Cliffy Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 (edited) Hey everyone. So, currently my girlfriend as I'll refer to her as, up and blocked me on everything cause I angered her for making her feel bad cause I did something I thought she'd like or so she says, but it's really cause I didn't go to her beck and call when she asked me too, so she got upset when I stood up for myself basically cause I wanted to be alone for a lil bit at the time, that was 5 days ago and she has not said nothing to me since and has ignored any message I've tried to send her, I wanna also say that this is a long distance relationship, and i know that to some people it might not seem like a great big deal but to me it is, the love we have is very real and pretty intense, I can honestly say I've never loved anyone like I love her, it's really like that kind of one and only type stuff and she says all the same stuff too, I mean, I'm only 24, but still, how I feel for her is very intense, more than anyone I've ever been with, and again I hear all the same stuff from her, we've been together 7 months, in our time we've had a lot of good times, but we've had times where she was on and off, which she blames mostly on her impulsiveness and her bad history with abuse which in turn has led to her being a some what depressed person, and so yeah, I'm use to when she goes away and doesn't speak to me cause of whatever reason, sometimes it's cause I angered her so to say, but it varies, but something I wanna add is that for the last month or so now, we've been in a somewhat complicated relationship, she says she can't do a relationship right now and just wants to be so to speak, it's hard to explain, she might say friends or something but nothing changes, we still do things we did as a couple, so it's hard to really explain, I try to be supportive through it all but it is hard on me too, I can go on and on but I think it'd be too long then, so if anyone wants clearer details or anything then feel free to ask, also not sure where to post something like this so please let me know about that too, thank you kindly for reading this to anyone who does, any help is appreciated. Edited June 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6
Snow_Queen Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 (edited) It's hard to understand what you're saying since you wrote one big sentence. From you've explained, your GF is mad at you for doing something you thought she'd like? I'm not sure I can wrap my head around that. What did you do, exactly? You say it's long distance and I'd ask how often you see her but it doesn't matter. She is treating you very poorly. You mention she was abused in the past. It's clear she has projected her past experience onto you. Based on the behavior you described, she is being abusive to you. I say this because I've been there and learned to know when it's happening. Gas lighting makes it harder to know what's real or not. Her behavior is sporadic and impulsive which is concerning. She may very well suffer from psychological issues which only she can solve through professional help. As for you, go NC immediately. This woman seems very unstable, she's abusive, and she's probably manipulating you into believing you're the problem. You need to stop contact this woman and block her instead. Please realize this is not a normal, healthy relationship. This woman could even be dangerous in the long run. Edited June 29, 2016 by Snow_Queen Internet issues prevented editing before posting 1
Ensam Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 As someone who has his personal up's and downs, I can sort of see where she is coming from but that doesn't justify the way she is treating you. It's one thing to need some space every now and then and a completely different thing to shut out your partner completely like she is doing to you. And to have made it a habit to ignore/block you for whatever little reason? Jeez... I think she's right about not being capable of being in a relationship at this point and I think you should stop regarding her as your girlfriend. I'm sorry since you obviously feel very strongly about her but you can't be there for someone that doesn't want you there and you should not have to put up with this behaviour. 1
BaileyB Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 It is very hard to understand what you are saying because you wrote one long sentence. I won't read posts that don't use basic punctuation. 1
Author Cliffy Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 (edited) I had a sketch done, basically, I'm a furry, she likes to dabble in it and has seen things like sketches she thought were nice or sweet, so I thought maybe she'd like one that was done for her. She wasn't angry about it all at first, she wanted to talk to me, everything took a turn for her when I told her I didn't want too, why? cause I've been having it rough lately, and how she is now kinda just makes it all that much harder. Just before she blocked me and all that she said I made her feel bad, like I spent money on her and that just made her feel guilty or something, but I only told her the truth when she asked, I know you might say she's bad news and I should just drop her, but I just can't, she means a lot to me and I care for her deeply, I want things to work, I know what she's doing isn't fair or anythin' but I put up with it all cause I love her, but at the same time I'm starting to try not to be a push over y'know, stand my ground and such. We use to talk literally everyday, for 6 months we've talked and been in each others company almost 24/7, cause she didn't like it if I was gone for more than 3 hours at a time, there's a lot that she's like or has done that is pretty odd, I won't lie, but for me it's almost normal, like this is just what happens, she's once done this and made it look like she found someone else so I'd leave her alone and wouldn't message her, then come back and tell me that and say sorry, I forgave and put it past us, like I said there's a lot, and I could explain in more detail if anyone would like. Ultimately again I see that people think it's best to leave her, but I really just can't, I know it sounds crazy how I could want someone like this in my life but I do, I love her and care for her too deeply. Also I apologize for the run on sentence in my first post, I've just been having it rough as I've said so I'm not thinking all too clearly. Edited June 29, 2016 by Cliffy corrections 1
preraph Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants anyway and has a hard time communicating well enough to work things out.
