Havana Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Hello everyone! I am so glad I found this forum... It really helps me to see other living the same emotions than me right now. My boyfriend officially left me this morning. We were already over for a few weeks before but still living together... To be honest, because we were still living together and in good terms I was not under the impression that he really left me... I was OK with that, not realizing at all... But seeing him officially leave today was a knife in my stomach all over again. It is like if I finally really understood that we were breaking up... I won't describe all the pain I am currently experimenting because you all know that horrible feeling. I am devastated and since he left I am in "recovery mode" trying to find solutions how to overcome all of that. My concern here is that he left me in our apartment where we share so many good memories... At that time when he left me I made the decision to still keep the apartment. Right now I find hard to still be there and looking at any object or furniture because it makes me remember him... And I can't just throw away everything because I don't have the money to replace everything. Is anyone has been in the same situation? What did you do to cope with that? I know the breakup is very new but I wonder if the horrible feeling I have when looking at this apartment will fade away with time... Moving away is not really an option right now... 1
mrs rubble Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Find some hobbies or join a club or sports team, this will get you out of the appartment and will lead to meeting new people and take your mind off things. 1
peonyrose Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Hi.. I also was left in the home we shared, he walked out of our home, our life, our engagement and left me and my 15 year old daughter not in the best financial position, I can tell you. It was 5 weeks ago, and at the start I hated this house, I mean hated! I didn't use the kitchen or living area unless absolutely neccesary. I wanted to run, turn the key on the place and never look back. It was our first home together ( he lived with us in my apartment before this) we did it up, painted it, put nice flooring down, bought loads of cute stuff to make it "ours" and then I was left sat looking at it all, and he was gone. It broke my heart that's for sure. But week 2 I packed up every damn thing belong to the man, including any bills with his name and I put it in black bags and left it for him at the door. Week 3 I started to clean a little bit ( I love a spotless home so very strange for me not to clean, but I was devastated.) Week 4 I moved all the furniture around in the whole house, except my daughters bedroom, I took his bedside locker out and pushed the bed to the wall. Hell I'm even using his chest of drawers now for my underwear haha... So yes you will be OK, and yes you will get past this. And to be honest this home has been my saving grace in the end, I can come home shut the door and be me. Of course I still come across the very odd thing belong to him. Do a big clean out. Claim the apartment as your own. Make it yours. It is now. 3
confusedone19 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 going through the same thing, tonight is my second night alone. place is a mess just haven't got the energy to do anything. Will do once i can pick myself up off this awful depression i am feeling 1
Author Havana Posted July 2, 2016 Author Posted July 2, 2016 So yes you will be OK, and yes you will get past this. And to be honest this home has been my saving grace in the end, I can come home shut the door and be me. Of course I still come across the very odd thing belong to him. Do a big clean out. Claim the apartment as your own. Make it yours. It is now. I'm so thankful for your answer... It gives me hope that it will be OK with time. confusedone19 I also don't have the energy tonight to do anything. My place is such a mess... I can smell and feel all the bad energy in the air I want to start tomorrow cleaning the place, maybe throwing a few things, I don't know yet if I will find the energy to do so. But I'll do it slowly... 1
Author Havana Posted July 2, 2016 Author Posted July 2, 2016 My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and of course I am still in huge pain. He left me simply over a loss of attraction. Talking with my family, friends helps a lot in healing. But I won't be able to bother them with my problems too long because ultimately what everyone expect me to do is to heal quickly and get over it... But as you know, it is not as simple, especially for me being in a 9 years relationship... One thing that really help me and I don't know how toxic it can get is all the videos that those love gurus make on the Internet and YouTube. They give me hope that I can be better and they also give the hope that my relationship can be salvage... At the same time my logic tells me that they probably take advance of people at their lowest point... But something else is telling me that what they are saying in those videos are truth also... And it's OK to have faith that he will come back... Obviously right now I want him back. But at the same time, I just want to become a better person and I want him to regret his decision. I want to do this for him yes, but mainly for me and my future because I don't wanna repeat the same pattern with futures relationship. I am in a mind that I would SO happy if is back, but I won't be loosing everything if never comes back because I will be a better person... Does anyone understand how I am feeling right now? You just want to become a better person... And make your ex regret his decision! For those of you that have done that in the past, what have you noticed? Did you ex became regretful? Did you ended yourself to forget quicker the breakup? Also does anyone had good experiences with those love gurus. Did it really help you? 1
