Gaeta Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Irrelevant, she would not have been interested him be it 48 hours or 4 days. This likely had no bearing on him not getting a 2nd date. 4 days isn't that long anyways. Now if it had been like 2 weeks to a month, then yes. Look how many people, men and women, are telling OP 4 days was too long. Especially from Thursday to Monday as if he did not care to set up a date for the weekend but kept her for week night dates. You may think 4 days is not a big deal but if you have a bunch of people with dating experience telling you otherwise I think it's worth listening. 2
elaine567 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Look how many people, men and women, are telling OP 4 days was too long. Especially from Thursday to Monday as if he did not care to set up a date for the weekend but kept her for week night dates. You may think 4 days is not a big deal but if you have a bunch of people with dating experience telling you otherwise I think it's worth listening. Yes, over the week end especially. It tells her he has better things to do with his free time and that she can just wait, or he has loads of options and his week end is already full. Not a good start. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Yes, over the week end especially. It tells her he has better things to do with his free time and that she can just wait, or he has loads of options and his week end is already full. Not a good start. OR...arguing for the sake of arguing, it DOES show that he's not making himself TOO available, ("better things to do with his free time") which thus makes him attractive. Some women like the fact a man has a life. I've seen it written in their profiles. We can argue back and forth about this till we're blue in the face. All in all, it really depends on the person.
Toodaloo Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 This girl is jerking your chain. She isn't all that into you but she wants all your attention and has probably got a copy of a book called "The Rules" hidden under her bed with lots of tabbed notes sticking of of it. If someone is really interested (that includes you), they feel comfortable and happy then 4 days is too long to wait before getting in touch again. Time to look for the next one.
BlueIris Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I have always noticed more interest when I am less persistent with women and I do not chase. I have a life of my own and in the beginning, it is completely reasonable for there to be some space between two people. Over time, as the relationship progresses, they reach out more and its merely the idea that you put the seed there and let the plant grow. (in other words, asking her out and letting her come to you). It's a man's job to do this week by week to allow her feelings to develop and her interest grow. Its funny how it works but it has a profound effect. It's also actually a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men who's feelings are unclear. If you were really interested in her you would have contacted her and asked her out much more quickly. Employing games and strategies is its own trap. But maybe she’ll text you back 4-days-plus-hour after you texted her and you two can have a power-struggle game for a while. Some people lie about wanting to see someone again. And sometimes it wasn't a lie but the other person's words or actions in the interim make them change their minds. 1
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 OR...arguing for the sake of arguing, it DOES show that he's not making himself TOO available, ("better things to do with his free time") which thus makes him attractive. Some women like the fact a man has a life. I've seen it written in their profiles. We can argue back and forth about this till we're blue in the face. All in all, it really depends on the person. And for the sake of arguing... If you show yourself on a dating site, advertising yourself as free and wanting to meet someone for a relationship then you have to show you're available for that. Taking a girl out on Thursday, letting the weekend go by without offering a date, even just a brunch, and then contacting her on Monday is screaming I value more my time with my buddies on weekends and ladies can have the remaining on week days. It does not scream relationship-oriented. 1
katiegrl Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 (edited) Swan, imo you are right. When two people click during that first meet, I mean really click , a guy waiting a mere four days to contact won't matter. Speaking personally if I was really into you, I would be thrilled to hear from you. Same for my friends... Sure she may be getting lots of messages, but I just joined match and the majority of those messages are.... well, meh. Pass. So I wouldn't worry about her getting *scooped up* by another guy in four days. NOT if you guys really clicked, felt strong chemistry. As that is very rare. It IS what most women are seeking though.... Problem here is, for HER, she was probably never really feeling it. She just wasn't that into you from the get go, so it wouldn't have mattered when you contacted her. The next day, two days, wouldn't have mattered. She's just not into