My story.

[lolablue17]

Seriously, youre overthinking the part of the game where the athletes are done and taking off pads and cleates to get ready to go out and celebrate. The ref whistled game over long ago. I know you see her still running around the field, but its time for you to take a shower and leave the stadium.

 

Hahahah, great analogy!

[juniorrocha]

I would thank her for the thoughts and then leave it at that. No point making it going any further.

[Marc878]

Move on like she has. Unless you want dumped for the third time.

[Jam005]

Yeah I just replied with a simple thanks. Im stuck as to how I can fully let go, I havent initiated contact with her once. I realise she is seeing other men, I just don't know how to let go that last bit. I want to I am just having a hard time!

[Jam005]

Hi all.

 

Been awhile since I posted an update.

 

I had been in NC up until yesterday, I got a message from her and hesitantly replied, I know I probably shouldn't have. We kinda just talked about how we've been with work and uni and living situations. In the end I said I have to go and that maybe we could grab a drink sometime (didn't say when) and said bye. She said , That sounds good!!, then continued to say bye.

 

Now, I admit I probably shouldn't have replied. Towards the end of our relationship our communication wasn't the best and was probably one of the main reasons for her leaving. But when she talked to me it was exactly like we used to when we first met, just a good and fun chat.

 

I guess now since I brang up the idea of getting a drink sometime, I leave it to her to say when? I don't know If I should initiate contact to ask when is good.

 

There is still a connection between us and attraction. But I don't know where to go from here?

 

Yes im confused, and still have feelings. But at the same time I wouldn't even mind if I just get full closure about this whole situation since we've had time to get our heads around it.

[LD1990]

She dumped you multiple times. What more closure do you need?

[SevenCity]

While she was waiting for your reply in the hospital you could have been dead. Did she rush there to check on you?

 

I get you still love her but you will never get over her like this and she will continue to hurt and hurt you and you will become angry against women and it will ruin your next RL.

 

hope is the worst thing in the world with breakups. It's the magic bullet to curing all your pain but it really hurts you more in the long run.

 

Do yourself a favor and get another girl to bang and forget about this one.

[Jam005]

Hi all, not really a post asking for advice, more about giving advice.

 

I went through a break up with a girl I had been with for 2 years, I learnt to love and had real feelings for this girl. I asked her if I could see her one last time a couple days after the breakup and I put my heart on the line. I said everything I wanted. NC was hard, and I jumped when she initiated it, which was maybe only a couple of times.

 

Just over a month I got a phone call from her asking to talk. This is where I went wrong, but I was so blinded by my feelings. She wanted me back, she admitted to "kissing" another person and instantly regretted it and felt sick, and the following days she just cried and thought more about me. She told me it made her realise I was "the one" and it always was. I took her back, and believed her. To this day I still dont know the truth.

 

Things were good, but fast forward a couple of months, and she became distant, didn't want my affection and was easily irritated by anything I did. All I did was try to care for her and give her the space a relationship needs as well. I'd never emotionally or physically hurt this girl. I did and honestly still do love her.

 

She left again.

 

Almost 2 months on from the last breakup. I still think about her, a lot. I still love her. There really was no negativity between us.

 

My advice to anyone, think VERY VERY hard about why you want them back. Why you think it is a good idea. Don't be fooled by your heart and the bull**** they make up to sound like they regret leaving you.

 

If they've left you once, they will do it again, and trust me the second time hurts even more. Save yourself from more pain.

 

There will be cases where it works out, but after all this im thinking its not worth the risk of feeling worthless.

[asphyxis]

If they've left you once, they will do it again, and trust me the second time hurts even more. Save yourself from more pain.

 

This is so true. Living it right now, after the first split happened in Feb and a really bad blow out 2 weeks ago. The truth is hard, but it'll set you free.

[Jam005]

This is so true. Living it right now, after the first split happened in Feb and a really bad blow out 2 weeks ago. The truth is hard, but it'll set you free.

 

Sad thing is, if she ever came crawling back again I don't know how I'd react.

[Jam005]

Also, if you can, try get the closure you need while possible. Otherwise you'll be left thinking about it every other day. Don't break NC, for yourself. Sounds cliche, but as time goes on you will feel better. Breaking NC/bumping into your ex will only set you back!

[mg101]

Also, if you can, try get the closure you need while possible. Otherwise you'll be left thinking about it every other day. Don't break NC, for yourself. Sounds cliche, but as time goes on you will feel better. Breaking NC/bumping into your ex will only set you back!

 

Thanks for sharing. Your comment about closure is interesting. Some posters on here have said not to go back and get it. I'm technically the dumper but i did it abruptly without "closure." Now i find myself kind of wanting to get it, but the prevailing idea is to not break NC and I tend to agree.

