Can losing a lot of weight change a relationship for the worse?

June 30, 2016

My boyfriend started losing weight at the beginning of the year for a wedding coming up. He was losing very fast. He is now lost over 100 pounds. I was so proud of him, and I could see how happy he was becoming.

However, some things started to change. I can't really pinpoint, but it's almost as if he became overly confident. I remember asking him if people started to treat him differently, and he started to say things to me like, "When I was walking by a room at work, these 2 girls were staring at me. When I looked back a few minutes later, they were still staring."

He has a "Type A" personality, and is very outgoing already.

I just felt like towards the end, he wasn't the same person that I met. He wasn't mean to me, just different.

Turns out, he ended up cheating on me a month ago. We no longer talk. Could this have anything to do with the weight loss?

June 30, 2016

Quite possibly. But does it really make a difference? It's healthy to be in shape. If he was gonna cheat on you it would have happened anyways eventually.

June 30, 2016

Yes! He lost 100 pounds and became more attractive therefore he had more options. I've seen this happen with other people who lose alot of weight. There confidence soars and they want to try others because they are finally getting the attention they've always wanted. I've even see this happen with people who go from thick glasses to contacts or laser surgery.

June 30, 2016

I believe your situation with your boyfriend is quite a common one. Given that you've described your ex boyfriend or boyfriend being a " type A" it's almost like he used the weight loss to test the waters, and see if he ' had it'. Some people don't feel attractive bigger even if they do have a supportive and loving boyfriend or girlfriend with them, by their side, loving them unconditionally. He finally had some looks his way, he felt attractive and he went in to " test" how attractive he was, finally having the " opportunities" he never quite had before. It's like my ex finally realizing that I wasn't the only girl that found him attractive. He realized that at the time ( we were both very young) that even though he lost his virginity to me at the time, he realized that other girls found him cute too. Then he wore different shirts, styled his hair a different way and bragged about the girls who found him hot and what girls said what to him. Typical jerkish behaviour. Needless to say, the nerdy guy I fell in love with at the time, became a bit full of himself and started cheating on me and making excuses for it. The weight loss may have brought out the " Type A personality" you're referring to, but underneath the teddy bear you may have fallen for, was a jerk waiting to appear given the opportunity. Sorry you may be going through this. You deserve better and you will get better next time

June 30, 2016

I believe your situation with your boyfriend is quite a common one. Given that you've described your ex boyfriend or boyfriend being a " type A" it's almost like he used the weight loss to test the waters, and see if he ' had it'. Some people don't feel attractive bigger even if they do have a supportive and loving boyfriend or girlfriend with them, by their side, loving them unconditionally. He finally had some looks his way, he felt attractive and he went in to " test" how attractive he was, finally having the " opportunities" he never quite had before. It's like my ex finally realizing that I wasn't the only girl that found him attractive. He realized that at the time ( we were both very young) that even though he lost his virginity to me at the time, he realized that other girls found him cute too. Then he wore different shirts, styled his hair a different way and bragged about the girls who found him hot and what girls said what to him. Typical jerkish behaviour. Needless to say, the nerdy guy I fell in love with at the time, became a bit full of himself and started cheating on me and making excuses for it. The weight loss may have brought out the " Type A personality" you're referring to, but underneath the teddy bear you may have fallen for, was a jerk waiting to appear given the opportunity. Sorry you may be going through this. You deserve better and you will get better next time

I completely agree with the teddy bear turned jerk attitude!

We were together for a long time and did have a few problems like any other serious relationship, and being that he lost all of the weight, he probably didn't care to work on ours because he knew there were girls in line.

He is dating this girl now, and she couldn't be any more different than me. I don't know her personally, but she's very attractive. Yes, I'm a little bitter

June 30, 2016

hahahaha I don't blame you Erin. I would be too! in fact, I was at one stage. That guy I was telling you about, after we broke up because of him cheating and being a jerk. He started dating a very, very beautiful girl after we broke up! Yeah I couldn't believe it at the time. He tossed me a side in favor of someone else very quickly and replaced me rather earnestly. I think it was in relation to his ' New found confidence". Realizing " I'm a hottie" and he got a hot girlfriend. Before he dated me, he could barely even talk to a girl. So he was completely inexperienced to say the least.

It's a fresh wound for you so it may take a while to heal. But I would actually take this time to maybe do something awesome and amazing for yourself. New hair cut, holiday/vacation, wardrobe... just something. To show yourself " hey, I still got it"

You have a lot to offer someone in the world. You're obviously a very wonderfully loyal person who would be with someone regardless of what they're size were. That's plenty to offer a new relationship to someone who is more deserving of you! good luck sweet pea

June 30, 2016

However, some things started to change. I can't really pinpoint, but it's almost as if he became overly confident. I remember asking him if people started to treat him differently, and he started to say things to me like, "When I was walking by a room at work, these 2 girls were staring at me. When I looked back a few minutes later, they were still staring."