it.....and never was. Both men and women find it difficult to be honest. They would rather just fade or ghost. Edited June 30, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Swan, imo you are right. When two people click during that first meet, I mean really click , a guy waiting a mere four days to contact won't matter. Speaking personally if I was really into you, I would be thrilled to hear from you. Same for my friends... Sure she may be getting lots of messages, but I just joined match and the majority of those messages are.... well, meh. Pass. So I wouldn't worry about her getting *scooped up* by another guy in four days. NOT if you guys really clicked, felt strong chemistry. As that is very rare. It IS what most women are seeking though.... Problem here is, for HER, she was probably never really feeling it. She just wasn't that into you from the get go, so it wouldn't have mattered when you contacted her. The next day, two days, wouldn't have mattered. She's just not into it.....and never was. Both men and women find it difficult to be honest. They would rather just fade or ghost. You know I have to debate that. There is more than just clicking in the moment. I have met tons of men and I clicked with them only on our 2nd date or 3rd date. How they behaved, presented themselves, followed up after our 1st date was vital to me accepting a second date. Yes maybe she was not 'crazy into him' but had he shown a sustained interest, had he invited her out for Saturday night or just a brunch on Sunday to spend more time together, she would have grown to like him more. The goal is to build a rapport with someone. If I see a man 1 time during the week and I see another man 3 times during the week, chances are I will build an interest faster with the man I met 3 times. The problem is OP and his game playing. * <Text me> really if a man told you 'text me' after a date you'd think it's weak. (game) * Not contacting her after she had specified she would wait for his text (game) * Waiting 4 days to contact her just because research says women like men playing hard to get (game).
katiegrl Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 You know I have to debate that. There is more than just clicking in the moment. I have met tons of men and I clicked with them only on our 2nd date or 3rd date. How they behaved, presented themselves, followed up after our 1st date was vital to me accepting a second date. Yes maybe she was not 'crazy into him' but had he shown a sustained interest, had he invited her out for Saturday night or just a brunch on Sunday to spend more time together, she would have grown to like him more. The goal is to build a rapport with someone. If I see a man 1 time during the week and I see another man 3 times during the week, chances are I will build an interest faster with the man I met 3 times. The problem is OP and his game playing. * Text me, really if a man told you 'text me' after a date you'd think it's weak. (game) * Not contacting her after she had specified she would wait for his text (game) * Waiting 4 days to contact her just because research says women like men playing hard to get (game). Gaeta, please. How would you know he was playing a game? Maybe he had plans for the weekend. Maybe he wanted to think about the date and how he wanted to proceed. We need to give each other a break! People need to lower expectations and not read so much into everything....relax! It was one meet for heaven's sake. Enjoy the process!!! If a guy and I were really clicking , feeling strong chemistry, which franky doesn't happen very often, not for me anyway, and he asked me to text him, I would be happy! It means he likes me and would like to hear from me! That is a good thing!!! Anyway don't want to debate this... We all do what feels right for us.
Versacehottie Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Well I agree with Gaeta that playing "game" is part of what got our OP in trouble. Not for the same reasons that Gaeta said exactly. I don't think OP necessarily had to take action within the 4 days or even text her first. But I think layering this "game" onto his ACTUAL dating backfired on him. She saw right through it. And the two examples we have are probably not the only examples of him trying to do game playing on her in little ways. That's why she called him out on the text thing in a somewhat annoyed tone. Waiting 4 days just probably confirmed that the actual substance he was trying to show he had was not enough. The "game-playing" actually EXPOSED him. She replied in annoyed tone because there were probably other instances of OP "trying" to act cool on the date. You know, those guys that try to act cool and it's just an act. So they end up looking more ridiculous than a genuine good guy who's perhaps a bit too open and vulnerable or an ACTUAL cool guy. What it basically goes back to IMO is that she was on the fence about OP or not THAT into OP that nothing he did BENEFITED the situation only harmed it and exposed him for not truly having confidence, which would have really been key and could have tipped things in OP's favor if he had used that tactic. Game playing when she is marginally interested is only laughable and makes OP come off looking like a baby. Sorry OP.
