pagey1711 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Okay, yesterday morning my boyfriend (26yo) of 8 months broke up with me (23yo) because he 'needs to find himself'. He told me that he still loves me and wants to be with me, but doesn't know who he is as a person and needs to find that out. He said that he was breaking up with me to protect me? and that he cant give me everything when he hasnt given himself everything. I dont understand how he can in one breath say he loves me, and in the next, dump me. Ive felt that things have been a little off with him, and when I ask if everything is okay with us he says yes, and cant imagine spending his life with anyone else. So why end things? cant he find himself without officially ending it? To make matters worse we live together in his apartment. The living situation came about 2 months after we started dating because my family was moving overseas (really early in the relationship I know, but it was his idea and we got on so well). He is currently staying at his parents for a 'few nights' while I stay in his place. To add even more fuel to the fire I lost my main job a month ago because of building redevelopments, so I cant even afford to rent my own place... It is assumed that I will move in with my grandparents who are both 80, as they are the only family I have in the country. The apartment has 2 bedroom/ensuits and one large common lounge/dining/kitchen area. Should i suggest moving into the other room? or will that make things worse? especially when he wants space to find himself. I just cant live with my grandparents as a long term solution. How long do you think he will take to find himself? When asked he said he cant put a time on it... Do you think he will come back to me? I just have no idea what to do! Thankyou for all our help sorry if its a little scatty and hard to understand
Buddhist Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Okay, yesterday morning my boyfriend (26yo) of 8 months broke up with me (23yo) because he 'needs to find himself'. He told me that he still loves me and wants to be with me, but doesn't know who he is as a person and needs to find that out. He said that he was breaking up with me to protect me? and that he cant give me everything when he hasnt given himself everything. I dont understand how he can in one breath say he loves me, and in the next, dump me. Ive felt that things have been a little off with him, and when I ask if everything is okay with us he says yes, and cant imagine spending his life with anyone else. So why end things? cant he find himself without officially ending it? Okay, 26yr olds don't feel the need to 'find themselves' unless of course they are staring down the barrel of some kind of commitment that is scaring the hell out of them. This is guy speak for, this relationship has become a lot more serious than I really bargained on when we first started dating. We're living together now, it's getting too much like a married couple situation. I like you, a lot, which is why I don't want you to blame yourself for this. But I'm too young to settle down and I need to go find myself [in bed with many more women before I'm willing to commit to a lifetime] of the same person. To make matters worse we live together in his apartment. The living situation came about 2 months after we started dating .... it was his idea and we got on so well). Too much too fast. Of course it was his idea, all he could think about was how easy the sex was going to be with you right there every single night. But the reality is that living with someone isn't beer and skittles. It's not like just seeing each other a couple of ties a week. Its gets into married couple territory really fast. How long do you think he will take to find himself? When asked he said he cant put a time on it... Probably the rest of his 20's possibly his early 30's too. Do you think he will come back to me? I just have no idea what to do! No. He is waiting for you to move out so he can back to single life. I'm sorry honey but this guy is just not ready for a live-in situation. He's feeling restricted and weighed down by looming longterm relationship responsibility. He wants to be single and free to sleep with lots of different women. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Whatever you do, do not continue living with him. It will become very uncomfortable and if said he needs space, you need to respect that and leave his home. I realize it's not ideal, but you should move in with your grandparents until you get back on your feet, financially. I think this is a case of too much, too soon. You two zoomed past the courtship stage and into the living-like-a-married-couple stage which generally doesn't work well. He isn't ready for a bigger commitment at this point in his life. Don't wait around for him to "find himself." There's absolutely no way to predict how long that might take or if he is even being honest about that. Chances are that he just doesn't feel the same way anymore but doesn't want to hurt you. Start making arrangements to move out. This is the best possible step for you right now. Hanging around in his home and hoping he changes his mind is going to hurt you in the end.
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