brokengirl88 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 My ex BF of one year broke up with me almost 1 month ago. We lived together and I have gotten all of my things from his house. Things were pretty rocky between us for the last 4 months of our relationship due to major trust issues on my end and his narcissistic personality and lying repeatedly. (Lying about financial things, porn, texting other females etc) I was his first serious relationship and first girl he lived with. He is 26 and I am 27. He was very rude and said hurtful things when he ended things with me saying he’s not in love with me and hasn’t felt the same about me in months. He told me he basically wants to be able to talk and sleep with whoever he wants. I cried a little bit but did not beg him to stay with me like I have in the past when he tried to end things. Prior to this break up.. He would tell me he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship or be tied down. And that I was "holding him back". (Although not sure on what because he couldn't give me examples) but I would cry/ beg him to try and work on things so he agreed but nothing ever changed. I know I should have listened to him when he said he didn't want to be committed, I guess I thought I could make things better on my end and make him want to stay. I am extremely heartbroken and don’t really know how to cope with all of this. I'm a very loving, generous and affectionate person and he seems to only love himself and was very selfish and would not compromise at all in our relationship or do the little things I desired. He wasn't like this in the beginning. He pursued me for weeks and I was very hesitant to give him a chance because of his past. He told me he used to be a player and I warned him I had trust issues because I had been cheated on in all but one of my serious past relationships. He said he knew he would never hurt me and he would do whatever it takes to be with me and would work with me on my insecurities. I am also really emotional and take things to heart so towards the end of our relationship I was crying almost everyday if he was acting different or rude. I was very insecure because I had caught him texting other girls, looking up his ex and other woman on social media and googling weird things like girls in our city with "big asses"..... He kept telling me he can't be the man I want and I need to be with a guy who can love me the way I deserve. I do agree I don't think I deserve to be treated with such disrespect but I also don't want anyone else. I don't think i will ever find someone I'll love that much. We had really minimal contact the first 2 weeks post break up and it mostly was about our bills etc. He did send a text saying he wishes things could have been different and I was the realist thing he's ever had in his life and left some BS note saying he wishes me the best and maybe one day in the future things could be different but for Now this is for the best and he wants to "do him". (Which I am not falling for the in the future crap... What's done is done I don't plan on reliving this pain he's put me through.) But literally one day after our break up he was already out partying, talking bad about me to his friends/ family and getting with other girls. I don't understand how he can move on so quickly like I never meant anything to him. I'm having a hard time accepting that I meant so little to him when I gave him everything. I feel like he's just happy as can be and living it up not hurt at all. I feel like I have a lot to offer but him rejecting me has made me feel worthless. I have moved back into my parents house which is an hour and a half from my work but I am afraid to live on my own right now because I am hurting so much. I have gone through a few break ups of relationships lasting much longer than a year but, this one hurts the most and I don't understand why. I have blocked him on all social media and we haven't spoken in 2 and a half weeks. I don't have the urge to talk or text him or even see what he's up to as I already mentally have accepted what he's doing and me actually seeing it will only make me hurt worse. I have been hanging out with my friends , working out etc but when I think about dating or even ever being intimate with another guy it makes me Physically sick to my stomach. And I can't help but picture my ex basically sleeping with every girl he can find. and replacing me so fast. if anyone has any tips or advice as to how I can make move on from this, please share! Sorry this is so long and thank you for reading!
Satu Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Sorry that you're hurting. I'm very glad that you are not going to make the mistake of dating so soon. Concentrate on cultivating your Sense of Agency: "Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behaviour are important. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be psychologically stable, yet resilient or flexible, in the face of conflict or change." Also maintain your self-nurturing behaviours: Are you eating healthily? Are you drinking enough water? Are you exercising? Are you spending time with other people, family and friends? Are you getting out of the house enough? Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol? Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment? Are you keeping up with your responsibilities? Those are the things you need to do before you do anything else. You will be OK. It just takes a little time to get there. Take care.
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