katiegrl Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Ya know reading this board, all these rigid rules and expectations women have are realy over the top. If a guy doesn't contact within two days after meeting, next. If a guy asks me to text him ... next. If a guy does not ask me out at least three days prior to date, next. If a guy doesn't call at least 24 hours before the date, next. No wonder people are having such difficulty dating and connecting. Maybe it's me, I know I am an anomaly about many things, which is probably why nearly every man I meet tells how refreshing my attitude is! 3
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Ya know reading this board, all these rigid rules and expectations women have are realy over the top. If a guy doesn't contact within two days after meeting, next. If a guy asks me to text him ... next. If a guy does not ask me out at least three days prior to date, next. If a guy doesn't call at least 24 hours before the date, next. No wonder people are having such difficulty dating and connecting. Maybe it's me, I know I am an anomaly about many things, which is probably why nearly every man I meet tells how refreshing my attitude is! They are not rules, they are an instinct you develop over time after having done it again and again and again. Out of my 4 years of online dating I have learned something. I have noticed behavior. They are not rules I have imposed to myself, it's experience that built over time. My dating experience has taught me that a man that does not contact me over 4 days, a man that does not contact me over a weekend, a man that does not set up a second date shortly of the first one, is simply a man not really interested. 1
katiegrl Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 He explained on his post #9 why he waited 4 days. I know he explained it to us.... but I am not talking about him. I am talking about men in general. A man waiting four days to contact after a first meet should not be a huge deal... Obviously it is to you, fine. Not to me. I am busy, I have a life. So does he! If we continue to date, then eventually we will incorporate our lives... Patience and a chill attitude works wonders here. Enjoy the process.
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 They are not rules, they are an instinct you develop over time after having done it again and again and again. Out of my 4 years of online dating I have learned something. I have noticed behavior. They are not rules I have imposed to myself, it's experience that built over time. My dating experience has taught me that a man that does not contact me over 4 days, a man that does not contact me over a weekend, a man that does not set up a second date shortly of the first one, is simply a man not really interested. and could not add: I have also learn if a man does not ask interested to simply move on till I find one that does.
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I know he explained it to us.... but I am not talking about him. I am talking about men in general. A man waiting four days to contact after a first meet should not be a huge deal... Obviously it is to you, fine. Not to me. I am busy, I have a life. So does he! If we continue to date, then eventually we will incorporate our lives... Patience and a chill attitude works wonders here. Enjoy the process. Depends why you are out there. If you are out there to date casually sure it's all good. If you are out there with a purpose to find someone serious. Someone genuine, relationship oriented, then he's not looking good. Yes sure we have our life but if you are serious about meeting someone you will have to make time to date, you will have to make choices. If your life is too busy to set up a brunch of a couple of hours with a woman than don't be out there advertising yourself as free to date, cause you're not.
katiegrl Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 and could not add: I have also learn if a man does not ask interested to simply move on till I find one that does. ^^This I agree with.... but waiting a few days to make contact after a first meet does not necessarily mean he is not interested..... Maybe in your experience it has, fair enough, not in mine though. Gaeta I have really good instincts too, am very perceptive. I judge each situation individually. If I sense a guy is not into me on first meet, or second or third.... then yes I am going to next him... immediately . So far, my easy going attitude has worked very well for me. And that includes when I met men on line and off. It is just me.... and I am always genuine and true to myself. We all need to be true to ourselves and do what feels right and comfortable for us.
BlueIris Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I know he explained it to us.... but I am not talking about him. I am talking about men in general. A man waiting four days to contact after a first meet should not be a huge deal... Obviously it is to you, fine. Not to me. I am busy, I have a life. So does he! If we continue to date, then eventually we will incorporate our lives... Patience and a chill attitude works wonders here. Enjoy the process. I'm only talking about the 4 day/2 day disparity. He waits 4 days but then concludes she LIED if she hasn't responded in 2 days. C'mon.... 3
Versacehottie Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I'm only talking about the 4 day/2 day disparity. He waits 4 days but then concludes she LIED if she hasn't responded in 2 days. C'mon.... Good point. Again speaks to OP's chip on shoulder to interpret it like this. Maybe she's just game playing right back on him. I've seen it a ton. can i just give an eye roll at the corey wayne b.s.? Not helping you, OP. 1
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 If I sense a guy is not into me on first meet, or second or third.... then yes I am going to next him... immediately . So we are saying the same thing. She next him.
