Nothing seems to work for me. Kindly check my relationship trends and say something

[pisces_gurl]

Note: This is LONG.. but please HEP ME. I NEED ADVICE.

I am very sad and hurt. I am a 23 years old girl and the trends in my past 4-5 relationships remain same. In the last year, I haven’t been able to carry a relationship more than 1 month long and this is really bothersome for me.

The trend in each relationship is:

A guy will take interest in me, ask me out etc. We communicate and he seems head over heels in love. Saying ‘I love you’ within 3 to 4 days of contact, followed by ‘I just want to have you’ n ‘my future wife’ etc. I always feel the things are going too fast and the guy comes on TOO STRONG. They would text and call me constantly. The ratio to their texts and my replies is 5:1 usually. They would stay awake for whole night and send me poems (even when I am sleeping).

It seems as if I have met my soul mate who can do anything for me. Their intensity is too much, they start treating me like their princess and etc.

HOWEVER, when I start to get attached… I feel a substantial change in behavior. The guy would stop initiating contact or sending first messages, be busier for me and not that interested… They still act sweet and interested but their actions seem different. It’s not like that they completely change, but I notice a partial loss of interest or pulling back on their part.

This is when I have usually already got emotional for them and started trusting them. The sudden lack of first messages and calls hurt me so much, that I start fighting. And usually within 3 days, I decide to break things off and block them completely from every possible PLATFORM. Even though they try to act interested and say that they are still committed and don’t want to lose me etc. The drop in frequency of text and calls is enough for me to block them. And I don’t tolerate for more than 3-5 days.

So my typical relationship is like:

First three days = A guy shows interest.

First two to three weeks = The guy is head over heels, madly in love. Commits too soon, takes things too fast and seems like their world revolves around me.

After three weeks = Sudden drop in frequency of texts and calls

After that, one week = Fights and my tears… I get clingy and dependent and finally leave forever.

To Note: This is not to brag but I am considered very beautiful and feminine by most of the people. Many people have told me that I have something magnetic which pulls and attracts people, especially in the first few meetings.

This has been a trend in my past few relationships and this scares me. I have lost the ability to love completely. Please analyze. Please suggest me something. What am I doing wrong? Or have I been with wrong men only? PS: the guys I was with were all emotionally weak and immature. Can someone help me pinpoint the problem and how can I improve my relationships? I feel so alone, with all exes blocked.

[Hopeful30]

Okay, this is what I noticed.

 

If ANYONE says I love you that quickly, they are either lying or using you as a rebound and are trying to replace hurt feelings themselves.

 

Something about you is attracting men that want things quick and painlessly. It could be related to the respect you hold for yourself, or how you see yourself and thus allowing yourself to be treated.

 

You get attached shortly after and then they leave. So basically they got their use out of you and are ready to move on.

 

Try to analyze your psychology and your childhood to understand why you are okay with certain behaviours that in the end hurt you. This isn't your fault, but by raising your awareness about yourself, your thoughts and your patterns of behaviour, you might catch something that could either lead on the wrong men or you might have lenses on that make you miss red flags.

 

How is your relationship with the main male figures in your life? Father? Brothers? Male teachers growing up? By analyzing these relationships you might notice certain patterns that stem from your own beliefs about yourself that could allow, manifest or attract people who will create these situations.

 

Do you on some level feel you're not worthy of love? That you must be 'used' to be relevant? Is there a particular quality you liked in all of these men?

 

 

Also the fact that you are beautiful means men will want to claim you or use you as a prize. That's why they are so intense to begin with because they are so desperate to have a beautiful woman to boost their own self esteem. Do they show you off? Ask you to dress sexy?

 

And one last question, does this drop in interest happen after you have sex? Because once you start showing that you are interested, they might feel like they've 'won' and they're bored now because it was that easy. Know your true worth darling!

Edited June 30, 2016 by Hopeful30

[pisces_gurl]

Okay, this is what I noticed.

 

If ANYONE says I love you that quickly, they are either lying or using you as a rebound and are trying to replace hurt feelings themselves.

 

Something about you is attracting men that want things quick and painlessly. It could be related to the respect you hold for yourself, or how you see yourself and thus allowing yourself to be treated.

 

You get attached shortly after and then they leave. So basically they got their use out of you and are ready to move on.

 

Try to analyze your psychology and your childhood to understand why you are okay with certain behaviours that in the end hurt you. This isn't your fault, but by raising your awareness about yourself, your thoughts and your patterns of behaviour, you might catch something that could either lead on the wrong men or you might have lenses on that make you miss red flags.

