I broke up with a great girl because I still love my ex?

[SoConfused2016]

I broke up with this girl two years ago who I was with for 3 years. I loved her a lot, but I felt she wasn't the right one, we wanted some different things in the future, I was too young and not ready to marry, our sex life was boring etc. I just thought we weren't a good match. She is now engaged to one of my best friends.

 

Now, two years later, I met a great girl, beautiful, crazy about me, good to me, we wanted a lot of the same things, incredible sex life etc. But spending time with her reminded me I still love my ex. I was a jerk and bad with her and broke it off. She hated me for a long while, but we are now somewhat speaking on shaky friendly terms. She's started dating someone else. The night I broke up with her I cried the whole night. I admit I was ****ty to her when she kept asking me why after months of everything being great I'd do that, I told her I just didn't have strong feelings for her etc. I hurt her really badly, we had also been friends for a long time before we dated. She's kind and beautiful and went out of her way for me, but I can't help how I was feeling. I never wanted to run from a relationship so fast.

 

What is wrong with me? Did I just mess up something good for no reason? Am I gonna be kicking myself for this down the road?

[juniorrocha]

There's nothing wrong with you. But maybe you didn't allow yourself time enough to get through your ex, before attempting a relationship with anyone else.

 

Your ex is engaged to someone else now. You just got rid of a relationship that most likely wouldn't work anyway, so you're now free to get yourself together. Work out/exercise, focus on your career/studies, hobbies, going out with friends... do anything that is important for you.

 

Heal first, then eventually you'll feel like meeting someone new.

[gaig]

she kept asking me why after months of everything being great I'd do that, I told her I just didn't have strong feelings for her etc.

 

Have you told her why you ran? (cause you actually ran) Have you told her all you told us? How remarkable she is? You should mate. I think she deserves to hear that plus some good words from you. It will also help you

[stillafool]

Do you think you only want her now because she is engaged to marry one of your best friends? You said you had a boring sex life and weren't a good match so what are you missing from her?

[SoConfused2016]

Have you told her why you ran? (cause you actually ran) Have you told her all you told us? How remarkable she is? You should mate. I think she deserves to hear that plus some good words from you. It will also help you

 

I told her my past is blocking me and then I also told her that I didn't have strong enough feelings for her and then I told her spending time with her made me realize I still love ex. She said she feels I played her and I am giving bonuses excuses because before we even got involved I told her it had been two years, I had dated other people and told her the only regret I had about ex was that I didn't end it sooner because we weren't a good match. She's really hurt because she says I led her on and told her a million different stories.

[SoConfused2016]

Do you think you only want her now because she is engaged to marry one of your best friends? You said you had a boring sex life and weren't a good match so what are you missing from her?

 

I don't know why. I told this new girl I was over her but the more time we spent together, the more it reminded me of ex and I realized this.

[SoConfused2016]

Have you told her why you ran? (cause you actually ran) Have you told her all you told us? How remarkable she is? You should mate. I think she deserves to hear that plus some good words from you. It will also help you

 

New girl just sent me this yesterday:

 

I'm not on the road now so I can finish my thoughts. You want me to forget you? I already have. I'm with someone else. Believe you me after the way you hurt me, it's not likely I'm feeling lovey dovey for you. What I'm trying to get here is closure and you won't give that because you give bogus excuses rather than straight up truth. First it's 'I still want my ex' ummm the one you dumped and then thought it'd be a good idea to screw your best friend? Or the one who cheated and took advantage of you? Yeah, sounds healthy to miss that. Or 'it was cultural differences' of which you've never explained what that even means and of course you didn't connect with me. Well then you're an academy award winning actor cause I've never had a guy talk to me from the minute he wakes up till he goes to sleep for months and agreeing we want the same things and then one day splashing around, making out in his pool to two days later we have culture differences and don't connect. This where I'm stuck. Ok? Admit you played games cause it's obvious and/or get some mental health help to understand why you'd beg me to be with you, even to the point you threatened yourself and then ruin something nobody else in their right mind would have and get back to me with your explanation and apology. That's all. Then maybe we can say 'whats up' to each other every once in a while and I can stop my anger and I won't have as many trust issues with new guy so I don't do same thing as you and mess up with someone I shouldn't. You don't have to answer now, can be six months from now but once you figure it out let me know. Please and thank you.

