I feel like I ruined it, and now he might just want sex...should I say something?

[Versacehottie]

No, he really hasn't. I guess I freaked and took his text about dinner/sex out of context after thinking about him saying he couldn't go on the trip yet.

 

We hung out last night and I do think I was overthinking a lot. I'll post a bread update in a bit.

 

Yeah he might just being trying to set a more reasonable pace. (for him). I do think that your answer though makes it seem like you just want sex or don't have clear boundaries for being gf material, so just be careful with that. It wasn't even what you really meant, right? I mean you wanted to see him for dinner AND more.

[kardinal3]

What I bolded is where you went right. You conveyed your free spirit nature and that by failing to give you an immediate or timely answer, he became forgettable. That's an A or a B+, can't really recover from having asked much better than that!

 

However, where you went wrong was in the way you answered his baited question!!! He was testing you. I take it to mean that he was somewhat on the fence about you, maybe not looking for a relationship or panicked about a trip away so soon into whatever you do have. So, yes the dog thing was probably a white lie. So now he's sussing you out. He's presumed you are desperate-ish or too invested so he throws out a semi-date activity combined with a request for sex basically.

 

If you like him and want to date him, you should have said yes to date OR perhaps even better put him on ice until after the 4th of july in the sweetest way possible. Also tease him for making the sexual suggestion, ie a subtle hint that he is going to have to put in more effort to get that from you. The way you answered, you have firmly put yourself in the FWB category (for now at least, life can be weird). You want a relationship with him, right? Or did I get that wrong? I need to read the thread only saw your OP for now. I feel bad, I think you had a chance but don't forget people will test you to see your boundaries. If he is panicked for whatever reason about having a relationship and you give him an easy way out (ie that you'd be ok with FWB), it actual lowers your value in his eyes and puts you in a category where he is not that likely to see you as gf material. I suggest you get really clear on what you want out of this guy/life and then make the solidly right moves toward that. Good luck!

 

Thanks for your response. I read it right before I met up with him yesterday. I saw you mentioned that you only read my OP. I did add a lot more context with my post replies after the OP.

 

In terms of him being forgettable, he most certainly wasn't, just the trip. And for reasons that I was 1. Busy and 2. Embarrassed about asking so soon if that's not something he frequently does. But I'm assuming you're implying that *he* might have interpreted that as me forgetting about him?

 

I agree on just deciding on what I want and making the right moves towards that.

 

We hung out last night and it was pretty funny. But also, I had such a good time. I didn't bring up the trip again. We made dinner plans but he stayed late at a friends to help them hang lights, so I met him there first.

 

Hilariously, when we drive back to his house and were in the kitchen about to make food, he was all over me:laugh: I was totally fine with it, but remembered the text messages I said about wanting sex more than dinner. It was meant to be playful but just as most ppl said on here, he took it literally.

 

Afterwards he made a comment about that being "what I wanted(sex first)", but it was in a very sweet, selfless way. I laughed, he was referencing the damn texts i sent.

 

We made some food finally. We had a beer and talked for hours(?) about intellectual, interesting, important things. Laughed a lot. Then got a little high and both decided we didn't give a **** about getting little sleep before work.

 

He picked me up and we went back to the bedroom. He thanked me for the dinner and beer. Laughed our asses off, did our thin get. I had no complaints about the night. In the middle of the night I woke up to him intensely cuddling me with intertwining our legs and arms haha. We stared at each other and I fell asleep.

 

I dropped him off at work today and that was that.

 

I just need to enjoy it as it is. I do think I over analyzed. And this may end or it may continue, but I can't stress about something that hasn't happened yet, otherwise it will probably become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[kardinal3]

Yeah he might just being trying to set a more reasonable pace. (for him). I do think that your answer though makes it seem like you just want sex or don't have clear boundaries for being gf material, so just be careful with that. It wasn't even what you really meant, right? I mean you wanted to see him for dinner AND more.

 

I agree. And no, indicating I just wanted sex was NOT what I meant haha. He brought it up (see previous post I just replied to) last night and I tried to hint that I was being playful. He took it very literal that I wanted sex first then dinner after. It was kind of cute.

[kardinal3]

*snip

 

 

*I think you're being much too hard on yourself.

 

 

Be exactly the same person on the outside that you are on the inside.

 

Thats all you have to do.

 

Don't 'play it cool.'

 

Don't play anything.

 

Open mind, open heart.

 

Say what you think, when you think it.

 

Its all good.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thank you for this. I read it right before I went to see him yesterday, and along with other posts on here, I took it into consideration. I was just myself. No expectations, but prepared to at least show through my actions that I cared about him in terms of more than just sex. And I think I did fine conveying that. I felt no less of a connection with him than compared to any other time we have hung out. The night went very well.

[Versacehottie]

Thanks for your response. I read it right before I met up with him yesterday. I saw you mentioned that you only read my OP. I did add a lot more context with my post replies after the OP.

 

In terms of him being forgettable, he most certainly wasn't, just the trip. And for reasons that I was 1. Busy and 2. Embarrassed about asking so soon if that's not something he frequently does. But I'm assuming you're implying that *he* might have interpreted that as me forgetting about him?

 

 

LOL, of course I didn't mean that you "literally" forget!! Obviously you like the guy. But you also seem free spirited so it's plausible that you just asked him for the weekend on a whim, musing. I think it's smart to play it off as such, as you did BECAUSE it's important to show whether you are free-spirited or whatever that you don't leave the door wide open for anyone. That gives you value to the other person and shows them at every step of the way that they need to meet you halfway and take their opportunities with you when presented with them or the opportunity will pass. This is crucial in my experience with guys. Especially the type that waiver about a weekend or taking the next step or present baited questions. You want to show them that the door won't be open forever.

 

I like how your night went. I'm glad you didn't say anything to him. Back on track it seems. Good luck