She's broken NC, should I respond?

[Forest1]

Quick backstory:

 

GF of 2 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago basically because I was squeezing too tightly and she felt suffocated, which manifested as a loss of attraction.

 

I've since seen her about a week ago which she said was really nice and was crying saying it was the hardest thing and that it was so painful to see me leaving and that if we were both of a sounder mindset we'd be the best couple etc. (almost like I was the one who broke it off...) - anyway I looked classy when I saw her and took it all very well.

 

So I started NC with the hope of getting back in touch to meet for a drink in a few weeks time because she will be at a new job right near where I work, however 5 days in to NC she has contacted me asking how I am and if work was going well.

 

I know that we both love each other a lot and I'm sure that this could work, but when she broke it off she seemed to suggest this was her permanent, final decision....and when she makes a decision she makes it

 

So what I'm asking is should I break the NC? I can tell she misses me, but I don't want to get my hopes up too much for her just to turn around in a few weeks and say there's no chance of it working out.

 

I think NC is working and she's seeing value in me, but I don't necessarily want to blank her entirely in case she just lets go completely.

 

The inner struggle between holding on to hope and letting go is so difficult

[brothers343]

The true question is why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?? She told you that her word is final.....so I would take it as that. Go NC and continue with your life. Though the word LOVE is beautiful, it can also be misinterpreted. Don't pause your life becouse of the that word. And like I said, though it's a beautiful word it can also lead to your downfall. Good luck.

[Forest1]

The true question is why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?? She told you that her word is final.....so I would take it as that. Go NC and continue with your life. Though the word LOVE is beautiful, it can also be misinterpreted. Don't pause your life becouse of the that word. And like I said, though it's a beautiful word it can also lead to your downfall. Good luck.

 

I know what you're saying, but I think she does want to be with me... she's definitely confused. Just as I am.

[LD1990]

I know what you're saying, but I think she does want to be with me... she's definitely confused. Just as I am.

 

If she really wanted to be with you...she'd be with you. Dumpers often say how they still love you or have hope for the future to let you down easy or keep their options open. Actions speak louder than words. She compared being with you to not being with you, and decided she'd rather not.

 

Your best option is going NC. The relationship didn't work, no use going back to something that failed, it just wasn't meant to be. If you're really interested in trying to work things out, personally I'd just ask her now about giving it another shot, and if she says no, go NC. Waiting around is a waste of time, either get back together or move on with your life now.

[privategal]

Its a breadcrumb. No response as hard as it is. You reply...she breaths a sigh of relief you dont hate her and her ego is soothed...then shes back to her life.

Read nc guide daily. It addresses the ONEE time you can reply.

[BC1980]

I know what you're saying, but I think she does want to be with me... she's definitely confused. Just as I am.

 

Neither of you sound confused. You want to be with her, and she has made it clear that she has no interest in being in a relationship with you. Why do you think she is confused?

[Satu]

You're not really doing NC.

 

What you are doing is called, "Waiting and Hoping."

 

Thats absolutely fine, if its what you want to do, but if you really were doing NC, she'd have no way of contacting you.

 

It's your choice, and whatever you choose is OK.

 

 

This is NC:

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[katiegrl]

Yes she said it was permanent... which is what I am sure she thought the time.

 

But nothing is ever set in stone....it's not like no one has ever had second thoughts after breaking up and being separated for awhile... geez. It happens all the time!

 

She felt suffocated as OP was squeezing her too tight.

 

He gave her space which was exactly the right thing... and low and behold she misses him!

 

Not surprising at all.

 

Often times, we just don't know our own hearts. Feelings can fluctuate, there are peaks and valleys in every RL.

 

OP, it sounds very much to me like she is having second thoughts....

 

Don't jump right back in... but explore the possibility. If she wants to try again, be sure she is sincere....ask her what's changed. Within herself that makes her realize she wants to try again.

 

This is assuming she does actually want to try again.

 

Best of luck!

[privategal]

A week is not enough.

Stay nc until she writes that she wants to be with you.

She will respect you more if you keep silent and move on unless she makes a clear statement she has no right to reach out with breadcrumbs.

She broke up with you so its not her right to know how you are.

She just wants to confirm your hurting.

How are you is generic and takes no effort.

Biggest breadcrumb of all time.

[Simon Phoenix]

She didn't break your No Contact. Only you can do that. No Contact is an individual thing, not a team thing.

[Marc878]

Never break NC for breadcrumbs. She wanted space give it to her.

 

Work on being needy. It is unnattractive

[bummer]

I played the wait and see game and I bet you're thinking: "but what if by not answering I push her away and she really does leave? What if it clears her confusion when she sees you don't really care?

 

Well, that's the beauty of NC. The real story always comes out! She really wants you back? She'll come flying back in banging your door or blasting your phone with "I'm sorry!!"

