love her. You're just getting your needs met, but because you're not attracted to her, you're probably not treating her as well as you should do. Most guys I have found that don't treat their girlfriends well are actually guys that aren't into them or attracted to them and are probably settling for them for lack of better options. Unfortunately if that becomes a repeated pattern throughout their lives, chances are the girl, will end up being with a guy that they're not into and the whole process is recycled. Don't ruin this girls self-esteem. Say you want different things and tell her that she deserves someone that truly wants to be with her. 1
Jabron1 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 How would you feel if she decided you weren't right for her and left? Would that make any difference to the attraction you feel for her? Just wondered. Being honest, from a man's point of view, he would be slightly relieved that he didn't have to do the dumping. He would also be a little butt hurt from the male ego - that would make him slightly more attacted (but not much). He should never have let it get this far, and he should rectify this ASAP. He just isn't feeling it. He needs to explore his options more properly. That's the truth.
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 She was the rebound and like many rebounds she will get very hurt, when she gets dumped. You were hurt and upset over your ex, and grabbed the first girl that showed up. BUT dating should not be about just "making do", it is about finding people who we are compatible with and who tick most of our boxes. Sex is very important in relationships, and if you have no attraction for her now, how on earth will that ever work in the future? A sexless marriage, cheating on both sides maybe, little kids stuck in the middle of unhappy people, divorce, hurt, anger and resentment... Let her go, relationships are difficult enough, without adding a fundamental lack of sexual attraction to the mix. 1
Cayemmo Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Your lady friend sounds like a great girl. Have you ever expressed to her how you really feel about her? Do you think it would be a good idea to be open and honest with your girlfriend about how you feel? You mentioned that you don't want to end the relationship because you're afraid to be alone. I use to struggle a lot with feelings of loneliness when I wasn't in a relationship. I'm so sorry you feel this way. Times like this can be unbearable. But it's so nice to know that you had your girlfriend to get you through those tough times. Though these periods of loneliness are bleak and difficult. To be honest, the only thing that got me through those moments of despair, was my relationship with Jesus. I don't know if you know Jesus, but I've personally discovered that there is value in times of solitude because in these quiet moments you can choose to run into the arms of Jesus and openly cry out to Him over the turmoil within your heart. God hears your misery and sees you even when we feel unnoticed. I'd encourage you to take comfort in the knowledge that Jesus, being fully God and fully man, experienced the ultimate feeling of isolation. He was forsaken (because of OUR sin and OUR guilt and was nailed shamelessly on the cross...for you) so we never have to be. He loves you so much. Do you know that? When you feel lonely, it’s important to remember that you are NOT forgotten. Once you allow Jesus to take the wheel in your life-journey you can always access direct relationship with God. You can depend on God because He is so faithful and He is EVERYTHING you need. Satan, on the other hand, uses isolation to fill our heads with lies. That's actually what you are experiencing when you say "But my insides are whispering run." Satan would rather you hurt this girl to her core than to be completely honest and truthful. But friend you need to refute those lies by inviting God into your situation and speaking the truth in love. God wants the best for you and your girlfriend. I'd encourage you to think of what's best for your girlfriend and what's best for you to have peace. You may want to consider some way to apologize for starting a relationship on false pretences. And if you've been physically intimate with this girl simply to fill an empty void, you might seriously want to consider apologizing for using her this way. It seems as though you care a lot about this girl. It's best that you allow her to hear your heart. She may even respect you for being honest. I pray that you'll depend on God to sustain you because He cares so much about you friend, and promises to never leave you when you invite him into your heart and your situation. If you don't believe that He's real...I dare you to just say "Jesus, I need you..." and express exactly what's on your heart to Him. I wish you the best and pray that God will give you wisdom as to how to move forward. God bless!
Robert Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 It's been a few days since the threadstarter has been on the site, so we'll close this up until they return. They can request this thread be reopened via the 'Alert Us' button on this post. Thanks, ~6
Author Ablackm01 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Posted July 16, 2017 Well it's been a year and did break up with her and have meet a amazing women that I am 100% happy with thanks guys for the advice 3
grays Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 Thats great. How did she take it and how is she doing now?
Author Ablackm01 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Posted July 16, 2017 Well it was rough at first but she got better met this guy she was talking to before me and they are in engaged couldn't be happier for them 1
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