Gaeta Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 i'll probably wait 4 or 5 days, if there was a spark/click. You will shoot yourself in the foot here. If there is a spark it will die during those 5 days. It's online. It's fast-food dating. You get 1 message a day, she gets 100. While you wait 5 days she'll have 3 dates with 3 other dudes. 2
Vado Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 You will shoot yourself in the foot here. If there is a spark it will die during those 5 days. It's online. It's fast-food dating. You get 1 message a day, she gets 100. While you wait 5 days she'll have 3 dates with 3 other dudes. Hi, no we know each other from college. But besides that, if you date a woman to prevent her from dating others, love is a lost battle you shouln't join in the first place. Can't expect dating exclusive from the start, but dont wanna have a serial dater anyway.
Versacehottie Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 You could contact her again that would show an interest. If she'd be responsive I don't know but it can't hurt. You have nothing to lose. You could say you have 'insert time' free and if she'd like to grab a bite or 'insert activity'. On a scale of 1 to 10 how much you liked her? But I don't get this--why OP wants to ask her out or is still hooked into her?? for sake of corey wayne argument you were weeded out or the tactics did that for you re: her or whatever. Therefore you should do nothing--if you are committed to his system. What lot of us are telling you is that being committed to his system is dumb. Look, it's not even giving you peace of mind. So yeah the real answer is, of course, that you should pursue her. Asking her out to do smtg, blame it on the move that you haven't been in touch. Be more open, more confident for REAL. Good luck 4
Teknoe Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 I took this girl out that I met online last Thursday evening and I walked her back to the train station at the end of the date, we made out a bit and I said 'text me' to which she replied 'no you text me'. I texted her Monday asking how she was when she replied I asked if she was free to talk to which she replied 'Yeah ' so a few minutes later I called her up and chatted for a couple minutes then proceeded to ask her when she'd be free to meet up in the week. She said 'Um, I should be free, let me just check, some silence and then she said 'I'll let you know when I'm in work next' and I know she's been working but I haven't heard from her in 2 days and its now Wednesday night. On the first date we got chatting nicely and she said I'm the first guy to meet from the website and that 'you're the most normal'- which I took as a compliment. We went to another bar and it started getting busier, she got quiet towards the end which I took as an indicator of her perhaps not enjoying it. (She had to get a train home to be up early for work by the way). I took her kiss as a sign of interest but now I'm wondering if I'm wasting my time. Do women often do this because they don't have the fortitude to say they aren't feeling it? Just my opinion. I could be wrong. Feel free to add in comments if I missed something. You texted her asking how she was and after she responded you asked if she was free to talk. She said yeah and then you called her. I think this could be altered in the future with the next girl to give you a better chance at success. Not sure how much it would change stuff but it can't hurt. I think a phone call to ask someone out is very bold, but it's also high investment. Sometimes you want to come off as more chill. I think after she told you how she was you should have texted her "Free to grab drinks ___ or ___?" This gives her: A. Time to decide, rather than awkward silence over the phone trying to figure it out B. Options of which day works better for her Granted, she still went out with you, but maybe she saw the phone call as you being too serious too fast? Who knows, every girl is different. I just find casual low investment texting and then GIVING HER ROOM TO BREATHE (and miss you) to work most effectively. Again, just me. I could be totally wrong. Just trying to offer you a different perspective on the situation.
Teknoe Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 But I don't get this--why OP wants to ask her out or is still hooked into her?? for sake of corey wayne argument you were weeded out or the tactics did that for you re: her or whatever. Therefore you should do nothing--if you are committed to his system. LOL Corey Wayne. Nice reference. Gave you a like just for the CW shout out 1
Teknoe Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 I've said before, take everything you hear from a woman with a grain of salt until she proves through her actions that shes actually into you A mantra to live by! So very true. 1
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Just my opinion. I could be wrong. Feel free to add in comments if I missed something. You texted her asking how she was and after she responded you asked if she was free to talk. She said yeah and then you called her. I think this could be altered in the future with the next girl to give you a better chance at success. Not sure how much it would change stuff but it can't hurt. I think a phone call to ask someone out is very bold, but it's also high investment. Sometimes you want to come off as more chill. I think after she told you how she was you should have texted her "Free to grab drinks ___ or ___?" This gives her: A. Time to decide, rather than awkward silence over the phone trying to figure it out B. Options of which day works better for her Granted, she still went out with you, but maybe she saw the phone call as you being too serious too fast? Who knows, every girl is different. I just find casual low investment texting and then GIVING HER ROOM TO BREATHE (and miss you) to work most effectively. Again, just me. I could be totally wrong. Just trying to offer you a different perspective on the situation. We have been accusing him for pages that he showed low investment in this woman and you're suggesting he does more of it?
