pteromom Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Okay, I just wrote to him and asked casually and friendly from him why is his relationship status single. I'll let you know when he answers. He probably thinks that I expect him to change it to "in a relationship" and maybe thinks about some excuses, but actually I just want that his relationship status wouldn't be shown at all. NO! He needs to change it to IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU! Don't settle for crumbs. Tell him what you WANT. You want his friends and everyone in his life to know that he is serious about you. You want to FEEL that he is serious. 2
katiegrl Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Okay, I just wrote to him and asked casually and friendly from him why is his relationship status single. I'll let you know when he answers. He probably thinks that I expect him to change it to "in a relationship" and maybe thinks about some excuses, but actually I just want that his relationship status wouldn't be shown at all. No matter what he says.... there really is only one answer that would make sense. He doesn't want anyone looking at his FB to know he's in a RL. 2
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 I know. I just feel like right now is the wrong time to have an open discussion, because what if he gets so confused about all of these sudden thoughts I'm writing him and he thinks I'm becoming crazy here without him, I don't want this to happen. I don't want him to think that I can't function without him. I do have a life beside him, I go out with my friends and jogging every day and night, read books, etc. But I can't help it but think about these bad thoughts during all of these activities.
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 I'm sure you can tell that I'm head over heels in love with him and I'm willing to work on our relationship. I know we both are very different people and I'm trying to do my best to be the perfect girlfriend for him. He has told me before that I'm a girl who is every guy's dream, but sometimes it just seems that I'm not his.
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 He also told me during our last fight that he feels like he's never enough for me, that I always want something more from him. Which is exactly how I feel about myself! It's not like he's saying these things cause he wants to break up with me, because he is the first to say that he doesn't want to lose me.
katiegrl Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I know. I just feel like right now is the wrong time to have an open discussion, because what if he gets so confused about all of these sudden thoughts I'm writing him and he thinks I'm becoming crazy here without him, I don't want this to happen. I don't want him to think that I can't function without him. I do have a life beside him, I go out with my friends and jogging every day and night, read books, etc. But I can't help it but think about these bad thoughts during all of these activities. I think you need to stop caring more about what HE thinks, and start caring about what YOU think. This is YOUR life and YOUR heart we are talking about here.... you need to take care of it, take care of YOU! And what is in your best interests, NOT his. No one else will hun, especially HIM. He is out for himself and so should you be about yourself. Stop walking on eggshells, afraid to ask the hard questions, afraid to communicate, out of fear you will "scare him off." So what if you did scare him off.... imo good riddance! You don't need a man like that in your life, frankly I would rather be alone that with a guy who gets scared off or pissed off, or thinks I am psycho...because I asked him some questions that I needed to know, for myself, to feel comfortable proceeding forward in the RL. I think it is a huge red flag that, after a year, he still has "single" on FB. It speaks volumes as to how he views your RL -- temporary. I just would not feel comfortable with that AT ALL. In fact, it might even be a dealbreaker for me. The first few months, that's different. But a year? No thanks.... whatever reason he gives you, other than "I don't want anyone viewing my FB to know I am in a RL.".. is BS. Sorry. TAKE CARE OF YOU! 2
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 Well guys, he answered me about this relationship status thing. He said that he hadn't even noticed it (which I doubt) and asked if I want him to change it to "invisible", so basically then there wouldn't be seen anything about his current relationsip status.
kendahke Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I have asked straightforward from him if he is ashamed of me and then he's like "what are you talking about, stop it". If you've met all of his friends, then he's not hiding you or is ashamed of you.
kendahke Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Well guys, he answered me about this relationship status thing. He said that he hadn't even noticed it (which I doubt) and asked if I want him to change it to "invisible", so basically then there wouldn't be seen anything about his current relationsip status. He's not going to give you what you want. He's not going to put that on blast. Are you OK with that?
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 If you've met all of his friends, then he's not hiding you or is ashamed of you. I agree, but I meant more these things like not tagging me in his vacay pictures, being single on Facebook.. you know.
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 He's not going to give you what you want. He's not going to put that on blast. Are you OK with that? I am okay with that if he just puts it "invisible", because already in the beginning of our relationship he said that he wants to let his individual life be personal and I said I understand it and I agree with it.
