Do some women lie about wanting a 2nd Date?

[Swan89]

I took this girl out that I met online last Thursday evening and I walked her back to the train station at the end of the date, we made out a bit and I said 'text me' to which she replied 'no you text me'.

 

I texted her Monday asking how she was when she replied I asked if she was free to talk to which she replied 'Yeah ' so a few minutes later I called her up and chatted for a couple minutes then proceeded to ask her when she'd be free to meet up in the week. She said 'Um, I should be free, let me just check, some silence and then she said 'I'll let you know when I'm in work next' and I know she's been working but I haven't heard from her in 2 days and its now Wednesday night.

 

On the first date we got chatting nicely and she said I'm the first guy to meet from the website and that 'you're the most normal'- which I took as a compliment. We went to another bar and it started getting busier, she got quiet towards the end which I took as an indicator of her perhaps not enjoying it. (She had to get a train home to be up early for work by the way). I took her kiss as a sign of interest but now I'm wondering if I'm wasting my time.

 

Do women often do this because they don't have the fortitude to say they aren't feeling it?

[Satu]

People usually mean things when they say them, but sometimes they change their minds. That isn't a lie.

 

They have the right to change their minds, as do we all.

 

As regards you and this particular person, I know nothing and can add nothing.

 

 

Take care.

[Swan89]

Just to be clear I'm not saying its a lie just the blowing off without being upfront.

"Hey, you're a great guy but I don't really think there was much chemistry', etc.

I also made a point of being enthusiastic, not too much though. I wanted to make the date fun by offering to go play pool or bowling, but she was dead against it.

While she seemed a little wooden throughout the whole date, which I presumed to be nerves.

Edited June 29, 2016 by Swan89

[Dis]

Yes women do this...I've done this once or twice....not proud to admit it

 

She might have been feeling you after the date but she got to thinking more about it and her feelings changed...or maybe she wasnt feeling you at all...who knows

 

I once had a date with a really nice guy...but the chemistry wasnt there...he said (on the date) we should go out again. I said, thats sounds good. I didnt want to say no because I was still debating whether I wanted to or not and because it wouldve been awkward if I said, no thanks!

 

He asked me out again the next day over text...thats when I came clean and said I felt more of a friend vibe from him

 

I think men and women say all sorts of things they dont mean in the beginning stages of dating. Thats par for the course

 

I've said before, take everything you hear from a woman with a grain of salt until she proves through her actions that shes actually into you

 

But I am sorry hun...I know dating is so tough. I'm kind of dreading getting back into it. But we have to have hope that the right person is out there. You have to go on alottttt of dates before you find the right one

 

So just think of this one as practice! A step in the right direction!

 

I do want to say, IMO, you did the right thing by kissing her! If I'm feeling a guy and he doesnt kiss me after the date...ehhhh that kind of kills it for me...but thats just MO.

 

I'd move on from this one and move onto the next! Best of luck to you hun!

[Gaeta]

You met her for a first time Thursday and contacted her again next Monday. Let me count....that's 4 days. It's way too long. She probably thought you were not interested and she got busy meeting other prospects.

 

Now you message her on a Monday and wonder why she did not get back to you after 48 hours? when you had her wait 4 days?

[Swan89]

So you really think a mere 4 days is going to kill her interest? I told her to text me after the date, which she didn't, no 'thanks I had a good time'. I KISSED HER! of course I was interested. Do you reckon she's playing the waiting game to seem hard to get?

[Satu]

So you really think a mere 4 days is going to kill her interest? I told her to text me after the date, which she didn't, no 'thanks I had a good time'. I KISSED HER! of course I was interested. Do you reckon she's playing the waiting game to seem hard to get?

 

If you are interested, you have to show that you're interested. You don't ask the other person to text you. Text you when? Why? About what?

 

She probably thinks that you are "playing the waiting game to seem hard to get."

 

Be proactive.

 

Don't spend days waiting around to no purpose.

 

Initiate.

 

Make things happen.

 

 

Take care.

[Gaeta]

So you really think a mere 4 days is going to kill her interest? I told her to text me after the date, which she didn't, no 'thanks I had a good time'. I KISSED HER! of course I was interested. Do you reckon she's playing the waiting game to seem hard to get?

 

How old are you? and how much experience in dating you have?

 

A man does not tell his date 'text me'. It's like telling a woman you want her to be the leader. We women don't like leading at beginning of a relationship. We want a man to show interest, to take us out on a first date and if he is interested he sets up the second date right away. No 'text me'.

 

Yes nowadays with online dating waiting 4 days to contact a woman after a 1st date is shooting yourself in the foot. This woman has tons of messages and tons of prospects, if you don't show your clear interest she will turn around. If she had posted on here or ask any of her girlfriend about you not communicating with her for 4 days after that first date they would all have told her to move on.

 

You had a date on Thursday, if you were interested you should have offered her a second date for Saturday.

