Can losing a lot of weight change a relationship for the worse?

[Versacehottie]

My boyfriend started losing weight at the beginning of the year for a wedding coming up. He was losing very fast. He is now lost over 100 pounds. I was so proud of him, and I could see how happy he was becoming.

 

However, some things started to change. I can't really pinpoint, but it's almost as if he became overly confident. I remember asking him if people started to treat him differently, and he started to say things to me like, "When I was walking by a room at work, these 2 girls were staring at me. When I looked back a few minutes later, they were still staring."

 

He has a "Type A" personality, and is very outgoing already.

 

I just felt like towards the end, he wasn't the same person that I met. He wasn't mean to me, just different.

 

Turns out, he ended up cheating on me a month ago. We no longer talk. Could this have anything to do with the weight loss?

 

Awww, I feel so bad for you. This really sucks. But yes, I think the story is a familiar one unfortunately. It's a little bad because it is kind how they see you, like you are fine when I'm not at my best but gonna dump you when I improve myself. It sucks to feel like you've been used as a crutch. That said, I do think that losing a significant amount of weight like 100 pounds usually has implications for lots of people around the "loser". Family relationships, friend relationships too. I think what typically happens is the person who has lost the weight will feel this newfound confidence or that they've actually allowed themselves to be the "underdog" or mistreated in some way and want to change up the dynamic. The other people can be sitting there going "wha happened" especially if they have always been supportive. And even if they never treated the heavy person like they were "less than", the person just viewed it that way or is almost drunk with newfound power. that part stings a bit. Shoot, I've seen it among groups of girlfriends who are competative about looks with a 10 pound loss!!!! I've seen it when the heavier person WAS already the leader of the group and starts acting like a tyrant. It is SO about so much more than just you. And you have to tell yourself that you probably couldn't have done anything differently--he may have done the same thing because it's about him.

 

Concentrate on yourself. I'm so sorry this happened to you. And let's turn this thread into what would make things better for you now at this point.

[erin0]

When we met, I was in shape, and he was not. He was always insecure in the beginning of our relationship because he didn't understand why I would want him.

 

I gained weight, and he lost it. Not only did I gain weight, but I became much more reserved because of it. Ultimately, I think I changed more than him in the end because I just wasn't happy with myself. He never made me feel insecure, but it wasn't about him. It was about me, and how I felt about myself.

 

He would always tell me that he missed the old me. I did too.

 

I sound like I'm having a pity party for myself, but I truly think my weight gain CAUSED problems in our relationship & him losing weight sealed the deal.

[PegNosePete]

I truly think my weight gain CAUSED problems in our relationship & him losing weight sealed the deal.

Possibly. But if he's only with you for your hot bod then to be honest that's not much of a relationship to begin with.

[brothers343]

Im sorry for what your going through, Butt being healthy and in shape it's an everyday thing not a one day thing. You need dicipling and though his looks good now he may not have the fortitude to keep going. He may get back to what he was and then he will know what he lost in you. Becouse that's what usually happens. Be smart and be thankful that he's gone. Good luck.

[oldshirt]

 

I sound like I'm having a pity party for myself, but I truly think my weight gain CAUSED problems in our relationship & him losing weight sealed the deal.

 

I don't think it "caused" him to cheat and exit stage left. Think of it more like a catalyst that wasn't a direct cause of the reaction but allowed the reaction to occur more efficiently.

 

And yes this is so common as to be pretty much cliche'.

 

Any time one partner becomes significantly more attractive and their partner doesn't, there is extreme risk of the relationship dissolving.

[Versacehottie]

When we met, I was in shape, and he was not. He was always insecure in the beginning of our relationship because he didn't understand why I would want him.

 

I gained weight, and he lost it. Not only did I gain weight, but I became much more reserved because of it. Ultimately, I think I changed more than him in the end because I just wasn't happy with myself. He never made me feel insecure, but it wasn't about him. It was about me, and how I felt about myself.

 

He would always tell me that he missed the old me. I did too.

 

I sound like I'm having a pity party for myself, but I truly think my weight gain CAUSED problems in our relationship & him losing weight sealed the deal.

 

Yeah that might have played a part for a variety of reasons, but I doubt it's all just on you--after all his way of dealing with it was cheating and 100 pounds loss is huge and totally will involved what he thinks about himself. One reason for you being that if you became reserved or didn't feel great about your confidence which is probably what he admired in you as he had a bit of a struggle there himself.

 

Ok, revenge body, let's go!! I say that not just for the "outside" but for the inside. It totally helps people to reconnect with their inner selves to exercise and makes you feel good as an end result in and of itself. That's what you need. If you feel like you lost part of your admirable self when with him and brought down lower by the cheating and breakup, this will help. Plus it never hurts to look your best.

 

EDited to add: forget calling it a revenge body, it has nothing to do with him. It's all about you. Take him out of your thoughts and future

[Charmed22]

If thats the case I recommend losing weight yourself.

 

 

It really does wonders to your self confidence. You will look better and feel better, you will also feel an enormous sense of self worth to be able to set a goal and reach it. You will apply that type of determination to all aspects of your life. Only positive things come from taking care of your health. There is also the bonus of your ex seeing you looking better, happier, and more confident. He will kick himself for throwing you away like that.