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Hi, no we know each other from college. But besides that, if you date a woman to prevent her from dating others, love is a lost battle you shouln't join in the first place. Can't expect dating exclusive from the start, but dont wanna have a serial dater anyway. You missed my point. The trick is to grab her attention before someone else does because if you give women all the time in the world to date others there will always be someone better. You want her to get a feel of who you are so she starts thinking about you and be less interested in what else is out there. You don't grab someone's attention by booking a date a week and being radio silent in between.
katiegrl Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 (edited) We had plenty of time to chit chat over dinner and a walk before the movie. We have been dating 7 months, seems his tactic worked better than yours. :-) Gaeta, with respect, you are a woman in her 50s. OP is 27 and he is dealing with an entirely different generation of women.... in their 20s. Women who DO prefer texting over a phone call, women who DO text men.... women who DO enjoy the challenge of the "bad boy" which OP readily admits he is. You cannot possibly think, assume or expect that a girl in her early-mid 20s is gonna positively respond to the same things a woman in her 30s-50s would respond to. Read these threads! From men who do pursue women in their 20s, just like you like to be pursued. Men who do give women in their 20s attention, the same amount of attention you like to receive (and respond positively to). It doesn't work! These chicks are flaking on all these guys.... leaving the guys baffled and crushed cuz they think they're doing everything right based on advice they're getting from people from an entirely different generation. As a woman in her 30s, I don't have the same expectations or requirements you do. But I am definitely NOT as lax as what OP describes either. I fall somewhere in the middle .... of enjoying the anticipation and wondering....not needing a ton of attention... but enough to know that a man has HIGH interest in me, not afraid to show it and who definitely does not play games or employ strategies from a dating advice book. In fact, in hearing about your stories, I would feel suffocated if any of my boyfriends behaved the ways yours does.... in the early stages of dating. I need to ease into relationships slowly, gradually. That is what works for ME. That is NOT to say what your boyfriends are doing is wrong, of course it isn't... it works for you, and him and that is all that matters! What I am saying is that not every woman will positively respond to a guy who showers them with attention right off the bat.... the way you like it, or even the way every other woman on this board likes it. And women in their 20s? No way for the reasons stated above. A man behaves that way and he gets flaked on!! Time and time again Again read these threads (which I know you have so a bit surprised at your posts here). Edited July 1, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 K: I have never ever suggested he showered them with attention. I specified I appreciated my boyfriend did not overwhelm me with attention but with the right dosage of attention. I am not that disconnected from what is going on in the 20s, my daughter is 28 and her and I did the dating thing together, sharing our stories, expectations, disappointments for years. And finally I am 50, not in my 50s ;-) you're forgiven.
katiegrl Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 K: I have never ever suggested he showered them with attention. I specified I appreciated my boyfriend did not overwhelm me with attention but with the right dosage of attention. I am not that disconnected from what is going on in the 20s, my daughter is 28 and her and I did the dating thing together, sharing our stories, expectations, disappointments for years. And finally I am 50, not in my 50s ;-) you're forgiven. LOL... I realized that afterwards and tried to edit but was too late! Thanks for forgiving me though...