[Swan89]

These things you talk of are what society tells people thats the way things should be. Fact is women respond to things differently, ie- they say they want a guy to do one thing, but guess what? they emotionally respond to the other. She may like the attention of a guy who showers her with attention but she'll definitely be intrigued by the guy that is a little more mysterious.

 

If someone loses interest over something that trivial, even if the guy takes a few days to reach out, making her wonder, then she is probably too stubborn anyway and lets her pride talk her out of taking things further when he does reach out to show initiative and interest in another date.

 

She told me I'm the first guy she met online and she's been on there for MONTHS, so I hardly think there'd be that much competition as she had a strong interest.

Edited June 30, 2016 by Swan89

[Gaeta]

These things you talk of are what society tells people thats the way things should be. Fact is women respond to things differently, ie- they say they want a guy to do one thing, but guess what? they emotionally respond to the other.

 

I will use the words of a very smart man and ask: And how is this working for you?

 

I am a woman so I think I know what women respond to. I have also done close to 4 years of online dating, again, I fully understand the dynamic on there.

[Swan89]

I have always noticed more interest when I am less persistent with women and I do not chase. I have a life of my own and in the beginning, it is completely reasonable for there to be some space between two people. Over time, as the relationship progresses, they reach out more and its merely the idea that you put the seed there and let the plant grow. (in other words, asking her out and letting her come to you). It's a man's job to do this week by week to allow her feelings to develop and her interest grow.

 

Its funny how it works but it has a profound effect. It's also actually a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men who's feelings are unclear.

[90s kid]

Unfortunaty, women do lie about wanting a second date sometimes. I would suggest calling her up and setting up a date one last time. If she seems hesitant, she's not interested.

[Dis]

I will use the words of a very smart man and ask: And how is this working for you?

 

I am a woman so I think I know what women respond to. I have also done close to 4 years of online dating, again, I fully understand the dynamic on there.

 

I agree with Gaeta and didnt pick up on this until she mentioned it....

 

You did wait too long to contact her

 

I'm experienced with online dating and I know (as a woman) if I have a date with a guy and he doesnt text me for 4 days...I'll be onto the next. With dating...esp OLD you need to make it known that you're interested...women have alot of options out there....even if she wasnt telling you she does...believe me...she does. And even if she didnt...why would she stick around for a guy that cant be bothered to set up another date...never mind shoot a text????

 

I have always noticed more interest when I am less persistent with women and I do not chase. I have a life of my own and in the beginning, it is completely reasonable for there to be some space between two people. Over time, as the relationship progresses, they reach out more and its merely the idea that you put the seed there and let the plant grow. (in other words, asking her out and letting her come to you). It's a man's job to do this week by week to allow her feelings to develop and her interest grow.

 

Its funny how it works but it has a profound effect. It's also actually a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men who's feelings are unclear.

 

Omg I laughed at that! Scientific fact??? Can you send us the link to that study???

 

Women arent attracted to guys that are aloof and distant...in fact that turns us off! I think the only women out there that want a guy that doesnt show intrest is emotionally unavailable women...and what guy wants one of those???

 

Hun...not trying to make fun of the situtation but dont try to be a "cool" guy. Smart, strong women dont chase men. Next time...go after the girl

[Swan89]

Yeah and how many times do you see when a guy chases a woman, he ends up getting rejected? Well, if this stuff works for Corey Wayne and not me, then god knows what will work.

 

4 days really isn't anything to cry over but she did openly mention to me on the date that she's stubborn and hot headed, and its ironic because she did strike me as emotionally unavailable. Its her loss, not into the high and mighty.

[Swan89]

Oh, and here's the link to one of many studies.

Only from an official psychology research corporation...

 

'+windowtitle+'

Edited June 30, 2016 by Swan89

[Satu]

Thump. Crunch. Bang.

 

Satu just ejected from this thread.

Edited June 30, 2016 by Satu

[Dis]

Yeah and how many times do you see when a guy chases a woman, he ends up getting rejected? Well, if this stuff works for Corey Wayne and not me, then god knows what will work.

 

4 days really isn't anything to cry over but she did openly mention to me on the date that she's stubborn and hot headed, and its ironic because she did strike me as emotionally unavailable. Its her loss, not into the high and mighty.

 

I know its tough hun but if you're going to pretend to be anything other than yourself you'll never find the one for you

 

Part of dating is getting hurt, rejected etc

 

If you cant be yourself from day 1...no women is ever going to get to know the real you and love you for who you are

 

Your own true self will be perfect for the right girl....stop trying to play things a certain way....look where it got you

 

I heard Satu said something that really hit home with me and I thought it was beautiful

 

She said...in regards to OLD..."Many travel, few arrive."

