FeelingAgain Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 My Ex and I cut it off 2 months ago. Since then, it's been full NC minus her drunk calling me a couple weeks ago. In the course of our relationship, she lied to me out of fear. She built our relationship on a bed of lies but absolutely smothered me with love. She bought me care packages, gave me amazingly special and thoughtful gifts, made me feel loved like I hadn't ever before. She changed a lot from the beginning to the end of our relationship. I tried controlling her. I had not been controlling before her. Because I couldn't trust her, I only felt secure when she obeyed me to a T. I tried to back off, recognizing that behavior in myself- but I really couldn't help it. I seriously tried, but the anxiety I felt when I didn't have that authority was OVERWHELMING. Either she listened to me, or I was gone (and now I am). Two months later, some things are becoming clear to me; I didn't trust her, unless she submitted to my unreasonable demands. I feel an urge to apologize to her for my behavior now, but I don't know why I want to say sorry. In hindsight, I don't know if I ever gave her a heartfelt apology. I don't want her back, we aren't right for eachother. It's hard to shake the thought that, when we weren't fighting, she made me feel more loved than anyone ever had before. 1
juniorrocha Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Wow, it looks like you just described my relationship. My ex use to make me feel really loved in a way (memorable gifts, showered me with love when we were together...), but our first year of relationship was filled with lies, flirting with other guys (which I consider cheating) and shady behavior. Then one day she cried a lot and told me everything she had done. It was too much, but I loved her more than anything so we continued. She got better over time; I mean, really better. I didn't try to control her, but whenever we weren't together or she spent some time away without saying a thing, my head would run crazy, which led to numerous problems and an eventual break up. That's when I learned that once trust is gone, the relationship is doomed. If you want to say sorry about your controlling behavior and it will make you feel better, then maybe you should, although the problems of your relationship started with her, not you (according to what you're saying). I'll give you the advice people here gave me: write it, save it, read it again in a couple days and then see if you think you really should do it or not (e-mail/text/call/whatever). 2
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