Author Jam005 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 It probably would be easier hearing from her or someone else she has found someone else, I mean I wouldn't be surprised and it would probably help me in a lot of ways to finally let go. 1
JonSnow Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Don't wait for that moment. Having been in that situation previously, it's not what you want, no matter how much you convince yourself how it'll be better for you. It's devastating. Don't wait for her to move on to validate your need to move on. If moving on is what you have to do, like myself, you have to initiate that process now. 2
Author Jam005 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 I have been trying for the last month, haven't talked or seen her since our break up at the end of May. I have good and bad days, mainly bad days. I just can't seem to let go that last bit even though I desperately want to. Really struggling.
bummer Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 It probably would be easier hearing from her or someone else she has found someone else, I mean I wouldn't be surprised and it would probably help me in a lot of ways to finally let go. Well Jam, I know you and your lady were super close and loved each other but I saw her out with another guy laughing and acting like she's moved on. Sorry, Bummer
Author Jam005 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 So I have been in NC since my breakup which was at the end of May. Last night I bumped into my ex at a bar, I was with a couple of my friends and she was with a couple of hers. I hadn't actually seen her clearly but saw her across the room, eventually one of her friends approached me and started talking to me. I'd call this person my friend too as I got really close to them also. We talked for 5-10 minutes and it eventually led to my past relationship. She said that she is missing me so much and still loves me so much, but is convincing herself we weren't right together. My ex came over and when she saw me she had the biggest smile on her face, she went straight in for a hug and proceeded to tell me how good I looked. We had a chat BUT didn't talk about our relationship. We laughed about old memories and how her family was and that her parents are missing me. She did compliment me a lot and laughed and said she was saying to much. This is where it got interesting, I was driving my friends home as I was sober. One of her friends said so you mind taking me home also? The person who was driving them ended up getting to drunk. It's one thing I can't stand, drink driving and would hate what could happen. So I said, look, you and your friends live literally 5 mins from me, I don't mind dropping you guys home since your driver is totally smashed haha. I know some of you may be thinking WHY just order a taxi, which was another option. But I couldn't let them get in his car. Anyway I dropped them home and as she left she looked at me for a wee bit and smiled and said thank you and how good it was to see me, and she gave me the biggest hug she ever has and she didn't want to let go and I was unsure how long it was going to last haha and then she gave me a kiss on the cheek. The. Her and her girlfriends walked inside. I was out getting lunch today and bumped into one of her friends AGAIN, and she asked if I enjoyed my night and stuff. She then said, very recently my ex has been saying how much she still loves me. Now I'm confused all over and my feelings have came back in full force for her, they never left. I love this girl, so much. We broke up due to her just saying that she doesn't think she wants to be with me anymore, it wasn't messy. She mentioned last night that we should go for a coffee, but she had a bit to drink and it was probably the alcohol speaking, although she was fairly sober. I don't think she'll remember saying it. She hasn't contact me and I haven't contacted her. I know you'll say well why isn't she saying all this herself and well I don't know but I know her and I know she is VERY stubborn, she's not the type of person to intiate contact or plans. Would it be a bad time to break NC myself and ask her if she'd like to meet up? I'm just so confused, hearing all this is made me think a lot and all I want is to talk to her. Thanks
bummer Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 I'm rooting for you! I'd say you got her attention. Whether she's just lonely and this all blows up again in a few weeks or months I don't know. I'd say shoot the text, "nice seeing you last night" and hold no expectations. When the text storm hits, play cool and delay meeting for a few days. See where she's at and decide. Ask yourself honestly: if she doesn't answer or says she doesn't want to date again, will it be worth sticking your neck out? If you do rekindle your relationship, will it be okay if it still fails in three weeks, months, years? Have you changed since end of May? Has she? Have circumstances changed? Mostly yes answers? Go for it, buddy. 1
Author Jam005 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 I'm just worried they were saying this because the alcohol was speaking for them, and they were just being nice. I mean I would put it all on the line again, but I just have a feeling nothing will come of this. But at the same time, the way she looked at me, it's how she used to when we first met. Telling me how good I smelt and just stuff like that. But again I'm not sure if it was the alcohol speaking. Her birthday is in just over a month, I'd like to simply wish her a happy birthday, maybe I should wait it out another month to see if she contacts me? Because I think either way I'd like to just say a simple happy birthday to her, I don't expect a reply, but if she does we could go from there and see if she'd like to go for a coffee. And yes, actions do speak louder than words, that's why I'm confused. She was in the verge of giving me huge kiss as she left, but instead just on the cheek. I'm overwhelmed with my feelings and really don't know what to do.