 

How is your relationship with the main male figures in your life? Father? Brothers? Male teachers growing up? By analyzing these relationships you might notice certain patterns that stem from your own beliefs about yourself that could allow, manifest or attract people who will create these situations.

 

Do you on some level feel you're not worthy of love? That you must be 'used' to be relevant? Is there a particular quality you liked in all of these men?

 

 

Also the fact that you are beautiful means men will want to claim you or use you as a prize. That's why they are so intense to begin with because they are so desperate to have a beautiful woman to boost their own self esteem. Do they show you off? Ask you to dress sexy?

 

And one last question, does this drop in interest happen after you have sex? Because once you start showing that you are interested, they might feel like they've 'won' and they're bored now because it was that easy. Know your true worth darling!

 

 

Nope, I never even have a physical relationship with them, let alone sex. I belong to a conservative cultural background. Yes, as far as beauty is concerned, they do seem to be treating me like a 'prize', something they have 'won'. Also, most of the guys I was with were not handsome at all. In fact, they had an inferiority complex about their looks too. Most were below average when it comes to look and they seemed thankful and bewildered that I chose them.

 

They never leave. I have been the first one to iniate breakups in all cases. They do seem distant and that is usually hurtful enough for me to break things. I am the type of person who believes in WHITE or BLACK, either you are or you are not.There is no middle-ground. So when they ARE, I accept them wholly. And when they become distant, I tell them to leave as I can't continue like this. I see for a few days and if the behavior doesn't change, i leave.

 

None of them ever contacted me from any other source or number after I blocked them. And then I just assume they weren't interested to attracted to begin with, which lowers my self esteem even further.

 

My relationship with male figures... My father was very handsome, and my mother was very beautiful. After 10 years, my father was still very handsome and my mother not so much(aging quickly). My father was a narcissistic and left for another woman. This is perhaps my psychology behind choosing uglier men, or those who are much less than me in terms of finance, education, looks and even personality.

 

I go for those guys because

a) I want to be treated like a princess by them

b) They won't leave me for another because I will always be too good for them.

 

However, this strategy doesn't seem to work now.

[BaileyB]

I think you are very young and you need to spend more time thinking about what you want in a relationship. To be honest, a lot of this talk about physical beauty, etc... Is kind of irrelevant. You are overthinking this and your priorities are a little off...

 

IMHO, you should be looking for someone with similar values (and what are those values), maybe some similar interests (and what are those interests). You should also be thinking of personality/character traits you want to find... Someone hard working, honest, dependable, who makes you laugh, treats you kindly, etc... Try to find someone who will be a friend, who you feel attracted toward (both related to physical and personality).

 

You don't want to be treated like a princess - this is a very superficial way to chose a relationship. You want someone who will respect you and treat you with kindness.

 

IMHO, you need to focus not on the guys you are attracting but what you are looking for and what you can bring to the relationship. This is the way to find love.

Edited June 30, 2016 by BaileyB

[preraph]

I want to put your mind at ease a little. I think it's because of your age and the guys' being young too. They are not mature. They are all "in love" with how you look immediately, and they are projecting the "ideal woman" in their head onto you at first and getting carried away because they're too young to know that woman doesn't exist. They will try to run that script they have with their imaginary ideal woman on you at times, too, try to make you fit into that.

 

At that point may be when some of them change, when they discover you don't fit their script.

 

But all that is mostly because of immaturity and inexperience. If you're dating guys in their early and mid-twenties, they are still staring at every woman that passes by and thinking about sex with her, but they mostly don't have much genuine relationship experience. Some may have lots of sexual experience and that is probably all. They aren't ready for a long relationship. They're still too scattered out.

 

My advice to you is this: Don't even try to hold on to any troubled relationship at your age. There's billions of guys out there and you are prime real estate, so do not waste your time when it isn't working, when it's breaking your heart, when they're making you wait and wonder. Drop them like yesterday's donuts and take a break and move on.

 

I truly believe that the biggest mistake you could make right now at your age is to try to "make a relationship work" with a guy in your age range. BUT the good news is that in about 7 years, when the men start reaching age 29, age 30, and so do you, the men will have goofed around with women all they're ever going to get to and gained maturity and experience and they will be thinking about finding "the keeper," and that is when you will win the lottery as long as you don't get desperate and force that when you're still this young and settle for less than. Wait for the one who is open and doesn't conceal things and that you trust and that totally trust and respects you, has no problem with you having friends, treats you as his equal partner, shows you with actions more than words that he loves and wants to protect you and help provide for you, and who backs all that up with real commitment.

 

Good luck. Just enjoy these few years. Don't let them wear you down.

