Having a hard time with someone I love dearly.

[Cliffy]

I don't know what you can do if she doesn't even talk to you and shuts you out. You need to at least look at that part realistically.

 

Depressed people have a tendency to pull you down with them, which looks like exactly what is happening. For all you know, you could be being catfished. Ok, but keep defending her and your situation. It's clear that you don't really want to find your way out of this. Good luck with whatever you do.

 

I want to find a way out of this, my preferred outcome is that she's still around though is all. I know she isn't catfishing me, I'm not trying to defend her or the situation. I just want a positive outcome.

[Cliffy]

Let me make this clear to you.

 

You have not met this person. This is not a relationship. It's an emotionally filling time waste that is also restricting you from finding someone in the real world.

 

This is a pointless waste of time. Look at how stressed you are over a person you have never even met.

 

How many internet fantasy relationships are out there these days...it's actually scary how much this is happening. And I get it man, I dated long distance online across the ocean and I actually met the guys and spent a lot of time with them. The problem is they are not real life nor realistic to pursue unless you are financially stable enough to move one person to the other. Even then it's a bad idea because you can't possible know the person well enough.

 

Go outside, get off the computer. Find women in your area. Forget this emotionally unhealthy situation.

 

Honestly I never tried to look for any long distance thing, it just happened. It feels very real, it's no fantasy. I've invested so much to make this work in the time we've had, arranging things and such. I get that you might not know the person well enough but I'm willing to try this one time for her, to see and to get to know her that way.

 

I know it sounds like a waste of time to you, and I appreciate the opinion. It's just I'd love for this to work out with her, I wouldn't go through this trouble if I didn't feel any sort of connection.

[Cliffy]

She may want a normal life, but she does not have the skill set to have one.

 

Just remember that enabling a person to keep them from having to change and improve themself by being tolerant isn't really doing them any favors. She needs some work.

 

That's something I've always been, I've always been tolerant. Cause I thought she needed support. But I'm not sure how to really work on this, I mean, I do, but I'm not sure how she'll respond. But as it is now she will not speak to me at all.

[Versacehottie]

I want to find a way out of this, my preferred outcome is that she's still around though is all. I know she isn't catfishing me, I'm not trying to defend her or the situation. I just want a positive outcome.

 

ok so you know she is not catfishing you. presumably bc you did the skype furry thing (???)lol. Have to admit, not familiar at all with that world. And ok I get it that apart from that your feelings are real to you. I wonder though (i'm assuming it's a fetish type thing) if it's hard enough for you both to find match for that part of your lives which is why you end up connecting in that way with someone from across the world. Is that possible? And is it possible that while she connected with you in that sense that she never really meant to marry that part of her life with the more every day encompassing one? I think that's a very likely scenario.

 

Honestly, if you weren't "in" it, and read back these threads when you no longer had feelings about them, I think you would see that you are trying to defend the situation. One of the things I am saying, as well as others too I believe, is that you need to remove yourself from that mindset IF you are even to hope to find a solution.

 

And I do understand you want a positive outcome--ie the same reason as almost everyone who posts here, regardless of the specific situation. I think we are trying to tell you how to get one. She is 5000 miles away and not speaking to you (again) and you've never met AND she is jerking you around and saying she is not in a position to be in a relationship. I go back to what I said earlier: the thing to do in this situation is not try or push harder with her. It's to let her have what she says she wants and let her come to you if she is capable. There really is no other choice for you is she is not allowing contact. The best thing to do is act as if you have accepted it so she can think of what she really wants. I wouldn't put too much hope into it and would continue to live your life, that's phase two-ish. But for right now you care about having a chance with her and what you need to do is give her the space she is asking for so she can contemplate what things will be like without you "right there". You don't tell her that part. She needs to figure it out. Telling her that's what you are doing is the same as saying you will be "right there". She needs to believe she's chased you away for good.

 

I still don't think it will work out in long run or that it's a good relationship. But the strategy above is all you want right now and that is you best chance to have a good outcome with her. One problem at a time is best for you since you are feeling jumbled and it's not the best time for you to really see the bigger picture. On JUST your relationship with her, this is what you need to do.

[Cayemmo]

Hi Cliffy,

 

No worries about the long sentence. I didn't even notice. And I think you've express what's on your heart. Thank you for sharing your concerns with us.

 

I'm all for long distance relationships. In fact, I met my husband online and it's been a very rewarding journey for us. When you can make a long distance relationship work for you, you come to appreciate the benefits of being in separate cities. Just to name a few: 1) Long distance makes good communication a must because we learn to establish strong verbal connection 2) It emphasizes character over physical appearance. 3) The distance accelerate the depth of the relationship. Because you both can spend more time talking this allows you to get to know each other quickly.

 

Obviously, there are limitations to getting to know someone only by e-mail, text and photos back and forth. I don't doubt at all that you've really grown to connect with this girl on a deep and meaningful level. But to be honest, for my husband and I, our relationship with God was the only thing that kept our relationship strong when difficult emotions surfaced.

 

Can I ask a question? How does it make you feel when she blocks you? Cliffy..What do you think you should do?

 

You're right that no one is perfect but, if negative behavior is causing greater distance in the relationship, maybe you have a bigger decision on your hands.