LD1990 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 She has already dumped you twice. You've been through this song and dance before, only this time she hasn't even tried to get back together with you. Once someone really loses feelings, those feelings are almost always gone for good. She can talk to her friends about how much she still loves you, it can't be that much considering she never tried to get back together even though she knows you'd be ready and willing. Go NC, it's just not meant to be with this girl. Don't bother with a birthday greeting, it's not worth the time, just another pointless interaction that interferes with NC.
Author Jam005 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 She has already dumped you twice. You've been through this song and dance before, only this time she hasn't even tried to get back together with you. Once someone really loses feelings, those feelings are almost always gone for good. She can talk to her friends about how much she still loves you, it can't be that much considering she never tried to get back together even though she knows you'd be ready and willing. Go NC, it's just not meant to be with this girl. Don't bother with a birthday greeting, it's not worth the time, just another pointless interaction that interferes with NC. I get where you are coming from, and I agree. But I know how stubborn she is, it is quite crazy how much so. Is there nothing I can do? Surely she would of acted differently if she had no feelings left at all, I know she does but she won't act on them, whereas I would.
LD1990 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 I get where you are coming from, and I agree. But I know how stubborn she is, it is quite crazy how much so. Despite her stubbornness, she got back in touch with you to tell you she made a mistake before. And then dumped you for the second time. So I don't think it's a matter of her being stubborn here. It's a matter of her not having feelings for you anymore. Is there nothing I can do? Surely she would of acted differently if she had no feelings left at all, I know she does but she won't act on them, whereas I would. Actually, the way she acted sounds pretty normal for someone who doesn't have any of those romantic feelings left. She was comfortable with you and friendly. Usually, when a person still has feelings for someone, interactions are awkward. The fact that she acts completely at ease with you shows that she is over the breakup. She knows how to get in touch with you. If she really wanted to be back together, she'd contact you, stubborn or not. 2
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Despite her stubbornness, she got back in touch with you to tell you she made a mistake before. And then dumped you for the second time. So I don't think it's a matter of her being stubborn here. It's a matter of her not having feelings for you anymore. She knows how to get in touch with you. If she really wanted to be back together, she'd contact you, stubborn or not. This is so right! Remember that if someone wants to they will contact you one way or another. She just stopped having feelings mate. Its tough I know but that's the cold hard part of life. My ex is probably feeling the same. Nothingness towards me. So don't force yourself to do something that may bring pain with it.
guest569 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 She said that she is missing me so much and still loves me so much, but is convincing herself we weren't right together. Thats all you need to know.. She probably does have feelings for you, but doesn't sound like she wants to get back together..
Author Jam005 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 Guess you're right, sorry. It's just confusing and I can't help but think about it, and have feelings for her.
NIGHT1985 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 False hope is a terrible thing. We've all been there and all it typically does it set you up to fall harder
Densel Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Well, I think she still have feelings for you but not enough to get back with you. From march till now, the break up is still raw and yet the way she behaved (friendly, kiss and all) seems more like a friend than a hurt, depressing ex. Unless she is very good at acting and hiding her emotions, there should be some sort of awkwardness between the two of you. You know her best. Do what is best for yourself.
