ThisisIt606 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 #1) We started talking via Bumble. He sent me his number and asked me to meet up. On wednesday we texted and picked Saturday and a bar/restaurant. I don't hear from him since that Wednesday's text convo. Saturday AM, afternoon, and early evening roll around... then at 6:44pm he texts "Happy 4th weekend! Are we still on for tonight?" ^ I'm thinking on for what?... he never told me a time. I responded " I didn't hear a time from you sooner so I unfortunately made plans with a friend :/ have a good rest of the 4th weekend!" ( I actually blocked him after this... only bc I really wasn't interested in rescheduling. I also found his fb and his pictures there I found to be less attractive/very different from Bumble) Is this the "norm" now for guys to confirm so late?? What do you all generally say to these late/night of confirmations? 2) Another bumble guy. We texted back and forth and he sent me his number, asked me if I wanted to meet up that evening for drinks as he was going to be at the beach during the day. Normally I say no to same day plans... but I accepted as I had plans during the day, but nothing at night. We agreed to meet in a park and then get drinks. He texted me about 7pm saying he's on a very slow train so "no park". Asked me if I wanted to meet his friends instead. I replied saying "thanks for the invite, but I'm not comfortable meeting a group of people I don't know" He said he understood and asked my availability for other days this week. I told him I was free monday after 5. So we planned on that. (loose again) Any thoughts on how to proceed with guy #2?
juniorrocha Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 OLD is a bish. There are girls like that too. They're always waiting for us to message them, but they can go days not sending a 'hi'. I suppose it has to be reciprocated. About guy #1: why didn't you send him a message asking what time you guys would meet? Don't wait on guys all the time, make moves as well. About guy #2: same as #1. If you need more information, you could ask. On Monday, text him some time and ask him, if he doesn't get in touch with you before. If he asked for your free days to schedule something else, it means he's interested. 2
JewelD Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I wouldn't call either of those 'flaking'. Flaking would be if they made plans with you and blew you off or disappeared. Sounds like you're upset they're not going about things in the specific way you want them to. It's okay to compromise on certain things, doesn't sound like either guy was being particularly inconsiderate towards you. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 (edited) To answer the question in your OP, no it's not the norm for guys to wait until the last minute to give you the time of a date they invited you on. Are you perfectly fine with unreliable guys who don't plan, leave you in limbo, and then turn up at the eleventh hour with flimsy excuses to hang with their friends as a first date because their train is slow, or whatever? If not, I would lose both guys' numbers. They are telling you how they operate. Dating is about finding someone compatible. Edited July 3, 2016 by angel.eyes 1
Dis Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 To answer the question in your OP, no it's not the norm for guys to wait until the last minute to give you the time of a date they invited you on. Are you perfectly fine with unreliable guys who don't plan, leave you in limbo, and then turn up at the eleventh hour with flimsy excuses to hang with their friends as a first date because their train is slow, or whatever? If not, I would lose both guys' numbers. They are telling you how they operate. Dating is about finding someone compatible. I agree with this. You can tell quite a bit about a person early on based on their communication styles. My most recent ex was quiet and aloof from the start. That turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's back when I broke up with him. If you dont like what you see...esp this early on...pls pls save yourself the heartache and next the guy because you'll just end up seeing more of it down the line 1
MissBee Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I agree with this. You can tell quite a bit about a person early on based on their communication styles. My most recent ex was quiet and aloof from the start. That turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's back when I broke up with him. If you dont like what you see...esp this early on...pls pls save yourself the heartache and next the guy because you'll just end up seeing more of it down the line Ditto. Some things may be common practice, but doesn't mean it's good manners or that you have to deal with it. I for one like men who make concrete plans, have good social etiquette and manners, confirm in a timely manner, check-in about the plans etc. I don't accept anything less...for what? You inevitably find men who cannot do this and I move on and I also find men who for them this is the norm and we proceed. Dating is about making your standards (and these are reasonable ones) and choosing people who fit this versus bending to everything people do in dating. 1
Dis Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Ditto. Some things may be common practice, but doesn't mean it's good manners or that you have to deal with it. I for one like men who make concrete plans, have good social etiquette and manners, confirm in a timely manner, check-in about the plans etc. I don't accept anything less...for what? You inevitably find men who cannot do this and I move on and I also find men who for them this is the norm and we proceed. Dating is about making your standards (and these are reasonable ones) and choosing people who fit this versus bending to everything people do in dating. 100% agree. When it comes to communication two people are either compatible or not....or one person does all the bending and the other doesnt do much of anything...that only leads to frustration and resentment for the person making all of the compromises. Whether we want to see it or not...compatible communication styles are pretty easy to determine early on. I made the mistake of turning a blind eye to my ex's lack of communication/distant communication style...Bit me in the ass later. This is why I think the OP needs to next both of these guys...they dont measure up....if she's going to keep up communication....the guy she's dating should too....if he doesnt...they're not compatible...that simple
basil67 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Speaking of communication styles, why didn't you initiate a conversation asking the first guy what time to meet? "Just checking we're still on for Saturday. What time?"
leogirl876 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 First of the all, the dating apps that I tried, Tinder and Hinge, I got very low quality guys talking to me on there. I never tried Bumble, but I'm sure it's the same. And if a guy texted me that late at the last minute when there was never any concrete plans, I wouldn't go out with him either. You teach people how to treat you and if you accept last minute plans like that, that shows them it's ok with you. Something I'm learning is that we women need to learn how to communicate with men better about our needs and what makes us happy. Now, it's hard to do that before the first date, but after that, we need to be direct on what we want, but men don't always know. I tried Tinder and Hinge for a year and got no where, I mean no where!!! Douche bag central! I recently joined eHarmony, and I believe, you get what you pay for. The free sites attract all the cheap weirdos that are just looking to hookup, the sites that you have to take time creating a profile, and spending money, attract more quality people. I'd give eHarmony a try if I were you. I've been on there only a couple of weeks, but so far, it's been much better.
losangelena Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I would personally not wait around for the man to confirm. If I wanted to get a better read on when we're meeting, I'd initiate a text and ask. Nothing wrong with that, and it could help lessen these incidences.
Cooper04 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I for one like men who make concrete plans, have good social etiquette and manners, confirm in a timely manner, check-in about the plans etc. I don't accept anything less... Just curious, what do you consider a timely manner to confirm? I'm a bit surprised by the strong reactions from the women in this thread, as the guy #1 could have been me. For instance, I will talk to a girl on Tinder or similar on a wednesday, arrange a date(this place next tuesday), then end the conversation. Then send her a text on tuesday about 2pm suggesting a time to meet. This has always worked fine, the only cancellations I've gotten have been with valid excuses. I don't like texting much before the date, I don't want to come off as pushy or needy. But judging from the reactions in this thread, it looks like I'm going about this all wrong. No wonder I'm still single..
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 (edited) I learned on this forum that there is a particular men's dating advice guru who advises guys NOT to confirm at all. To wait for the woman to confirm so as to test her *interest level." According to him, if SHE doesn't confirm first, she's not that into you. He also advises guys to wait 3-4 days after a first meet or date to contact again. The logic being, if she is really into you, she will be thrilled to hear from you. Not reject cuz you waited 3-4 days to call. His name is Corey Wayne, apparently he is very well known and many men swear by his advice. Anyway, one male poster attached a link, and I viewed a few videos, and actually heard him say it himself. "Guys do not confirm the date. Wait for her to confirm." So maybe these guys are listening to him, who knows, as I said he is very popular. So many games being played on both sides, it's a wonder how anyone gets together at all... Edited July 3, 2016 by katiegrl
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