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Struggling with GF's weight gain

nyfan1992

By nyfan1992
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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

I think the "weight" change really has nothing to do with what the OP is actiually discovering. It's a relaitonship that is has run it's course. He is confused about his loss of feelings and figures it's because of her weight. It's a natural progression, that sometime confuses people. A relaitonship can just get old regardless. Sure there are feelings of love, but not in love. The honeymoon phase is over, it's not what it was like in the beginning. It happens. We all know we all change as we go through life. What we look like, how we feel about things, our priorities change etc. If you don't have a lot in common and don't share different passions/interests it won't last for the long haul. The relationship is done and it's time to move on.....simple as that.

 

I doubt very highly it would recover if she got back to fighting weight. You can change what the scale says but you can't change feelings. it is what it is.

  • Like 3
thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted
Well, when I was 23, I weighed well over 300 lbs. I'm now 35 and weigh less than half of that. Also, my mother is in her 70s and has recently lost 60 pounds. So, I personally don't think anything should be assumed, weight-wise, about anyone.

 

And, while he may not have called her a "trophy" GF in his initial post, he does say that in post #94.

 

Good for you....but I bet its not just "fluctuating" weight gain that explains it.....

 

I don't know you from Adam, but id bet anything You had to put a ton of effort into it, and probably still need to be careful...Like I said...good for you..:)

 

As far as the second part of your statement, well...fair enough, I didn't read the whole thread...But again, its probably wise to accept the initial post as the true feelings about it...I mean, that's why he started the thread, no??

 

TFY

tinkerbell16 Established Member

tinkerbell16

Posted
Posted
My mom is a nutrionist so her entire life is dedicated to healthy eating and exercise. Probably the reason why she is so critical of weight gain. Also my sister is incredibly critical of me so there's that. I don't mean to make out my family to be terrible people. They're not. They're extremely loving to me and want the best for me which is a big reason why I feel immense pressure for them to approve of my girlfriend. To be honest, I felt like a failure when they criticized her.

 

I am a size 2... very much into fitness and my son's girlfriend is on the heavy side. I have NEVER commented to him anything about her weight. It doesn't concern me. My role as his mother is to show him how he should treat her, women and people in general for that matter... that's it. He picked her for his reasons and I respect that. She is a lovely girl. She is kind, intelligent, driven, funny, treats my son well. He is lucky to have her. I can't imagine telling my son he could do better based on looks... or even insinuating that.

  • Like 5
losangelena Established Member

losangelena

Posted
Posted
Good for you....but I bet its not just "fluctuating" weight gain that explains it.....

 

I don't know you from Adam, but id bet anything You had to put a ton of effort into it, and probably still need to be careful...Like I said...good for you..:)

 

As far as the second part of your statement, well...fair enough, I didn't read the whole thread...But again, its probably wise to accept the initial post as the true feelings about it...I mean, that's why he started the thread, no??

 

TFY

 

Yes, I do still have to be careful, but I would say that for many people, after a certain age, that's life, right? Maybe a svelte figure comes naturally to some, but I don't know many 40+ who have the same lifestyles as they had as a 20-something.

 

As far as OP not feeling attracted to his GF, I think it's been interesting to find out where that's coming from. It seems like in his situation, his family's input is significant. I mean, yes, her weight gain could definitely be a part of it, but it seems as if he didn't really "notice" it until someone said something about it, and now that he's "seen" it, he's having trouble unseeing it. Should his family be a reliable barometer? They sound very critical, so I don't know. That's something only OP can decide.

 

I think though that a lot of first or young relationships don't survive, no matter how "good" they are, so at the end of the day, I don't think the world would crumble if this doesn't survive. Regardless, I think this is a great opportunity for OP to try and disconnect from his family's expectations of him and live his own life.

  • Like 4
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

I also weigh 20lbs less in my 30s than I did in my 20s. My mum is 65 and has been within 5kgs of her weight in her 20s all her life. She has remained the same size.

 

Our metabolism only slows down by around 2.5% every 10 years, which really isn't that much. Saying that if someone is chubby in her 20s is going to be obese as they get older is ridiculous.

Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

Posted
Posted

This brings back tragic memories when i was in my late teens. I had an eating disorder, looked rail thin, but because my boyfriend loved thin woman, he didn't say anything only mentioned how hot I looked.

 

When the doctors said I was underweight, suddenly my friends telling him about their concerns about my dramatic weight loss shocked him a little, because they were right.

 

He saw me pick at my food, and eat less than half of what was put on my plate but accepted my excuses.

 

When I got down to 110 pounds, and was asked by doctors to steadily put on weight, he was supportive but not emotionally supportive.

 

Except when I did get to a healthy weight again, suddenly he grew less and less interested in me and decided to walk away.

 

It's very normal for young guys to prefer thin woman, as that's what they see and what their friends have and see, but as woman grow it's natural for some woman to flesh out. I am not naturally going to sustain 110 pounds, unless I want a serious eating disorder.

 

The thing you have to accept, is that woman naturally flesh out. If you love everything else about your girlfriend but you are not attracted to her " healthy weight' ( 160 is not big) I would say there are bigger things at hand, like the unrealistic body expectations you place on woman.

LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

Posted
Posted

I've read very little of the posts on this thread but I would say that if your gf's weight is an issue for you, you need to resolve the issue or break up with her.

 

Not all, but most, women will become heavier as they age.

 

Besides, you're losing your attraction for her now, not based on speculation of what she'll look like as she ages.

 

I have known guys who've only wanted to date a skinny woman. In my opinion they're best off sticking with dating a skinny woman. There are guys who happen to like a heavier woman. In my view they're best off dating heavy women as a skinny woman just won't do it for them.

 

Most of us only date those we're attracted to no matter how good a personality the person has. I know I do. Why should you be any different?

 

There are lots of guys with great personalities I'm not attracted to. To date and/or marry them would be doing them, as well as myself, a disservice.

 

Don't listen to those who say you're shallow. You can't help who you're attracted to.

 

Sounds as if your gf is a wonderful woman! You're doing her no favors by staying with her if you aren't physically attracted to her anymore for whatever reasons.

  • Like 2
NVO Established Member

NVO

Posted
Posted (edited)
I am a size 2... very much into fitness and my son's girlfriend is on the heavy side. I have NEVER commented to him anything about her weight. It doesn't concern me. My role as his mother is to show him how he should treat her, women and people in general for that matter... that's it. He picked her for his reasons and I respect that. She is a lovely girl. She is kind, intelligent, driven, funny, treats my son well. He is lucky to have her. I can't imagine telling my son he could do better based on looks... or even insinuating that.

 

I'm also having trouble with his statement. 'Extremely loving' but 'incredibly critical'. He also 'feels immense pressure' to please his family. Doesn't sound like extremely loving to me. It's disqualifying someone based on their looks.

 

Extremely loving is the kind of behavior that you describe. And it's exactly how I would be raising my kids.

Edited by NVO
  • Like 2
joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted

Ok, OP, I think you need to ask yourself some honest questions

 

Are you still in love with your gf?

Do you still find her attractive?

Did you notice her weight gain before you family said something about this?

 

Cause 10 lbs isn't a lot...I was sure you said it was 30 in an earlier post, but I must be wrong.

 

I guess you are young, but you seem to care way way too much about what others think. I've never once had any of my family critise any of my gfs...perhaps one or two deserved it :) but if they did I've have told them where to stick it.

  • Like 3
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