32 with 6 children... is it even worth trying?

July 1, 2016

Joe it is all luck... it really is.

You would think that a single, happy, healthy, not bad looking, practical, independent woman with her own home, car etc, who can pay her own way on dates and enjoys blow jobs and has very little baggage that she is carrying around would find it easy... I have a very long list of reasons why I am a fantastic person. I have a very sort list of why I am not... Its not easy for anyone.

Its all luck, meeting the right sort of person, at the right time, managing to avoid all the pitfalls etc...

I get all that. And I might be willing to even date someone like you short term. You might be fun and a good lay.

But realistically, there is almost zero chance of me getting into a long term relationship, let along marrying someone with 6 kids just because of the financial burden and extreme time constraints that entails.

I don't care how hot you are or how much you like giving blowjobs. With 6 kids, where are we going to find time to do anything alone, go on vacations, travel. And paying for 6 kids, with zero support from the father (who is in JAIL, and is probably a head case once he gets out), it's just not in the cards.

Not trying to be rude or mean, but it's just reality. There are plenty of women with no kids, or 1 kid, that meets those same criteria. So the deck is stacked against you.

July 1, 2016

I don't think it's a life sentence that you'll be date-less, but I wouldn't put a lot of stock in finding someone until the youngest is in high school and the others are out of the house at school or on their own.

You also have to be careful of the man you bring in around your children because depending upon his true motives, he may use a relationship with you to get to your children.

6 children is a lot for someone, even if they have kids. Your 6 with their 2-3 means 8-9 kids and unless you're a Duggar, that is too overwhelming for a lot of people, hence their having 2-3 children at most. For me, more than one is overwhelming, hence me sticking to only having had one child.

Edited July 1, 2016 by kendahke

July 1, 2016

I get all that. And I might be willing to even date someone like you short term. You might be fun and a good lay.

But realistically, there is almost zero chance of me getting into a long term relationship, let along marrying someone with 6 kids just because of the financial burden and extreme time constraints that entails.

Actually Joe.

I don't have any children.

I don't have any nasty exes that are going to crawl out of the wood work or any dramas.

I have my own home.

I have gainful employment where I am highly regarded by my bosses, customers and suppliers alike...

But thanks for considering I may be a great lay... Sadly men like you will never get to find out if it is true or not because I also have self confidence and value my self both emotionally and physically...

July 1, 2016

My husband died 4 years ago leaving me with 4 young children at 36. I thought no one would ever be interested in a woman with 4 young children, so I spent quite a bit of time being depressed about the fact that I would have to be alone for the next 15+ years.

But then I went into some counseling, saw that life really wasn't THAT bad, and that I would be okay either way. I worked on myself, lost a ton of weight, and worked on my children's well-being.

Just over a year ago I decided to try online dating, with really no expectation whatsoever. I was fortunate to find a kind, caring man who loves kids and accepts me as I am, and we have been happily together for 13 months now. He is divorced and has two older teens, one that lives with him fulltime.

I don't know what the future holds, but I no realize that even if this relationship doesn't work out for the long term, there are good guys out there who don't run from the fact that I have kids that will be around for several more years (my youngest is 4 now).

Like others have said it may be a needle in a haystack, but it is worth trying if you are in a healthy mindset that you are also okay alone and things will be good either way.

July 1, 2016

Actually Joe.

I don't have any children.

I don't have any nasty exes that are going to crawl out of the wood work or any dramas.

I have my own home.

I have gainful employment where I am highly regarded by my bosses, customers and suppliers alike...

But thanks for considering I may be a great lay... Sadly men like you will never get to find out if it is true or not because I also have self confidence and value my self both emotionally and physically...

I mistook you for the OP, sorry. My point is valid for anyone with 6 kids.

July 1, 2016

6 kids really is going to be a huge detriment to a serious relationship. I don't know anyone... let me stress, ANYONE who would be willing to get into a serious relationship with someone with that many kids.

Because with that many kids comes huge time and financial commitments.

It sucks, I know, but it's the reality.

BUT, there are always guys who want sex, and if you are just after a good time, and can FIND the time to just bang, there are dudes that will take care of those needs

Good thing the world doesn't revovle around the guys you know and there exists a wide world of other men you've never met and also a wide world of experiences in which women with multiple children, or other challenges, find relationships with decent men.

