I love my girlfriend so much, but I made the worst mistake of my life

[rcantrell]

I love my girlfriend to the moon and back. We have a great relationship and she is great. I was really really drunk one night recently and went home with another girl and had sex. I don't even know her name. I left her place and I am driving myself crazy over it. I can't live with the fact I cheated. I am now worried about STDs and have no clue what to do.. If i lose her then I lose everything. I can't lose her.

 

In my mind I have two options:

1. Tell her what happened and she will probably leave me and I will have messed up the greatest thing in my life. it would crush both of us

2. Not tell her and get STD checked before we have sex again. I know this is the less honest option but I would rather lie than lose her.

 

We have a great relationship and Idk why I did this. . Can someone help me figure out what to do?

[frus69]

I love my girlfriend to the moon and back. ?

 

And where did this love go before you had sex with a stranger?

 

 

You should tell your GF and it's up to her if she forgive you or not.

 

 

Frankly you will probably cheat again. It sounds easy for you once you are drunk. No you don't love her as much as you thought, you wont die after losing her as much as you thought. If you really treasured her as much as you thought, you wouldn't have cheated. Would have stopped when you and the stranger got close.

Edited June 30, 2016 by frus69

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I love my girlfriend to the moon and back. We have a great relationship and she is great. I was really really drunk one night recently and went home with another girl and had sex. I don't even know her name. I left her place and I am driving myself crazy over it. I can't live with the fact I cheated. I am now worried about STDs and have no clue what to do.. If i lose her then I lose everything. I can't lose her.

 

In my mind I have two options:

1. Tell her what happened and she will probably leave me and I will have messed up the greatest thing in my life. it would crush both of us

2. Not tell her and get STD checked before we have sex again. I know this is the less honest option but I would rather lie than lose her.

 

We have a great relationship and Idk why I did this. . Can someone help me figure out what to do?

 

 

The entire answer depends only and completely on whether there is any realistic chance that your GF could find out via other channels, that you cheated on her.

 

 

IF it is nearly impossible (extreeeeeeeeeeeemely unlikely) that the GF could find out via any other avenue, then you suck it up and never utter a word to her.

 

 

If it is fairly likely that the GF will eventually find out via other channels, then you man-up and tell her FIRST (to spare her having to learn it from someone else).

 

 

Your own guilt over the situation does not, and will never matter.

 

The ONLY priority in this equation is your GF's feelings.

[hippychick3]

The entire answer depends only and completely on whether there is any realistic chance that your GF could find out via other channels, that you cheated on her.

 

 

IF it is nearly impossible (extreeeeeeeeeeeemely unlikely) that the GF could find out via any other avenue, then you suck it up and never utter a word to her.

 

 

If it is fairly likely that the GF will eventually find out via other channels, then you man-up and tell her FIRST (to spare her having to learn it from someone else).

 

 

Your own guilt over the situation does not, and will never matter.

 

The ONLY priority in this equation is your GF's feelings.

 

I disagree. I think his girlfriend has every right to know exactly who she is in a relationship with....someone who has the capacity to cheat when he drinks too much.

 

Let her know what you did and if you lose her, she will hopefully find someone who will be loyal and faithful to her under any and all circumstances.

 

I'd advise you to stop drinking or get help for your alcohol problem since you can't seem to keep your d*** in your pants when you drink.

[Satu]

"I love my girlfriend so much, but I made the worst *mistake of my life."

 

 

*It wasn't a mistake.

 

You did it because you wanted to do it.

 

It was a bad decision.

 

If you admit that, you're at least being honest with yourself.

 

You did it because you wanted to, but now you regret it.

 

Thats understandable.

 

But as Macbeth said:

 

"Whats done, is done."

 

You should tell your girlfriend, and take the consequences of your actions, whatever they may be.

 

If you don't tell her, you will have placed a little seed of corruption in the heart of your relationship, which will cause it to turn bad, anyway.

 

 

Take care.

[elisalynn]

As someone who has cheated on a partner in the past... You two should break up. Tell her the truth or don't, but at least break up with her. You will probably do it again to this girl because you don't respect her enough. You may really enjoy her company and she may genuinely be an amazing person, but something must have been missing if you slept with someone else. Let the guilt consume you for a short amount of time, forgive yourself, change yourself for the better, and learn how to have more respect and tighter boundaries in your next relationship. That's what I learned, at least, in my experience.

[Lobe]

First I commend you for taking the possibility of transmitting an STD to your girlfriend seriously. That shows a lot of respect for her. Thank you. Please get tested.

