TheBathWater Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 (edited) There was a woman from OLD who I talked to on the phone about a month ago. On paper, it seemed like a great match. Once we got on the phone, she seemed really cold, would not give out a single detail about herself, but I gave it the benefit of doubt that she was just cautious. Ten minutes into the conversation I suggest we meet up and she says no, which is fine, but I was curious as to what shifted from profile impression to phone impression for her and she wouldn't say. But we knew we would still probably meet one day, because we go dancing at the same salsa club, so it ended with an "okay, nice chat, and maybe see you around one day anyway." So tonight, one month later, I literally bumped into this woman at the club. I figured I'd ask her to dance since she basically walked right into me and was in my space. It's her. I didn't even realize it until we started dancing. We're dancing and I bring up that I think we talked on the phone a month ago. She was polite and whatnot, but seemed really turned off. Mind you, I'm not trying to pick her up anymore, just being friendly and having fun. I asked her dance again a couple of hours later before I was going to leave the club, and she flat out said "no, I'm not interested." I was tempted to ask her why the attitude, and why we couldn't just be friendly and have a dance for the sake of being social (by the way, it's a salsa club), but I saw no point in even trying to talk to her. She was acting just as distant, cold, and unfriendly with no trace of rationale as she was on the phone. And I knew I'd get no explanation, just like on the phone. So, I just smiled and told her to have a good night. So, I am TOTALLY baffled by this. Like, I literally have no idea what it was about an innocuous phone conversation a month ago that makes her so repulsed by me. The only thing I can possibly think of is that it turns out we have very different religious backgrounds (she's Jewish, I practice buddhism), but she was dancing with LOTS of people tonight who I'm sure are not her religion. Why the heck would someone act this way? Why would she dance with any guy who asks her basically, but not me? Can anyone else see why this would totally throw a guy off? I'm not even into her; I just can't stop thinking about it because it seems so bizarre. And to act so cold. If we hadn't talked on the phone a month ago, she probably would have danced with me several times tonight as a friend. Any insight (besides the obvious "she just isn't into you") would be greatly appreciated. Edited July 3, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine
spiderowl Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Don't know, very strange. Were you sexually suggestive in any way on the phone? If so, that might have put her off. For some reason, guys seem to think if you agree to speak on the phone you are happy for them to say all sorts of things they wouldn't say to someone they had just met. People can be put off for all sorts of reasons, but it is equally possible she's just a cold kind of person and has put lots of guys off.
IslandDude Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I don't know what happened with the phone call but no matter how innocent or accidental the club situation was she is thinking you are stalking/following her now. After the cold phone call why would you want to be friendly with her? If you see her again at the club I would just ignore her. 1
Dis Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Oh I'm sorry you had to deal with that hun Honestly I have no idea what was going on in her mind....I think something may have happened during the phone call or before and she got turned off...then at the club when you reminded her of that...she got turned off again But really hun...you seem really sweet...seems like you're friendly and have great manners So please dont waste another minute thinking about this woman...she honestly seems like a huge b****....her response was very rude. She'll probably be OLD for a long while with an attitude like that. She doesnt deserve to occupy your thoughts. As for the religious differences...if a woman (or a man) would treat another human with such indifference based on conflicting religious beliefs....they're not worth a second of your time You'll never know what turned her off....all you can do is know you deserve wayyyyy better. Go focus on finding someone that will show you warmth and kindness...Thats what you deserve
Author TheBathWater Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 Don't know, very strange. Were you sexually suggestive in any way on the phone? If so, that might have put her off. For some reason, guys seem to think if you agree to speak on the phone you are happy for them to say all sorts of things they wouldn't say to someone they had just met. People can be put off for all sorts of reasons, but it is equally possible she's just a cold kind of person and has put lots of guys off. Nope, not sexually suggestive at all. From what I remember, I was in a pretty good mood, feeling good about life, and curious about who is on the other line with me. Pretty much right from the start she seemed cold. She did seem friendly when we first started dancing tonight, until we realized we talked to each other on the phone a month ago, and then her demeanor changed. Crazy!
