lillian001 Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I don't usually post on such sites, but am at a loss, and need opinions. So I went out with this guy, via tinder, which I don't normally use, but he seemed nice enough. We met up for coffee, and it went really well I thought. Things in common, good conversation, lasted about an hour. After we left, within 30 minutes he texted me saying it was really nice meeting me, and that I'm way more attractive than my photos show. He said to let him know if I wanted to hang out again, to which I replied that I'm free weekday evenings (the date was on a Sunday) and to just let me know. So he said he would, I said sounds good, and that was that. after that sort of text (which he didn't have to send) I've heard nothing for a week since. If he didn't really want to see me again, why not just leave it at, "nice to meet you." I haven't texted him because I do believe if a guy wants to see you again, he will ask, always the rule. i'm usually good at reading the clues, but this is just so off. any thoughts?? should i consider the guy gone?
Buddhist Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I haven't texted him because I do believe if a guy wants to see you again, he will ask, always the rule. i'm usually good at reading the clues, but this is just so off. any thoughts?? should i consider the guy gone? And therein lies your problem. If you always have a rule it won't work on some people. And you'll miss out on those people. Probably why none of this makes sense to you. It doesn't fit into your neat little criteria, which is fine. But no point questioning why 'he's so off', he just doesn't fit your criteria.
angel.eyes Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Are you permanently unavailable on weekends? Why are you relegating him to weekday nights only after the first date? So strange! Are you married or otherwise attached to someone else? 2
Author lillian001 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 I told him i was free after 6 on weekdays, because it was a sunday night after we went out, and he acted like he wanted to hang out again, so i thought that was an acceptable response?
kardinal3 Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I told him i was free after 6 on weekdays, because it was a sunday night after we went out, and he acted like he wanted to hang out again, so i thought that was an acceptable response? Firstly, the fact that you don't normally use Tinder is leading me to think that you might not be aware of how fast-faced and erratic it can be. There are probably lots of girls hes talking to on there. Secondly, the dating "scene" is changing rapidly due to apps such as that. I don't think it will hurt to reach out to him again, whats the loss, you don't get a 2nd date? Who cares. But on the upside, what if you hit it off, and he's glad you followed up? I've done this before and been hesitant each time, but it doesn't always end up bad. To be fair, imagine being a guy and having to live up to those communication expectations EVERY time? I'd be so stressed. So give him a break, and contact him.
TXGuy Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Are you permanently unavailable on weekends? Why are you relegating him to weekday nights only after the first date? So strange! Are you married or otherwise attached to someone else? It could be a number of different things that put him off. But AE was thinking along the same lines I was. When you told him you could meet any weekday night, he could have read that as you telling him that he does not merit any weekend time. 2
Author lillian001 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 Thanks for the advice, and I can see what you're saying. But after I said I was free weekday nights (only because it was before the upcoming week) and he said he'd hit me up sometime soon, i replied sounds good:). so i feel like that was a pretty clear signal. plus saying i'm way more attractive than my pictures show...now i'm beginning to wonder if he was just trying to mess with me. he didn't seem like a douchebag in person, so that's what throws me off. ughhh, so disappointing:/
Author lillian001 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 Also, I don't know if this makes any sense, but I read some of the "he's just not that into you" stuff, and the whole things about if a guy doesn't ask you out, then he's just not...it's always stuck with me. so idk if anyone's got any opinions about that...
basil67 Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Also, I don't know if this makes any sense, but I read some of the "he's just not that into you" stuff, and the whole things about if a guy doesn't ask you out, then he's just not...it's always stuck with me. so idk if anyone's got any opinions about that... There's no harm in roughly taking turns asking each other out. I think the 'rule' applies more to you doing all the asking out.
angel.eyes Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 How about... She's just not that into you when she refuses to date you on weekends! He asked you out. You responded with he's not worthy of a weekend date. Also, I don't know if this makes any sense, but I read some of the "he's just not that into you" stuff, and the whole things about if a guy doesn't ask you out, then he's just not...it's always stuck with me. so idk if anyone's got any opinions about that...
