Is this doomed?Need some perspective on what may be the vacation from Hell with my SO

[baltimoregirl42]

Ugh. What have I gotten myself into? My boyfriend of nine months left last Friday for a cross country trip with one of his buddies. Four of his friends moved last Friday to California (we’re in Baltimore) for a change of scenery. Three of them flew, he drove out with the one who didn’t. I was hesitant as he has a habit of doing coke every time he drinks, and I knew they’d be drinking. He informed me the other day that when they got to Colorado he was going to spend 2 nights with his family, and his friend would stay with some of his friends. Some of my boyfriend’s friends from back in his hometown live in southern CA, as well as his ex. In fact, his ex is roommates with one of his best friends. But anyway, I talk to this friend via email frequently, and I asked him this afternoon when he was expecting to meet up with my boyfriend. He replied, “Probably not until Tuesday or Weds. They (my boyfriend and his buddy who is moving) are staying in Vegas tonight.” What?????!!!!!! I was already stressed because he will be in southern CA with a bunch of his single guy friends who drink a lot, and I’m sure will offer him drugs, on top of the fact that there is a good chance he will be staying in the same house as his ex.

 

My dilemma is this: I am supposed to fly out to his hometown (a big city in the Midwest) on Thurs afternoon. He is flying there from CA to meet me. We are going out to a fancy club his friend works at the 1st night, have a VIP table reserved, etc, then off to his lake home for a week with his friends and family. Last time I was home with him for Christmas I watched these friends of his do blow all night. He has promised many times before to stop, but I have caught him in more than a couple lies and actually walked in on him doing it when he thought I wasn’t around.

 

The bottom line is this: what if I fly out there on Thurs and the sh*t hits the fan (i.e. he gets drunk again and starts doing blow)? He’ll be in his “comfort zone” around all his boys who party and who he hasn’t seen in months. On top of the fact that right now I am FURIOUS that I caught him in the whole Vegas lie. I don’t want to be stuck out in a city where I know no one if they start doing the same old sh*t. But I have already taken over a week off of work and have a non-refundable plane ticket that cost me a months rent. This was supposed to be my vacation 

 

I feel stuck. Any suggestions? I really need some ideas, because I’m at a loss. Thanks.

[tanbark813]

Well my last ex was a liar and coke user. A lot of the things you're describing here I can definitely relate to. My ex even went on a trip that I found out later she was not completely truthful about. I feel for what you're going through right now but have no real words of wisdom. All I can tell you is that it's unlikely to change. Nothing really looks good in what you described. The question really becomes one of: Is the relationship, as it stands now, acceptable to you?

[baltimoregirl42]

I know that long term, this is not what I want. Unfortunately I am stuck with this plane ticket and a week and a half off from work. I need a plan or some ideas of what to do if I get all the way out there and history repeats itself. I'm just plain scared and stressed out beyond belief.