Stercrazy Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Actions speak louder than words. Drops microphone.....
bummer Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Her birthday is in just over a month, I'd like to simply wish her a happy birthday, maybe I should wait it out another month to see if she contacts me? well, you can keep beating yourself up for a month and wait for something that may be a waste of time when her birthday comes. You can stay anxious and paranoid and worry about your phone ringing and be a mess. this is the least appropriate option for you. OR, You can text her now to say nice seeing you and see if she takes the ball up. again, we are playing with the fact that you aren't ready for NC and may need to learn your lesson the hard way about false hope and breadcrumbs. (my vote) OR, you do as everyone else suggests and drop the false hope and move on. she didnt come up to you and say, "Jam, I f'ed up and wants another shot. You're the love of my life." No, she gave you hot and heavy breadcrumbs about smells and sexual tension, and blah blah blah. 1
SevenCity Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 I really want all these lost romances I read about here (including my own) to be resolved and for the couples to live happily ever after. That said, you are not over her and are setting yourself back in a really bad way. One thing I learned through my past is love isn't enough. You have to look at it from her side as well. There was a reason she broke up with you - has that changed? She made a decision to end your RL and it sounds like it was tough. Of course she will still have feelings for you. Most humans would. That does not mean she wants to get back. I don't care how stubborn she is, if she really wants you back it has to come from her honestly and loudly. I don't like the idea of waiting until her birthday either. What will this month hold? Will it be you counting the days until your send your text then waiting for a response? If you feel the need to do something - do it now. "Nice seeing you" and let her run with it. There are girls out there who want to be with you - you just have to find them.
juniorrocha Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 I read your other thread. So she broke up with you, came back, then broke up again, and there she is, once again, with "signs" she still loves you. My advice is: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! I mean, look at this rabbit: Imagine it's running towards a happy ending and its ex is the other way around. Do the same. She knows you're into her. And yes, she likes you. But she's not looking for a relationship with you. She's only trying to see if you still like her. Send her a message and she will be sure of that. Then she runs away once again. It's still very recent, you would only know whether she's serious about her feelings in months from now, maybe years, as things are still very emotional. You want to believe things will be different and sure, you'd only know if you try. But you should rather believe she will leave you for the third time. Get out of it, run like the bunny and find someone else. It will happen. 1
lolablue17 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Your concern should not be "If you can get her back", but should be "what happens after she'll take you back". No one can tell. It can last for ever, and it might last for only 2 weeks. But one thing I can assure you: If she gets you easily, most chances it won't last, because she will continue swinging between wanting and not wanting you. So, yes, you can show her some interest "as a friend", to keep her near, but never make any first move, or any move. She must show lots of efforts and invest time in order to have you. 1
Author Jam005 Posted July 9, 2016 Author Posted July 9, 2016 Thank you for all the advice. I think I'll just leave it, I've given her my all over the years and after it all still wasn't enough, maybe I'm just a bit of a push over. I was rushed into the hospital last night with some heart problems and told my good friend, somehow word got to her and she messaged me saying she really hopes in okay. I haven't replied. As I said, I've given her so much even in the roughest times, and if she couldn't appreciate that, then so be it. Thank you guys
Author Jam005 Posted July 9, 2016 Author Posted July 9, 2016 The more I think about it, the more I feel I should reply to her checking if I'm okay. If I knew she was hospitalised I'd do the same and wish her great health. Would it be okay for me to reply just saying, Hey, I'm alright. it was nice seeing you the other night, thanks Or should I just say thanks for the thoughts
bummer Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Would it be okay for me to reply just saying, Hey, I'm alright. it was nice seeing you the other night, thanks Or should I just say thanks for the thoughts Dude, glad the hospital thing didn't kill you. Did she come to your bedside and say, "Jam, when you get out I'll be waiting so we can work everything out. I want you?" No. She said how's your day going.... Seriously, youre overthinking the part of the game where the athletes are done and taking off pads and cleates to get ready to go out and celebrate. The ref whistled game over long ago. I know you see her still running around the field, but its time for you to take a shower and leave the stadium. ^my worst analogy yet... 2
Author Jam005 Posted July 9, 2016 Author Posted July 9, 2016 Dude, glad the hospital thing didn't kill you. Did she come to your bedside and say, "Jam, when you get out I'll be waiting so we can work everything out. I want you?" No. She said how's your day going.... Seriously, youre overthinking the part of the game where the athletes are done and taking off pads and cleates to get ready to go out and celebrate. The ref whistled game over long ago. I know you see her still running around the field, but its time for you to take a shower and leave the stadium. ^my worst analogy yet... Sure was scary. You're right, all she did was message me saying she hopes I'm okay. Nothing more. I do overthink things I guess, thank you for your support, as I have had advice from you in numerous posts.
Recommended Posts