ThugLifing Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Sometimes in dating you don't get to know exactly why the other person becomes uninterested. My guesses are: 1.) She didn't think the conversation with you was interesting or she just didn't vibe with you. 2.) She didn't like something you said. 3.) Your different religions. 4.) She was into someone else. Don't sweat it, just move on. Trying to probe for an answer only looks creepy. 1
Author TheBathWater Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 I don't know what happened with the phone call but no matter how innocent or accidental the club situation was she is thinking you are stalking/following her now. After the cold phone call why would you want to be friendly with her? If you see her again at the club I would just ignore her. If she thinks that, she's nuts. She knew I danced there. We talked about it through email and on phone. I also just literally moved around the corner from that club, which she knew I was going to do, and so the likelihood we would see each other one day was obvious to both of us. I'm kind of friendly with everyone. I would have kept dancing with her as a friend, no problem. I dance with a new girl every song. Maybe I figured since it was no longer a romantic prospect on both ends that we could just be social and dance like everyone else. But I do agree with your thinking on just ignoring her if I see her again. Man, I really just wish I knew. It makes no sense to me, and it's probably going to stay that way.
Author TheBathWater Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 Don't sweat it, just move on. Trying to probe for an answer only looks creepy. Exactly why I let her go on the phone, and then just walked away tonight.
Buddhist Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I can only imagine something was said during that 10min conversation to cause this. She had no trouble inviting you to chat to her, until that conversation then it all went curt. She also had no trouble dancing with you until it was revealed that you are 'that' guy. There's just no other reason for it. It may not have been anything seemingly important that was said. Just something triggered a big red flag in her brain and that's it, no dice. 5
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I can only imagine something was said during that 10min conversation to cause this. She had no trouble inviting you to chat to her, until that conversation then it all went curt. She also had no trouble dancing with you until it was revealed that you are 'that' guy. There's just no other reason for it. It may not have been anything seemingly important that was said. Just something triggered a big red flag in her brain and that's it, no dice. I agree, you must have said something pretty bad before you got that severe reaction. She was not amused, and it was obviously not negotiable or forgiveable either. nor had she regretted her coldness on hindsight. What were you talking about?
MidwestUSA Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I agree, you must have said something pretty bad before you got that severe reaction. She was not amused, and it was obviously not negotiable or forgiveable either. nor had she regretted her coldness on hindsight. What were you talking about? Perhaps the convo turned to farting while dating? How many dates in can you let one rip? What's an appropriate response? I don't know. Something does indeed stink.
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I agree, you must have said something pretty bad before you got that severe reaction. She was not amused, and it was obviously not negotiable or forgiveable either. nor had she regretted her coldness on hindsight. What were you talking about? Sometimes it's not what you said that turned them off. Sometimes these online people are just nut jobs, plain and simple. 2
Author TheBathWater Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 What were you talking about? I asked her to tell me something interesting about herself. She froze and said, no, you first. Was cold right away. I told her about how I was moving to a new city soon and my interest in meditation. This didn't help her to open up. She kept asking about me and avoiding saying really anything. I figured she was really cold or really shy. So I asked her out to see, and that's when she said no, we're not a match. It was like she heard my voice for the first time and decided no before we even really talked. Very strange.
introverted1 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Sometimes it's not what you said that turned them off. Sometimes these online people are just nut jobs, plain and simple. Consider yourself lucky, Tuna. Bullet dodged.
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I asked her to tell me something interesting about herself. She froze and said, no, you first. Was cold right away. I told her about how I was moving to a new city soon and my interest in meditation. This didn't help her to open up. She kept asking about me and avoiding saying really anything. I figured she was really cold or really shy. So I asked her out to see, and that's when she said no, we're not a match. It was like she heard my voice for the first time and decided no before we even really talked. Very strange. OK she may be shy and closed up, sounds a bit like it, but if she was looking for a LTR, then you moving to another city rules you out right away and she then probably saw you as a waste of her time.