Teknoe Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 We have been accusing him for pages that he showed low investment in this woman and you're suggesting he does more of it? Only read the first post to be honest, lol. I'm just basing it off his text interaction with her: Him: How are you? Her: Yadda yadda. Him: Are you free to talk? Her: Yeah. He calls her, asks her out, puts her on the spot which leads to an awkward silence of her trying to figure out her schedule. That set of interaction to me screams too high investment for someone he just met. It might have triggered something subconscious in her even like "Wow, this guy is a bit needy/aggressive." Should have been strictly texting and short and sweet and simple. Like such: Him: How are you? Her: Yadda Yadda Him: Are you free to grab drinks ___ or ___? Her: Sound good! ___ works. Rather than asking if she can talk (which may come off as heavy since you can't read tone through text who knows how she interpreted it). Then calling her. Just too many (high investment) steps. Shoulda asked her out on text and chill. Let her come to you. Anyway, maybe I'll go through these 11 pages now, lol. 1
Author Swan89 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 Gaeta, with respect, you are a woman in her 50s. OP is 27 and he is dealing with an entirely different generation of women.... in their 20s. Women who DO prefer texting over a phone call, women who DO text men.... women who DO enjoy the challenge of the "bad boy" which OP readily admits he is. You cannot possibly think, assume or expect that a girl in her early-mid 20s is gonna positively respond to the same things a woman in her 30s-50s would respond to. Read these threads! From men who do pursue women in their 20s, just like you like to be pursued. Men who do give women in their 20s attention, the same amount of attention you like to receive (and respond positively to). It doesn't work! These chicks are flaking on all these guys.... leaving the guys baffled and crushed cuz they think they're doing everything right based on advice they're getting from people from an entirely different generation. As a woman in her 30s, I don't have the same expectations or requirements you do. But I am definitely NOT as lax as what OP describes either. I fall somewhere in the middle .... of enjoying the anticipation and wondering....not needing a ton of attention... but enough to know that a man has HIGH interest in me, not afraid to show it and who definitely does not play games or employ strategies from a dating advice book. In fact, in hearing about your stories, I would feel suffocated if any of my boyfriends behaved the ways yours does.... in the early stages of dating. I need to ease into relationships slowly, gradually. That is what works for ME. That is NOT to say what your boyfriends are doing is wrong, of course it isn't... it works for you, and him and that is all that matters! What I am saying is that not every woman will positively respond to a guy who showers them with attention right off the bat.... the way you like it, or even the way every other woman on this board likes it. And women in their 20s? No way for the reasons stated above. A man behaves that way and he gets flaked on!! Time and time again Again read these threads (which I know you have so a bit surprised at your posts here). A very good and valid analogy there. It is different in the younger generation, mainly being the reason I never ask my mother for advice because things were different in her day of youth. Things are very different nowadays, if anything woman are much more flaky and have more options than ever before.
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 And by the way I am on here every day reading stories from young women in their 20s and it seems to me they have very similar expectations than older women. They want to see a man's interest, they want to be contacted (how many threads we read about about 'not getting a text' or he didn't text for 24 hours, or the like). How many thread on 1st dates and 2nd dates we get? All about 'is he interested' ' I can't read his interest' etc.
katiegrl Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 K: I have never ever suggested he showered them with attention. I specified I appreciated my boyfriend did not overwhelm me with attention but with the right dosage of attention. I am not that disconnected from what is going on in the 20s, my daughter is 28 and her and I did the dating thing together, sharing our stories, expectations, disappointments for years. And finally I am 50, not in my 50s ;-) you're forgiven. I think your daughter may be the exception G.... You and she are extremely close... and she is her mother's daughter after all... I highly doubt the majority of women in the early-mid 20s are as enlightened as she. Just going by what is posted on these boards from guys who are constantly getting flaked on by these chicks.... for doing just what you suggest. Calling the next day, asking out during or immediately after the date or the following day.... all the things that YOU would positively respond to, or most women in their 30s, 40s, 50s would respond to. It's just not working for these guys... which is why I would guess these dating advice books were written in the first place.
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 A very good and valid analogy there. It is different in the younger generation, mainly being the reason I never ask my mother for advice because things were different in her day of youth. Things are very different nowadays, if anything woman are much more flaky and have more options than ever before. Of course it was a different time and place. I assume your mother is not single. I was single and my daughter is single. For the past 4 years her and I have done online dating at the same time and on the same dating sites!. You'd be surprised how her experience, disappointments, expectations were similar to mine.
