Shining One Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 If a guy winks at you it means: #1-He's interested in you but doesnt have the balls to message you #2-Hes not that interested but wants to see if you areWhy must the guy be "not that interested"? It could be that he wants some confirmation of mutual interest before spending time crafting a thoughtful message. I look at it this way: A man makes eye contact with a woman and smiles at her (this is the wink). She smiles back (this is her winking back). He then proceeds to walk over and start a conversation (this is his initial message).
katiegrl Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 (edited) And with that you have proved the point! All the guys who sent you a well crafted heart felt message that took time while eliciting details from your profile text will have wasted their time because you have 200 messages you can't even be bothered to look at. Who is the guy who has captured your attention most? The one who winked and ran! The really sad part of all this is that because this is Match.com those guys with their genuine messages out of that batch of 200 are PAYING for the privilege of sending a message that you have no interest in reading or even responding to! If you feel offended by being reduced to a profile pic and username by someone who winks at you imagine how those guys feel paying money to be compeletely ignored. That guy has got OLD nailed if you ask me. As a man, any serious time investment just isn't worth it. The purpose of this post is not to criticise you by the way, just point out the ridiculousness of OLD, especially for men and especially for those who pay for it. I was interested enough to initiate a message to that guy "before" he simply replied back with a wink, but yeah I agree OLD is a bit ridiculous at least for me which is why I have disabled my profile and will stick to meeting men in real life. And for the record, I did read between 50-100 messages and not one of them was a thoughtful well-crafted msg based on my profile. They were either boilerplate messages obviously sent to multiple women, hey beautiful, hi, or whatup. After I disabled my profile, I headed out to pick up some food from KS Barbecue, and while waiting for my food to be ready, I started casually chatting with a man sitting at the bar, and it was so refreshing! No pretenses, no games, just a nice conversation after which he told me how much he enjoyed talking to me, I said the same, he told me he would love to take me to dinner next week, I responded that would be fun, he asked for my number and said he will contact me next week. THAT is what I prefer, meeting men spontaneously and seeing how it plays out, naturally and genuinely. To each his own... ETA:. @ Shining One, I am not sure why but no matter what I post, YOU are always gonna take some issue with it. I have no idea why as I am one of the most progressive, open-minded women on this board,. I initiate (on line and off), I believe in a 50/50 equal division of effort, don't believe in chasing (on either side) and often stick up for the MEN on this board when I believe they are being treated unfairly. But if I told you the sky was blue, you would disagree and say it was red. Whatever. Your issue, not mine. Edited July 4, 2016 by katiegrl
Hamish57a Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 I think that it's not do much old girls but older women have been jerked around quite a few times and hey why not try all the great looking guys first. But really it's all in what they want. You may be attractive to somebody and a lot of women I think aren't looking for looks as much as honesty. Perhaps you've gotta change your approach, mix it up and be patient. Or switch to another site or get out and meet em. So no I don't think older girls are harder to meet. Take care and keep trying.
Shining One Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 @ Shining One, I am not sure why but no matter what I post, YOU are always gonna take some issue with it.I'm very confused as to how you got this impression. I actually agree with you on quite a few things. In fact, I haven't actually disagreed with anything you've posted in this thread. I have two posts in this thread before this one. One explained why some men send initial winks instead of messages and the other was me responding to another poster.
katiegrl Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 (edited) I'm very confused as to how you got this impression. I actually agree with you on quite a few things. In fact, I haven't actually disagreed with anything you've posted in this thread. I have two posts in this thread before this one. One explained why some men send initial winks instead of messages and the other was me responding to another poster. Okay I apologize then.... I guess it is me and how I interpret.... but it just seemed like a lot of what I post .... about approaching, initiating etc always ends up with us arguing. Not in this thread but when you agreed with (liked) the other post essentially criticizing me (even tho he said he wasn't) for not reading the balance of messages I had received before disabling (200+), it just got to me. I tried. But winks do nothing for me (even in real life cuz many times after I smile back, they do not approach) ...... nor do boilerplate messages, or hey beautiful or whattup..... Other women may love it just for the attention, I am not one of them. I understand how difficult it is for men too. Anyway again apologies for the misunderstanding on my part. If you are in US, happy 4th! Edited July 4, 2016 by katiegrl 1
wesmel06 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 In my experience on the online dating site match.com you run into profiles of people who are always on there but never do anything. I'm not sure if some of these profiles are fake to get people to join or what. Then you have loads of people who haven't been active in three weeks or more. Or the person who is active everyday but doesn't return messages or do flirting of any kind. Why this is I'm not sure. However I do believe this isn't fair to people actually trying to make a connection. It's not good for your bank account either to pay to be on a dating site but not using it. It's like giving your money away but getting no product back in return. These people seriously must not be all that intelligent lol. Once you knock out the fake profiles, the inactive people, and the real users who are way too picky to choose a guy who makes an average income you aren't really left with much to choose from on there. That's why I no longer use it and lately have been trying to meet women more in person. I'd recommend that to you as well. Plus in person a woman can't just disregard your message. She is forced to acknowledge you and actually have a little bit of a conversation. Online dating makes rejecting men way too easy.
