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"I love you"

five2nine

By five2nine
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five2nine Established Member

five2nine

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Sooo... My boyfriend of 5 months won't say i love you. I get it... I wouldn't want someone to say it if it's not true, and it hasn't been extremely long. But I don't feel happy saying it unreciprocated. I only said it a few times.

 

We were talking about something he wasn't happy with so I listened and agreed. Then I brought up the "I love you" issue. His friend is in a new relationship and he told me they're already in love with each other so it made me a little sad. And I was saying what if you don't feel it after a year. He said he would break up. That made me feel even worse. But he told me I probably don't have to worry and he doesn't not love me.

 

I know two negatives are supposed to mean positive but he still won't say the words. So is this just a big mind tease or should I not even try to think about deciphering that convo...

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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So, when was the last time you heard him tell anyone he loved them?

 

Maybe it's just not in his vocabulary, IDK.

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Grapesofwrath Established Member

Grapesofwrath

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Has he used that phrase in past relationships? Does he say it to his parents? Friends? If it's not part of his repertoire, then you may have to be patient and maybe teach him how to say it.

 

My ex-husband came from a family where those words were never uttered. Ever. His parents were immigrants from another country and I once asked him, "How do you say I love you in [their native language?]"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know. My parents never said it. I know they loved us, but they just never said it."

 

I come from a family where it was said every day, in all kinds of situations. Very expressive people. So I had to teach him how to say those words. Now he tells our kids that he loves them all the time, which I think is a wonderful thing. Even if the marriage didn't last, I'm glad I could give him this gift in life.

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CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years waiting for those words.

 

It became a point of contention between us; he would call me impatient and at one point, even bought me a bouquet of Patience flowers. "Have patience," he would implore me.... "Big, ugly, nasty 'P' word!"

 

As indicated, after 2 1/2 years I broke up with him. We parted amicably and I even helped him move across country. As I was boarding the plane to fly back home, we both started crying and he said, "You know I always loved you."

 

Yeah, right. Too little, too late, *******!

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five2nine Established Member

five2nine

Posted
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Posted
So, when was the last time you heard him tell anyone he loved them?

 

Maybe it's just not in his vocabulary, IDK.

 

I've seen him say it to his sister when she says it to him. But both of our families were not loving and I never heard it growing up. So I have a hard time showing affection as well.

 

I feel like since I don't have a loving family or a good relationship with my family, I want it that much more from a relationship.

 

Anyway I thought about it and knowing him he probably meant that he does love me but just maybe not 100% because he hasn't said it yet. But he was saying he will.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Anyway I thought about it and knowing him he probably meant that he does love me but just maybe not 100% because he hasn't said it yet. But he was saying he will.

 

For some people ILY is a huge commitment. I know it is for me. When I read stories on here of people saying ILY after 3 weeks dating it gives me goosebumps. To me ILY means I would give my life for you so I don't say it just like that even if I feel it. I wait till I am sure I want this person in my life for better or for worse then I say it. Maybe your boyfriend is the same.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
Sooo... My boyfriend of 5 months won't say i love you. I get it... I wouldn't want someone to say it if it's not true, and it hasn't been extremely long. But I don't feel happy saying it unreciprocated. I only said it a few times.

 

We were talking about something he wasn't happy with so I listened and agreed. Then I brought up the "I love you" issue. His friend is in a new relationship and he told me they're already in love with each other so it made me a little sad. And I was saying what if you don't feel it after a year. He said he would break up. That made me feel even worse. But he told me I probably don't have to worry and he doesn't not love me.

 

I know two negatives are supposed to mean positive but he still won't say the words. So is this just a big mind tease or should I not even try to think about deciphering that convo...

 

He may not be ready to pay the expectation price of those words right now.

 

Let's face it, saying those words brings an eff-ton of expectations along with it and he may still be figuring out if, in fact, you are the one he wants to throw in with.

 

His friend may be broken up within the next 6 months, too. It may last, but that's him and not your boyfriend.

 

Determine how much time you're willing to wait, set a deadline and if you don't hear those words by then, leave the relationship.

  • Like 2
tinkerbell16 Established Member

tinkerbell16

Posted
Posted
I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years waiting for those words.

 

It became a point of contention between us; he would call me impatient and at one point, even bought me a bouquet of Patience flowers. "Have patience," he would implore me.... "Big, ugly, nasty 'P' word!"

 

As indicated, after 2 1/2 years I broke up with him. We parted amicably and I even helped him move across country. As I was boarding the plane to fly back home, we both started crying and he said, "You know I always loved you."

 

Yeah, right. Too little, too late, *******!

 

What a dumba$s thing to say to you. :-)

  • Like 1
Cablebandit Established Member

Cablebandit

Posted
Posted

Maybe he realizes the magnitude of stating I love you. Many people don't take it as seriously as the phrase should be taken.

Jejangles Established Member

Jejangles

Posted
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For some people ILY is a huge commitment. I know it is for me. When I read stories on here of people saying ILY after 3 weeks dating it gives me goosebumps. To me ILY means I would give my life for you so I don't say it just like that even if I feel it. I wait till I am sure I want this person in my life for better or for worse then I say it. Maybe your boyfriend is the same.

 

I'm similar to Gaeta. "I love you" means I see a future with you, I care about your wellbeing, you are now a priority... It may not mean we'll be together forever but it means you are very important to me. It's not something I say lightly!

 

My current boyfriend said he loved me very early. I didn't say it back to him for another four months. Luckily he never felt insecure about it and gave me the time to grow in feelings, so when I said it, he knew I meant it.

 

If everything else is going well and you feel in your heart this guy cares for you, even if he's not saying "I love you" yet, give him some more time.

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five2nine Established Member

five2nine

Posted
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Posted

Just an update but ironically he said it a couple nights ago. It felt really sweet

  • Like 3
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted
Just an update but ironically he said it a couple nights ago. It felt really sweet

 

That's great. I'm happy for you.

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