Author Cliffy Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 She's a complex person, she tells me she doesn't know what she wants, but she knows what she wants, if that makes sense, she always says she wants a normal life and all that, but she puts herself down a lot.
Versacehottie Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Honestly I'm also having a hard time understanding exactly what you are saying (your feelings feel kind of jumbled as you are expressing them). But I do understand when you are talking about her and this is what I think: She sounds like a head case. And a lot of trouble. I think you should take her at her word that she is not in a position to be in a relationship. I think you sense that she is just crying wolf about that and says those things to get a reaction and that she also does and says things that show you she does want to be in one (with you). Don't latch onto that. If you really want her to stop jerking you around, acting like a brat and giving you every excuse under the sun for her bad behavior and mistreatment of you, then don't fall for it. Meaning when she says she doesn't want to you anymore, leave her alone. Completely. Then she will learn to stop this behavior if she wants to keep you in her life. Right now, you are teaching her she can do this multiple times and you will still be there. That is going to reinforce her to keep doing it. Frankly, I don't get why you would want to be with someone who says they are depressed and not in position to start a relationship, who stonewalls you and is long distance on top of that. Some people like the torture or think it means that something is "there". I think whenever you reach the end of the rollercoaster ride for you, you will regret having gone there. First order of business should be to stop her bad behavior. That is going to require that you do things differently. It also is going to look exactly the same as if you are letting her go for good. You should only let her back in if she comes to you; you should question if she is in a different position now, ie to be in a healthy relationship with you; you should not just accept that at first conversation--you should give it some thought and a trial period and make sure she knows you are not sure, ie you are going to have to see some solid changes. OR if you keep letting her jerk you around, you definitely are not going to see the end of it. Her behavior will get worse. Good luck
VeveCakes Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Have you actually met in person or is this all online?
Author Cliffy Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Truth be told, everything is jumbled, I mean, the whole situation is jumbled and so is my head, I'm not really good at explaining this cause I don't know where to really start, never have I seen anyone quite like her. You can say she sounds like a head case and that's fair to assume, but she knows she has issues, she doesn't like it, she's self aware of it and wants to be better, she's gone through a lot of therapy and such to help her get better and heal from what happened to her, and apparently there's nothing more for her, she believes this is as good as she'll ever get. Honestly, I get that, it sucks having to go through this but I do it cause I love her and I do it cause as mentioned I feel as though there's something there, but I don't like the behaviour, I never would have thought I'd be in a situation like this, I always thought if anyone tried to be like this with me then I'd bail, but life has shown me that things don't always work how you want them too, not to say that as if it's new info but y'know. And I see what you're saying, she's stubborn though, that and sometimes I wonder if she really thinks it's final, she's the type though she might just accept it and move on, and it tears me up to think that cause it'd be over nothing, but I dunno, I'm not really sure how to go about all that, it's not that it's not clear just she's truly unique. As for meeting her, we've made a lot of plans to meet this summer or early fall, but considering how things are it's unknown for now, but as it is now, no, we haven't met yet.
