the thirst Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Me and my girl are going on a year now. She has a best guy friend that she has known since they were both 12 years old. They constantly communicate with each other. My concern comes from her jealousy she displays when he brings a new girl into the picture. This guy is not one for real relationships and he is always brining new girls around and talking about other girls that's he's seeing. Whenever my gf hears him talk about these things or bring girls around she goes psycho on him. For example, he was telling a story about how he hooked up with a girl that my gf used to work with and was friends with for a time, and she immediately told him to **** off and not talk to her anymore. Basically she was standing there yelling at him for it. And I was just left wondering why she cared so much? It was like I had just told her I had cheated on her on something. She called him one night, a few of us were going to meet up for drinks and he said he was brining one of the hundred girls that he's dated and on the phone my gf said, "why are you with her? I don't like that." Said a few cuss words to him and hung up the phone. These are just two examples of countless times she's gotten blantantly jealous of him w other girls. The one real relationship I know that this guy was in was with one of my girlfriends former best friends, I've heard that he was actually in love w this girl, and my girlfriend told him that if he continued seeing this girl that they can no longer be friends (him and my girlfriend). The guy and the girl ended up breaking up a few months later, and she's no longer friends with the girl and they used to be thick as thieves, but him and my girlfriend still remain close as ever. They have never "dated" according to her but she has admitted to kissing him a few times when they both were blackout drunk. I've also witnessed her being blackout and crying over him saying that she loves him so much and no one in her life is like him and she never wants to lose him? Do you think she has feelings for this guy or am I being paranoid and reading too much into it? What should I do? Because right now I'm feeling like I am second best compared to him.
Author the thirst Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 she likes to be the center of attention
MrMeh Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 ... I've also witnessed her being blackout and crying over him saying that she loves him so much and no one in her life is like him and she never wants to lose him? Are you serious right now? C'mon! 4
bummer Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 she has admitted to kissing him a few times when they both were blackout drunk. I've also witnessed her being blackout and crying over him saying that she loves him so much and no one in her life is like him and she never wants to lose him? Do you think she has feelings for this guy or am I being paranoid and reading too much into it? What should I do? Because right now I'm feeling like I am second best compared to him. Mr Meh was not as clear in his answer as you probably need in this scenario. Yes, she has feelings for this guy. You should probably enjoy your short relationship with her if she makes you happy. You could also tell her you feel like a #2 from her and that you need clarity or need to leave. That will harbour resentment and hasten the end but at this point you should see the obvious right?
kendahke Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 She sounds like his jealous and possessive ex-girlfriend to me. She expects to occupy the #1 slot in both his and your life. she likes to be the center of attention Rather selfish, if you ask me. She's not content with you--she needs more.
kendahke Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 They have never "dated" according to her but she has admitted to kissing him a few times when they both were blackout drunk. I've also witnessed her being blackout and crying over him saying that she loves him so much and no one in her life is like him and she never wants to lose him? Ok. And you're cool with that?
Author the thirst Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 No, it's really weird that's why I'm on this forum to get an outside perspective. I think the right move would be to end it I guess. I know they don't talk everyday, but she walked away from me this past Saturday night and called him. Idk I don't want to be w her and this always be in the back of my mind
preraph Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I hate to circumvent your question, but your biggest problem you need to address here is that she is a blackout drunk alcoholic. And no, as long as she continues to drink, you can't trust her because she won't even remember what she does and will do stuff non-alcoholics won't do. There can be many reasons to not want a guy you know to just have sex with a friend of yours or who you work with because then it gets complicated and you end up in the middle and feeling responsible. But she needs to go to AA, and the rest is just peripheral, IMO.
Ensam Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 All these "best friends"... yes you should definitely be concerned. Your girlfriends behaviour is in no way normal behaviour towards someone who is just a friend.
pteromom Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 It sounds like she's always had a thing for him even though they've never actually "dated". This is way over the top for a "best friend". If she just saw him as a friend, she would WANT him to find someone else to be happy with.
Chief Wiggum Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Firstly, paragraphs, my man. Use them. Secondly, yeah, you should be concerned. It's obvious he's more than just a 'friend' to her. 1
Author the thirst Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Mr Meh was not as clear in his answer as you probably need in this scenario. Yes, she has feelings for this guy. You should probably enjoy your short relationship with her if she makes you happy. You could also tell her you feel like a #2 from her and that you need clarity or need to leave. That will harbour resentment and hasten the end but at this point you should see the obvious right? Could that not possibly be a similar sentiment expressed toward a friend though, or too much? If she loves him so much why is she with me, and not making a move to be with him?