Toodaloo Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Girl you are hurting and it is perfectly OK to be hurting right now because getting dumped does hurt! Sod your now ex. Who gives a toss about what he thinks now? You certainly shouldn't. What you should care about is looking after yourself. So go get your hair done, paint your nails, keep going out with your friends, join a class or keep fit thing that you have wanted to do and live... Leave your ex to do whatever he does and don't bother with him. You have plenty enough emotion of your own to be dealing with without bothering about his! 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 When my ex and I first split I found myself getting sucked into the online black hole of a vortex that those love gurus offer. I did not even know all that crap existed, and I will share some insight on that later in the post. A word of caution and something I kept reminding myself not only because I know this intuitively but also they say so themselves - the "broken hearts" industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. Why? Because it is a business that is never going out of business, just like funeral homes, you can count on breakups being a part of life for the rest of human existence. Having said that, I feel that a lot of what is offered by those "love gurus" is just games that we are very susceptible to fall for hook line and sinker because we are so extremely emotionally fragile when we first break up that we desperately cling to the hope for that day when we will get back together. Think about it, when do we even discover these love gurus? The next day after we were dumped, or the next day after we start to feel loneliness and miss our exs. You know what else is happening the next day after we break up? Desperation, and denial. That is the first stage of grief after a break-up. so it's no wonder we cling to the hope that we will somehow get them back and why those love gurus speak a language that really connects with us in that frame of mind. I'm sorry I can't offer you any first-hand experience with any of those tried and tested tactics, I have no idea what works and what doesn't. But I can say that what works is to kill the hope that you will get back together because that is when you start to feel less pain and you start to move on emotionally. If you are meant to be together then they tend to come back if you were the one dumped. And then once you are in a better head space and had a chance to really evaluate your relationship you can decided to either take them back or keep walking on the path you are on. This is just my personal opinion, but I feel that if you get someone who dumped you back through tests and tactics, then you are not really getting them back. They need to be back because they feel it and want it. I feel like taunting an ex to come back leaves you open to being dumped again. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Yes, I think anyone who has ever been dumped completely understands what you're feeling right now. It's totally normal, particularly in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. And yes, a lot of these "love gurus" take advantage of people. There simply is no foolproof way to reconcile. We can't make someone feel the way they once did. But you can do a lot to heal yourself, and there are plenty of great videos that offer tips for dealing with the changes and emotions that follow a breakup. I feel that these have always helped me feel better after a split. 1
Author Havana Posted July 2, 2016 Author Posted July 2, 2016 Do you guys have any good videos to recommend? Which one were useful for you? If no videos, do you know any website or anything else that made you go through it easier? 1
juniorrocha Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Just like other members have said, they tend to take advantage of people. That's why every single "get your ex back" site starts with some stuff to make you feel better and then introduce you the awesome guide to definitely getting your ex back. I wouldn't ever buy that **** (non sense and very expensive), but I'm sure there are people who do it. People react to what happens around them in different ways; for me, improving myself so my ex can see what she's lost is a fuel. It makes me want to try very hard to fight for my goals (which are 100% mine, nothing related to her), just so one day I can show her what a man she lost. On a side note though, it's possible that when that day come, we'll no longer have feelings for each other anyway, so at the end I improved myself a lot only for myself, which is even better. Just stay calm, there will be easy and hard days, but each day is a victory and one step closer to finally being over them. Focus on you, your career, your health, your body, your hobbies, and anything else that is important for you. Soon enough you'll accept that it's over and learn how to live without them.
Satu Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 (edited) Do you guys have any good videos to recommend? Which one were useful for you? If no videos, do you know any website or anything else that made you go through it easier? Below is something I put together for myself, but some of might be useful for you. 1. Recognise that you are in the crisis phase, You are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce. 2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps. 3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right. 4. Remind yourself frequently, that you can and will have a good life without this person. 5. Remind yourself frequently, that you can and will love again. 6. Take care of your body: Eat enough and eat healthily. Drink enough water. Thats a minimum of 1.5 litres a day for a female. Get a bit more rest than you think you need. If you can't sleep, just lie down. Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous. If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor. If you are on any prescription meds, take them as prescribed. 7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn. 8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. 9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do. 10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate. 11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help. You'll be OK. Take care. Edited July 2, 2016 by Satu
Recommended Posts