Flammedheart Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Hi there I'm new to the forums. I'm on my mobile phone typing and breastfeeding please excuse all punctuation errors and misspelled words. Recently I found out my spouse has been intimate with women without my knowledge. He even had a relationship for.almost 2yrs with one. The emails were explicit I was more.posted. His excuse they didn't sleep together (he lied I would find condoms in his offshore work bag) He told me they were just in case well the emails told a different tale. He does not share all pictures of the women at all he shares maybe a few. When confronted he blows up says I'm snooping gives me the silent treatment. Withholds affection. Then turns it around on me. He said I probably just want to blackmail him and he doesn't have to share anything. If I forget to send him pictures of another girl he blows up and accuses me of withholding and trays to make me jealous. Also he would accuse me of cheating a lot ransacked my phone everything now I know why. Please I need help. The rules were we would share all pictures sent. He said if they didn't want a three some and wanted something more he would let me know. Also if he does something by himself he sends me a picture or video. He uses condoms etc. Sames rules apply for me Except no men for me only women. I send vids etc. I'm more into watching I like voyeurism. I enjoy seeing him be pleasured by someone else.
seamos Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 From what limited knowledge and experience I have of open relationships I know it's absolutely critical for both partners to be entirely honest, open, and abide by the mutually acceptable rules they've agreed upon. It sounds like he's simply trying to bulldoze his way here and doesn't really care about you. This doesn't work for a normal relationship or an open relationship. Why do you stay w/ him?
Author Flammedheart Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 I love him and we have a family. I just wish I knew how I could get him to be more honest and open. Lately I've just been feeling like a stupid idiot. I mean when we started this it was supposed to be fun. Now disk about anything.
Buddhist Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 He does not sound as if he has the maturity to be in an open relationship, or any relationship really. Your call but I wouldn't be sticking around for this one. 2
elaine567 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 He basically has free rein to cheat on you but is labeling it as an "open relationship". As you are finding out, it is not working as he is making a fool out of you. He doesn't want to be more honest and open, he obviously doesn't care a stuff for the "rules". He is doing what he wants to do here under the umbrella of being in an open relationship and wants you just to put up with it. You either do or you don't, it is up to you. The rules are really for you and do not apply to him. By "the rules" he has made sure you do not cheat with other men, which I guess is all that really matters to him. 1
Author Flammedheart Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Thanks for the replays everyone. I see he doesn't know how to communicate what he means. We did have a talk and he said he feels that he only will share the ones who agree to a three some. I'm fine with him wanting to have fun alone,but he refuses to share details. I get turned on by details he feels I'll use the information against him. He told me I was pregnant and having a lump removed from my breast and didn't want to bring anything he was doing up. He felt better to hide it. This is his first open relationship I've told him I left my.ex husband for the same thing he's doing now I want put up with no.honesty. My question is how do I get him to communicate more of what he wants?
CarrieT Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I just wish I knew how I could get him to be more honest and open. You can't. Lately I've just been feeling like a stupid idiot. You are. I mean when we started this it was supposed to be fun. But he has changed the rules and now it is not fun. I see he doesn't know how to communicate what he means. Meaning: He gets what he wants but you don't get what you want. We did have a talk and he said he feels that he only will share the ones who agree to a three some. Again, he is changing the rules to suit him. He told me I was pregnant and having a lump removed from my breast and didn't want to bring anything he was doing up. He felt better to hide it. Huh? Why!?!? This is his first open relationship I've told him I left my.ex husband for the same thing he's doing now I want put up with no.honesty. Yeah, you are being duped and walked all over. My question is how do I get him to communicate more of what he wants? Again, you can't. You can either accept the abusive situation or get out. It will not get better. Personally (having been in several open relationships), yours is going to fail catastrophically when he finds someone else that he wants more than you. Sorry - this is not going to end well. 2
Miss Peach Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 It sounds to me like your husband is gaslighting you. That is not how open relationships work.
Just a Guy Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Hi Flame, Guess you find your self between a rock and a hard place. Normal relationships are difficult enough to manage unless based on complete trust on both sides. Open relationships, would, I think require even greater levels of trust and confidence in one's partner. Yours does not seem to have it. You can conclude for your del where that is going to get you. Best wishes.
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