Pikesburgh Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Now, I'm sure I'll get the typical response from some of you saying "forget her she crazy move on!" But, I'd like to know how I can find a way to contact her again or at least help. Back in February, I met a cute 20 year old Italian woman. I'm 23 now, and she was pretty heavy, around 225-240 pounds but it never bothered me. She lived 2 hours away, and I would always go to see her each week. We ended up only dating 2 months, and in the span of those 2 months I had to deal with her telling me she wished I was more attractive, telling me I had the greatest personality out of any guy she knew. Yet I wasn't anywhere near the most attractive overall. Through all of this, I still stayed. She meant a lot to me, and I, her. She told me if she ever lost me she would be single forever. She told me she wanted us to be best friends because she couldn't cope with me not being in her life. She always listened to me. Always. When we broke up (because she realized she didn't love me which is crazy since it was only 2 months) I convinced her to give me a chance and take her to the zoo. I did, and she was head over heels happy all day. Except when I got home the next day, she went back to being distant. We were supposed to hang out one more time, till she admitted she was STILL talking to some "hot" guy that she promised me she would block. He had been arrested for driving without a license and weapons in the back. I told her I was coming over still, and all was fine, till she stopped responding all together when I asked if she wants me to stay till Wednesday. Her dad was an abusive alcoholic, and never around so she never had a male role model. Unfortunately she always chases after bad boys because she wants to change them. Well her mom and sister either knew this or knew I was good for her, because they told her to keep me, and they told her constantly that she was making the right decision by being with me. As time passed she deleted her messaging app we used to talk on. No longer wanted to be friends much less respond. I hadn't texted her in 3 weeks, till I decided to call. Her number was disabled... Today, I drove out to her apartment, to see if she wanted to come to the zoo with me. As friends. I walk up the steps and knock on the door. No answer. Nothing. I go back to my car and realize "I heard some people talking across the hall". So I go back and knock on their door. A guy comes out and asks what's up buddy? I asked if there was anyone living in that specific room and he said "no I don't think so. I went on vacation about a week ago and everybody up and left". There were 2 people in that apartment, my ex and her roommate. Well the guy goes on to explain that all hell broke loose. A guy got a girl hooked on heroin. My ex smoked weed and always wanted to try harder drugs so I'm pretty sure it was her not her roommate who didn't do anything to my knowledge. He told me that tons of cops were there, the girls mom was screaming at her, the guy who got my ex hooked was trying to fight the cops, it was NUTS. So now, since my ex deleted ALL her social media, and her roommate didn't, I'm pretty sure it was my ex who was on heroin. I'm not sure where to go from here. I know her mom and sister would love if I was still around, but there's no way to contact her. She helped me so much, with all of my problems. I'd love to know the whole story, but this was pretty crazy and saddening to me. TL;DR I found out today my once loving and caring ex is possibly a heroin addict. Is there anyway to help her or at least her family? 1
Giggles666 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 It's admirable of you to want to help. But the thing is, why? Things did not work out, you're 23 and you can support folks with drug problems but you can't save them. Only she can help herself. Sounds harsh but if I was you, and I've tried to help some friends who had this probkem, I would move on and realize there is nothing you can do. You're young and sound compassionate you also sound like what is called a rescuer. I'm sorry about your ex. You don't want this mess. 2
LD1990 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Not only is this a bad situation to get involved in, she doesn't even want you involved in it. She stopped talking to you. It was only a 2-month relationship, and she didn't exactly treat you well, telling you that she wished you were more attractive and talking to a guy behind your back. It's time to move on. 2
Satu Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 You can't help her and you shouldn't try. Leave her to the professionals and get on with your own life. Take care. 3
AlexisRose Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Leave well alone. You are way too young to get saddled with those kinds of problems and may have had a very lucky escape. Go fill your life with other things...fun things. Keep busy and be patient. I promise you'll be glad you did 2
Hoosfoos Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Morbidly obese, criticizes you, attracted to bad boys, and has drug problems? Sorry to spell it out to you, but she is a total loser. Run. don't walk away, and don't look back. 3
DreamP Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Your behavior sounds stalkerish. Why would you just drive up to a woman's house when she already told you she didn't want to be friends? Rethink your actions. You need to work on yourself before thinking about others. 3
Author Pikesburgh Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Your behavior sounds stalkerish. Why would you just drive up to a woman's house when she already told you she didn't want to be friends? Rethink your actions. You need to work on yourself before thinking about others. Because with her, every time she pushed it was a defense mechanism. Her sister once told me that if she pushes me away, to not just leave, cause she does that to her sister, her mom, and others as well. On top of that, every time she would say no about something, she would change her mind without me saying anything. But the big reason I went is to make sure she hadn't killed herself. It was a "I don't wanna feel guilty for not talking to her when I was one of the few people she trusted" situation where I'd feel somehow guilty if she had commit suicide. She warned me a few times if she lost me she was "done". I'm fine now, just wish I could help her mom or sister out cause they're probably a mess.
