MisUnderstood1 Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 (edited) I met a guy about 3 weeks ago. He was quite open in telling me about himself and was very talkative, but also asked about me as he talked. He asked for my # before we parted and I gave him. He called two days later and we agreed to meet up for lunch last week Saturday. Since he said lunch, I was thinking anytime between 12 noon to 2pm, but he didn't specify meeting time nor place. I didn't want to seem eager by asking and also wanted him to take the lead, but said he would call to let me know. He didn't say when he would call either, lol, but I was thinking by Friday night he would contact me to finalize details. I didn't hear from him that saturday (our meeting day) until 4:30pm and his excuse was that he got busy. I wasn't please because he could've called me beforehand or even texted (though I think a phone call is more appropriate here). We agreed to meet a few days ago and once again, he called a few hours later. I did not return his call. He has been calling me for the past two days, about 5 times in total. He left 1 voicemail yesterday saying he is sorry, he got caught up with work, and that he wants us to talk. He's a Project Manager for an IT company and he did tell me they had just started a new, big assignment. But I think if you really want to meet someone you'll make time for them, or at least have the courtesy of calling them beforehand to tell them you won't make it, not after the meeting time has passed. Last week when we made plans to meet the second time I also mentioned my birthday is this week and was surprised that he didn't bother to ask what day it is on, like he didn't care to know. And besides his lack of keeping his word, he never calls nor texts me, no hi, nothing. I have taken all these as lack of interest on his part, but he seemed a little apologetic on the voicemail, so Idk if I should call him back or not waste my time. Why is he really calling me now? Edited July 2, 2016 by MisUnderstood1 1
angel.eyes Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 (edited) Words are cheap! In his case they are completely meaningless. What you see is what you get. His best foot forward is standing you up not once, but twice for a first date, then after the fact, resurfacing with lame excuses. Are you good with that? Because, basically he's showing you that the best you can expect is to be an afterthought and most likely Plan Z (not even Plan B) when all his other options fall through. I would never let a man repeatedly waste my time like that. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! Since he didn't even have the decency to alert you that the date wasn't going to happen as planned, I wouldn't waste my breath telling him I'm no longer interested. Edited July 3, 2016 by angel.eyes 2
Dis Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Oh god...been here before. When I first started dating my ex (dated for 2 and a half years) he did this all the time...we would agree to hang out...he'd call me an hour after the meet up was supposed to take place saying hes sory he couldnt make it...that relationship crashed and burned of course Hun, hes showing you with his actions that you're not a priority. Hes showing you that you dont mean much to him and that hes probably not in the right place for a relationship...forget about him saying hes sorry and wants to meet up another time....his words dont mean anything...his actions have done all the talking and have given you all the info you need to next him 3
longjohn Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Forget about that fella, he's a bollox. Your wasting your time on him find a guy that's actually interested. There's plenty out there. Don't settle for this one. 1
Zahara Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I have to wonder if he's married or has a girlfriend, hence the no show/lame excuses. Move on. Bad first impression, not once but twice. And you haven't even met yet. Dont waste your time. Keep the search going and don't settle. 3
ULoveGemini Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Maya Angelou said it best. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." 4
smudge21 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 In the UK we've recently had lots of talk about World War 1 and especially the battle of the Somme. Now where I'm going with this is that even during those times, before cell phones and email, you had young men living in horrible conditions facing death every single day... and they still found the time to write to their loved ones. When someone says they "don't have the time" to call or text these days, it's just total utter BS. No one is ever that busy that they can't find one minute to send a text. The only reason people don't get in touch, is because they chose not to, end of. We all make excuses for people who we have feelings for, but we also know that when we want to contact them, we do so. So the same is true for them - when they want to contact us, they do so... when they don't, they don't. It's up to you if you want to give this "man" another chance, but it's clear what others think. 4
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 In the UK we've recently had lots of talk about World War 1 and especially the battle of the Somme. Now where I'm going with this is that even during those times, before cell phones and email, you had young men living in horrible conditions facing death every single day... and they still found the time to write to their loved ones. When someone says they "don't have the time" to call or text these days, it's just total utter BS. No one is ever that busy that they can't find one minute to send a text. The only reason people don't get in touch, is because they chose not to, end of. We all make excuses for people who we have feelings for, but we also know that when we want to contact them, we do so. So the same is true for them - when they want to contact us, they do so... when they don't, they don't. It's up to you if you want to give this "man" another chance, but it's clear what others think. This^^! .... 1
losangelena Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I would say, who cares if he's still interested! He dropped the ball TWICE. That is on him. There's no reason for you to give him a third chance. If I were you, I'd pick up the next time he calls and tell him exactly how lame he's been and that you won't have your time wasted. Then say goodbye. FWIW, I'd say be a little more pushy when it comes to settling on a date and time. That's not "eager" that's practical. It shows respect for your time if someone can settle on a time and a date beforehand. That gives them much less wiggle room, too, when they try and flake. Next this guy. 1
leogirl876 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Keep it moving! A total waste of time he is, first impressions mean a lot! Either tell him you don't wanna go out with him now, or block him from your phone, the choice is yours how to handle it. 1
