WhirlwindGuy Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I have had this at least 4 times now. I will be chatting with someone through the OLD interface. We are having a good back and forth conversation, usually every few hours one of us will respond, asking questions, answering, etc. Then all of the sudden, the other person will go silent...I wont ever hear back from them again. I have had some, what I would consider good prospects, just disappear after a good start...just disappointing really. Sometimes this is after 3 or 4 messages over the course of a day or two...sometimes this is after a "hey this conversation is going well, maybe we should text or chat via phone and go have some dinner this week or next?" I have had some ask me some questions about food or restaraunts ive eaten at...or we are talking about a book and I respond with a comment about it...totally harmless and innocent conversation, yet they never write back... Why do people do this? Have you ever done this, if so why? Seems so odd after some great conversation to just disappear on a whim... 1
smackie9 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Just their way of saying no I don't want to go out on a date with you, but thanks for the nice conversation. 1
SwordofFlame Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Just their way of saying no I don't want to go out on a date with you, but thanks for the nice conversation. Because they might have found someone better.
bummer Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Always after the dinner or call message? You're young enough to realize many use OLD as a game and messaging platform and not as true dating app? Some girls like it slower. Like 5-6 messages before date talk. And really, at a bar, you talk to five and maybe one sticks wih you for a full drink before one of you gets bored.that's like 8 text messages in real life right?
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 (edited) Just their way of saying no I don't want to go out on a date with you, but thanks for the nice conversation. sometimes its before I even ask...or they will ask me a series of questions like they are interested, ill respond and ill never hear back. Just as an example, one girl and I were laughing and talking about things we like to watch on Netflix, she asked me about a specific show she liked and I commented back that I hadn't seen it, but it was on my list and I made some comments as to why I thought it may be good...then nothing...that was a week ago. Another we were talking about boating and the lake...we had been chatting for the day. She asked me some questions about the lake and hinted like we should have a beer somewhere. I responded about a really fun place by the lake where I had been before and that maybe we should go this weekend...that was last week...I followed up once with a "going out to XXXXX next week, would love to see you there!" she read and never replied...followed up one last time with a "hey hope you had a great weekend, I look forward to hearing back from you!" she read it and never replied...I gave it up after that. Its not a huge deal, I just find it odd...strange conversation etiquette, but maybe im doing it wrong I guess. Edited June 30, 2016 by WhirlwindGuy 1
bummer Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Real life analogy: both those girls found another guy across the bar with better hair two messages ago. They were walking away while you were still crafting that perfect response and finishing your beer. Welcome to online dating? 1
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Real life analogy: both those girls found another guy across the bar with better hair two messages ago. They were walking away while you were still crafting that perfect response and finishing your beer. Welcome to online dating? Lol, fair enough...good point.
phineas Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Happens all the time. I love when they respond to my initial message THEN go dark. Why even respond? I don't worry about it. I also mostly message women who look at my profile. Oh and pro-tip, if they spend some time on your profile while chatting them up you may just get a number. 1
hippychick3 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 I stopped responding for one of 2 reasons: -the guy took too long to ask me out. Online is a medium. I never wanted an online penpal Or -something he said made me realize I didn't want to go out with him or that we were incompatible. Don't take it personally, OP. These women are strangers and there are thousands more women out there. Online dating requires a thick skin and avoiding emotional attachment in the beginning stages. 1
Dis Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 I'm not proud to admit this but I've done this to lots of guys WWG, the most important thing for you to know is...its not personal Women are bombarded with messages on OLD. They're intrest could shift elsewhere or your message couldve gotten lost in the shuffle Try to get their number as soon as possible without being too pushy...dont jump the gun. But sometimes its not always possible to get to the point where you exchange numbers...in that case its just not in the cards I think you're doing a great job with the convos though. You're asking questions...answering questions. Seems like you have good OLD communication. Once, this guy messaged me who was a complete dudd. I tried to give him a chance to start a good convo by saying, tell me alittle about you. He said, what do you want to know? Ughhhhh!!! That infuriated me! Never messaged him back. I've learned that you can tell a fair amount from a person's messaging/texting habits. Like my most recent ex, he really didnt have much to say from the start...he was nice but quiet...and he didnt text alot. Turned out (2 months down the line) that he wasnt very interesting in person and his distant texting style made us incompatible (one of the many reasons why we were incompatible) You're doing the right thing being engaging and interesting...just keep it up...eventually you'll get a number and it will flow Keep your chin up hun!
leogirl876 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 For me, it's if the guy just wants to keep emailing and diving deep into questions by email that should be kept for in person, I get tired of the emailing. It's like, either ask me out on a date or I'm moving on. Or if a guy asks a very short, brief, closed-end question like "how's your weekend going?" or "what are your plans for the weekend?" Like seriously??? Don't you have more than that. If you're asking them out in a relatively good amount of time, they may not be interested in going out at all with anyone, they may just be looking to chat because they're married and doing this on the side. Also, PLEASE do not text a girl starting out. It's such a turn off. Women want real conversation, and want a man to get to know her through conversation, not through emoji's! Texting screams laziness to me and many other women I talk to that do OLD. Don't lose faith, you'll find someone. You just have to try to stand out and be better than the competition.
