I fell in love with a guy friend - I felt like the friendship is ruined. I am crushed

[Raspberryketones]

How come it is harder to get over a nice guy whom you really connected with?

 

First off, I came out of a "break up" with Trevor*, a guy I exclusively dated for months. I was his rebound, and like some rebound relationships, it didn't end well. He wasn't able to fully give himself. Don't get me wrong, Trevor has been nice to me, it's just that it is apparent that the connection and commitment isn't there, because he is not emotionally ready.

 

I am a foreigner working in this country, so losing Trevor was also losing my constant companion. On the day that Trevor broke up with me, I got over it within a week. I have very few friends here, and one of them is Zeke*, a guy friend that I mutually confide with about people that we are dating. After Zeke and I had coffee together, I felt somewhat better.

 

I dated around for a bit and met Raf*. Our connection was amazing and we had a good friendship. He was quite flirty too and had sent mixed signals. Long story short, i confessed to him about what I felt. He said he liked me at first, but since he's studying overseas and my working pass is expiring the same year, he just thought of me as a friend. I felt crushed. I felt like he lead me on. He allegedly feels terrible about it too.

 

I actually felt terrible for a few weeks - more terrible than I ever did when me and Trevor ended things. I don't know how to cope, especially since work has been stressful and I barely have any friends.

 

Also, Trevor and I started talking again. He suggested a meet up and we are meeting later. I don't like him anymore, but he might become my rebound & that's what I feel like doing now.

 

Raf offered to meet up on Friday to talk things over and maybe have some closure. He tried to check on me one time, but I was so hurt that I pushed him away.

 

Zeke and I will meet for drinks on Saturday. I feel embarassed that he has to have an earful of another heartbreak.

 

I honestly feel like I should drink and hook up in order to forget easier, but it just leaves me feeling empty&worse about everything. What should I do?

Edited June 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Spacing. ~6

[Curiousaboutlove]

It seems like your question should be: How do I get over these relationships?

 

You have enjoyed the constant companionship from Trevor, benefit from the friendship with Zeke, and are still wanting to get closure from Raf.

 

Which means that you're not in a state where you can be your own source of companionship, excitement and friendship...You're piecing it together from external sources.

 

So my advice is for you to realize that you're not ready for a relationship and you should tell Trevor and Raf clearly that this is the case. Continue to be friends with Zeke but don't lead him on.

 

Then invest in yourself, resist the urge to further complicate your life with drunken hookups, deal with your work stress, and come out on the other side as a self made RELATIONSHIP READY person!

[privategal]

Someone who needs a guy to be happy and just wants to swing around to any guy who becomes their emotional crutch and source of happiness and attention will crash and burn in any relationship.

Why dont you learn who YOU are and learn to enjoy your own company and focus on school/work/future.

Life is not all about men and a guy shoukdnt complete you, he should compliment you.

You sound dramatic and sound like your needy and need a guy to be secure.

Thats an issue.

Be free and independent.

Learn to go catch a show on your own, go get a bite to eat at a nice place alone, go on a scenic tour or to a museum.

Get rid of all this drama and noise in your head over men.

Complete yourself.

Get your self esteem and self worth right.

If you cant be happy alone you cant be happy in any relationship.