[gaig]

You don't have to answer now, can be six months from now but once you figure it out let me know. Please and thank you.

 

It is agood advice.. Take it.

She is not over you yet and you shouldn't made it harder for her

[oldshirt]

I broke up with this girl two years ago who I was with for 3 years. I loved her a lot, but I felt she wasn't the right one, we wanted some different things in the future, I was too young and not ready to marry, our sex life was boring etc.

 

Those are valid reasons to discontinue a relationship.

 

She was completely in the right to move on with someone else.

[SoConfused2016]

Those are valid reasons to discontinue a relationship.

 

She was completely in the right to move on with someone else.

 

I ended the relationship for those reasons, not her and she moved on with my best friend.

[oldshirt]

For future reference, when you break off relationship with someone through no fault of their own such as them cheating or being abusive or an addict etc etc, don't try to explain it or rationalize it with them. Just say the relationship has run it's course and it's not working out for you and that you no longer with to continue the relationship.

 

Don't try to explain it any further because no matter what you say, they will think you are wrong and think you are a butt.

 

There is no easy and painless way to break off a relationship and when you try to rationalize an emotional issue, you do end up looking and feeling like a nutcase.

[oldshirt]

And as just a side note; this is why throughout history, almost all cultures and societies practiced some form of arranged marriage. People's emotions and feelings are just too fickle and nutziod to leave something as serious as marriage and family and posterity to something as irrational and fickle as people's feelings and emotions.

 

Once various cultures started picking their own mates based on love and feelings, this stuff started.

[oldshirt]

I ended the relationship for those reasons, not her and she moved on with my best friend.

 

I realized that.

 

I was just saying those were valid reasons to end the relationship at that time.

 

She was also in her right to move on with someone else.

 

You coming back and pining for her and having all this turmoil over it after all these years is your issue and your cross to bear. Perhaps some individual counseling or something may help.

[SoConfused2016]

I realized that.

 

I was just saying those were valid reasons to end the relationship at that time.

 

She was also in her right to move on with someone else.

 

You coming back and pining for her and having all this turmoil over it after all these years is your issue and your cross to bear. Perhaps some individual counseling or something may help.

 

Did I mess up with this new girl though? I'm not sure if this is something I'm gonna regret.

[Densel]

What do you want?

 

Your ex or the new girl?

[NoLeafClover]

When did you breakup things with the new girl?,

She's not over you and you don't seem to be either but the fact she told you shes with a new guy was unnecessary and immature. She's either stupid or immature for bringing that up. She knows it will trigger your senses, but how silly is this..."I have a new guy but I'm still hung up on how you broke up with me so let me know please??"

 

Perhaps you picked up more than just missing your ex with her. Maybe you thought therr were other stuff you didn't like about this new girl which triggered old feelings about your ex"

 

One thing she is right though, you need to drop the ex feelings bs like right now. She's engaged/taken/not avail END OF THAT CHAPTER.

 

Time to put your big boy pants and stop thinking about ex bs..she could have been perfect but that was then. Are you going to keep thinking about your ex for long...time flys by and you're only wasting precious time you could spend with that special someone.

 

If you legitimately feel for this girl and can look past the fact she's talking to a new guy, I would set a date to meet in person, write your honest thoughts down and give it to her in person. She deserves an explanation and sounds like your delivery wasn't that good.

 

Tell her the truth and how you feel about it now. See how it goes from there..if she shuts you down its fine. At least you were being honest with her.

That's what I would do tbh.

Good luck