Author lillian001 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 I said during the week, i was free after 6 because i thought he would want to hang out during the upcoming week. it was a sunday. that doesn't at all mean ONLY during the week. it made sense in the context of the conversation, so i think that bit isn't relevant to this. 1
katiegrl Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I said during the week, i was free after 6 because i thought he would want to hang out during the upcoming week. it was a sunday. that doesn't at all mean ONLY during the week. it made sense in the context of the conversation, so i think that bit isn't relevant to this. Does HE know that? I and many others interpreted your comment as meaning you are ONLY available on weeknights, not weekends, and my guess is he did too! You need to cognizant of how others interpret what you say. He probably thinks you are married or have a bf, I would if a guy said that to me. 1
angel.eyes Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 (edited) It makes sense to whom??? Usually when a guy asks for a second date, most women respond with, I'm free next Saturday (or Friday). Does that work for you? -or- I'm going to XYZ next weekend, how about the following weekend? Instead: I'd like to see you again...Response: Pick any weeknight. Red flags and all sorts of questions get raised by that response. That's just odd unless you're seeing him on the side and otherwise occupied with your main relationship on prime dating nights, or you're not enthralled and are saving your weekends in case a better option comes along. Neither possibility is delightful. So, it's not surprising that he's not jumping all over setting up a second date given your response. Edited June 29, 2016 by angel.eyes 1
Author lillian001 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 So the fact that he replied to that saying he'd contact me, and he didn't, still means he was put off by the free during the week comment? It's been a little over a week, so what do I do now?
Dis Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 So the fact that he replied to that saying he'd contact me, and he didn't, still means he was put off by the free during the week comment? It's been a little over a week, so what do I do now? No he could have just lost intrest...or he's still interested but wasnt available on the nights you suggested. Shoot him a text. Whats the worst that could happen? He doesnt reply or he says hes not interested anymore...no loss there It worth giving another shot hun
Author lillian001 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 I hate these signals. why text someone right after, that you find them so attractive and enjoyed meeting them at all? i get it, someone politely says, "ill call", and they don't, then obviously they were being polite, but this is another story. why do guys do this??
Versacehottie Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I hate these signals. why text someone right after, that you find them so attractive and enjoyed meeting them at all? i get it, someone politely says, "ill call", and they don't, then obviously they were being polite, but this is another story. why do guys do this?? I don't know if you can get hung up on what he said in the text or perhaps being misunderstood about the "weekday" thing. It's app dating akin to online akin to just dating, people flake out and change their minds for all sorts of reasons. Try to approach it with less rigid rules or ideas and keep playing. That's the game. It can be flakey--all the more so to appreciate it when the right guy comes along. And I don't usually say this because I have a couple of friends who did meet their boyfriends on tinder but yeah, it's tinder. Lower your expectations. Sorry and good luck
VeveCakes Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Ok I disagree strongly with the weekday comments. Myself and everyone I know who dates doesn't hold weekends as higher than week nights. What we hold higher is wanting to see the person again soon, a week night suggestion showed she was interested. I would have done the same. You can't wait 5 days to see someone again, that's like 300 new faces on Tinder appearing in that time lol
Author lillian001 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 I suppose. So I'm wondering if I should text him before the time period where it'd be too late or awkward. Or if if's not worth it given he gave me extremely mixed signals.
VeveCakes Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I feel the same as you, if he was interested, he would pursue.
Author lillian001 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 So what do you think the enthusiastic after date text was about? I guess that's what I'm completely at a loss by. I feel like I should figure this one out so I'm smarter next time.
katiegrl Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 (edited) I think it was a simpe matter of, he changed his mind. Not uncommon whether you meet on line or off. It's on line dating, Tinder no less, he is most likely talking and meeting lots of different women. Why aren't you? Surely he is not your only option? You had one 30-minute coffee meet over a week ago, if it were me I wouldn't be giving this a second thought. He changed his mind, who knows why, does it really matter? Let it go. Edited June 30, 2016 by katiegrl
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