Kylemopar Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 So I've been dating this girl for a few weeks now. She's perfect for me and she says I'm perfect for her. We've had sex twice, the first time was when we first met and we were both drunk and the second time we were both sober but she was nervous and scared so I had to stop like 10 minutes in. She says that she doesn't feel like she's ready and also because it hurts but we did agree to try again later today and that I would be gentle with her. She says that she wants to be with me as in be her boyfriend and that's all I want...but she also feels that she's not ready to be in a relationship and she doesn't know what it is. 4 years ago she was cheated I and she became heartless and played guys the following years until I came along. She says she sees something in me and that she has no intention in playing games with me. I go to her soccer games and she wants me to meet her mom, we usually just hold each other, kiss, and talk about things when we're together. But she says that she feels like she isn't meant to be in a relationship but she wants to try...she doesn't like holding my hand in front of her soccer team. And each time I advance in hopes of intercourse she would always back away...what can I do? She says she wants me to wait but she also said that I might get tired of waiting or her...she says she's retarded for even having me wait because she wants to be with me but only says no because she isn't ready. So I have no idea what to do...I'm so confused So I'm stuck in the dating phase, we tried the bf/gf for a week and she said okay. But after 48 hours I asked her how it feels now and that if she would rather hold it off or keep trying as couple with the bf/gf title...she said she wanted to hold it off for a bit until she was 100% ready. Please help me...I'm falling for her. 1
Toodaloo Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Personally if a guy told me he didn't want to be my boyfriend then that is kinda a BIG HINT that he doesn't want to be my boyfriend... If you wait and hang around she will find someone else and break your heart even if she doesn't mean to... 5
Author Kylemopar Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 She sent me this super long text once after I asked her if I we just another guy to her.. Honestly I have no intention in playing with you if I did I would have stopped texting you the first day which is what I usually did.. & thats what's scares me bc someone great finally comes into my life who I actually like & I don't know how to fall in love again.. If I could make one wish rn it would be to fall in love I can't say that I'm in love but i have feelings for you bc it already feels weird to not text you even when I take years to reply I guess all I'm trying to say is I'm not trying to waste your time.. I know you said 4 years was a long time but throughout those 4 years I made myself get used to being heartless when it came to guys & I convinced myself that I would be single forever not once have I thought of being in a relationship It's pretty hard for me to think otherwise now in less than a month but I will try.. I hope I'm making sense it's like there has been an off switch for me for 4 years & im trying to find it bc I know that I can love endlessly if I did, I have a feeling that soon I look back at this message & laugh for making myself sound dumb for writing this long message & think "why didn't I say yes to being his the first time he asked instead of making him wait you're a little bitch caro" haha I call myself that a lot btw but yeah I know you will go back to over thinking stuff as soon as you're done reading this novel & still not fully understand what is stopping me from opening up but I don't expect you to understand me I can barely understand myself at times.. I can promise you that you're not just another guy you have something special in you I hope you know that. I was just thinking how mad I get when I have to wait for my mom to get ready when we go out & I can only imagine how frustrated you are rn so I'm very sorry for that. Okay no more long texts anymore haha im still with my family i can't call I literally didnt touch my plate for about 20 mins it's probably cold
LostOnes05 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Personally if a guy told me he didn't want to be my boyfriend then that is kinda a BIG HINT that he doesn't want to be my boyfriend... If you wait and hang around she will find someone else and break your heart even if she doesn't mean to... I echo these sentiments. Seems like you're a placeholder right now. She wants you to wait because she doesn't want an emotional attachment to you. She doesn't want to hold your hand because she doesn't want others to really know about you guys. BUT when a guy comes along that she absolutely wants, she'll dump you like water on a fire and the world will know she's in a relationship then. Trust me...If I could go back and tell my younger self this I would. It would've saved me a lot of money, time, and trouble. 3
Author Kylemopar Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 But I met two different sets of her friends...one time she was drunk and she told them I was her boyfriend. I even met her little sister and cousin twice. She even wanted me to meet her mom... 1
bummer Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Don't fall for her. Don't pressure sex. Don't force a relationship. If you can't wait to see if she stops her waffling in a few years and picks you, find a girl who is emotionally available and mature enough for you and who is actually into you. She's not. 1
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 You don't want to convince someone to be in a relationship with you. Whether she says it or not, she's playing games with you. This is not a mature, healthy relationship. She's not ready - she's told you that. I'm sorry. 1
