NeverGiveUp8812 Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 I am a person nowadays who is interested in entering the dating world, I feel very confident about my weaknesses and strengths as a person. I personally think I am a very fun person to be around, I have a good sense of humor, I get along pretty well with the opposite gender, I also have had situations where I got extremely close to exchanging phone contacts with girls around me. I personally do believe I can have fun and engaging dates with women of the opposite sex for instance. I am pretty confident when it comes to dealing with the opposite gender and get along well with others. But I have many fears. One thing is I am afraid no one will date me due to the fact that I am struggling to find a job, or, am struggling to get started in life, even though I have applied to 100-200 places over a period of 4 months in job searching. I also barely passed Community College without an Associate Degree. (For a very long time I have severely struggled with a Behavioral Disability which interfered with my ability to do things like everyone else, but in spite of that, I have made a lot of changes to improve my personality, my attitude and mindset, which I have drastically changed even from 1-2 years ago, too). I am just wondering, will girls judge me and be harsh towards me, because I am struggling to find a job, as well as still living at home and not having my own car either. (I sometimes feel bad about this too). Or will having a good personality, being fun to be around, open minded and adapting to the girls hobbies and interests help me compensate for these weaknesses (such as struggling to find a job, living at my parents and not owning my own car).
Buddhist Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 I am a person nowadays who is interested in entering the dating world, I feel very confident about my weaknesses and strengths as a person. I personally think I am a very fun person to be around, I have a good sense of humor, I get along pretty well with the opposite gender, I also have had situations where I got extremely close to exchanging phone contacts with girls around me. I personally do believe I can have fun and engaging dates with women of the opposite sex for instance. I am pretty confident when it comes to dealing with the opposite gender and get along well with others. And yet, finding someone to love isn't a negotiation in which we put all our attributes on the table and seek someone on the basis of that. What drives someone into your arms or out of your arms is the perceived connection they have with you or not. But I have many fears. We all do. She will have just as many fears as you. I am just wondering, will girls judge me and be harsh towards me, because.... The wrong person for you will judge you, the right person for you won't.
Spikiera Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 After reading your post....my opinion is: if you fear that the girls may judge for not having a job, why not put majority of your focus on improving yourself and your attributes instead of thinking about dating? While you are wasting time thinking about these, you could spend time editing your resume, etc etc. Girls get attracted to guys who have ambitions and drives, not people who fear about girls judging them. I say you push for a better life, thus eliminating your own fear, then go on dates. You would have much better success because you would act far more confident than you are right now. 3
SammySammy Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Let's assume you wanted a puppy. A friend of yours said he had two of the puppies you wanted and you could have either of them. You go to your friend's house and one puppy just does not like you. Withdraws from you. Growls at you. Shivers in fear. Runs to hide. The second puppy absolutely LOVES you! Tail wagging a hundred beats a minute. Eyes bright and shiny. Can't wait to jump into your arms. Licks you all over your face. Which puppy do you choose? Most people are going to choose the puppy that loves them. Once you get the puppy that loves you are you going to even care about the one that didn't like you? Probably not. My point? You have to like the ones that like you. Sure, some women aren't going to like you. Most won't know you exist. Who cares? You're looking for that one that does like you. The one that's loving, caring and understanding ... towards you. Find her and give her your best. I couldn't care less about any woman who doesn't like me. Our thoughts, fears and expectations can become self-fulfilling prophecies. We have to change what we expect. What we focus on. Expect the best. Forget the rest. 6
Author NeverGiveUp8812 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Posted July 2, 2016 I agreed. I need to have a more confident view of how life is going nowadays, actually speaking. Sometimes I need to stop worrying about the fears, the what ifs and so on. If people view things certain ways, then let it be that way. I am just learning how things work, because I am not very experienced in this areas, as you know.
4x4storm Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Can I ask how old you are? I was 19 at the beginning of this year when I moved out of home to a new city to find work with $0 in my bank account. I lived in my own apartment worked part time at Mcdonalds and was on Government welfare. I got my first girlfriend and was with her 4 months until she dumped me for working at Mcdonalds and not owning a car (P.S she did not work at all and her mother bought her car). She made up this whole bs story how she deserved better and I how I was not driven in life. Even though I completed high school and university before anyone else my age and moved out before anyone else my age girls did simply not see how I was trying to succeed in life. Now i'm 20 I work full time for a booming company i'm about to put down my first payment for a car. I no longer get around in shoes that are falling apart and now have my wardrobe filled with expensive clothes. I know no one my age that are this far in life compared to me they are all still stuck at university feeding of their parents into their late 20s. The best advice I can give is become the best version of yourself and make dating a side hobby. What I would do is write cover letters and email resumes all day then at night when it was time to relax I would check my Online dating profile. Even though girls say they love a man who is determined/motivated that's a whole bunch of BS. I've found 90% of girls want a man with results and results only they could care less how you got there! oh he has a car? his parents bought it for him so what he still has a car *Check* Oh wow he has a house? his parents bought it for him so what he still has a house *Check* So just focus on becoming the best version of yourself and don't care what women think you will get there eventually it could take weeks,months even years.