 

I hope you'll be stronger going forward and look out for yourself first.

[Jam005]

Thanks for sharing. Your comment about closure is interesting. Some posters on here have said not to go back and get it. I'm technically the dumper but i did it abruptly without "closure." Now i find myself kind of wanting to get it, but the prevailing idea is to not break NC and I tend to agree.

 

I hope you'll be stronger going forward and look out for yourself first.

 

No worries. The thing about closure, since I didn't get mine I've been thinking about it every other day. So I am hoping that people who are going through the process of a breakup or know that it may be coming, please talk to your partner and atleast get the closure you need while you still can. Whether you're the dumper or the dumpee.

 

I wouldn't go back for closure now, it is to late and if she really wanted to say something, she knows where I am.

 

It is interesting that you as a dumper wanting closure. I feel like after the breakup the dumpee has nothing else to do other than go NC and move on. Whereas the dumper, if they feel they need that closure and/or to catch up, it is up to them to initiate it.

[mg101]

No worries. The thing about closure, since I didn't get mine I've been thinking about it every other day. So I am hoping that people who are going through the process of a breakup or know that it may be coming, please talk to your partner and atleast get the closure you need while you still can. Whether you're the dumper or the dumpee.

 

I wouldn't go back for closure now, it is to late and if she really wanted to say something, she knows where I am.

 

It is interesting that you as a dumper wanting closure. I feel like after the breakup the dumpee has nothing else to do other than go NC and move on. Whereas the dumper, if they feel they need that closure and/or to catch up, it is up to them to initiate it.

 

Well I say "techinically" the dumper because I felt I wasn't left without much option given how our relationship was going and the last argument we had. I posted a long thread on it here that's on the first page. I couldn't really get the closure because of the nature of our relationship - i wouldn't have been strong enough to break ties if we tried to talk about it. .

[Jam005]

Well I say "techinically" the dumper because I felt I wasn't left without much option given how our relationship was going and the last argument we had. I posted a long thread on it here that's on the first page. I couldn't really get the closure because of the nature of our relationship - i wouldn't have been strong enough to break ties if we tried to talk about it. .

 

Yeah, totally understandable. Not everything is going to end how we want it, right? I guess we have to have the mental strength within ourselves to try to let go..

[juniorrocha]

I went through about the same thing. 2 years RS, broke up, a month of NC, I asked for my stuff back and she cried a lot when she saw me, she said she loved me more than anything, and blablabla. All I wanted was my stuff and to get closure, ended up falling for it and got back together with her. Only to get dumped again, 5 days after; she was distant and said she believed things wouldn't work.

 

You know what was my mistake and your mistake? We believed that the problems of the relationship would be solved, just that quickly. That a month away would be enough to put everything right back on track. Silly us.

 

I do believe you love her. And I also believe she loves you. I love my ex as well, and I'm sure she loves me. But the problems... dude, if both of you are not convinced things WILL work and remove the problems, it will just go back to what it was. And what it was wasn't right.

 

The only way a relationship with an ex would work is if both are willing to work very hard on the issues without leaving (sounds too much like a fairytale) or let the old relationship die and then begin a new one, if both are interested on that. Both kinda sounds like a hassle and given the times nowadays, easier to trash away what's not working and start fresh with someone new, bringing all that you learned. I sure will do everything different next time.

[Jam005]

I went through about the same thing. 2 years RS, broke up, a month of NC, I asked for my stuff back and she cried a lot when she saw me, she said she loved me more than anything, and blablabla. All I wanted was my stuff and to get closure, ended up falling for it and got back together with her. Only to get dumped again, 5 days after; she was distant and said she believed things wouldn't work.

 

You know what was my mistake and your mistake? We believed that the problems of the relationship would be solved, just that quickly. That a month away would be enough to put everything right back on track. Silly us.

 

I do believe you love her. And I also believe she loves you. I love my ex as well, and I'm sure she loves me. But the problems... dude, if both of you are not convinced things WILL work and remove the problems, it will just go back to what it was. And what it was wasn't right.

 

The only way a relationship with an ex would work is if both are willing to work very hard on the issues without leaving (sounds too much like a fairytale) or let the old relationship die and then begin a new one, if both are interested on that. Both kinda sounds like a hassle and given the times nowadays, easier to trash away what's not working and start fresh with someone new, bringing all that you learned. I sure will do everything different next time.

 

I feel you dude, I really do. Of recent she has reached out to me, but nothing about us. I bumped into her out at a bar a couple weeks ago, and well she was giving me looks like she used to and talked to me like we used to, before our communication went south. I believe it is a maturity thing, she doesn't want to work through the slight problems we had and finds it easier to go out each weekend and get drunk and try hook up with other men. She is becoming someone she's not. But any who, she can figure herself out and I'll move on with my life.