Teknoe Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 I have had this at least 4 times now. I will be chatting with someone through the OLD interface. We are having a good back and forth conversation, usually every few hours one of us will respond, asking questions, answering, etc. Then all of the sudden, the other person will go silent...I wont ever hear back from them again. I have had some, what I would consider good prospects, just disappear after a good start...just disappointing really. Sometimes this is after 3 or 4 messages over the course of a day or two...sometimes this is after a "hey this conversation is going well, maybe we should text or chat via phone and go have some dinner this week or next?" I have had some ask me some questions about food or restaraunts ive eaten at...or we are talking about a book and I respond with a comment about it...totally harmless and innocent conversation, yet they never write back... Why do people do this? Have you ever done this, if so why? Seems so odd after some great conversation to just disappear on a whim... I find with OLD people are EXTREMELY disposable. Funny timing as I just made this topic you might want to check out: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/586579-online-dating-vs-any-other-means I've enjoyed my experiences with OLD -- it's helped me to understand women and myself a little better, but it's definitely been a bit frustrating at times, too. In the end, what are the odds we'll end up with someone NON-OLD? I say highly likely, especially if you're an average looking Joe. I don't mean to stereotype, but this has been my experience anyhow, personally.
joseb Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 sometimes its before I even ask...or they will ask me a series of questions like they are interested, ill respond and ill never hear back. Just as an example, one girl and I were laughing and talking about things we like to watch on Netflix, she asked me about a specific show she liked and I commented back that I hadn't seen it, but it was on my list and I made some comments as to why I thought it may be good...then nothing...that was a week ago. Another we were talking about boating and the lake...we had been chatting for the day. She asked me some questions about the lake and hinted like we should have a beer somewhere. I responded about a really fun place by the lake where I had been before and that maybe we should go this weekend...that was last week...I followed up once with a "going out to XXXXX next week, would love to see you there!" she read and never replied...followed up one last time with a "hey hope you had a great weekend, I look forward to hearing back from you!" she read it and never replied...I gave it up after that. Its not a huge deal, I just find it odd...strange conversation etiquette, but maybe im doing it wrong I guess. It seems kind of rude, doesn't it? I just put it down to women having so many options on Online Dating. They probably don't realise that for most guys they might be the only one they are talking to, and the conversation might actually have some meaning. Instead they just hear another beep from someone else and have already forgotten about your conversation. And they might never return. Sure, sometimes it might be something you said that they read something into, or it might be that you didn't ask them out quickly enough, or you asked them out too quickly, or whatever. But I'd say mostly it's simply you got drowned out in the noise. Learn to live with it and not take it seriously at all, and preference other methods of meeting women. It should really only be a side distraction for most guys. Otherwise it probably does more harm than good.
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 It seems kind of rude, doesn't it? I just put it down to women having so many options on Online Dating. They probably don't realise that for most guys they might be the only one they are talking to, and the conversation might actually have some meaning. Instead they just hear another beep from someone else and have already forgotten about your conversation. And they might never return. Sure, sometimes it might be something you said that they read something into, or it might be that you didn't ask them out quickly enough, or you asked them out too quickly, or whatever. But I'd say mostly it's simply you got drowned out in the noise. Learn to live with it and not take it seriously at all, and preference other methods of meeting women. It should really only be a side distraction for most guys. Otherwise it probably does more harm than good. Yeah, I don't have the luxery of having a ton of options like women do. I probably get a response like once or 2wice a month, I'm like YES! Then focus in on her, in the mean time, she's focused in on 3 or 4 guys at once, probably even scheduled dates with each one at different time...and those men don't know about each other. I think that kind of explains why I think my last in-person date was just tolerating me. She already had someone on her mind, so she encourage my flirting. Was just cordial and nice. About a month later, saw she uploaded her new main profile pic of her and her new boyfriend on FB.
joseb Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Or if a guy asks a very short, brief, closed-end question like "how's your weekend going?" or "what are your plans for the weekend?" Like seriously??? Don't you have more than that. Haha, yeah I finally got a few bumble matches that actually initiated a conversation. They all ranged from "Hi Joseb" to "Hey, how's your week going." Honestly, that was the sum content of all of them.
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 Haha, yeah I finally got a few bumble matches that actually initiated a conversation. They all ranged from "Hi Joseb" to "Hey, how's your week going." Honestly, that was the sum content of all of them. Too funny. I got a bumble match the other day and she simple said, Hi, nice smile! I never responded. I work in communications, i can hold a conversation, i guess there are just too many unwritten and ambiguous rules...dont ask for a number too early, but don't wait too long...but this changes with each woman on what they feel too early or too long is. so silly...people are so fickle. 1
bummer Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 so silly...people are so fickle. welcome to the modern era. Instant contact breeds insecurities and information overload where expectations and reality no longer have any fumbly grey area to explore comfortably without shame and anxiety. Trail and error over telephone and video dating? Nah, hyper real speed dating with anyone in the city!!! Hizzah!! At least now in the digital age everyone's f ups (including all your chat history!) are preserved for the future to laugh about: 1
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