 

She really wants to quit? You'll get breadcrumbs like "how are you?" to see if the hook is still set or just to alleviate guilt as others noted. These messages will fade when she learns you aren't her texting buddy either anymore. And they fade as the truth sets in for her that her actions have consequences.

 

Short answer: delete it. Tell us when you get the next one or the tirade about why you aren't answering. That was my favourite. also if you are ready to accept reality go NC.

[juniorrocha]

Couldn't agree more with bummer. NC will only do you good: you either get rid of someone who didn't want to be with you anyway or that person will do their best to show you how important you are to them.

 

At the end of the day, it's a win/win situation.

[Forest1]

Quick backstory:

 

GF of 2 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago basically because I was squeezing too tightly and she felt suffocated, which manifested as a loss of attraction.

 

I've since seen her about a week ago which she said was really nice and was crying saying it was the hardest thing and that it was so painful to see me leaving and that if we were both of a sounder mindset we'd be the best couple etc. (almost like I was the one who broke it off...) - anyway I looked classy when I saw her and took it all very well.

 

So I started NC with the hope of getting back in touch to meet for a drink in a few weeks time because she will be at a new job right near where I work, however 5 days in to NC she has contacted me asking how I am and if work was going well.

 

I know that we both love each other a lot and I'm sure that this could work, but when she broke it off she seemed to suggest this was her permanent, final decision....and when she makes a decision she makes it

 

So what I'm asking is should I break the NC? I can tell she misses me, but I don't want to get my hopes up too much for her just to turn around in a few weeks and say there's no chance of it working out.

 

I think NC is working and she's seeing value in me, but I don't necessarily want to blank her entirely in case she just lets go completely.

 

The inner struggle between holding on to hope and letting go is so difficult

 

 

 

 

 

UPDATE:

 

So I opted for a brief, neutral reply many hours after her original question (unlike me) and today she told me she's been really upset and misses me like crazy. Talk about mixed messages!

[Forest1]

She didn't break your No Contact. Only you can do that. No Contact is an individual thing, not a team thing.

 

haha, good point

[Forest1]

Ok so having re-read my original post it's a very "glass half empty" summary. In actual fact, especially in light of today's revelations, I think she's having regrets.

 

The question now is do I tell her that I don't want to be there for her as a friend or whatever other BS, or do I just go NC and let her find that out herself...

[BC1980]

UPDATE:

 

So I opted for a brief, neutral reply many hours after her original question (unlike me) and today she told me she's been really upset and misses me like crazy. Talk about mixed messages!

 

Missing you doesn't mean she wants to get back together. It's normal to miss someone after a breakup. Even if she dumped you, she will probably miss you, and, because it hasn't been very long since the breakup, she is adjusting emotionally. She likely has all kinds of feelings, but that does not mean she wants to be with you,

 

It's really easy to project how you feel onto her. It's easy to imagine her wanting you back and regretting her actions. However, nothing she has done suggests that she wants you back. To me, it looks like she is merely going through the normal process of pulling away from someone (sadness, missing the person, adjusting to a new life).

 

Consider this. If you really want to be with someone, you would be overjoyed to be with them. You would never put the relationship in jeopardy. It would be wonderful to tell the person how you feel. There would be no "confusion." To answer your question, it's fine to go NC without telling her.

[bummer]

The question now is do I tell her that I don't want to be there for her as a friend or whatever other BS, or do I just go NC and let her find that out herself...

 

quick reply you think it's best to honor her decision and not continue talking. Then go NC.

 

UPDATE:

 

So I opted for a brief, neutral reply many hours after her original question (unlike me) and today she told me she's been really upset and misses me like crazy. Talk about mixed messages!

 

See? Breadcrumbs. No explicit "I love you lets work it out." Nothing. Just a guilty turd on your phone to stare at. Delete it.

[LD1990]

UPDATE:

 

So I opted for a brief, neutral reply many hours after her original question (unlike me) and today she told me she's been really upset and misses me like crazy. Talk about mixed messages!

 

She just wants to keep you on the hook while she gets over you. If you want to test my theory, just send her a message saying "Oh, so did you want to get back together?" If she says yes, there, you've got what she wanted. If she responds with something about needing time/space, she doesn't know what she wants right now, or she really needs to think (and you can bet your ass this is how she'll respond), you'll know she's just playing games and using you.

[BC1980]

She just wants to keep you on the hook while she gets over you. If you want to test my theory, just send her a message saying "Oh, so did you want to get back together?" If she says yes, there, you've got what she wanted. If she responds with something about needing time/space, she doesn't know what she wants right now, or she really needs to think (and you can bet your ass this is how she'll respond), you'll know she's just playing games and using you.

 

Exactly. And the thing is, no one will point blank ask because they know the answer is NO. I was like OP at one point. No one could tell me any differently. I found out the hard way.

[Forest1]

**** it, I'm gonna move on with my life.

 

Ignore