July 1, 2016

I mistook you for the OP, sorry. My point is valid for anyone with 6 kids.

Your view point that women who have "too many children" for your own personal tastes and that they are only worth a "quick bang" is also thankfully your own and does not include the entire population of the male species. While some may entertain your point of view I do know some who do not and wouldn't mind taking on children under these circumstances.

Edited July 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

July 1, 2016

Six kids will deter the vast majority of men. However, you only need ONE man. He still has to meet all the right criteria for you, of course, and vice versa. Statistically, it implies a long search - but luck plays a role. You could meet someone much sooner - rather than later. But it won't happen if you don't try.

I agree with this.

It's good to deter to the vast majority of men when you are looking for the ONE that's right for you for a lifetime.

If you're using OLD, put your filtering traits right in your profile, both yours and what you're looking for, so you don't end up going on dozens of coffee dates with people don't fit what you want.

July 1, 2016

Unless you have money for a lot of babysitters and/or daycare or relatives who'd like to keep your kids about three times a week, you don't have time for dating. No man wants to be put after the kids. All men want alone time and priority time and to feel like they're a couple, not just a side dish with the kids being the main dish. (And yes, of course, the kids ARE the main dish -- not saying they shouldn't be).

If you get a man with his own kids, then you will just quadruple the logistics problems, but yet a man without kids will likely have no patience for this. And a man who has kids but doesn't have any custody -- well, there's a reason for that, so you don't want him around your kids or your kids getting attached.

You can't just find a guy you like and have him move right in, which would be the thing that would make things easier for you logistically. You can't do that to the kids because he probably won't stay and you don't know him well enough.

So again, unless you have relatives sharing child responsibilities regularly so you can actually spend time on a relationship, I don't see it happening, but I wish you luck. If you do date, however, time to use birth control.

Once most of your kids are out of the house is probably when things will loosen up for you to date again, realistically. But there are always exceptions.

July 1, 2016

Good thing the world doesn't revovle around the guys you know and there exists a wide world of other men you've never met and also a wide world of experiences in which women with multiple children, or other challenges, find relationships with decent men.

You are not really speaking about a world that actually exists... no dude worth half a crap is going to seriously date or consider a relationship with a woman with 6 kids ranging in age from (speculating) a year or 2 old to 14.

That is just not reality. It doesn't happen.

Not trying to be mean, but being REAL here.

In a lot of cases 1 or 2 kids would deter most guys. 6?? Seriously?

And as another poster and myself have said, with that many kids, plus, presumably a job, how is she going to have time to date? The sheer time commitment of that many mouths to feed, clothes to wash, etc would leave not much left for any sort of meaningful relationship.

So I don't know how much good it's doing for the OP to plant false hope

July 1, 2016

Lady, you got six kids. Six! My advice is to focus on them. I am dealing with three, and I can't imagine how if you have six you have time to NOT focus on them, lol. I wouldn't even worry about looking for a serious relationship right now, if I were you. I would enjoy what I could when I could (like when the dad had the kids). Focus on enjoying life, and someone else doing the same will find you, you know?

July 1, 2016

I would say that sure, its worth trying. I am sure that their are guys out there that would date you. I would not discount dating someone with 6 kids. I would be a little cautious for sure. But i would not completely discard the idea myself.

I am the type of guy that is fairly open to different people, things, ideas etc though. Most of the things that i look for or are dealbreakers are more personal things then items as such. I am sure there are more guys like me out there.

Your oldest couple kids are teenagers now, they are most likely pretty self sufficient and have there own lives largely i would guess. And i would assume they are capable of baby sitting a night or two a week to allow time to babysit. So sure, yeah, go for it. Stay positive and keep a open mind.

July 1, 2016

To add to this^^, after my parents divorced, my dad re-married a woman who also had four kids. Very young kids, like 3-9.

This is after raising the kids he had with my mom (SIX, including me).

Which meant my dad was taking care of and supporting TEN kids, and loved every minute of it.

There are many men out there who actually PREFER a woman with children.

Just check out the dating sites that cater to single dads.

Edited July 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

July 1, 2016

I'm thinking not only of how busy she is but how much time so many people spend trying to date on OLD with very little success. I truly don't see how she has time to even get involved in OLD with that many kids, and then going on the first meet and then doing that over and over. And all this is presuming she's attractive and will get lots of interest.