Edited June 30, 2016 by preraph

[Maggie888]

Constant all day texting and attention is generally not sustainable. Most all men start off strong, then it levels out. When you say they become 'distant" I dont know if you mean they just give you less than all-day attention, or if they are truly distant and cold. If its just the former, then you have unrealistic expectations. if its the latter, and if its a patter of each man, Id say there is something in your behavior that is putting them off once you become attached.

 

Im also not clear why you completely block all these men. It is not necessary. just break up with them but you dont have to be so cruel to block them from every single avenue (esp if you are deep down really still wanting them to contact you)

 

It seems clear there is some deep seated insecurity at play inside you. Probably stemming from abandonment by your father. You are either setting up unrealistic and impossible expectations of these men, or acting so ridiculously clingy/close/suffocating that you turn them away.

 

I would say take a 6 mo break from all dating and do some intense therapy/counseling to explore your self-esteem issues, behavior issues, parent/family issues etc. Work on yourself and then give it another try in a year or so. You are so young, that this will serve you very well long term to get these issues fixed before continuing your journey for a committed relationship.

[stillafool]

I think young men have learned that telling a young woman what they think she wants to hear gets them sex. It's the oldest trick in the book. Good that you are beautiful but there are alot of beautiful girls and beauty only goes so far. I don't know what your conversation is like with these guys but usually people have to feel an emotional connection to fall in love. It seems these guys are trying to get sex and when their lies don't work for them they move on to a girl who wants sex.

[Redhead14]

Note: This is LONG.. but please HEP ME. I NEED ADVICE.

I am very sad and hurt. I am a 23 years old girl and the trends in my past 4-5 relationships remain same. In the last year, I haven’t been able to carry a relationship more than 1 month long and this is really bothersome for me.

The trend in each relationship is:

A guy will take interest in me, ask me out etc. We communicate and he seems head over heels in love. Saying ‘I love you’ within 3 to 4 days of contact, followed by ‘I just want to have you’ n ‘my future wife’ etc. I always feel the things are going too fast and the guy comes on TOO STRONG. They would text and call me constantly. The ratio to their texts and my replies is 5:1 usually. They would stay awake for whole night and send me poems (even when I am sleeping).

It seems as if I have met my soul mate who can do anything for me. Their intensity is too much, they start treating me like their princess and etc.

HOWEVER, when I start to get attached… I feel a substantial change in behavior. The guy would stop initiating contact or sending first messages, be busier for me and not that interested… They still act sweet and interested but their actions seem different. It’s not like that they completely change, but I notice a partial loss of interest or pulling back on their part.

This is when I have usually already got emotional for them and started trusting them. The sudden lack of first messages and calls hurt me so much, that I start fighting. And usually within 3 days, I decide to break things off and block them completely from every possible PLATFORM. Even though they try to act interested and say that they are still committed and don’t want to lose me etc. The drop in frequency of text and calls is enough for me to block them. And I don’t tolerate for more than 3-5 days.

So my typical relationship is like:

First three days = A guy shows interest.

First two to three weeks = The guy is head over heels, madly in love. Commits too soon, takes things too fast and seems like their world revolves around me.

After three weeks = Sudden drop in frequency of texts and calls

After that, one week = Fights and my tears… I get clingy and dependent and finally leave forever.

To Note: This is not to brag but I am considered very beautiful and feminine by most of the people. Many people have told me that I have something magnetic which pulls and attracts people, especially in the first few meetings.

This has been a trend in my past few relationships and this scares me. I have lost the ability to love completely. Please analyze. Please suggest me something. What am I doing wrong? Or have I been with wrong men only? PS: the guys I was with were all emotionally weak and immature. Can someone help me pinpoint the problem and how can I improve my relationships? I feel so alone, with all exes blocked.

 

A man or woman who comes on that strong and very early, burns out quickly. Back off of men who "flame" you, they cannot maintain that "fire" for long. You want a slower "burn", more gradual build up. Learn to be patient and discerning. Usually guys that come on that strong are hoping to have sex with you and when that happens, they move on.

 

You want a man who compliments you, but is not over the top, who keeps in good touch, keeps you as a priority and, most importantly, has the same dating/relationship goal you have. You need to have a light conversation early in the dating scenario to find out what they want out of their dating journey. If they say they want casual and you are looking for a relationship with long-term potential, you move on because your goals are different. At this point, it's not about being with each other, just overall goal.

 

And, even if they say they are looking for a long-term relationship for themselves, you sit back and observe how they date you. Are they coming on hard and mushy, are they calling you last minute for dates or late at night for a hook up or are they texting and calling at a reasonable/respectful pace, are they scheduling proper dates, are they keeping the dates they make and on time? They might say they want a long-term relationship as a goal just because they know that's what most women want. So, you just have to pay attention and manage your emotions and expectations. Don't let yourself get sucked in by sweet talk and charm. Let them show you what they are about . . .