Versacehottie Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Truth be told, everything is jumbled, I mean, the whole situation is jumbled and so is my head, I'm not really good at explaining this cause I don't know where to really start, never have I seen anyone quite like her. You can say she sounds like a head case and that's fair to assume, but she knows she has issues, she doesn't like it, she's self aware of it and wants to be better, she's gone through a lot of therapy and such to help her get better and heal from what happened to her, and apparently there's nothing more for her, she believes this is as good as she'll ever get. Honestly, I get that, it sucks having to go through this but I do it cause I love her and I do it cause as mentioned I feel as though there's something there, but I don't like the behaviour, I never would have thought I'd be in a situation like this, I always thought if anyone tried to be like this with me then I'd bail, but life has shown me that things don't always work how you want them too, not to say that as if it's new info but y'know. And I see what you're saying, she's stubborn though, that and sometimes I wonder if she really thinks it's final, she's the type though she might just accept it and move on, and it tears me up to think that cause it'd be over nothing, but I dunno, I'm not really sure how to go about all that, it's not that it's not clear just she's truly unique. As for meeting her, we've made a lot of plans to meet this summer or early fall, but considering how things are it's unknown for now, but as it is now, no, we haven't met yet. What????!! No, Cliffy, no. Sorry I really guess it is jumbled, definitely when you are talking about your point of view. I did not get this from your initial post and it's taken another poster to extract that nugget!! OMG, if you haven't even met her yet, this is ridiculous. You are pretending to be in a relationship that you are not in. It is not over nothing and if you had a clearer head you would see that. She is dragging you through all this drama and you are part of it as well. That's not nothing, that's bad. Wow, you really must like the broken ones. Calling her unique and stubborn in this context, under these conditions and the other bad qualities you are professing about her like they are "good". You like a tortured non-romantic romance. On top of that it sounds like she is in a horrible place in her life, clearly told you she is "settling", which includes you. Trust me, if she's said that kind of stuff to you and ever had the gumption to get better, you would be dust. Some people like a certain type of person when they are low like she is and leave them completely when they feel good. What does that say about how she feels about you? You don't love her. That is not realistic considering you don't have a relationship and have never met in person. You are in a cycle where you are trying to win her attention and interest as a validation of who you are. Once you really accept that this is the reason you are doing this, it may be easier to break the cycle and see things for what they are. Idk, I think you might need some assistance though. This is not healthy. And yes she is a head case. Fault is not all hers though. I feel bad for you but at the same time the burden is on you to do something PRODUCTIVE about it. Pining after her is not it! Trying to figure her out, save her are not it. Moving on, is it! Cut your losses. There is nothing here. 1
Author Cliffy Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 I understand how and why you see it that way but it isn't ridiculous to me, or her, I'm not pretending anything, there are real feelings there, broken or not it doesn't really change how I feel for her, I've been through other relationships where the person I was with was broken or had issues, or doing things like lying but I never stuck around, she's just different though. She has good qualities, a lot of them, she was around when I was going through a really harsh time when I lost my mother to cancer, I got to know her more as time went on, and it went from there, but when I say unique I mean that in a good and bad way, cause she has things about her that I wish were better, that I wish she didn't do, And again, she's unique, we were going totally fine, she was happy, told me I'm that I'm this or that to her, all kinds of stuff, but she has her times where she gets depressed, she gets low and can't really explain it, I try to ask why but she doesn't know why. I do love her, we were going to meet up, it wasn't just some long distance thing or anything, she wants to be better with her behaviour, she doesn't like that she does things the way she does, but just can't really help it, she goes through these phases were she's in a different state of mind, by that I mean she just gets to such a low point that she just withdraws. She's not like most people, I say that honestly, I don't think there is anyone really like her, when she's like this, I just would like to make things better, I want it to work out.
Jabron1 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Why don't you go and chat up some women in your own area? Why go all in on this unreliable person?
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 You're still both real people in the real world, and I guess this seems real to you so it would be uncharitable to dismiss that completely in my opinion. However, whether or not you've met is irrelevant when someone tells you they are not ready for a relationship. She wasn't even lying to you, dude! Maybe she'll get herself back on track after a while, realise there's something there, get back to yo, you're still single and interested = you meet, and only then can assess how well you are suited to each other because right now, you don't know. Actions make the world go round, man. Until then, think of her as a distant acquaintance you may or may not want to keep in touch with and live your life, buddy.
Author Cliffy Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 (edited) I've dated people in my area in the past. I'm willing to go all in for her though cause I just feel strongly for her, I feel she's worth it. I really hope things work out, I've met other people. But I can't stop thinking about her, the people I've met are great people but she's the only one who's on my mind. I don't really know how to live my life, cause I seriously can't picture it without her. Edited June 30, 2016 by Cliffy Corrections
Lois_Griffin Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Sooo....you wear furry animal costumes as your sexual kink and had some kind of sketch made for her. Was that sketch created from a picture of her wearing some kind of racoon or beaver costume? Just trying to figure out what this 'sketch' was that seemed to anger her. Maybe you could find someone you can actually spend time with in person, and NOT through the computer or phone. It's all just fantasy if you've never met. You can find fellow 'furrys' on FetLife or one of those types of websites.