Author TheBathWater Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 OK she may be shy and closed up, sounds a bit like it, but if she was looking for a LTR, then you moving to another city rules you out right away and she then probably saw you as a waste of her time. No, I was moving much closer. Back then we lived 50 miles apart, and now 5.
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I asked her to tell me something interesting about herself. She froze and said, no, you first. Was cold right away. I told her about how I was moving to a new city soon and my interest in meditation. This didn't help her to open up. She kept asking about me and avoiding saying really anything. I figured she was really cold or really shy. So I asked her out to see, and that's when she said no, we're not a match. It was like she heard my voice for the first time and decided no before we even really talked. Very strange. Your voice, bingo! Voices are super important, they are to me! I would imagine for other women too. For me, I am extremely audio-oriented, more so than visually, and a man's voice can literally make it or break it .... and I know immediately. In fact, when I did on line dating many years back (just started it again but haven't talked to anyone on phone yet), I could have a great text exchange with a guy, then as soon as I heard his voice be turned off. There was no particular reason for it, no rhyme or reason, just got a certain vibe from the voice that wasn't appealing to me. My friends all gave me a hard time about it, but I know myself, and when something turns me off, I'm done. She may be the same, unless she has some weird aversion to Buddhism, that's all I can think of.
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 (edited) No, I was moving much closer. Back then we lived 50 miles apart, and now 5. LOL, which may have been the problem! She actually would have preferred you live further away, she likes her space! Seriously though, it really could have been anything Tuna, no sense in wracking your brain trying to figure. Does it really matter? You said you weren't that into her anyway. Call me crazy, but you sound hurt.... or maybe it was the sting of rejection? Which knowing you doesn't happen very often!!!! Edited July 3, 2016 by katiegrl
Author TheBathWater Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 Does it really matter? You said you weren't that into her anyway. Call me crazy, but you sound hurt.... or maybe it was the sting of rejection? Which knowing you doesn't happen very often!!!! It's definitely not about the girl; it's the not-knowing. It's about me and my ego At least if I knew why the rejection, I could have perspective.
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 It's definitely not about the girl; it's the not-knowing. It's about me and my ego At least if I knew why the rejection, I could have perspective. I know I get it but often times why someone rejects makes no logical sense. I know whenever I rejected a guy cuz I sensed something negative by his voice, got a bad vibe ( for ME)...I wasn't basing that on logic but on a feeling, a gut feeling. How does one explain that? I got bad feeling after hearing your voice? That sounds a bit psycho on its face, but to me, it makes total sense! Try not to take it too personally, it was her issue not yours! Maybe your voice sounded like her abusive ex, who knows!! Or maybe she is a commitment phobe who prefers guys live far away. Or had a few guys who lived closer suffocate her. Again it could be anything!
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 No, I was moving much closer. Back then we lived 50 miles apart, and now 5. OK so not that then.
preraph Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 This is why texting is such crap communication. You can tell so much more on the phone but mainly in person. In texting and online communication people tend to have a persona different from their real in-person self. It is possible her being Jewish and you not had to do with it. It's more likely she didn't like your personality on the phone. Sorry. Someone will who's better suited.
Author TheBathWater Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 I know whenever I rejected a guy cuz I sensed something negative by his voice, got a bad vibe ( for ME)...I wasn't basing that on logic but on a feeling, a gut feeling. I do understand the voice perspective. I recently had the same experience. I met a woman from OLD who talked with a deep, slow voice and had flat facial affect. Pretty much everything the opposite of sexy to me in a woman.
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I do understand the voice perspective. I recently had the same experience. I met a woman from OLD who talked with a deep, slow voice and had flat facial affect. Pretty much everything the opposite of sexy to me in a woman. And another guy may love a deep throaty voice and find it incredibly sexy! So there ya go....it's all subjective!
Author TheBathWater Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 And another guy may love a deep throaty voice and find it incredibly sexy! So there ya go....it's all subjective! I still slept with her anyway though
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