I'm also worried she's not a good man picker and may bring another abusive controller into her life. I'm not saying that to be mean and I do congratulate her on getting out (but 6 kids later- bring that many kids into an abusive environment was very bad judgment). Stats show women who let an abusive man in will often unwittingly just keeping doing it. Something about what they got used to made them ignore the early signs and tolerate the behavior for a very long time.

The last thing these kids need is another abusive/controlling man in their lives. She hasn't really had a chance to develop new man-picking skills because she's been continually pregnant and with an abuser all the years of her adult life. There is no reason to think the next one she is attracted to won't be similar. It would be far better to go to a therapist and see if she can find out why she picked and kept and had six kids with a man like that before she goes out dating around, IMO.

Again, very happy the light bulb finally went off and I know it takes courage to get out, but you're just out. You're not rehabbed.

July 1, 2016

My great-grandmother was widowed at 30,,with 4 kids(among them my grandmother)...she remarried a man who had no kids and was not married before.In those days it was even harder as the women did not work.Later on she had a kid with that man as well.

July 1, 2016

Your post moved me. I congratulate you on being brave enough to leave, with six children into the unknown. My girlfriend of one year I knew for 12 years and we were good friends, work environment. She disclosed to me two years ago she was trying to leave her husband, I thought it was because the relationship died, but last summer she shared with me about the physical abuse, and the terror she and her children were going through and felt there was no way out. Her youngest son was a vortex of tantrums, violent ones that mirrored the abuse the father was dishing out. In the course of the time spent talking, texting, feelings developed and I helped her get her order of protection, moved her into my home and helped her with the tantrums her youngest son was having. It was an overwhelming experience, but it was so worth it. I adore her, her son has turned around and is a bubbly happy child....his report card is actual evidence for child custody because you can see the progress, amazing progress in just the notes and the grades.

Back to you, there is a man out there who will be grateful you trusted him and gave him a chance to be a part of your family. He will feel lucky he gets to be the one who makes you happy, your children happy, and have you - your love, and affections all to himself. In my case, I thank her every single day for being my girlfriend, and some man is going to do the same for you. Be mindful and screen carefully, you have alot at stake, and do follow your moral code regarding sleeping together. A good man will respect that code, and you. We are out there.

July 1, 2016

I'm thinking not only of how busy she is but how much time so many people spend trying to date on OLD with very little success. I truly don't see how she has time to even get involved in OLD with that many kids, and then going on the first meet and then doing that over and over. And all this is presuming she's attractive and will get lots of interest.

I'm also worried she's not a good man picker and may bring another abusive controller into her life. I'm not saying that to be mean and I do congratulate her on getting out (but 6 kids later- bring that many kids into an abusive environment was very bad judgment). Stats show women who let an abusive man in will often unwittingly just keeping doing it. Something about what they got used to made them ignore the early signs and tolerate the behavior for a very long time.

The last thing these kids need is another abusive/controlling man in their lives. She hasn't really had a chance to develop new man-picking skills because she's been continually pregnant and with an abuser all the years of her adult life. There is no reason to think the next one she is attracted to won't be similar. It would be far better to go to a therapist and see if she can find out why she picked and kept and had six kids with a man like that before she goes out dating around, IMO.

Again, very happy the light bulb finally went off and I know it takes courage to get out, but you're just out. You're not rehabbed.

I disagree. She left him 7 years ago.

July 1, 2016

Do the dating sites go that high on the children drop down?

I'm 44.

My kids are 7 & 9.

To be perfectly honest if you were attractive & a great person with a good career and could pay your bills and have a decent place. basically have your stuff together.

I wouldn't have a problem dating you as long as you could make time for us alone.

Normally i'd run when any woman with children is not getting child support or currently in court to get child support.

jail is a free pass.

oh and your kids have to be behaved.

I've dated some women with horrible children and bringing my kids around them resulted in my kids getting bullied or lowering themselves down to those kids level.

July 1, 2016

You are not really speaking about a world that actually exists... no dude worth half a crap is going to seriously date or consider a relationship with a woman with 6 kids ranging in age from (speculating) a year or 2 old to 14.

That is just not reality. It doesn't happen.

Not trying to be mean, but being REAL here.

In a lot of cases 1 or 2 kids would deter most guys. 6?? Seriously?