Author MisUnderstood1 Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 (edited) Sooo, I called him back on Saturday. I couldn't help it. I'm lonely and tired of being single. :/ He said he has just been very busy with work but will try to be calling me / contacting me more often now. Sounded apologetic. We texted back and forth a bit after that and during the texts I asked him if he was married because he acts like a married man, and because I saw a picture of a cute little boy on his whatsapp who looks just like him. He added me on whatsapp when I gave him my # but we have never spoken on there but I see his profile pictures. He responded that he's not married but has a son from a classmate in Sweden (where his did his two masters); his son is now 5. He said he loves his son very much and misses him (he stays with his mom in Sweden). Anyway, we agreed to meet and met yesterday after work. He gave me a hug when he saw me. He's very intelligent. He talked a lot about his work and how his vp and some other people are trying to make things hard for him and I tried to encourage him. I asked about his son and his name. He says he buys everything he wants yet the mother doesn't like that and always asking why he buys him things. I asked if he still loves her and he said you can't love someone you don't see and that they had issues. He also said she didn't want to come to Canada and wanted to stay in Sweden. He told me he's Catholic and loves the Catholic church because one has to be attentive and focused to understand what's going on but other churches are too physical and care too much about looks, too noisy. Also at one point he quoted John Locke. I've a degree in Philosophy, so I'm not sure if he was trying to impress me but I liked that. He bought me orange juice (I said I didn't want anything else) and he bought salad and juice for himself. He talked about a book he had read. I love books too, so I didn't mind. I found out that he's 37 and thinks he's old. He looks 32; looks very good for his age and he's very handsome too. During our conversation out of nowhere he suddenly said "I like your shy personality and I think I like you". He also complimented me and said I was intelligent. He also said he's a good cook, wants me to come to his place in the next few weeks so he can cook for me. 3 hours after we met he sent me a text, saying, "It was nice seeing your face and chatting with you" and then a next text saying, " I hope we can be closer friends". Does that mean he just wants to be friends with me? I'm starting to really like him and want us to be more than friends. I thought about asking what he meant by closer friends but didn't want to be too eager or desperate, so I just said, "I would like that a lot" and also wished him good luck on his presentation today (he has to do a presentation at work), then he said, "Thanks and have a good night's rest". Does that comment mean he just wants to be friends? Edited July 6, 2016 by MisUnderstood1
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 (edited) Yes sounds like you have made a nice friend. Nothing more nothing less. I mean he actually said it.... "hope we can be closer friends" so not much more to say. His actions also spell *friends*. Enjoy. Edited July 6, 2016 by katiegrl
Zahara Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I thought about asking what he meant by closer friends but didn't want to be too eager or desperate, Unfortunately, you've already established that in his mind. The fact that he treated you that way and you still were up to meeting him when he hit you up already spoke volumes in his head that you're eager/desperate. so I just said, "I would like that a lot" and also wished him good luck on his presentation today (he has to do a presentation at work), then he said, "Thanks and have a good night's rest". Does that comment mean he just wants to be friends? Doesn't sound like he's too interested, along with the comment as well as the way he initially treated you.
VeveCakes Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 To me it sounds like he just doesn't know how to do the dating thing. I think him texting you right after is more of a sign to him liking you then wanting friendship. Is he a bit awkward with women? Did he say anything about past relationships?
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 You got me at "He told me he's Catholic and loves the Catholic church...." If you are not Catholic and don't attended church on a regular basis.....you have found a friend not a BF. 1
Author MisUnderstood1 Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 You got me at "He told me he's Catholic and loves the Catholic church...." If you are not Catholic and don't attended church on a regular basis.....you have found a friend not a BF. Really? Is this a dealbreaker? I actually told him I don't go to Church often (though I'm a Christian), that I'm not a Church person but I pray and read my Bible. I also said I am looking for a Church I can feel comfortable with and when I find one I'll be going regularly. I actually have not been to Church in about 3 years.
Zahara Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I am so sad right now. You hardly know this man yet you're so affected by it? It was only one meet. Latching on so quickly is not healthy and chances are you'll pick bad apples. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Keep dating and meeting others. 1
Author MisUnderstood1 Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 To me it sounds like he just doesn't know how to do the dating thing. I think him texting you right after is more of a sign to him liking you then wanting friendship. Is he a bit awkward with women? Did he say anything about past relationships? I kinda thought about that. He did ask me if I'm in a relationship yesterday during out date/meeting and I said I'm not. If a guy asks you that, doesn't that mean he's kinda interested? Besides his ex (mother of his child) he didn't talk about any other relationship. I didn't ask him if he has been in any after her/after he left Sweden.
Author MisUnderstood1 Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 You hardly know this man yet you're so affected by it? It was only one meet. Latching on so quickly is not healthy and chances are you'll pick bad apples. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Keep dating and meeting others. I don't meet guys often. He's the first guy to ask me out in 3 yrs.
Zahara Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I don't meet guys often. He's the first guy to ask me out in 3 yrs. I'm sorry, OP. The desperation reeks and trust me guys can smell that a mile away. I can tell why you're grasping for his attention. If you want to date, you need to put yourself out there. You can't latch on to the first guy that asks you out because you've chosen to keep a low profile dating wise for the last 3 years. 1
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Really? Is this a dealbreaker? I actually told him I don't go to Church often (though I'm a Christian), that I'm not a Church person but I pray and read my Bible. I also said I am looking for a Church I can feel comfortable with and when I find one I'll be going regularly. I actually have not been to Church in about 3 years. It definitely can be a dealbreaker. Why would he even mention it if it wasn't important to him? Catholics like to stick to their own, trust me I know plenty of them. It's totally a different animal all together.
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