brokenhearted22 Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I will try to keep it short, but if its not.. im sorry for this long text. (SORRY FOR BAD ENGLISH/GRAMMAR) Well me and my ex got to know each other more than a year ago. Its funny actually because we are each others opposites. He is this mega popular guy, lawyer- to- be, very handsome and funny, while im this shy nerdy librarian- to- be that doesnt have a lot of friends, but the ones I have I love deeply and they love me too, and im ok looking. Our lives were pretty different, we had different priorities, I dont come from money, he does. I worked my butt of at the library and local diner when I didnt go to collage while he had everything served on a plate. One night I see a new message, and its from him, we have no mutual friends and nothing in common but he wrote and said that I was cute and that we went to the same university/collage and that he would like to get to know me. We exchanged messages and texts for about three months before we decided to meet (i know its weird that we didnt see each other erlier but things always seemed to get in between). Already I knew that we were different, we liked different things, had different music taste, different goals and priorities in life but somehow I felt a connection with this guy. And that connection became so much bigger when we met, he was so pretty and charming and I felt chemistry immediatly. Even though we didnt have basically anything in common, we had so much to talk about, and we laughed and already had some inside jokes. He was a really good friend! We were out talking for about 5 hours and when I got home I had the biggest smile on my face! We continued to see each other and talk on the phone every night, my feelings for him grew romantically but I always kept them aside because I knew it wouldnt work, and his feelings grew for me as well, and he started flirting and getting on to me but I always ignored it and dismissed his flirting. And when I said that I only wanted to be friends he would get angry, say that there are other girls that are willing to be with him etc and after an hour he would call me and say that he is sorry and that he only likes me and only wants to make things work with me. I told him mulitple times that we are different, that we look at things differently, that im into serious relationships, that im afraid of getting hurt and that I go all in in a relationship, with my whole heart and soul. But he just nodded and said that he is looking for the exact same thing as me and that we are great, He got more intense and wanted to get to know me even more, he would call me every day/night, text me all the time, ask me how I am, where I am, what Im doing, he would question me about everything and wanted to know everything about me in every single detail. He would send me love letters, and books he thought I might like and it really felt that he invested his time. We faught alot, me always saying that I want to be friends and he saying that he doesnt want it, we had a lot of heated fights and a lot of good byes but we still found a way back to each other. In august last year my mother fell ill, my mom and I are really close so it hit me hard.. I was so sad and I spended two weeks by her side in the hospital. He would come over with roses, food and books for me and my mom. I was so voulnarble and when I felt horrible he was there for me and helped me through this. After the day my mom was relised from the hospital I just had this big wake up call, this guy really likes me, he is there for me, he cares, he has invested so much of his time in this... he may be the one. So I just let my guard down, I broke the wall I had built and told him everything. I told him that I liked him, that our feelings are mutual, that I wish nothing more then to be "more then his friend". And I also told him the same things I told him from the beginning, im insecure and scared of getting hurt. But he just brushed it off gave me the biggest kiss and hug and told me everything will be Ok. That day my fairytale began. The passion I had for this guy and the chemistry, I cant even explain. I never felt this deeply for anyone ever. I had a long relationship before him but it was nothing like this. I really felt this guy is the love of my life.. wow I didnt know you could feel this strongly for someone. We were perfect, everything was perfect. My family and friends thought we were weird, that we didnt fit at all that we were so different and always warned me about him but I ignored it and just continued being in love.. But two-three months into our relationship things started to get weird.. He started to get very controlling, he wanted to know every detail about where I was, with who, how and why. He asked me multiple times to show him my phone, inbox and facebook. I didnt think it was strange because I didnt have anything to hide, and he started telling me how he knows everything about me, how he knows my number, my adress, my favorite song, by heart. That he has remembered every single thing about me and he always kept mentioning some things I said in the past when we talked but I ignored it. And then he started to make me jelaous, he would flirt openly with other girls, talk with other girls, text and like their photos on FB and Instagram, because I never was in a similar situation or had ever been jelaous (my ex before him never made me jelaous, he was very careful with that and always made me feel secure) so I didnt know how to act on it so I acted as a total complete psycho bitch and he just laughed it off, made me feel ridicilous and stupid. I asked my