Veru Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 My boyfriend (we are both in high school) is a paperboy for his family newspaper distribution company and goes through 10-12 hour workdays every day anywhere from 10 PM-11 AM. He then sleeps as soon as he gets home, usually until 3-5 PM. It was not always like this, as the company only recently got started at the beginning of summer. He claims that things will calm down at the end of August. We've only been dating for about three months, but we've been close friends for maybe five, and I've known him for about a year. I see him maybe once or twice a week for a couple hours at a time, and during that time, he's always exhausted. He sleeps whenever given the chance (i.e. on the couch when I'm trying to talk to him) and he's never very present in conversation. He also has ADHD, but I don't know much about it. I feel like it would be good to talk to him about this but it's a sensitive subject. When I text him and ask how he's doing, he never carries the conversation either, or other times he just won't make any sense. For example, he answered a text several hours after I sent it, and he apologized. I said it was fine, and he began to question me as if I was claiming something preposterous. I asked him if he was okay, and he responded, "Okay, if you say so." Sometimes I can tell that he's straight delirious. My friends and I even threw a birthday party for him yesterday (June 27) and he left without telling anyone an hour into the party. We walked to his house and found him sleeping. He just told us, "I wanted to sleep." So we left and hung out without him. I understand his situation, but this frustrated me very much, as I put a lot of effort into planning the party. Before he started working so vigorously, we saw each other often, took walks and talked together for hours, and just really cherished being with the other person. He was very considerate and attentive. He's still the same person, just very diminished with tiredness. I've told him several times that this isn't healthy for him, but he just gets frustrated and tells me there's no solution, since he's working to support his family. The way he's treating his body worries me very much and I'm afraid of how this'll complicate in future months. I'm very extroverted and see my friends almost daily, but I miss him often. I also struggle with abandonment issues (rooted in my parents divorcing when I was very young) and I have to keep reminding myself that he's only not seeing me because of work. This causes me so much anxiety, I've thought about breaking up with him several times, but it seems very unjustified. I don't know how to better the situation. tl;dr: Boyfriend constantly exhausted from working all night as a paperboy and he is hurting himself (emotionly+physically), me and our friends (emotionally). I would greatly appreciate any available advice or thoughts.
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Veru: I am very sorry you are going through this. It's very difficult when we have something special and one day it completely turns on us. I don't think there is anything you can do but to break up with him for the summer and see how you feel about each other in fall. Waiting on him all the time, being ignored or rejected keeps you in constant emotional distress and you cannot put yourself through all this all summer. I find it was very rude of him to leave his birthday party without even warning you when you had organized all of this for him. He obviously does not want to be with you or communicate with you, never mind the reasons, whether he is losing interest or he is too busy, the result is the same, you're hurting. So hon, this is my advice to you. Break up. Enjoy your summer and if ever you are still single when school starts and he is done working maybe you 2 can reconnect but don't wait for him. By the way I find it ridiculous when he says he is 'supporting' his family. He is delivering newspaper for his parent's company. He is not the one putting butter on the table. I think he is using this as a big excuse to keep you away. Sorry
Els Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 This is a tough call. On the one hand I can understand your bf's POV. I have friends that had to work 10-12 hours a day in their parents' shop when we were in school, and it was just brutal on them. They could never have the kind of life that one would expect a schoolkid to have. Instead of playing and learning about the world and socializing with other kids their age, holidays for them was a flurry of work work and more work. On the other hand, you are also in high school. Realistically speaking, most high school romances don't last, so even if you did stay with him, it's rather unlikely that he is the person you would end up spending your life with. And youth passes by all too fast. Do you really want to spend your last few free summers (most working adults don't have their summers free) wishing your boyfriend had more time to spend with you? 1
OnlyHonesty Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 He doesn't have time for a gf so nothing will improve. Your only possible course of action is to break up with him.
Els Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 By the way I find it ridiculous when he says he is 'supporting' his family. He is delivering newspaper for his parent's company. He is not the one putting butter on the table. I think he is using this as a big excuse to keep you away. Sorry He probably is. It's very likely that if he refused to do the job, they wouldn't be able to turn a profit by hiring someone to do it with minimum wage, and they'd have to shut down. I personally think it's wrong to use your kids to this extent - 10-12 hr workdays are really not something that you should impose on a minor - but if the family is in a really tough spot they might not have a choice. That being said I agree with you in general, the OP should not have to deal with this. She's in high school and fortunate enough to be in a family that allows her to have fun during her summer break, so no point spending it latched to this guy.
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