kristyxxbrickley24 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Tomorrow will officially be a week since I found out he cheated on me. I'm so distraught. I don't know what to do. I have been with him for 6 years. I don't know why i should even care because he has been cheating on me for the last two years. The things I found were so hurtful, it should be enough for me to never talk to him again. I read an article that sometimes it's better to date right after a breakup so it'll be easier to get over the break up?
Satu Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Tomorrow will officially be a week since I found out he cheated on me. I'm so distraught. I don't know what to do. I have been with him for 6 years. I don't know why i should even care because he has been cheating on me for the last two years. The things I found were so hurtful, it should be enough for me to never talk to him again. *I read an article that sometimes it's better to date right after a breakup so it'll be easier to get over the break up? Welcome to Loveshack. Sorry that you're hurting. *Thats one of the worse things you could do. Always completely finish one relationship before you begin the next. That usually means spending a period of time alone, uncoupled, not dating. Jumping into bed with someone just because you're trying to move on from your ex is unfair and won't help. Cry your tears, rage against fate. Express your pain. Get it all out. Are you eating healthily? Are you drinking enough water? Are you exercising? Are you spending time with other people, family and friends? Are you getting out of the house enough? Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol? Are you keeping up with your responsibilities? Those are the things you need to do before you do anything else. Keep posting here. Take care. 3
Author kristyxxbrickley24 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Welcome to Loveshack. Sorry that you're hurting. *Thats one of the worse things you could do. Always completely finish one relationship before you begin the next. That usually means spending a period of time alone, uncoupled, not dating. Jumping into bed with someone just because you're trying to move on from your ex is unfair and won't help. Cry your tears, rage against fate. Express your pain. Get it all out. Are you eating healthily? Are you drinking enough water? Are you exercising? Are you spending time with other people, family and friends? Are you getting out of the house enough? Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol? Are you keeping up with your responsibilities? Those are the things you need to do before you do anything else. Keep posting here. Take care. I drank a little bit and smoked for the first two days but I'm done now. My anger is gone. Now the sadness is what I need to get over. 1
juniorrocha Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Hey! It's been a week, it's too recent. You can't tell how long it takes to get over someone, but people usually say it's about 6 months to a year. Not really a rule though; it could be shorter or longer. You will have great days and sad days as well. Sometimes you'll wonder why did that happen. Sometimes you'll feel like you're way better without him. Things will be confusing for a while, but keep on going. If you aren't already, I would suggest going NC. Block him everywhere and don't stalk, get rid of everything that reminds you of him. That will make it go away faster. Sorry to hear about your relationship; you'll be fine in the long run. 1
Satu Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I drank a little bit and smoked for the first two days but I'm done now. My anger is gone. Now the sadness is what I need to get over. Cry when you need to. Tears are a powerful healing mechanism. You'll be ok. Keep posting. 1
bummer Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Sadness and anger were a mixed emotional ball for me. Sorry your relationship ended in such a horrible fashion. Please share your thoughts and lingering feelings. Please eat right, sleep and generally care for your well-being. As for dating, I agree with Satu that you'll hurt two people worse carrying your luggage in a rebound. If you need a hookup to feel "desired" that's different in my opinion. Just be weary of emotion strings flying everywhere. 1
Author kristyxxbrickley24 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Hey! It's been a week, it's too recent. You can't tell how long it takes to get over someone, but people usually say it's about 6 months to a year. Not really a rule though; it could be shorter or longer. You will have great days and sad days as well. Sometimes you'll wonder why did that happen. Sometimes you'll feel like you're way better without him. Things will be confusing for a while, but keep on going. If you aren't already, I would suggest going NC. Block him everywhere and don't stalk, get rid of everything that reminds you of him. That will make it go away faster. Sorry to hear about your relationship; you'll be fine in the long run. What is nc? No contact? We are still in touch. I was staying with him for a while. I'm not on his lease. I have to stay on his good side until I can come get my things. 2
Author kristyxxbrickley24 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Sadness and anger were a mixed emotional ball for me. Sorry your relationship ended in such a horrible fashion. Please share your thoughts and lingering feelings. Please eat right, sleep and generally care for your well-being. As for dating, I agree with Satu that you'll hurt two people worse carrying your luggage in a rebound. If you need a hookup to feel "desired" that's different in my opinion. Just be weary of emotion strings flying everywhere. I was pissed. I packed some of my things and headed to my sisters house. Got drunk and hooked up with two guys so far. (I know them). Felt good at that time but doesn't now. 1