Shining One Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Okay I apologize then.... I guess it is me and how I interpret.... but it just seemed like a lot of what I post .... about approaching, initiating etc always ends up with us arguing.No worries. We do clash on certain points from time to time, but it's not personal. I'm very opinionated on certain topics, so it's going to happen with various people. I tried. But winks do nothing for me (even in real life cuz many times after I smile back, they do not approach) ...... nor do boilerplate messages, or hey beautiful or whattup.....Keep in mind, the wink isn't supposed to do anything other than get you to view his profile and wink back if you like what you see... nothing more. It's a somewhat effective strategy and I employed it for a short time a while ago. It did net me more dates, but not very good matches overall, so I stopped using it.If you are in US, happy 4th!Same to you! 1
Gaeta Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Online dating is a pain in the neck but once I learn how to play with it, it ended up being a precious tool to learn about myself, learn about men, and relationships. My struggle was different than others. I hear most people struggle to get dates. Not my problem, I had a lot of attention online, I had tons of dates. I had fun, I made friends, I laughed, I got disappointed, I got played, I got my heart broken, name it. I've lived it all and I don't regret one bit of it. In my case there is a happy ending, I finally met a genuine man and connected after 3,5 years of on and off online dating. Sure I got approached in real life but what I found in real life ended up being the same of what was online. I prefer online because there I could eliminate a lot of prospect just by reading their profile. When you met a man in real life there is nothing telling you he just divorced, has 18 months old twins and he smokes, at least online you can filter those.
katiegrl Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 (edited) Online dating is a pain in the neck but once I learn how to play with it, it ended up being a precious tool to learn about myself, learn about men, and relationships. My struggle was different than others. I hear most people struggle to get dates. Not my problem, I had a lot of attention online, I had tons of dates. I had fun, I made friends, I laughed, I got disappointed, I got played, I got my heart broken, name it. I've lived it all and I don't regret one bit of it. In my case there is a happy ending, I finally met a genuine man and connected after 3,5 years of on and off online dating. Sure I got approached in real life but what I found in real life ended up being the same of what was online. I prefer online because there I could eliminate a lot of prospect just by reading their profile. When you met a man in real life there is nothing telling you he just divorced, has 18 months old twins and he smokes, at least online you can filter those. I am glad in the end it worked out for you! I don't have the patience for it. I meet so many men in real life anyway, honestly I don't need it. (Not that you did, just sayin I don't feel the need to be doing it). Not sure why, maybe it's where I live, maybe it's me, maybe it's them, but now that I am getting over my ex and more open to being approached, on any given day when I am out and about, I end up meeting at least one man who I end up chatting with, and asking for my number. Sunday I met a man while picking up my lunch at KC Barbecue. He asked for my number and sent me a text this morning asking my schedule this week as he wants to take me to dinner. Cool! Then I left and I ended up approaching another man asking him if there was a nearby yogurt shop (for soft swirl frozen yogurt). You have to understand, where I live there are tons of people walking around on any given day... the energy is just busting which makes approaching and chatting with people so much easier! Anyway, the guy I approached - we ended up chatting too, he was from Melbourne, Australia but that did not result in him asking for my number, nor did I ask for his. Interesting... since I was the one to approach! But he lives in Australia anyway, so.... But yeah some people swear by it and that is great. I just found it too forced and contrived (for me). Okay maybe my attitude sucks or I don't know how to play it.... but I like/prefer meeting spontaneously... more my style. Edited July 5, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Gaeta Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I think we need to do just that: Do what we're best at. I know in real life I suck at being approached. The element of surprise renders me deaf and mute. With online dating I felt I was in charge and no surprises. I had liked this guy in my building for almost 2 years, he'd say hello to me and chit chatted each time he saw me. Every time I saw him come in my direction my heart would race, I'd blush, and babble like a retard. For some reasons with online I did it like a pro with my eyes closed, no nervousness ever, I was on top of my game. 1
Hyperion227 Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Well it's quite hard to listen to most of these 'problems'. I've been doing OLD for nearly a year now and have managed to get zero dates and maybe 3 or 4 half hearted responses.
Hyperion227 Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 And for the record, I did read between 50-100 messages and not one of them was a thoughtful well-crafted msg based on my profile. They were either boilerplate messages obviously sent to multiple women, hey beautiful, hi, or whatup? I have sent hundreds upon hundreds of well-crafted, profile specific messages and had zero response. My good looking mate only had to massage 'Hi' and he'll generally get 50% of them to respond. OLD is simply about what you look like and it always will be. Any average looking man would be totally stupid to use it.
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