MzLady Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 You definitely need some space from your ex. He sounds like he's going through a lot of ups and downs and he's taking you with him for the downs. You already have enough on your plate dealing with the breakup.. you don't need him to keep throwing salt in your wounds and you'll never be able to heal as long as you keep in contact. Don't let him make you miserable anymore. I know you still care for him.. feelings don't just disappear, but you should get yourself into the frame mind that the relationship is over, and you need to start the recovery process. One day, when the thought of your ex doesn't make you sad, maybe you can be friends. But not right now. Space and NC are going to help you start the healing process. I wish you the best of luck.
nns91 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Oddly enough, it seems to me that you and I have such a similar mindset when it comes to this "sparky" stuff. I agree that eventually the spark has to slightly diminish as you transition into a supportive and understanding relationship that will be long-lasting. My ex stated that we lost our spark but I can't help but wonder if it was because of his lack of effort that eventually diminished the spark or if its because he's not mature enough to understand that most of the spontaneity of a relationship occurs during the early phases of the relationship (aka honeymoon phase)? How have you been lately and how is your progress thus far? Yeah, she has told me that she easily get bored of things....I guess she needs the spark to keep her going. She told me that it was because she did not actually love me because if she did she would have put more effort.... Point being that it does not matter anymore. We can sit here all day long trying to understand what happened. However, only our exes know why. If you want to wonder about why things happened, please do it. It will get to the point you accept reality and try to move on. In other words, don't try to avoid the crappy moments. I try to bounce my thoughts off of my friends. It actually helps because it allows you to hear yourself. Your friends can give you their opinions as well. I have been doing better now that it has been over a month. I am not trying to contact her in any way. I am not stalking her on FB either. I am trying to enjoy meeting new people. I am opening up myself when I talk to girls these days. As a matter of fact, I have just met a girl that I can enjoy lengthy conversations with. I am not afraid of showing my interest anymore. Meeting this person just reminds me that there are people out there that appreciate my company. I actually feel great around her (Conversations with her were the most fun I have had in a while). My friend told me that she definitely likes me too. I don't know where this interaction/new connection is going because of distance but I have been talking to her everyday. Hang in there my friend! Open yourself up to people and who knows what might happen
Author hakuna matata Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 Yeah, she has told me that she easily get bored of things....I guess she needs the spark to keep her going. She told me that it was because she did not actually love me because if she did she would have put more effort.... Point being that it does not matter anymore. We can sit here all day long trying to understand what happened. However, only our exes know why. If you want to wonder about why things happened, please do it. It will get to the point you accept reality and try to move on. In other words, don't try to avoid the crappy moments. I try to bounce my thoughts off of my friends. It actually helps because it allows you to hear yourself. Your friends can give you their opinions as well. I have been doing better now that it has been over a month. I am not trying to contact her in any way. I am not stalking her on FB either. I am trying to enjoy meeting new people. I am opening up myself when I talk to girls these days. As a matter of fact, I have just met a girl that I can enjoy lengthy conversations with. I am not afraid of showing my interest anymore. Meeting this person just reminds me that there are people out there that appreciate my company. I actually feel great around her (Conversations with her were the most fun I have had in a while). My friend told me that she definitely likes me too. I don't know where this interaction/new connection is going because of distance but I have been talking to her everyday. Hang in there my friend! Open yourself up to people and who knows what might happen I'm so glad to hear you are getting back into the groove of things and you have potentially acquired a new love interest! How have things been with the new girl? Over the course of these past couple of days, I have finally cut off that false hope I've been giving to myself. I know (judging from my ex's actions) that we are completely over for good as much as it saddens me. I wish I had the stroke of luck you had in being able to meet someone new so confidently but I know that I still need to do some more healing as well.
nns91 Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 I'm so glad to hear you are getting back into the groove of things and you have potentially acquired a new love interest! How have things been with the new girl? Over the course of these past couple of days, I have finally cut off that false hope I've been giving to myself. I know (judging from my ex's actions) that we are completely over for good as much as it saddens me. I wish I had the stroke of luck you had in being able to meet someone new so confidently but I know that I still need to do some more healing as well. Things have been great! Mainly just enjoying each other's company. It just sucks that we are separated by distance. That's why I am not sure if she is up for it. I know she is going to relocate within the next year so maybe? yeah self-healing is important. If I was not healed enough, I would have never been able to talk to this person and take interest in her. Actually, last year, when my ex dumped me to be with another guy, a girl actually took interest in me very strongly. However, I was not healed to be able to take interest in that girl. I was considering myself to be in a relationship even though I got dumped already. My friend, you will be there! I can't say how long it will take. However, just open yourself to people. Things will come your way like that. Do whatever you have to get over this person. It's easier said than done but day by day, things will be better. I will soon get into a bad dilemma because my ex's mum wants us to have a talk to solve problems she thinks it was my fault that I was not sensitive enough to read her daughter's mind
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