She was about 40 pounds heavier than she was in her profile pics, and she's into me

[Better]

I've been through this, and while I disagree with how the OP has handled it I completely sympathize with the thought about how people misrepresent themselves in their OLD profiles. I don't mind the pictures as much as some of the things posted in the text.

 

My profile is pretty indicative of who I am. I have current pictures including of my full body and I stand by everything I say in the text. For example, I am an avid bike rider and say so in my profile as well as post pictures of me riding. It's not the most important part of my life but it's still something I would like to share with a potential match and I am up front about that in the text of my profile. If someone reaches out to me and says they would love to cycle with me but but when I meet her is very out of shape, doesn't own a bike, and hasn't ridden one in 20 years then I am going to be disappointed. Would I turn her down for not being able to cycle with me if she told me that up front? Absolutely not, but I would turn her down afterwards for misrepresenting herself.

 

I went on a few dates with a woman who posted in her profile that she was a vegetarian but didn't care if her date wasn't. She also posted that she was a non-drinker but didn't care if her date drank. We actually clicked well and really liked each other over multiple dates, but it soon became obvious that she was hoping to convert me to a vegetarian non-drinker. If it really was important to her it should have been in her profile and if it was totally unimportant to her then maybe she should have omitted it. Instead, it was important to her but she explicitly listed in her profile that it wasn't and it took a bunch of dates to figure that out, causing some heartbreak along the way. In fairness, she has changed her profile to say that she is looking for a man who is vegetarian and doesn't drink and she would be a totally great person for that man who does match that criteria.

 

In things like this it's not a man vs. woman thing as it happens with both. If you're putting pictures and statements in your profile that are false then eventually you will be found out and the other person is going to start questioning the rest of the things you say. Why not just be up front and honest and find someone who is more likely a match without going through a lot of awkward first dates that are unlikely to ever work out?

[spiderowl]

Just let her know that she was a lovely person but you didn't feel a spark. Leave it at that.

 

It's clear you wouldn't be happy with her because of her weight so don't even consider sleeping with her because that would be taking advantage when you had no intention of becoming her boyfriend.

[WellHelloThere]

Op: Just like any date, you need to go with it if there is chemistry. If you don't feel an attraction don't contact her. There are lots of reasons you could not be feeling it. Lots of women could lose a little weight. That's no big deal, but I would find it a turn off if they hid it. Maybe if she didn't hide it and was honest with her photos, the extra weight wouldn't have been so much of an issue.

[salparadise]

 

...so don't even consider sleeping with her because that would be taking advantage when you had no intention of becoming her boyfriend.

 

According to the official rules, how much resistance must he put up before they could just call it even under the mutually agreeable shag clause?

[katiegrl]

Just let her know that she was a lovely person but you didn't feel a spark. Leave it at that.

 

It's clear you wouldn't be happy with her because of her weight so don't even consider sleeping with her because that would be taking advantage when you had no intention of becoming her boyfriend.

 

Does anyone read entire threads anymore before responding?

 

OP made a second date with her, to the movies then back at her place.

 

Since he hasn't updated since that post (probably scared to after all these responses), my guess would be they had sex, and are now happily dating.

 

Her misrepresentations and extra weight no longer being an issue.

[MzLady]

I agree with a lot of people on here.. she knows she mislead you. Because you're concerned about professional contacts, just walking away now would be best. If she asks you why she hasn't heard from you, the courteous thing to do would just say that you think you're better off as friends and/or that there just wasn't any chemistry for you... both are true statements and you don't have to say it's because she's fat. I'm not a slim woman and have dated online. I always make sure I ONLY post current photos of myself.. just because of this situation. I feel a little sorry for her though. She's obviously self-conscious and embarrassed about her body. But posting old photos doesn't do her any favors. I would hate to meet a guy who would have no interest in me if he had known what I really look like. In the words of the famous and beloved Popeye the Sailor.. "I am what I am, and that's all that I am." Best of luck!

[Aniela]

Maybe for women this is different, but men have varying degrees of sexual attraction. When you are walking around with a raging erection, that chubby girl might not be attractive enough for you to want to commit to having sex with her and only her every day, but she is attractive enough to hook up with one night, or maybe even have a FWB until you can find someone you prefer. This is pretty much how OLD works for many men. The type of women we normally date won't talk to us on OLD, so we meet up with what we can.

 

This is horrible.

 

I'm going to her place tonight to do the movie. This may be a mistake. But I do want to give her a second chance. I also want to see her in another outfit just so I'll be absolutely sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. If she wants to get physical I may tell her that, based on past relationships, I'd like to go slow....which has some truth to it.

 

I should have waited another week to see her, but trying to get out of it now would look bad.

 

 

One possible way to get out of this — tell her I just got out of a relationship and I have a lot of unresolved feelings about it and think it's unfair to make her the rebound girl. That excuse got used on me once. This way, at least I leave the door open to get together in the future if and when she loses weight.

 

Seriously?

 

I hope she finds someone who accepts her the way she is.

[Mystique01]

Come on, let's be honest here....

 

The problem ISN'T that her pictures don't match what she looked like in person.....the problem for you is that her weight in person was significantly MORE than her weight in her photos (which were older).

 

But what if she came to the date even THINNER than her photos had suggested?? What if she had LOST weight from the time she took those photos to the time she met you for the 1st date?? Would you have still been "turned off" by her "dishonesty" and "misrepresentation"? My guess is probably NOT.

 

So you see here, the REAL problem isn't that her pictures on her profile didn't exactly match her "in-person" look, the problem for you is that she had GAINED weight, and you view women who are a certain size as being UNattractive to you.

 

 

I mean, it's your preference of course, so..... Nobody can change your preference. But the fact that you two had so much in common and (as you mentioned) she had a "cute face", I think this is a sign that you should at least give it a 3rd and even 4th date...."gut included".

 

A woman can always LOSE weight. You can't LOSE a bad personality, or lose a lack of chemistry so easily. I'm just saying......

[katiegrl]

I hope she finds someone who accepts her the way she is.

 

I think she probably has.

 

Took him a couple of dates.... but he's there now.