 

Thats how OLD works...most of the time....but that doesnt discount the other times where it does work

 

Be yourself...keep at it...when you find the right one...you'll be glad you did

[Swan89]

Well, the thing is, I am being myself completely. Completely myself in and out of the date.

Its pretty much the norm to wait a few days to text after a date. It's just a bit of harmless anticipation that can be beneficial to creating attraction!

I may give it one more try to ask but part of me is screaming, 'no! don't do it! she ain't interested!'

[Dis]

Well, the thing is, I am being myself completely. Completely myself in and out of the date.

Its pretty much the norm to wait a few days to text after a date. It's just a bit of harmless anticipation that can be beneficial to creating attraction!

I may give it one more try to ask but part of me is screaming, 'no! don't do it! she ain't interested!'

 

Eh...if she says no or doesnt reply then oh well...its not meant to be

 

I think you really need to get over your fear of being rejected because rejection is bound to happen to everyone who dates

 

But hun...really...next time pleaseeee dont wait 4 days to contact the girl

[joseb]

OP, did you have other dates that weekend, or were you otherwise busy? I can't imagine waiting 4 days to text a woman I was interested in and had kissed. A day or two, sure.

[Versacehottie]

Yes women do lie about the second date thing sometimes. It's an easier let down. And then they will just avoid you or not get back to you.

 

*you did wait too long IMO to get in touch after the initial date. Just because you kissed her doesn't mean that itself trumps everything else. Maybe she thinks you f*cked up in some other way or was not really that into you.

 

*telling her that she should text you is lame. That's an insecure boy's move. Not a man's or a guy who is relationship ready. That's why you got a snappy answer from her. I'm imagining if she gave you a snappy answer in that moment there were probably a few other things that she also felt were not so great or annoyed her on the date. If a guy said this to me, to me it strikes me as transparent for someone who has a chip on their shoulder, yet needs reassurance and is insecure--all qualities you do not want to expose on a first date. If she is savvy enough, she may have felt similarly or that it wasn't worth her trouble.

 

*as I said on someone else's thread tonight, there could be a ton of different reasons why she is not interested or not following up with you. But if we were to analyze what you said here, the stuff above needs improvement ^^ to maximize chances with girls in general.

 

Good luck

[Versacehottie]

*telling her that she should text you is lame. That's an insecure boy's move. Not a man's or a guy who is relationship ready. That's why you got a snappy answer from her. I'm imagining if she gave you a snappy answer in that moment there were probably a few other things that she also felt were not so great or annoyed her on the date. If a guy said this to me, to me it strikes me as transparent for someone who has a chip on their shoulder, yet needs reassurance and is insecure--all qualities you do not want to expose on a first date. If she is savvy enough, she may have felt similarly or that it wasn't worth her trouble.

 

 

oh i meant to add that a friend had a guy say that to her after a decent date. Something like as a rule, he lets the girl text him. He was a decent, nice guy otherwise; she wasn't into dating him further because there was no chemistry really. I advised her not even to send a thank you text. I mean what is the point?? The rule is stupid and again transparent and kinda comes off a bit like an ultimatum or something. If he made it as a rule or speaks that out loud as you did, sounds like he's been rejected a lot or is worried about it. Not hot.

[Rig88]

The truth about online dating is that it's the most brutal sport of our time. It's cut throat and dog eat dog.

It allows people to always have their options open. Chances are if you've arranged to date someone , they're dating or talking to a few other people at the same time or at least keeping their options open.

Firstly , you need to ditch these 'dating gurus' and making it into a science. Making it clinical is asking for disaster because women pick up on it. It becomes obvious that you're following some kind of 'rule book'.Its really not that complicated. Someone will either like you and want to see you again or they wont. It really is a simple and a brutal as that unfortunately.

It does sound in this case that she's not interested and she's trying to be nice about it. Look at it from your perspective , if you weren't that interested in her would you be blunt and say ' I don't want to see you again , I'm not interested' or would you try and be polite about it and let someone down gently.

If your online dating you'll have to accept that some people will like you and want to see you again and others wont. If you try and analyse each and every date you go one you're going to drive yourself mad.

[elaine567]

You kissed her which implies you were keen and wanted to get close, yet you then then chose to ask her to text you???? then when she said "no you text me", you leave her hanging in the air for 4 whole days...

 

Now she is probably seeing someone else, a guy who showed some real interest, or she is playing your game and mirroring you so you will receive a reply in 4 days...

[LookAtThisPOst]

You met her for a first time Thursday and contacted her again next Monday. Let me count....that's 4 days. It's way too long. She probably thought you were not interested and she got busy meeting other prospects.

 

Now you message her on a Monday and wonder why she did not get back to you after 48 hours? when you had her wait 4 days?

 

Irrelevant, she would not have been interested him be it 48 hours or 4 days. This likely had no bearing on him not getting a 2nd date. 4 days isn't that long anyways.

 

Now if it had been like 2 weeks to a month, then yes.