teenyfish Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 (edited) It's been 2 months since the break up. NC the whole time. Found out he cheated on me, gaslighted, lied to my face about everything (as well as to both of our families) and then immediately got with the other woman. Both of their social media's are ALL about them, really promoting their relationship. Found out through my family. But somehow I still feel like I'm in the wrong. I feel like if only I had been more understanding, if I had only been okay with him being drunk & partying, if I had only accepted his disrespect and his flirting with other women "for his career", then we'd still be together. And I know how ridiculous that sounds, I know I don't deserve the disrespect he showed me. But somehow, he still has a hold on me and is making me feel like I'm so wrong. And yes, I made a lot of mistakes in the relationship, but I was always honest and treated him with respect. I feel so unworthy, so useless because a cheating jerk chose another woman over me. I wasn't even good enough for someone as selfish as him. Edited July 1, 2016 by teenyfish
SixxChick Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 teenyfish, that is what gaslighting is supposed to do. Recognize it for all that it is, especially for all that it is not, and move on. Please. I'm sorry dear, but those are the cold hard facts when dealing with a loser. 1
hew Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Hi! I just got out of an abusive relationship yesterday. One full of manipulation, disrespect, and abuse. I know how hard it is... I know how its SO easy to feel like theres something more YOU could have done to stop him from disrespecting you. Let me tell you something, people don't change. He will do the same thing to this new woman he's with. Be glad he is out of your life, granted that is easier said than done. But I'm trying to do the same thing as you right now. You deserve respect and love and nothing less. Its a hard lesson to be learned when you feel let down by someone who was supposed to respect and love you. This too shall pass my friend. Keep on believing you can get through it best of luck! 1
Author teenyfish Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 I just feel like he was once such a great boyfriend and I ruined everything by being too emotional and pushed him to do it. I don't ever want him back, but I just want some kind of validation that I meant something to him, that he loved me and still cares at least a little about my feelings. 3 years down the drain. At the end of the day he's not the man I fell in love with but I'm having such a hard time processing all of this, we fell apart rapidly, even though I think it had been building for a while. He never tried to work it out with me, and kept telling me lies until the very end.
bummer Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 He chose his route long before he left. Remind yourself often of why you're better off without him. Find that closure within yourself. How would you be different if you knew he still loved you? Best case, he lies to tell you what you want. Worse case, he tells you more awful things that hurt. Dont worry about him.
SixxChick Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 How about this? Next time, you are going to take off the rose colored glasses and heed the warning signs. You are going to regard the parameters of any potential relationship in the context of what you receive, at least in proportion to what you give. Because the one-way streets don't work. And being lied to and abused is not the path that you should choose. Be well.
CDJ Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I know how you feel, OP. It's coming up to 11 months now, and my therapist/life coach said something to me the other day that really hit me - he basically made me see that I had been completely manipulated by my ex. I suppose I knew deep down she was manipulative but I just didn't want to believe that I had been played or duped (for lack of a better term). Now, I can see it an accept - which is great, but then it has opened up a wound again that was getting close to healing. Two steps forward, one step back. I guess we can find some consolation in knowing that we got out before more damage could be done. As bad as it was, it could have been even worse.
Recommended Posts