By the way, where you said " I couldn't really pinpoint". I think this paragraph said it all. He was entertaining the idea of cheating on you, being with another person to satisfy his ego and curiosity a long time ago, even before he engaged in it. Overly Confident? the guy just became an opportunist and learnt how to play the game- possibly even the player game. The game he was always on the outside always looking in, never understanding how other guys did it, but secretly wishing he partook in it. He literally learnt to become little finger or Sansa Stark of winterfell.

June 30, 2016

Yes, it's quite possible that he was only staying with you because he didn't think he could find anyone else. But after he lost weight he realised other women also found him attractive, so he went for it.

The weight loss didn't necessarily cause the cheating - that would be the fact that he was "settling" to begin with. But the weight loss may have opened his eyes to other options and enabled him to cheat and move on.

I don't think it's all that uncommon with weight loss, and it also applies to cosmetic surgery, confidence courses, etc. One partner suddenly feels more attractive and realises they have options.

June 30, 2016

Yes, it's quite possible that he was only staying with you because he didn't think he could find anyone else. But after he lost weight he realised other women also found him attractive, so he went for it.

The weight loss didn't necessarily cause the cheating - that would be the fact that he was "settling" to begin with. But the weight loss may have opened his eyes to other options and enabled him to cheat and move on.

I don't think it's all that uncommon with weight loss, and it also applies to cosmetic surgery, confidence courses, etc. One partner suddenly feels more attractive and realises they have options.

Does this excuse dumping your girlfriend/boyfriend for someone else? Does this make them a bad person?

Does this also make you think "Hm, maybe I should have made more of an effort to keep up or I would not have lost him/her?"

Of course, I've always seen situations where there's an a not so fit man with a stunning, fit wife that had been together for over 10 years...so...go figure *shrug* I bet the unfit one is happy with what they got. lol

June 30, 2016

Yes, and it actually happens alot.

A very close friend of mines, wife had gastric bypass, she started to change with every pound she lost. She ended up becoming a serial cheater they have since divorced.

During the middle of it he showed me an article he found that stated roughly 3/4 of people that have the procedure become unfaithful....WOW. it went on to say the increased attention they receive from the opposite sex can be irresistible for those that never had it before.

Sorry for you having gone through that

June 30, 2016

Yes, and it actually happens alot.

A very close friend of mines, wife had gastric bypass, she started to change with every pound she lost. She ended up becoming a serial cheater they have since divorced.

During the middle of it he showed me an article he found that stated roughly 3/4 of people that have the procedure become unfaithful....WOW. it went on to say the increased attention they receive from the opposite sex can be irresistible for those that never had it before.

Sorry for you having gone through that

Ironic, isn't it. For those who have no one in their lives and struggling that finally lose weight and can "get the girl"...how improving onself was a benefit.

But in the case where you're already spoken for, complete disaster!!

June 30, 2016

"When I was walking by a room at work, these 2 girls were staring at me. When I looked back a few minutes later, they were still staring."

Turns out, he ended up cheating on me a month ago. We no longer talk. Could this have anything to do with the weight loss?

Sounds to me as if the extra attention went to his head and he started to become narcissistic and wondering if he could now do better. It's sad, but yes this happens to some people. One day he may regret doing this.

June 30, 2016

He is dating this girl now, and she couldn't be any more different than me. I don't know her personally, but she's very attractive. Yes, I'm a little bitter

Don't get bitter, get hot, and get yourself some of that upgraded action too.... The difference between average and hot is only a workout, the right clothes and good attitude.

June 30, 2016

Sorry that you had to go through his cheating. Sounds like he has flawed will power, which could mean the weight could slowly come back after the wedding. Block his number now; move on to find someone with a good heart and healthy habits.

June 30, 2016

My boyfriend started losing weight at the beginning of the year for a wedding coming up. He was losing very fast. He is now lost over 100 pounds. I was so proud of him, and I could see how happy he was becoming.

However, some things started to change. I can't really pinpoint, but it's almost as if he became overly confident. I remember asking him if people started to treat him differently, and he started to say things to me like, "When I was walking by a room at work, these 2 girls were staring at me. When I looked back a few minutes later, they were still staring."

He has a "Type A" personality, and is very outgoing already.

I just felt like towards the end, he wasn't the same person that I met. He wasn't mean to me, just different.

Turns out, he ended up cheating on me a month ago. We no longer talk. Could this have anything to do with the weight loss?

Could be, but he probably was the kind of guy who was predisposed to cheating before he lost the weight. He just didn't think he could do it at the weight he was.

Weight loss has nothing to do with one's value system.

June 30, 2016

Yes, I'm a little bitter

Don't be. She's got a cheater--that isn't a prize.

June 30, 2016

Does this also make you think "Hm, maybe I should have made more of an effort to keep up or I would not have lost him/her?"

For a cheater? No--because that person was already predisposed to cheating.

There was nothing stopping them from ending the relationship first before having sex with someone else. They wanted to have their cake and eat it, too.