Jabron1 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 (edited) I've dated people in my area in the past. I'm willing to go all in for her though cause I just feel strongly for her, I feel she's worth it. I'm sorry, mate. I just can't see where you are coming from at all. Are you two even in an exclusive relationship? Is this something serious? If so, you should be making plans to meet up, and there should be more security here. If this isn't a serious relationship, then she is an option (and an unreliable option at that). I would categorize her in my mind as 'adventure sex', or maybe 'friends with benefits' if you otherwise get along well enough. Your thinking is all over the place at the minute, and you need to get a grip on the situation. Edited June 30, 2016 by Jabron1 1
Ensam Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Maybe you could find someone you can actually spend time with in person, and NOT through the computer or phone. It's all just fantasy if you've never met. It's a real person on that telephone line or behind that computer screen. Not a chatbot or some fantasy figure... Having said that I wouldn't go as far as calling someone I only know online my girlfriend. There may be real feelings involved and a foundation to build something solid upon but it needs to be consummated in real life.
Snow_Queen Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 You've received plenty of feedback but you've dismissed everything. I don't think there's anything else anyone can suggest or say that might help. While I don't recommend staying with her, you'll need to prepare for a lot of heartache. That's about all you can do since she seems very complicated in an emotional way.
Author Cliffy Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Sooo....you wear furry animal costumes as your sexual kink and had some kind of sketch made for her. Was that sketch created from a picture of her wearing some kind of racoon or beaver costume? Just trying to figure out what this 'sketch' was that seemed to anger her. Maybe you could find someone you can actually spend time with in person, and NOT through the computer or phone. It's all just fantasy if you've never met. You can find fellow 'furrys' on FetLife or one of those types of websites. The content of the sketch isn't what angered her. I know there are other furries I can mingle with but truth be told that's pretty much how I met her, she likes to dabble in it but isn't totally there. It's not a sexual kink either, it's just who I am really.
Author Cliffy Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 I'm sorry, mate. I just can't see where you are coming from at all. Are you two even in an exclusive relationship? Is this something serious? If so, you should be making plans to meet up, and there should be more security here. If this isn't a serious relationship, then she is an option (and an unreliable option at that). I would categorize her in my mind as 'adventure sex', or maybe 'friends with benefits' if you otherwise get along well enough. Your thinking is all over the place at the minute, and you need to get a grip on the situation. The relationship is exclusive, it is serious. We've made plans to meet up, she lives in Norway and I live in Canada, so it's a bit tricky. But we were gonna meet up this summer or early fall. My thinking is pretty all over the place I won't lie, I'm trying to do my best to be better though.
Author Cliffy Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 It's a real person on that telephone line or behind that computer screen. Not a chatbot or some fantasy figure... Having said that I wouldn't go as far as calling someone I only know online my girlfriend. There may be real feelings involved and a foundation to build something solid upon but it needs to be consummated in real life. You've received plenty of feedback but you've dismissed everything. I don't think there's anything else anyone can suggest or say that might help. While I don't recommend staying with her, you'll need to prepare for a lot of heartache. That's about all you can do since she seems very complicated in an emotional way. I'm just referring to her as my girlfriend for name sake, instead of referring to her by name I thought I'd just say girlfriend. We want to work it out in real life, I mean I do, she's going through a hard time at the moment but she always said she wants that. I really appreciate the feedback, it helps a great deal, I haven't really dismissed any of it, I see what people are saying it's just I would love for things to work here. She's complicated as a person I'd say. See I'm use to it in a way, she's done things like this enough that it still bothered me but I knew she just needed a bit of space and she'd come back around. But this time it's different, I'm not sure what to really think about it. And hearing what people have to say really helps me think clearer and helps me figure out what to do.
Versacehottie Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I don't know what you can do if she doesn't even talk to you and shuts you out. You need to at least look at that part realistically. Depressed people have a tendency to pull you down with them, which looks like exactly what is happening. For all you know, you could be being catfished. Ok, but keep defending her and your situation. It's clear that you don't really want to find your way out of this. Good luck with whatever you do.
VeveCakes Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Let me make this clear to you. You have not met this person. This is not a relationship. It's an emotionally filling time waste that is also restricting you from finding someone in the real world. This is a pointless waste of time. Look at how stressed you are over a person you have never even met. How many internet fantasy relationships are out there these days...it's actually scary how much this is happening. And I get it man, I dated long distance online across the ocean and I actually met the guys and spent a lot of time with them. The problem is they are not real life nor realistic to pursue unless you are financially stable enough to move one person to the other. Even then it's a bad idea because you can't possible know the person well enough. Go outside, get off the computer. Find women in your area. Forget this emotionally unhealthy situation. 1
preraph Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 She's a complex person, she tells me she doesn't know what she wants, but she knows what she wants, if that makes sense, she always says she wants a normal life and all that, but she puts herself down a lot. She may want a normal life, but she does not have the skill set to have one. Just remember that enabling a person to keep them from having to change and improve themself by being tolerant isn't really doing them any favors. She needs some work.
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