 

Second, you cannot build a life on lies. You need to do some serious soul searching here. Are you sure that this mistake isn't the start of a series of mistakes? You don't tell her this time, and it's easier to not tell her next time. If you tell her, she might leave, but you also might be giving yourself the gift of a girlfriend who, if she takes you back, you are so afraid to lose and so sure you never want to get caught that you never cheat again.

 

Whatever you decide, no sex until you get your STD results back.

[Buddhist]

In my mind I have two options:

1. Tell her what happened and she will probably leave me and I will have messed up the greatest thing in my life. it would crush both of us

 

And yet this is the most grown up thing to do. At least this way you will grow from the experience.

 

2. Not tell her and get STD checked before we have sex again. I know this is the less honest option but I would rather lie than lose her.

 

And wait until the truth finally emerges of it's own accord, and it will. Then you will do your growing up when she leaves you because you compounded your error with willing deception as well.

 

I have news for you, you don't love your GF at all. What you love is what she gives you and you are doing everything possible to keep that giving continuing. That is need, not love. It is self centred and it's what enables you to think that deceiving her on top of cheating on her is somehow a better thing. Better for who? For you.

 

I hope you find some integrity in your travels. Life has a way of forcing us to find it if we miss the myriad little opportunities we encounter along the way. My advice is don't wait for the universe to determine you 'need' some integrity before you find it yourself. It will hurt like hell.

 

PS - You better hope that this strange girl, who's name you don't even know and had unprotected sex with, is not carrying your child.

Edited June 30, 2016 by Buddhist

[elaine567]

I was really really drunk one night recently and went home with another girl and had sex.

if you were really really drunk, so drunk that you did not know your own mind, which is what is being implied here, then you would have ended up speaking gibberish and passing out somewhere; you would not have taken some girl home and had sex with her.

 

There is now trouble at the heart of your relationship, trouble if you tell her, trouble if you don't.

You may think you love your gf, but the bond just wasn't there, else you would have said "Thanks but no thanks" to that random girl.

[SammySammy]

Being drunk is not an excuse.

 

You CAN lose her. Probably will. Whether you tell her or not.

 

For the simple reason that trust has been broken in your relationship. Along with respect. They have an interesting way of revealing themselves in our conscious and subconscious behavior. Whether we admit them verbally or not.

 

Do what you will.

 

How you deal with it is going to be guided by your moral compass. If you have one. Who you really are. Not anything we say here.

[Jabron1]

I guess you can blame it on the alcohol, and pledge to stop drinking. She might buy that.

 

Any self-respecting person would just dump you though regardless.

 

Think of the amount of compromise she would have to make in order to swallow this, and get past it. Why would you put someone that you purport to 'love' in such a position?

[Ensam]

Well, the "right" thing to do here would be to tell her the truth but since you would rather lie: I think we as humans learns a lot from the consequences (or lack of them) of our actions. You can tell yourself this was a one time thing but what's to keep you from doing it again later? You already crossed the line once and got away with it. Maybe there will be another pretty girl another drunken night out and what your gf doesn't know won't hurt her.. see where I'm going with this?

 

Telling her isn't just being straight with her but also, in the case of you being forgiven, a learning opportunity for you and a chance to start over fresh. And hey. If she leaves you at least you learned an important lesson for your next relationship.

Edited June 30, 2016 by Ensam

[ChocolateRain]

I love my girlfriend to the moon and back. We have a great relationship and she is great. I was really really drunk one night recently and went home with another girl and had sex. I don't even know her name. I left her place and I am driving myself crazy over it. I can't live with the fact I cheated. I am now worried about STDs and have no clue what to do.. If i lose her then I lose everything. I can't lose her.

 

In my mind I have two options:

1. Tell her what happened and she will probably leave me and I will have messed up the greatest thing in my life. it would crush both of us

2. Not tell her and get STD checked before we have sex again. I know this is the less honest option but I would rather lie than lose her.

 

We have a great relationship and Idk why I did this. . Can someone help me figure out what to do?

 

yeah the really really drunk excuse

 

Alcohol Is No Excuse, But Drunk Cheating Is A Possible Call For Help

 

Cheating is cheating is cheating, drunk or sober. However, drunk cheating and sober cheating carry different connotations.

 

In one respect, a non-alcoholic encounter means your partner made the conscious decision to be with someone else. In contrast, drunk cheating could be the result of one's subconscious coming out.

 

Maybe the cheater had yet to admit to him or herself or the significant other that he or she no longer wanted to be in the relationship.