June 30, 2016

I've heard so many stories of people helping their partner lose a lot of weight than the partner leaves them because they have options now

June 30, 2016

This happened to me too!

Me and my ex have both gained a lot of weight in the relationship. He was planning on joining the military and was 5'7 230lbs. He dropped down to 160 lbs in a few months with my help. My apartment had a gym I let him use and I gave him my scale to weigh himself. Once he dropped the weight and enlisted in the airforce, the confidence from people complimenting him and the people admiring him for being a service member definitely went to his head. Eventually he no longer saw the need in staying with his lame fat girlfriend of five years so he cheated and left me cause I was no longer on his level. His excuse was I needed to learn to love myself. Hah!

Now besides losing 160lbs of dead weight, I have been steadily losing fat myself. I went from 250 at 5'2 to now about 180 and I hope to get to 130. Since I have dropped I noticed the attention I get from guys have increased significantly I almost can't wait to see what it will be like once I hit my goal weight. Its a huge confidence booster and its easy for it to go to your head if you are not used to it.

June 30, 2016

Sounds to me as if the extra attention went to his head and he started to become narcissistic and wondering if he could now do better. It's sad, but yes this happens to some people. One day he may regret doing this.

He may even put the weight back on once he's comfortable in a new relationship. After all. he did lose the weight very quickly.

June 30, 2016

I used to be 40 lbs heavier than I am now. Being fat does something to your physical and mental health that you do not realize until you have lost and regained it. People also treat you differently when you are fat, from strangers on the street to long trusted friends and family. Having lost the weight, I can tell you it does something to your sex drive as well. I also have a friend who is very overweight still, she has lost about 75 lbs and she said she has a drive again when she didn't before.

So ... Yes, it does improve your sex drive. However, that may not have been why he cheated. There is an age old question no one will ever answer : Why does anyone cheat? He may have wanted to cheat to begin with. He may have not have been happy with you or himself. Maybe he did it because the opportunity presented itself and he too it. Whatever the case may be, what's done is done. And now you have to move on.

June 30, 2016

Its not unusual at all,I am sorry this happened to you, I often lose weight when i am in a relationship because i normally train with the guy i am with,i am a loyal person though and guys who try for me when i have lost the weight dont appeal to me as i know in my forever chubby girl heart...they dont truly care for who i am as a person..how i look on the outside...doesnt change who i am at heart.......

I have found that some men become more aggressive in pursuing.....they arent the ones i would ever be with..it makes em extremely uncomfortable...means they dont care for the insides just the outsides.......as i said who i am doesnt change at heart level......i do become more confident as most people would...but mainly because i am so active.....i bounce around......hyper.....but my loyalty never changes......no matter how others perceive me to be....i remain the same....same values...same standards...but yes to a higher sex drive...its an active thing with me...as i think it is with everyone.....

i prefer to lose weight in a relationship long term for that very reason...the weight drops off it seems to happen pretty naturally...maybe i eat my feelings out of a relationship i dont know........but thats all i shed...is the weight......

thats the thing with your bf who he was at heart wasnt who you were really with......it took a change of his appearance for him to be the person he really wanted to be..and it wasnt really attractive was it..his whole persona changed......not just his looks.....and you are better off he left and didnt remain to cheat on you and bring more than just misery to your life.....

as another poster said do things for you ...do something special for you...take a weekend to a favourite place and have some fun..somewhere you have always wanted to go..surround yourself with people who love and care for you..your friends and family......and enjoy time with them.......dont let this guy destroy what a good person you are because he truly was a ...dick.....no other word i can think of.......i wish you well....deb

Edited June 30, 2016 by todreaminblue

July 1, 2016

,i am a loyal person though and guys who try for me when i have lost the weight dont appeal to me

Do they appeal to you only if they never knew you were overweight? :-)

July 1, 2016

I've seen both men and women do this when they get tons of attention and the opposite sex is throwing themselves at them.

Hell, I just dropped 45 lbs and women who barely spoke to me have come onto me hard when they first saw me after the weight loss.

Some are even married or have BF's.

no thanks.

I will admit, it's easier meeting women in person.

They look at you, a lot.

So you talk to them.

Plus more women have been hitting up my online profiles.

guess women arn't as active on the sites, took about two weeks for them to find my profile.

July 1, 2016

Do they appeal to you only if they never knew you were overweight? :-)

i was specifically referring to guys who knew me before i dropped the weight.....the fact is though...i was in a relationship and they showed little respect for that fact i was in a relationship or for him considering they were supposed friends of his.....yes i found it to be unappealing on many levels.........deb

Sign In

Can losing a lot of weight change a relationship for the worse?

Recommended Posts

erin0

Ensam

stillafool

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

erin0

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

PegNosePete

LookAtThisPOst

DKT3

LookAtThisPOst

Buddhist

Buddhist

Beach Guy

kendahke

kendahke

kendahke

Revolver

Charmed22

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

mortensorchid

todreaminblue

LookAtThisPOst

phineas

todreaminblue

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...