friend for some advise and as stupid as I am I listened to them, I started giving him back his own medicine and was flirtiasious with other guys and was just a complete jerk towards him. He got sad, he cried alot but he never ended his behavior so I continued with mine. Our relationship got pretty rocky and there werent so much trust there, I didnt trust him at all and I fought all the time, he hurted me deeply with his behavior and he never really wanted to admit he was wrong. So we fought but the strong feelings we had, or I had for him were still there, I felt strongly for him even though it was weird between us, I believed it would be Ok with time. But then I got sick, I had an health issue that was pretty rare and I was under investigation, I was so scared of what was going on with me, I thought I had cancer and was dying and all this frustration I had I took it all out on him, I fought with him, screamed yelled, I was horrible...and three weeks in after new years eve, he just turned his back on me, he didnt reply to my messages to my calls he just ignored me. And I eventually deleted him from everywhere and stopped texting and looking for him. It went two months and my heart was bleeding, oh God how much I missed him, the pain was physical, I couldnt eat, I couldnt breath.. Out of desperation I sended him a text message. And he replied immediatly, and I called him up. We talked for a while, or mostly I talked. I apologized for my behavior, for making him jelaous for fighting for screaming, for everything. I wanted to just apologize for everything wrong I had done. After me talking in about an hour, he just laughed and asked me when im going to show him my "boobs" again. My jaw fell... what the hell. What just happened. I poured my heart out and he laughs at me and and asks me that? I just hung up the phone, turned it off and started crying my heart out. I didnt go out in two days, my job called me, friends school mom everybody but I just shut down. Finally I got my things together, turned on my phone again after 3 days and saw a bunch of messages from him saying that he loves me and that he want to be with me again but I ignored it and he stopped texting. A month after that, my birthday came and he was the first one to call me and congratulate me, we started to talk again and we were both friendly and everything was cool, we talked almost the whole month before I realized that I still had strong feelings for him and that I was still hurt, deeply hurt by everything that has happened. I told him the truth, how I felt and what was going on and asked him to leave me alone. He didnt, for 2 months he texted me every morning and night asking me how I was, what I was doing, that he loves me and misses me. For two months I had to delete his messages and feel like ****., by this time I took a break from collage and worked at the library to be close to my mom so our contact was much over the net and texts. Then one day he just stopped. I felt relieved and tried moving on, It hurt so badly, I cried every night, I couldnt function, everything reminded me of him, I realized that I truly loved this guy but I kept it together and with help from friends and family I did everything to move on, I dated, I seeked a therapist I did everything by the book to move on but I just couldnt, my heart couldnt let go.. So after two months of dead silence, I messaged him three days ago, he replied immediatly but was so cold and distant. I asked him how he was and what hes doing, he asked me the same, he told me that he has been offered a job in another country, that he's happy and joked about being married and that was it. He didnt ask me that much back and within 15 minutes our conversation died. But my heart never beated more.. oh God how much I miss him. He hasnt written to me after that, and I guess its okay. He doesnt like me and his feelings for me were never true, but how will I ever get over this? I went in to deep, I got into this with my whole soul because I thought he did the same. I cant believe someone who fought for me that much, that was so invested in me, my interest and really seemed to care can just stop caring. My heart is breaking.. I have never felt this strongly for any guy ever and im afraid I never will feel this again for anybody. My feelings are as strong as the first time he kissed me. Im so afraid... im I this forgetable? Unlovable? Im a just a faded memory for him.. Will I ever find love again? Will I ever feel this strongly for someone again? It has been 7 months since the last time I saw him, 7 months since we broke up. Will it get better?? My heart is breaking.. 1
Giggles666 Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 This is why no contact is tough, it has to be consistent and contacting an ex seems to always set back the healing process. //Im so afraid... im I this forgetable?// No, maybe you just haven't found the right guy yet. Unlovable?// Of course not, he's just one guy Will I ever find love again?// Of course you will Will I ever feel this strongly for someone again?// Probably, and more so even It has been 7 months since the last time I saw him, 7 months since we broke up. Will it get better??// Yes, some breakups and healing take a bit longer, contacting him will set you back though. Are you getting out, doing hobbies, living your life? My heart is breaking.. // I'm sorry it can be hard, just know you are not alone in this experience. Lastly if you want more comments I would break the wall of text into paragraphs, gets a bit tough to read in the middle. Best of luck, so sorry for you. 1
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