And as another poster and myself have said, with that many kids, plus, presumably a job, how is she going to have time to date? The sheer time commitment of that many mouths to feed, clothes to wash, etc would leave not much left for any sort of meaningful relationship.

So I don't know how much good it's doing for the OP to plant false hope

What a scaredy cat. Six kids is merely a decent start.

July 2, 2016

I don't have much to say except that I want to wish you all the best. I do believe that you will meet someone someday, when the time is right. But, your kids come first! Take care of your kids and when the right man comes into your life, it will only add to an already wonderful family.

And, don't listen to the idiots on this thread that think with... Well, not their hearts or their brains. They will find what they are looking for and it won't be a woman of substance.

July 2, 2016

Thank you. I expected significantly more negative responses and questions like "why didn't you just use birth control" or "why did you wait so long".

I am not religious in the slightest. Honestly, I don't think I could be with someone who is religious. There isn't a religious bone in my body so we would not mesh well.

I mainly chat with and date divorced/single men with children. I try to be open and date men with no children but with the exception of one man it burned fast.

Time constraints are a problem. It's slightly easier now as all of my kids are in full day school and my oldest two are self-sufficient. My two oldest are 10 months apart so they have always been very close. They both like helping out with the younger ones. Once in a while they babysit, but I don't want them to feel like parents or that they are raising their siblings. I am the parent, they are children and I want them to be children. My parents keep them one or two weekends a month so I can relax. My two oldest are starting to not want to go because they want to see their friends. They are fine alone and I'm not about to bring a man home or stay the night at a mans house.

But of course, I don't have all the time in the world to date. My time is precious, time I use for dates is time with my children that I'll never get back. Especially with my youngest who is still my "baby" and just now coming out of that phase of life. Maintaining a household with 7 people in it is a lot of work.

Honestly I went through a time when I just wanted a physical relationship. It was when I was first just starting to get back into dating but wasn't fully committed and didn't have the time to do it. A physical relationship started between a long time friend and I that lasted a year. I started developing feelings and wanted more, he had no interest in more and we agreed it was time to stop.

Up until he went to jail he was paying child support. When he went to jail his parents volunteered to make his payments (even though they never see the kids or contact them). Though that has never come up and I don't think it's a dates business. We live comfortably, have everything that we need and some of the things that we want, that's all that matters.

They are well behaved kids. Of course they all have their moments, especially my two teenagers. But friends and family, and sometimes strangers while we're out, have all said how well behaved they are. It was extremely rough in the beginning as my oldest 3 adjusted but going well now. Thankfully my ex-husband treated our children well and wasn't abusive in front of them or to them.

It's been 7 years since I left my marriage. If I wasn't ready to date I wouldn't date. I took a long time to adjust to this life, get my life together, grow up and mature, work on myself and raise my children. I know it will be very hard to find someone, but I'm a bit more hopeful that it will actually happen.

I have tried meeting men through friends or work (not people I work with). I went out a couple times with a man who has kids at my children's school. I don't have too hard of a time getting interest but once the kids come up interest is gone. I'm on a few different dating sites, one specifically for single parents. Really the only time I have to read messages and respond is at night when my kids are in bed. So it is hard to keep up.

I'm just rambling now.

July 2, 2016

Impasse you have your life in order. You have your head screwed on. I think if you just carry on as you are you will find someone.

July 2, 2016

You may also have an advantage OP. Many single, childless women in their 30s are in a rush to find someone cause they don't want to miss out on having children.

You don't have to worry about that at all, so you really have all the time in the world to find a partner at a relaxed pace

July 2, 2016

You need to be careful leaving your oldest males in charge of the younger ones because remember who their male role model was. That's who they learned how to behave from. It's good you showed them women shouldn't put up with it by finally leaving, but that was still their male role model and don't be surprised if some of those kids don't also become abusive. That's normal to them because they grew up with it during the years their brains were developing and whatever happened, that's hard-wired.

July 2, 2016

Lebron James spent 10 years trying to win a championship in Cleveland, he came close several times but he ultimately didn't win. But guess what, he didn't give up despite the odds, despite the haters, despite the past failures and he ultimately won the 2016 NBA championship.

You're Lebron James, a boyfriend/husband is the NBA title.

Go out and get you an NBA title!

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32 with 6 children... is it even worth trying?

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