 

I encourage you to use discernment and caution while choosing to continue a relationship with someone who would give anyone the cold shoulder. And I would also encourage you to give it serious thought as whether to continue a relationship with someone you've never met face-to-face. I don't know if you're a believer in Jesus but God wants the best for the both of you. I bet she's a lovely girl and you obviously care a lot about her, but I hope that you both take time to consider the One who loves and cares for you more that anyone else ever could.

 

I will pray that the Lord gives you wisdom as you think through all this.

 

God bless you, Cliffy.

[Cliffy]

ok so you know she is not catfishing you. presumably bc you did the skype furry thing (???)lol. Have to admit, not familiar at all with that world. And ok I get it that apart from that your feelings are real to you. I wonder though (i'm assuming it's a fetish type thing) if it's hard enough for you both to find match for that part of your lives which is why you end up connecting in that way with someone from across the world. Is that possible? And is it possible that while she connected with you in that sense that she never really meant to marry that part of her life with the more every day encompassing one? I think that's a very likely scenario.

 

Honestly, if you weren't "in" it, and read back these threads when you no longer had feelings about them, I think you would see that you are trying to defend the situation. One of the things I am saying, as well as others too I believe, is that you need to remove yourself from that mindset IF you are even to hope to find a solution.

 

And I do understand you want a positive outcome--ie the same reason as almost everyone who posts here, regardless of the specific situation. I think we are trying to tell you how to get one. She is 5000 miles away and not speaking to you (again) and you've never met AND she is jerking you around and saying she is not in a position to be in a relationship. I go back to what I said earlier: the thing to do in this situation is not try or push harder with her. It's to let her have what she says she wants and let her come to you if she is capable. There really is no other choice for you is she is not allowing contact. The best thing to do is act as if you have accepted it so she can think of what she really wants. I wouldn't put too much hope into it and would continue to live your life, that's phase two-ish. But for right now you care about having a chance with her and what you need to do is give her the space she is asking for so she can contemplate what things will be like without you "right there". You don't tell her that part. She needs to figure it out. Telling her that's what you are doing is the same as saying you will be "right there". She needs to believe she's chased you away for good.

 

I still don't think it will work out in long run or that it's a good relationship. But the strategy above is all you want right now and that is you best chance to have a good outcome with her. One problem at a time is best for you since you are feeling jumbled and it's not the best time for you to really see the bigger picture. On JUST your relationship with her, this is what you need to do.

 

Not a fetish or anythin', just who I am is all really. But we've skyped a lot yeah. She's not a full on furry like me, she dabbles in it as in she likes and appreciates what there is to offer but again she's not a full on furry like me. The fact that I'm a furry has nothing to do with why we connected, I got to know her and she got to know me and it grew from that.

 

I mean, I can get that maybe I might be defending it, I understand what you're getting at with that as well too. I'm trying my best to get a better state of mind.

 

What you're saying makes sense. I mean, it's all I really can do right now. Unless I sent her messages daily then all I can do is just sit around and wait. So I completely get that. It just sucks though, the wait. It just feels like it's just not needed, like she doesn't have to be this way. I have no issue giving her space if she needs it and I give her that when says she needs that. I just hate how she says nothing and just shuts me out like this when she does it.

[Cliffy]

Hi Cliffy,

 

No worries about the long sentence. I didn't even notice. And I think you've express what's on your heart. Thank you for sharing your concerns with us.

 

I'm all for long distance relationships. In fact, I met my husband online and it's been a very rewarding journey for us. When you can make a long distance relationship work for you, you come to appreciate the benefits of being in separate cities. Just to name a few: 1) Long distance makes good communication a must because we learn to establish strong verbal connection 2) It emphasizes character over physical appearance. 3) The distance accelerate the depth of the relationship. Because you both can spend more time talking this allows you to get to know each other quickly.

 

Obviously, there are limitations to getting to know someone only by e-mail, text and photos back and forth. I don't doubt at all that you've really grown to connect with this girl on a deep and meaningful level. But to be honest, for my husband and I, our relationship with God was the only thing that kept our relationship strong when difficult emotions surfaced.

 

Can I ask a question? How does it make you feel when she blocks you? Cliffy..What do you think you should do?

 

You're right that no one is perfect but, if negative behavior is causing greater distance in the relationship, maybe you have a bigger decision on your hands.

 

I encourage you to use discernment and caution while choosing to continue a relationship with someone who would give anyone the cold shoulder. And I would also encourage you to give it serious thought as whether to continue a relationship with someone you've never met face-to-face. I don't know if you're a believer in Jesus but God wants the best for the both of you. I bet she's a lovely girl and you obviously care a lot about her, but I hope that you both take time to consider the One who loves and cares for you more that anyone else ever could.

 

I will pray that the Lord gives you wisdom as you think through all this.

 

God bless you, Cliffy.

 

When she blocks me like this, it feels hurtful. But I'm kinda use to it. it feels unnecessary. And this particular time it feels like she's doing it to punish me. But what do I think I should do, it varies. I've heard people out and it helps. Like I mean, I know what I should do after hearing from others. But sometimes I have moments where I have no idea what I should do, other times I wanna do something like say send her a message. All I know is, is I want it to stop. That's all.

 

As for giving it serious thought, I mean I already did. Ever since the start there's been times she's been like this, and I've thought about if this is what I really want. I thought it is, cause I know a side to her that's better than this. She's a great person when she isn't like this. I think her personality outweighs her blocking me like this. As crazy as that might sound but that is how I feel.

 

As for being a believer, I'm not religious. And neither is she really. But I really appreciate the well wishes and thank you kindly for that, really. I mean that.