juniorrocha Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 What is nc? No contact? We are still in touch. I was staying with him for a while. I'm not on his lease. I have to stay on his good side until I can come get my things. Whenever you don't have anything to do with him anymore, I suggest going NC so you can heal faster. NC is the No Contact rule, which consists pretty much on removing anything from your life that may remind you of your ex, as well as making it the hardest possible for them to contact you (that could slow down the process). It's not that you HAVE TO do that though, it's just a way to get back to your normal again. 3
Satu Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I was pissed. I packed some of my things and headed to my sisters house. Got drunk and hooked up with two guys so far. (I know them). *Felt good at that time but doesn't now. *Whats done is done. It doesn't matter now. No Contact is something you can do to help you heal faster. It does that in 2 ways: 1. It protects you from being hurt again by your ex. 2. It prevents you being distracted from your healing by your ex. It's not something you must do, but it can be very helpful. Here is my interpretation of it: *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. For the moment, just focus on being good to yourself, and taking proper care of yourself. You'll be OK. 3
bummer Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I was pissed. I packed some of my things and headed to my sisters house. Got drunk and hooked up with two guys so far. (I know them). Felt good at that time but doesn't now. You're saying all the mean things and getting the initial shock and vomit taste out of your mouth. Good. Do one nice thing for you today. Eat a very healthy meal, go for a walk, workout, go to sleep early... something. And maybe stay off Facebook for a week. Let things settle internally first. Oh you don't have to be nice to him. Just get your stuff back asap and put it anywhere away from him. What's yours is yours and getting property sorted speeds the escape. 1
Author kristyxxbrickley24 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 You're saying all the mean things and getting the initial shock and vomit taste out of your mouth. Good. Do one nice thing for you today. Eat a very healthy meal, go for a walk, workout, go to sleep early... something. And maybe stay off Facebook for a week. Let things settle internally first. Oh you don't have to be nice to him. Just get your stuff back asap and put it anywhere away from him. What's yours is yours and getting property sorted speeds the escape. The nice thing I did for me today was break my cigs and flushed them down the toilet after my anger subsided, the craving for the cigs stopped. now it's time get over the sadness 4
just peachy Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 honestly, i feel that no matter what you will always remember that person specially someone who you spent so many years with, it's hard to move past it but you will, i was told many times, Time it takes time and it truly does, i never thought i would be able to look at a picture of him and not cry, time and patience truly is the only healer. The best way to feel better in time is also no contact, this is huge in your path of healing. In the mean time i know its not what you want to hear but it will hurt for a while, but it won't be for ever eventually the hurt will be less and less until one day you wake up and the pain is no longer there just memories that you can actually look back to and it doesn't affect you. Another thing that will help is to keep the mind busy in positive things, things that will benefit you, if you were to fall into another relationship right away your only going to transfer those feelings onto another person and it won't be fair for them, or if it doesn't work out then you would have 2 extra emotional uncomfortable heartbreaks to deal with. The best thing to do is to keep busy, no contact, it takes time and patience.
offwithhishead Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Most advice out there including the ones on this forum will pressure you to be active in some way such as getting exercise, eating nutritious food, go out with your friends, go travel, etc. The thing is, all of the above requires work and effort in some way. Sometimes it's fine to just be sad and DO NOTHING. Obviously don't mess up your job but outside of work, it's ok to just stay at home and just be sad for awhile. We all deal with loss in our own way. Some people find it helpful to be active and find distractions and others (myself included) just want to stay home alone and be sad for a month or more. 1
bummer Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 The sad thing is that I'm still talking to him. I actually saw him yesterday in person. I think for now, it's better for me to talk to him then stay mad. I realized we're better off as friends. We did hurtful things to eachother but mine were in the past and he just couldn't get over it and decided our relationship more toxic. In the end- it had to come to this but whatever I'm still alive and kicking and I'll be okay. Itll just take a long long time to fully recover. - taken from other thread response. I know you know there is no "fully recover" while maintaining contact. I get it, going NC with your monster is like cutting off your new favourite limb. You depend on it for your very life. You blame yourself now for what happened. Ok. But that denial prevents you from seeing this gangrenous tumour-ridden limb as unhealthy. You can't see that by cutting it off, you'll be no worse than before you met this clown and wiser for it. You said you did angry and now youre at sad. I'm afraid if the classical grieving path is true, you're firmly in square one of denial. Your route is fine. Don't short circuit what is natural. But know someday you'll hit a wall where you cant grieve honestly with him there anymore. Take your time.
Author kristyxxbrickley24 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 I'm not getting back with him. I already said he hurted enough and i could've forgave the 'sexual stuff', but there was some feelings he had for her from the photos I've seen. Photos of him massaging her. Side by side mirror shots, all smiles...NO!
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