brothers343 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Buddy........your answer lies in what she wrote. She says herself that she played with guys, that she lost that loving feeling. The way this story looks like its going to end is that sooner or later she plays you and your heart gets broken. Or she gets involve with a guy that treats her like crap, becouse some woman like guys that treat them like crap, and she still leaves you. Do you get my drift. 2
Author Kylemopar Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 I was with her last night. We took a walk around her block after dropping off her sister and cousin at home. We talked about random things including us. She told me that she wants to be with me, but not until she's 100% ready. She says she's just scared of commitment, that she gave everything in her last relationship 4 years ago and that she's scared it could happen again. She says she's been opening up little by little. 1
Author Kylemopar Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 She just sent me this after telling her that maybe what she needs is time.. This is definitely not what I wanted to wake up to I was going to tell you about the crazy scary dream I had of you but I think you might be right I'm going to take a couple of days to think of wtf is wrong with me & what I really want.. I know that I do have feelings for you but I know that the only thing I'm doing is hurting you rn by making you wait & I also don't want that for you.. if just dating rn breaks you I'm so sorry you're the first guy I've ever even been on a real date with or invited to my game or that I've cared for or that I've spent time with at their home or that I've talked to on the phone so no I'm not trying to play you I wish I never would've told you about that version of me I just want you to know that I'm trying I definitely need to try harder but I'll take some days to think straight. I don't want to lose you either even tho I might not show it okay 1
AlexisRose Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Give her the few days to sort her head out. But after that...well it's not fair of her to mess you around. She needs to decide what she wants for the sake of both of you. ps. She isn't the be all and end all. 1
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 You look good on paper, you are a great guy you treat her right blah blah blah. The problem she is, she's confused as to why she isn't really sexually attracted to you. Her introducing you to family, and call you her bf is her way of "trying it on" to see if those feelings can surface, but to no avail. She is trying to blame it on her emotionally detaching from guys, but that isn't what it is. The chemistry isn't there, but she is thinking if you wait it will magically happen. She's lonely, she's desperate, she wants a relationship so her family doesn't think there is something wrong with her. I bet her mother has been asking her when she's going to find herself a nice boy to settle down with. And there you are, you fit the criteria. She has you around for the wrong reasons, and you are just wasting your time. You need to step back and date other women. You should NOT invest anymore of yourself into her. You will not gain anything from it. 1
Author Kylemopar Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 Well we met at a bar through some mutual friends, it was her first time at a bar. We talked for only a bit and it ended with us having sex with her in my car, taking her home, and kissing her all night until she walked into her house. I had sex with her again after a tip to Disneyland, she was sober this time...and scared...she said she felt that she wasn't ready since she never really liked sex and that I was her 5th and only guy she did it sober with. She always plays with my hair and says I'm cute... 1
Satu Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 You are feeling it. She isn't. She's trying to feel it, but she's not feeling it. She's a bit overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings for her, and is wondering why she doesn't feel the same about you. This is a textbook case of unrequited love. Take care. 2
Ensam Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 (edited) A few weeks isn't a lot of time. Personally I never experienced any stronger emotions after so little time and wouldn't consider calling anyone my girlfriend before I had known her and dated her a while longer. Now everyone are different but the bottom line here being there's no need to rush things. The worrying part is that she has explicitly said she doesn't feel ready to be in a relationship. Which means one out of the following things: A) She is in fact not in an emotional state to be in a relationship, B) She believes she isn't which has pretty much the same effect or C) She is very uncertain about her feelings for you. But if you think she's really something, why not give her the benefit of the doubt and be patient for a while longer. See what happens. Edited July 1, 2016 by Ensam 1
phineas Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Personally, I think the fact you agreed to wait for her killed her attraction. The kind of guy who gets her engine revved up is the kind of man who wont wait around and wil be onto the next woman. I don't think you have what it takes to go out with someone else and stop waiting around. I had a woman just like this once. I was so wrapped up that another woman interested in me had to practically write her number on a 2x4 and smack me in the head with it before I noticed her. So I went out with her & ignored the other one for a bit. THEN she wanted me. And badly. And while she was HOT the fact she only wanted me because I was with someone else just pissed me the hell off and taught me about not wasting my time on women.
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