katiegrl Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 And by the way I am on here every day reading stories from young women in their 20s and it seems to me they have very similar expectations than older women. They want to see a man's interest, they want to be contacted (how many threads we read about about 'not getting a text' or he didn't text for 24 hours, or the like). How many thread on 1st dates and 2nd dates we get? All about 'is he interested' ' I can't read his interest' etc. Yeah we have women in their 20s on this board... involved with bad boys, who claim they want their boyfriends to show high interest and be more attentive.... but yet they choose to stay with these guys anyway.... claiming they can't leave because they "love them." Then we have guys on this board who DO show high interest who DO give their dates attention.... and these chicks are flaking on them ... What does this tell you? It tells me that many (not all) young women in their 20s don't know what the hell they want. They say they don't want the bad boy, but yet choose to stay with him claiming they love them. And then flaking on guys who DO give them what they claim to want. Look I don't blame them.... they're young and immature. But again what are the guys to do? If nothing else, I understand their dilemma... and sympathize. 2
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 I think your daughter may be the exception G.... You and she are extremely close... and she is her mother's daughter after all... I highly doubt the majority of women in the early-mid 20s are as enlightened as she. Granted. You can't grow up a flake if you have me as a mother lol 1
katiegrl Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Granted. You can't grow up a flake if you have me as a mother lol Will give ya a big AMEN to that!
Redhead14 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 OP is 27 and he is dealing with an entirely different generation of women.... in their 20s. -- Just because the younger generation is doing things "differently" doesn't mean it's a good way to do things. They should learn now how to develop a meaningful relationship and that doesn't happen with impersonal texts that are bereft of the emotion/intent/color, etc. of a real conversation and carry the potential for misunderstanding/misconstrued content. Texting sucks for important/personal conversations. Use it for short, quick messages to confirm something or if there is a lot of noise, etc. Let's get these kids back to basics These "kids" will text a novel instead of sitting face to face. And, frankly, to me it's like the wall of text we get here sometimes when people post. My eyes glaze over most of the time when I see that and I miss the point of the posts half the time . . .
Author Swan89 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 Of course it was a different time and place. I assume your mother is not single. I was single and my daughter is single. For the past 4 years her and I have done online dating at the same time and on the same dating sites!. You'd be surprised how her experience, disappointments, expectations were similar to mine. On the contrary, my mother has been single since I was 19!, that's 8 years! She divorced my father in around 2002, and had 2 long term boyfriends since that only lasted around 2 years each. She's had no luck with men and my father met his current partner 10 years ago and they get on like a house on fire, she's much more suited to him. I worry about my mum dying alone but she makes excuses like everyone she's dated is boring and doesn't even try.
katiegrl Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 (edited) OP is 27 and he is dealing with an entirely different generation of women.... in their 20s. -- Just because the younger generation is doing things "differently" doesn't mean it's a good way to do things. They should learn now how to develop a meaningful relationship and that doesn't happen with impersonal texts that are bereft of the emotion/intent/color, etc. of a real conversation and carry the potential for misunderstanding/misconstrued content. Texting sucks for important/personal conversations. Use it for short, quick messages to confirm something or if there is a lot of noise, etc. Let's get these kids back to basics These "kids" will text a novel instead of sitting face to face. And, frankly, to me it's like the wall of text we get here sometimes when people post. My eyes glaze over most of the time when I see that and I miss the point of the posts half the time . . . Never said it was good way to do things.... but it is what it is.... the guys gotta accept that... and deal with it the best way they know how by observing what these chicks actually respond to... and then behaving accordingly. Otherwise they're gonna get flaked on... and left baffled, crying in their beers.... and posting on this board... lol Eventually these chicks will grow up... and realize bad boys, game players are bad news, NOT what they want... and next them. And the same guys will observe and then respond accordingly to that too. In the meantime, let them play their little games.... whatever works at the time. Edited July 1, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 On the contrary, my mother has been single since I was 19!, that's 8 years! She divorced my father in around 2002, and had 2 long term boyfriends since that only lasted around 2 years each. She's had no luck with men and my father met his current partner 10 years ago and they get on like a house on fire, she's much more suited to him. I worry about my mum dying alone but she makes excuses like everyone she's dated is boring and doesn't even try. Now you sound like a sweetheart. That's the sweetheart you should show the ladies. Tell your mom to get out there, I was single 10 years before meeting my boyfriend.
Author Swan89 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Posted July 1, 2016 How old is that girl OP? She's 25. And thanks! haha 1
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