[Versacehottie]

Note: This is LONG.. but please HEP ME. I NEED ADVICE.

I am very sad and hurt. I am a 23 years old girl and the trends in my past 4-5 relationships remain same. In the last year, I haven’t been able to carry a relationship more than 1 month long and this is really bothersome for me.

The trend in each relationship is:

A guy will take interest in me, ask me out etc. We communicate and he seems head over heels in love. Saying ‘I love you’ within 3 to 4 days of contact, followed by ‘I just want to have you’ n ‘my future wife’ etc. I always feel the things are going too fast and the guy comes on TOO STRONG. They would text and call me constantly. The ratio to their texts and my replies is 5:1 usually. They would stay awake for whole night and send me poems (even when I am sleeping).

It seems as if I have met my soul mate who can do anything for me. Their intensity is too much, they start treating me like their princess and etc.

HOWEVER, when I start to get attached… I feel a substantial change in behavior. The guy would stop initiating contact or sending first messages, be busier for me and not that interested… They still act sweet and interested but their actions seem different. It’s not like that they completely change, but I notice a partial loss of interest or pulling back on their part.

This is when I have usually already got emotional for them and started trusting them. The sudden lack of first messages and calls hurt me so much, that I start fighting. And usually within 3 days, I decide to break things off and block them completely from every possible PLATFORM. Even though they try to act interested and say that they are still committed and don’t want to lose me etc. The drop in frequency of text and calls is enough for me to block them. And I don’t tolerate for more than 3-5 days.

So my typical relationship is like:

First three days = A guy shows interest.

First two to three weeks = The guy is head over heels, madly in love. Commits too soon, takes things too fast and seems like their world revolves around me.

After three weeks = Sudden drop in frequency of texts and calls

After that, one week = Fights and my tears… I get clingy and dependent and finally leave forever.

To Note: This is not to brag but I am considered very beautiful and feminine by most of the people. Many people have told me that I have something magnetic which pulls and attracts people, especially in the first few meetings.

This has been a trend in my past few relationships and this scares me. I have lost the ability to love completely. Please analyze. Please suggest me something. What am I doing wrong? Or have I been with wrong men only? PS: the guys I was with were all emotionally weak and immature. Can someone help me pinpoint the problem and how can I improve my relationships? I feel so alone, with all exes blocked.

 

I knew part of what you were going to say was that you are very pretty. I can believe that. That's why the guys are going over the top at the very beginning. I also thought due to sentence structure and that it's multiple guys doing this that you were probably from another culture (than american), ie this behavior can be more common in other cultures. So what do you do?

 

I don't know that I have the total answer but I do think you need to change some things on your end. I think first you need to manage the "pace" better. I would be worried, in any culture, with a guy that comes on so strong. Rather than "avoid" the issue by just responding less than they do at the beginning, why not tell them that you like to go slower and get to know someone better first. I would even venture to tell them that poems and stuff are too over the top for you if you don't have real relationship yet. You have to realize this for what it is. Neither them trying to "get to you" nor you believing why they are trying is based in reality. They are just going over the top due to cultural norms and because they think you are beautiful so they are trying to outdo whatever competition they think exists. Both parties are in fantasy land. Not based in reality of who you really are personality-wise nor their real intentions dating-wise. So take that behavior of theirs with a grain of salt and force them to "be real" and get to know the real you.

 

Secondly, sorry to say, it sounds like you in some way or another play "hard-to-get" and they've built up a fantasy about you that devolves FASTER than most because it doesn't match your personality. That's why you need to force them to get to know your personality. You could even say you want to take it slow and be friends first (though I suspect that could be problematic if they put you on a pedestal during that time). You do need to have some good personality and not be too clingy or the fantasy they've built up comes crashing down.

 

Lastly, try not to be so reactionary. Like blocking them on everything if they don't respond in the way you want. What's that about? That's immature and princess-y. Lots of drama, again crashing the fantasy and unrealistic. It can be hard when you are really pretty to get guys to see you AS YOU REALLY ARE. You are going to have to take responsibility for setting the pace, exposing your real personality early on, developing a personality and relationship style that matches the gorgeous girl, inside and out, that they think they've met. Also choose better. Be smarter with what guys you choose. Try to judge when someone is a good guy vs when he just wants to possess you because of what you look like. A good guy will have you on the pedestal a bit, not a ton. He wouldn't want to come off fake and would be more concerned that he show you were in the same league. Also temper your expectations, a month in is about when you will see HOW consistent a guy will be. Sometimes there is no other way to learn other than to get to that point. Good luck