katiegrl Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Depends why you are out there. If you are out there to date casually sure it's all good. If you are out there with a purpose to find someone serious. Someone genuine, relationship oriented, then he's not looking good. Yes sure we have our life but if you are serious about meeting someone you will have to make time to date, you will have to make choices. If your life is too busy to set up a brunch of a couple of hours with a woman than don't be out there advertising yourself as free to date, cause you're not. OMG Gaeta listen to yourself . You gathered all that all because a guy waited a few days to contact after a first meet? That he's not looking for a relationship ... too busy to date.... etc etc etc Could you be any more presumptuous? Not to mention rigid. Anyway, I don't make such presumptions after a first MEET. Just me and as I said my attitude has always worked out very well for me... I still say relax and just enjoy the process. Get to know him.... and let him get to know you. If you discover in time he is not looking for a relationship or too busy then by all means next him. But to assume all that because a guy waited a few days to contact after a first meet is a bit ridiculous imo.
BlueIris Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Good point. Again speaks to OP's chip on shoulder to interpret it like this. Maybe she's just game playing right back on him. I've seen it a ton. can i just give an eye roll at the corey wayne b.s.? Not helping you, OP. And some people sniff the game-playing strategizers and just yawn and exit. I wonder if this is chips on shoulders, though. I've assumed it's: "People who don't give me what I want when I want it are bad." Is that the same thing?
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 OMG Gaeta listen to yourself . You gathered all that all because a guy waited a few days to contact after a first meet? That he's not looking for a relationship ... too busy to date.... etc etc etc Could you be any more presumptuous? Not to mention rigid. Anyway, I don't make such presumptions after a first MEET. Just me and as I said my attitude has always worked out very well for me... I still say relax and just enjoy the process. Get to know him.... and let him get to know you. If you discover in time he is not looking for a relationship or too busy then by all means next him. But to assume all that because a guy waited a few days to contact after a first meet is a bit ridiculous imo. Katiegrl c'mon, you are picking bits here and there in my posts and taking them out of context. It's not the 4 days in itself, it's the whole story with all of the elements that makes OP a game player and made this woman lose interest. It's the 'text me', it's the not hearing from him over 4 days, it's all of this happening over a weekend where he lost a good opportunity to invite her out on a second date for Saturday or Sunday but he didn't on purpose. It's everything together that would turn off more than 1 woman.
katiegrl Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Katiegrl c'mon, you are picking bits here and there in my posts and taking them out of context. It's not the 4 days in itself, it's the whole story with all of the elements that makes OP a game player and made this woman lose interest. It's the 'text me', it's the not hearing from him over 4 days, it's all of this happening over a weekend where he lost a good opportunity to invite her out on a second date for Saturday or Sunday but he didn't on purpose. It's everything together that would turn off more than 1 woman. With respect to the OP, I agree! Perhaps that's the disconnect . I was speaking in the general, men in general , not specific to the OP, who I agree IS a game player.
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 And for the sake of arguing... If you show yourself on a dating site, advertising yourself as free and wanting to meet someone for a relationship then you have to show you're available for that. Taking a girl out on Thursday, letting the weekend go by without offering a date, even just a brunch, and then contacting her on Monday is screaming I value more my time with my buddies on weekends and ladies can have the remaining on week days. It does not scream relationship-oriented. It doesn't have to be "relationship oriented". Why? Because it's only been ONE date, and already you're talking in the realm of a monogamous relationship. I see women say it all the time in their profile, "Must be able to have his own friends and his own thing." Now, if you were in a monogamous relationship with this guy, then yes, I can see how waiting that long would be a problem.
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