normal person Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 (edited) A lot of the posts above are very insightful and you should definitely consider the wisdom in them. However, I'm going to be honest: without a job, a car, or your own place, things won't be easy for you. I know you're trying to get one and all, but to a lot of women, that won't matter until you actually do get one. I'm not saying there are women out there who won't care, I'm just saying there are undoubtedly a ton who will. And let's be even more honest, wanting a guy to have a job, car, and apartment is not totally unreasonable. A man's societal role is typically one of "the provider." A woman will want to see that you can at least provide for yourself before she considers you providing for her. Best of luck. Edited July 2, 2016 by normal person 1
Versacehottie Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Can I ask how old you are? I was 19 at the beginning of this year when I moved out of home to a new city to find work with $0 in my bank account. I lived in my own apartment worked part time at Mcdonalds and was on Government welfare. I got my first girlfriend and was with her 4 months until she dumped me for working at Mcdonalds and not owning a car (P.S she did not work at all and her mother bought her car). She made up this whole bs story how she deserved better and I how I was not driven in life. Even though I completed high school and university before anyone else my age and moved out before anyone else my age girls did simply not see how I was trying to succeed in life. Now i'm 20 I work full time for a booming company i'm about to put down my first payment for a car. I no longer get around in shoes that are falling apart and now have my wardrobe filled with expensive clothes. I know no one my age that are this far in life compared to me they are all still stuck at university feeding of their parents into their late 20s. The best advice I can give is become the best version of yourself and make dating a side hobby. What I would do is write cover letters and email resumes all day then at night when it was time to relax I would check my Online dating profile. Even though girls say they love a man who is determined/motivated that's a whole bunch of BS. I've found 90% of girls want a man with results and results only they could care less how you got there! oh he has a car? his parents bought it for him so what he still has a car *Check* Oh wow he has a house? his parents bought it for him so what he still has a house *Check* So just focus on becoming the best version of yourself and don't care what women think you will get there eventually it could take weeks,months even years. Congratulations 4x4. That's pretty impressive. I agree with a lot of what you said--particularly the part of being you best self and a way to structure both looking for a job and putting effort toward dating--well part of that. I actually think NOT BECAUSE of the importance of what girls think of you but just because it should be your priority: find a job first. That should be your priority. I feel like you will be too scattered to date or not be able to do dating to your best ability. I mean, you'd be doing it much differently than if you had a job right? In terms of what you can take her to go do, in which places you would meet this person and how you would spend time with her. I feel like at this moment, even if it was best case scenario--like you met a girl who liked you just fine as you are now she'd want to spend a good amount of time with you. That time should be devoted to finding a job and centering yourself. From that "place" you will find it a much better time to meet the right girl for you. You will be in a better head space and better logistically to be able to date. Plant seeds for the future with flirting and stuff. but get a job first. good luck 1
Els Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 In general, I've found that birds of a feather flock together when it comes to importance that they place on certain things. So if you yourself don't much care about superficial things in women, you would be much more likely to find a compatible woman who doesn't much care about superficial things in men, compared to if you were the opposite. That being said, living with your parents is a huge practical disadvantage to dating. You can't take girls back to your place without it getting very awkward, so that would impose a rather teenager-like form of dating that involves sneaking in moments alone in lonely public places. And if you aren't a teenager, that would get old real fast. You don't have to make heaps of money or have a high-status job or whatever, but moving out is probably one of the best things any adult can do for their relationship chances, and for themselves in general.
longjohn Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Some women are nice, understanding, pleasant, loving ladies. Then they get shafted over a few times and suddenly they won't want to date guys without a job, car, degree that lives at home etc no matter how nice you are. It's weird but people get like that. My advise to you is take your time. Work on yourself and find a job, get a car then get yourself independent if your not already. Ladies tend to like guys that have taken life by the horns and are wrestling with it. They also like a guy that knows what he wants. But... watch out for the ladies that themselves, never make up their mind or you'll forever be eating at a place calls "I don't care" lol.
TXGuy Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 However, I'm going to be honest: without a job, a car, or your own place, things won't be easy for you. I know you're trying to get one and all, but to a lot of women, that won't matter until you actually do get one. I'm not saying there are women out there who won't care, I'm just saying there are undoubtedly a ton who will. And let's be even more honest, wanting a guy to have a job, car, and apartment is not totally unreasonable. A man's societal role is typically one of "the provider." A woman will want to see that you can at least provide for yourself before she considers you providing for her. Best of luck. This poster zeroed in on the right thing. Generally, women expect men to provide for them (in dating and in marriage). It is not unreasonable for men to worry about this. The best way to handle it is to work to become a provider. If you can gather enough resources (by earning them or inheriting them), you will find more women willing to date you. It also doesn't hurt to work on social skills (but resources are likely more important).
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