Orion39 Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 I have a friend we have known one another since we were 10 years old and while our friendship/relationship was similar, she never seemed to go that protective. We were both protective of each other and it was never anything more. It could be that she just feels the need to protect/look out for him. Understandable, I still feel the same way about my friend. Now why she is so overprotective, I'm not sure. Is that just how she is? or is it just with him that she's very protective or possessive even. It's something to have concern about and try to keep an open dialog and if everyone is unable to be adults about what is going then changes would have to be made somewhere. Hope it gets better.
DKT3 Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Yeah man she is "In love" with the friend who only see her as a friend. Best to bail before you get in deeper. The second he shows signs of returning her feelings your toast any way.
phineas Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 OP, I have an attractive female friend who regularly gets blackout drunk. We've had sex in the past but she pushed me away after I tried to date her. For months she disregarded me while trying online dating so the message she wasn't interested seemed clear to me. we started hanging out again recently. She got blackout drunk and cried to me about how much she likes me but she's afraid of dating me and compares herself to an attractive woman I dated once and goes into an insecurity downward spiral. Basically she doesn't think she is good enough for me. Despite the fact we get along great and make a good team, I have to agree with her. She's a mess and i've told her in not so many words because i am genuinely concerned for her. Blackout drunk regularly massive insecurities needs attention from as many men as possible. Gets herself in situations where the men she uses for attention can get aggressive with her. She is not relationship material right now. That said, she is seeing a guy right now that didn't seem to like me and saw me as a threat in the beginning but he can see i'm legit not into her now. I DO NOT hang with her alone or text her a lot or flirt with her even though she is constantly hitting me up. I do see problems though. Every time she gets drunk and i'm there she is constantly bringing up the fun times we've had together in the past. Her talking about those things makes ME feel uncomfortable in front of her new guy so I can only imagine how it makes him feel. She sometimes comes onto me when blackout drunk. I do not reciprocate. OP, enjoy your fun, don't catch feelings for this woman. Even if her guy friend and her don't get together she will end up dropping you for another place holder or getting blackout drunk & cheating on you. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 i don't like it. It's too much jealousy about a guy that is supposedly her friend. If they were really just friends, she might be protective of who he dates if they were bad for him. But blanket disliking everyone he dates, stopping speaking to him when he is dating a girl. stopping her friendship with the girl who dated him previously, AND drunk spilling feelings about him are all terrible signs for you to stay in it for your sake. This friend may not return her feelings so there may be no danger of them really getting together. I think the most likely scenario is he somewhat returns them: he likes her too but not really ready for a relationship, as evidenced by his dating history (as well as the fact that he puts up with her shenanigans). She's having one with you in the meantime. It doesn't really matter if they get together or not. She is demeaning you by having you as a pretty clear second choice. It sounds like you are open enough to consider ending it with her. I think that is the best thing for you. You could do it on the fact alone that when she is drunk she confesses all these feelings for him. That is enough to break up with her. Don't try to figure it out much more than that. Just decide it's not good enough for you. Good luck
booboomane Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 This. This so much. Im really good friends with a girl who is now married. Even though she used to flirt with me alot and still does to an extent, shes always asking me about how dates went and wanting me to be happy. Basically, girls will be girls but a "BFF" will not take it to that extreme. I hate it for you dude. You have an ordeal on your hands. It sounds like she's always had a thing for him even though they've never actually "dated". This is way over the top for a "best friend". If she just saw him as a friend, she would WANT him to find someone else to be happy with.
usa1ah Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 They are not together because he doesn't feel the same for her. But if he ever does she will gone in the blink of the eye.
longjohn Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 My god, dump this lunatic and tell her to go get with him so he'll stop being a man-whore. Well then you'll have to find a new woman. Luckily there's lots of them out there!
phineas Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 They are not together because he doesn't feel the same for her. But if he ever does she will gone in the blink of the eye. OF curse the friend doesn't want to date her. Men with options aren't going to choose a woman who gets' blackout drunk on the regular. Right OP?
Author the thirst Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 Ok, plot twist. Here's the kicker: I'm actually the friend of this girl who all of this has been happening to, not her boyfriend. I always thought it was weird that she did all of this **** to me. I wanted an outside perspective from my circle of friends. Always kind of had a thing for her too but we've never really gotten together. It sounds like she does have feelings for me too; I always thought I was just misreading and she was just being an overprotective friend but there came a point where I was like, damn man this has to be more than just friend type behavior. I just don't know what to do about it. Dk how to play it at all.
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