Chi townD Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Dude, you need to leave this one alone. First, she's on drugs and you cannot help a drug addict unless they want help themselves. So, you would be wasting your time. Second, it seems like she got busted by the cops and if the amount of cops that were present COULD indicate that there may have been a substantial amount of drugs present to hit her with additional charges for "intent to sell". She got way too many personal and legal problems to deal with than to worry about her love life. Dude, she's got way too much baggage to sort out. She needs to fix herself. You can't do that for her. She made poor choices for herself and now she has to face the consequences of her actions. Nothing you can do but to move on.
LostOnes05 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Yea, you should pass on a Throwback Thursday relationship with this one. If you have ANY friends, even superficial ones, they will tell you to steer clear.
MissBee Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 (edited) While unfortunate, the truth is, you're not even entirely sure this is true. You have heard a story from a neighbor and are guessing that the heroin addict in question is your ex, but you don't have any of the facts. In court, this would be called hearsay. A second hand story from a neighbor who doesn't even know them well. Who knows if he got all the facts straight. That's the first part. The second part is, your ex went as far as to delete all apps and even move away without letting you know. Needless to say, she wasn't interested in friendship. It's difficult but it's for the best, as you CANNOT be a genuine friend when you still want to be with her. I could sort of understand if she reached out to you in this case (and even so it would be a bad idea to be involved beyond wishing her well) but you would have to be the one to pry into her life and find out infro from her family based on some second hand report. You are not the only person in the world to your ex. You didn't date for very long. You have only known her less than 6 months. She has a family and a roommate and friends that she's known way longer who can support her. Her ex-boyfriend of a couple months that she's not in contact with anymore isn't her only hope. This is breakup insanity. Where your mind convinces you that somehow you are the answer to your ex's problems and they just don't know it and you will go far and wide to be in their lives when they have shut you out and when in truth, they and you will be fine. You don't know if it is her. But if it is, she will be fine with her family's help. What can you possibly do for her? Are you trained in drug rehabilitation? If not...you can't really help. I mean, even if you were, you have a conflict of interest. Most likely, given your feelings for her, which make you vulnerable and a little irrational, you may harm her more as you might end up being someone she tries to manipulate so that she can still do the drugs. Edited July 1, 2016 by MissBee
Orion39 Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 I would take a step back and look at this relationship and the journey that transpired. What concerned me from the beginning is that she desired you to be more attractive. While there should be some physical attraction to your bf/gf it is not the most important thing. The attraction of personality and knowing that person intimately has weight on that as well. The next and biggest concern is seeing that she made it so you could no longer contact her. This is a conscious effort to sever the ties and ways to communicate to you. I can understand that you want to help her family, but I think what would be best for you is if you go your own way and cut ties from them as well. No sense in hanging on. I think it would be okay to give her family your contact information if they were to need something or your ex wanted to contact you she would have a way to, in case all previous was became lost or unavailable for some reason. Not what you want to hear I'm sure, but you have to look at what is best for you.
Author Pikesburgh Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 I would take a step back and look at this relationship and the journey that transpired. What concerned me from the beginning is that she desired you to be more attractive. While there should be some physical attraction to your bf/gf it is not the most important thing. The attraction of personality and knowing that person intimately has weight on that as well. The next and biggest concern is seeing that she made it so you could no longer contact her. This is a conscious effort to sever the ties and ways to communicate to you. I can understand that you want to help her family, but I think what would be best for you is if you go your own way and cut ties from them as well. No sense in hanging on. I think it would be okay to give her family your contact information if they were to need something or your ex wanted to contact you she would have a way to, in case all previous was became lost or unavailable for some reason. Not what you want to hear I'm sure, but you have to look at what is best for you. Well well well. It's ironic how I find things out just a day or two too late. Basically what you and everyone else said was right x 10. She's a much more troubled person than I ever noticed. I actually had a friend who knew my ex, but she never knew I dated her. She basically told me she's a quiet, spoiled brat who gets what she wants when it comes to materialistic things, but not with social things because my friend says she's an insecure, unsightly girl who doesn't take care of herself. Things that, I hadn't really noticed when I dated her. But this should help me get past it now. I found her attractive, but apparently the general consensus on her is that she's a mess with or without drugs. Ya think ya know someone...but never truly do.
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