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 I think you need to stop caring more about what HE thinks, and start caring about what YOU think. This is YOUR life and YOUR heart we are talking about here.... you need to take care of it, take care of YOU! And what is in your best interests, NOT his. No one else will hun, especially HIM. He is out for himself and so should you be about yourself. Stop walking on eggshells, afraid to ask the hard questions, afraid to communicate, out of fear you will "scare him off." So what if you did scare him off.... imo good riddance! You don't need a man like that in your life, frankly I would rather be alone that with a guy who gets scared off or pissed off, or thinks I am psycho...because I asked him some questions that I needed to know, for myself, to feel comfortable proceeding forward in the RL. I think it is a huge red flag that, after a year, he still has "single" on FB. It speaks volumes as to how he views your RL -- temporary. I just would not feel comfortable with that AT ALL. In fact, it might even be a dealbreaker for me. The first few months, that's different. But a year? No thanks.... whatever reason he gives you, other than "I don't want anyone viewing my FB to know I am in a RL.".. is BS. Sorry. TAKE CARE OF YOU! I agree that I should be concentrating on myself more and say it out what I want. But a relationship is about two people's needs, not only mine.
kendahke Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 He is more of a touring musician but their band is not so famous yet, during the summer time they're making a break. Yeah--he doesn't want to be seen as being tied to anyone. A lot of touring musicians are like that. 1
katiegrl Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I agree that I should be concentrating on myself more and say it out what I want. But a relationship is about two people's needs, not only mine. I agree, but as I said, apparently you care more about his feelings, and how he will react... than you do your own feelings. That is NOT healthy and makes for a very imbalanced RL.... where one person loves more, gives more, than the other. Does he care more about YOUR feelings than his own? No. Does he even care about your feelings at all? He wants to put his status on invisible? What the hell is the problem with him putting his status on "In a Relationship"? He can still keep his life and your RL private.. I don't get why he is so reluctant. Doesn't make sense.
katiegrl Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Yeah--he doesn't want to be seen as being tied to anyone. A lot of touring musicians are like that. Yup.... groupies and all. They need to keep the appearance of being "free".... so as to attract more of them.
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 All the other band members of his band are in a relationship, too.
katiegrl Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 All the other band members of his band are in a relationship, too. I wonder what their FB status says... 1
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 I agree, but as I said, apparently you care more about his feelings, and how he will react... than you do your own feelings. That is NOT healthy and makes for a very imbalanced RL.... where one person loves more, gives more, than the other. Does he care more about YOUR feelings than his own? No. Does he even care about your feelings at all? He wants to put his status on invisible? What the hell is the problem with him putting his status on "In a Relationship"? He can still keep his life and your RL private.. I don't get why he is so reluctant. Doesn't make sense. I really don't know why he has these kind of standpoints. It feels really good to get it all out of my chest and get another viewpoint from someone else, like you. And from all the other users, of course. I don't know if it makes me hesitate about my relationship or want to work more on it..
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 I wonder what their FB status says... Only one of the member's relationship status is "in relationship with ..", others are not seen. But they all have pictures on Instagram with their girlfriends, my boyfriend hasn't posted anything about me there, neither on Facebook.
katiegrl Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 (edited) aOnly one of the member's relationship status is "in relationship with ..", others are not seen. But they all have pictures on Instagram with their girlfriends, my boyfriend hasn't posted anything about me there, neither on Facebook. So he is gone now...in Spain? Has he been keeping in touch with you? Regularly? Consistently? Have you learned anything more about this "friend" he went with? Edited June 29, 2016 by katiegrl
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 a So he is gone now...in Spain? Has he been keeping in touch with you? Have you learned anything more about this "friend" he went with? He's not some mysterious friend, I know his name, his Instagram is also public and I've stalked him, that's how I know he has a girlfriend, too They went to that vacation together to Spain. He said that they had planned this trip already for 2 years (so they planned it even before he met me, but it's still odd that the didn't tell me anything about it). He has contacted me since a bit, telling how their flight went etc, nothing special. But they've only been there for 2 days.
preraph Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Being paranoid when he's out of sight is just wasted energy. If he is inclined to see other women, he doesn't have to go on vacation to do it. No amount of monitoring will stop him if that's what he wants to do. So you may as well relax and just see if he sticks around and seems devoted to you and leave the door open. If you stew about it, you'll end up breaking up because he's tired of your paranoia, regardless of whether it's justified or not. Your energy is better spent having fun with him when you're together to build a good foundation so he'll want to stay. 2
Author chebell Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 Being paranoid when he's out of sight is just wasted energy. If he is inclined to see other women, he doesn't have to go on vacation to do it. No amount of monitoring will stop him if that's what he wants to do. So you may as well relax and just see if he sticks around and seems devoted to you and leave the door open. If you stew about it, you'll end up breaking up because he's tired of your paranoia, regardless of whether it's justified or not. Your energy is better spent having fun with him when you're together to build a good foundation so he'll want to stay. You're right, thank you!
kendahke Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 All the other band members of his band are in a relationship, too. and do their partners go on tour with them? Most likely, no.
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