 

Yes, I know for sure now what I will and wont do next time. I just wanted to people to really think about that second chance they are waiting for.

[juniorrocha]

Yes, I know for sure now what I will and wont do next time. I just wanted to people to really think about that second chance they are waiting for.

 

Second chances are really tricky. I say, if there's ever space for a second chance and both are interested on that, then do it slowly to see what it truly is. Going back together too quickly not only shows you're not worth any respect, especially if you're the dumpee (I learned my lesson), but also doesn't make anything different from what it was.

[Jam005]

If I had of known that I was going to get a second chance I would of definitely wanted it to be later, after I had got my head around things. We have a lot of mutual friends, and I bump into them every so often, and without questioning them or even bringing it up in convo they say recently she has been saying she misses me and loves me.

 

I either don't want to hear it, or I want to hear it form her. But I wouldn't be going back to her anytime soon, if anything I will be telling her how much it hurt and how I put so much of myself on the line for her.

 

It sucks that I still love her, but im hoping one day I wake up not thinking about her.

[Jam005]

Just thought I'd say I am not putting people off a second chance! Some may work out great! I just want people to really think about it and not jump straight back into it. If you can talk to your partner and resolve things then good. I thought we had resolved things and believed her when she said I was the one for her.

 

I look back at it now and she was just lonely. Wanted someone there to comfort her, and she knew I would. It sucks to think that someone will take advantage of how much you care for them. I would of literally jumped in front of a bullet for this girl, and sadly I probably still would.

 

I feel like I am stuck. I want to let go but my head isn't letting me.

 

So all this proves to you that being left a second time hurts and confuses you more. I would of been well on my way through healing now.

[Jam005]

Hi!

 

So from my previous posts I've said most of my story. I just need some advice.

Long story short my ex and I got into a pretty deep conversation, we were sitting in her car. She was doing most of the talking, started talking about memories and stuff. Talked about where we went wrong, and out of nowhere she asked for a hug and told me she loves me. She got emotional. She said she can't stay away and that our connection/attraction is to strong. She said she tried to move on and even just talking to other people didn't feel right and she said it was boring and she just thought about me.

 

I told her im very skeptical to hear all of this and I have to look out for myself and she said she respects that and understands me. She said she would like to try work things out but just keep it really slow and chill and low key. Now I am not completely sure what she means by that. I did ask her if we could meet again and have a talk just so I can fully understand and see what she wants/means.

 

She has left me before, and I don't want that to happen again but she is right I cant say away and the connection and attraction is to strong.

 

I feel like I just need to see her once more and see how genuine she is. If I was to ask her any questions, what would you suggest I ask?

 

I dont know, I am a a bit confused about it all.

[Bialy]

If the connection is so strong, why has she left you before?

 

Tread carefully. What needs to be different in order for this to work again?

[Jam005]

If the connection is so strong, why has she left you before?

 

That is the first thing I plan to ask her. She told me she thought being single and getting out there is what she wanted, but she realised it wasn't.

 

Im gonna sound crazy asking her all these questions but I have to know these things, you know?

[Bialy]

Im gonna sound crazy asking her all these questions but I have to know these things, you know?

 

You are 100% doing the right thing by asking questions and making sure her intentions are solid. You want someone to be with you because she wants to be with you --- not because she is trying to fill a void because she couldn't find anyone when she dumped you.

 

Make sure to ask her how will things be different now than before --- and will she be keeping her options open or fully committed in making it truly work.

 

How old is she? Where does she see herself in 5 years? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

[Jam005]

You are 100% doing the right thing by asking questions and making sure her intentions are solid. You want someone to be with you because she wants to be with you --- not because she is trying to fill a void because she couldn't find anyone when she dumped you.

 

Make sure to ask her how will things be different now than before --- and will she be keeping her options open or fully committed in making it truly work.

 

How old is she? Where does she see herself in 5 years? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

 

 

You're exactly right. I will ask her if she loves/misses me or the idea of someone. And yes that is good, I will ask about those things.

 

I am 22, she is 20. She said something last night that I don't think I have ever heard her say and thought she would never say anything of the sort, but she said she loves me so much that she can see her life with me and loves me like she would marry me. We've never talked about that stuff because we are young, but she is a very stubborn person and I would never imagine her admitting to having those types of feelings..

 

It has been a few months since our break up, and I am worried this will happen again, but I am saying to myself if I get the feeling something is off I will be the one to end it this time, no hesitations. Because as much as I love this girl and do see myself with her, i dont want to get hurt again and I feel like if I knew something wasn't right, I'd want to be the stronger person.