 

Infidelity is catalyzed by numerous factors at play in the relationship. Both unhappiness and emptiness stand at the forefront of this human enigma.

 

In the beginning of the relationship, it is so easy to swoon one another because everything is so new and fresh.

 

read

 

Alcohol Is No Excuse, But Drunk Cheating Is A Possible Call For Help

 

“If you have the sense to cheat when you’re drunk, then it must be in the back of your mind,”

[gorf]

As someone who has cheated on a partner in the past... You two should break up. Tell her the truth or don't, but at least break up with her. You will probably do it again to this girl because you don't respect her enough. You may really enjoy her company and she may genuinely be an amazing person, but something must have been missing if you slept with someone else. Let the guilt consume you for a short amount of time, forgive yourself, change yourself for the better, and learn how to have more respect and tighter boundaries in your next relationship. That's what I learned, at least, in my experience.

 

I agree. And Op, its up to her to forgive or not. But she deserves to know. And its a matter of time before she sees or hears something little or big, through you or another way, and finds out. Just assume its not going to stay hidden forever.. and the longer you let it go, and let her find out, or wait to tell her.. is only going to make it worse all around. Just tell her what happened, you feel horrible about it, and then listen to her. I agree with him, you will likely do it again. If its that easy, then you will do it again cause its easy.. and you might even feel its easy to cover tracks. Drunk or not, you knew what you were doing. The fact is, she was not in your mind when you were not in your right-state of mind (influenced) so drunk has nothing to do with it. Just tell her

[Space Ritual]

Tell her the truth, without excuse. She deserves the truth so she can choose the direction in which she wishes to go. You lost the right to determine the direction of the relationship when you cheated.

 

Not only did you cheat, you possibly subjected her to an STD.

 

and stop minimizing your actions by saying it was a mistake. A mistake is buying the wrong milk at the store or forgetting your car keys...not sticking your schwanze in another woman who is not your girlfriend. That was a choice.

 

Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for our actions, whatever the consequences. Time to ac like an adult and accept the consequences of your actions.

[Space Ritual]

IF it is nearly impossible (extreeeeeeeeeeeemely unlikely) that the GF could find out via any other avenue, then you suck it up and never utter a word to her.

 

I would not expect anything less out of you, S.O.G.

[rcantrell]

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years in an incident that was purely my fault. Any tips on how to cope and get over this loss?- right now I'm just drinking everyday and dealing with borderline depression which I know is terrible but its the only thing that gets my mind off it right now.

[ShyBeauty5]

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years in an incident that was purely my fault. Any tips on how to cope and get over this loss?- right now I'm just drinking everyday and dealing with borderline depression which I know is terrible but its the only thing that gets my mind off it right now.

 

Stop drinking. Get up. Clean your room. Get a hair cut or get some new highlights or dye it. Get a new book with a main character that you admire. Get lost in that book. Decide you're strong like the main character.. And just toughen up... That's what I'd do. I'm also a girl. I'm also a littler nerdy and very girly. But nobody responded yet, so I gave you my honest advice.

[Giggles666]

Can you clarify a bit more? Does the incident involve guilt, regret or some wrong on your part, etc.? Stop drinking, it'll make things worse and you'll have double the issues.

[CarrieT]

Can you clarify a bit more? Does the incident involve guilt, regret or some wrong on your part, etc.? Stop drinking, it'll make things worse and you'll have double the issues.

 

His backstory is here.

 

Yeah, OP, it seems that alcohol is causing a huge problem in your life. You got drunk and had sex with someone else and are now trying to use alcohol to band-aid the pain.

 

Maybe time to look at AA? You are only exacerbating the problem with more drinking....

[Giggles666]

OK, now I understand. You made a "mistake", you can not take it back. Stop with the trying to take it off your mind right now remedy of drinking and face your problems. Which probably means acknowledging you made a decision you can not change, and you need to clean up rather than band-aid an issue you are actually exacerbating.

 

Not going to preach but I will say one thing, I'm an alcoholic my problems from those days which are over 10 years old now still haunt me. But guess what? I got sober and even though I still have problems and problems caused from substance abuse in the past, they are not as bad as they would be if I had not quit drinking.

 

If you want a fix, go for the long term one...get help, face your problems, man up and better yourself. Life is about growth, living is learning, wisdom is experience and your actions and alcohol problem are experiences to learn from.

 

Best of luck, and sorry you are feeling this way. You need to remember actions have consequences and band aids don't fix anything. When you screw up, you have to approach it as an opportunity to better yourself...be the guy you want to be.

Edited July 4, 2016 by Giggles666